Ed, Edd n Eddy

Eddy: [holding his hand out] "Screwdriver." [Ed hands him a straightedge. Eddy is seen sitting in a chair, sipping pink lemonade. He hands the screwdriver to Edd.]
Edd: "Thank you." [after working with the screwdriver for a few moments] "Saw."
Eddy: "Saw."
Ed: "Saw!" [He rummages in a toolkit. He finds the saw and hands it to Eddy.]
Eddy: "Hammer."
Ed: [rummaging] "Hammer, hammer, hammer." [Ed finds a hammer and hands it over.]
Eddy: [gleefully] "They'll never know what hit 'em."
[Eddy stands up and looks at his latest project. It's covered in white cloth, with a "No Peekin" sign attached. It is unclear exactly what it is.]
Eddy: "It's the scam of scams!" [peeking under the blanket] "Ready, Double D?"
Edd: [snappish] "I fail to see the correlation between ready and complete, Eddy!" [suddenly normal] "Plunger please!"
Eddy: "Don't get your sock in a knot, Mr. Perfecto." [to Ed] "Plunger, Ed." [when one fails to appear] "Ed, plunger!" [after Ed still doesn't hand it over] "Are you counting your teeth again?" [He looks over. Ed has deserted the toolbox.] "Now where'd he go?"

[Ed is seen playing, apparently with himself. He pulls a plunger off of his head.]
Ed: [using the plunger like a sword on an imaginary opponent] "Take this! Ya! And that! And that! Your fly is open. Think again, zombie mind-muncher from Mucus Mansion!" [He retreats onto the seesaw, and then uses a swing to go over to the slide. He slides down, very acrobatically.] "Do not try to escape, mutant, as I am too good for you!" [pretending to get hit] "Oh, you're sneaky." [Edd giggles] "Prepare to meet your maker! Oh, my brain has been munched!" [Ed performs a death scene.]
Edd: "No snappy comeback, Eddy?"
Eddy: "Too easy. Ed, what are you doing?"
Ed: "Huh? Oh." [He gets up and walks to the middle of the playground.] "I was swordfighting with my friend Jib." [Ed puts his arm around air. Jib is apparently imaginary. Bringing Jib over to Edd and Eddy] "Jib, these are my pals Eddy and Double D."
[Edd and Eddy stand confused.]
Eddy: "Who are you talking to?"
Ed: [turning to Jib] "Ah, what's that?" [after a pause] "Jib says Eddy is as blind as a bat."
Edd: [giggling] "Don't you see, Eddy? Jib!" [He elbows Eddy.]
Eddy: [catching on] "Okay, sure...Jib!" [He and Edd burst out laughing.]
Edd: [pretending to shake hands] "I'm pleased to meet you, Jib!"
Eddy: "You look like a strong–" [pauses] "–Jib. How 'bout an arm wrestle?" [He falls to the ground, laughing.]
Ed: "Jib wants to show you something."
Eddy: "But my eyes are straining already!" [He laughs. Edd is perturbed.]
Edd: "Do you think Ed really believes there's someone there?"
Eddy: "Nah, Ed's pulling our leg."

[Ed comes back with a wheeled desk chair.]
Ed: "This is Jib's favorite game. Jib says sit."
Eddy: "Jib's a pretty bossy guy." [shoving Edd into the chair] "You heard him, Double D!"
Edd: [unsure] "Um, Ed?"
Ed: [spinning the chair incredibly fast] "Sassafras!"
Edd: [spinning] "WOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHHOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!" [Ed suddenly stops the chair. Edd stumbles about.] "Dizzy! I'm dizzy!"
Eddy: "Ed, you're such a neck."
Ed: "Jib's such a hoot, huh Eddy?"
[Edd falls down. Rolf appears, leading a chicken.]
Rolf: "What goes on, Ed-boys? Speak to Rolf."
Eddy: [putting his arm around empty space] "We're just playing with Jib. Ed's new friend."
Rolf: "I see no Jib. What Jib? Has a truck backed up on your freshly paved driveway?" [He picks up the chicken.]
Ed: [petting the chicken] "Jib loves chickens too."
Rolf: "Tell me the ways of Jib. Rolf is confused."
Eddy: [pushing Rolf into the chair] "Jib says sit." [He spins and stops the chair, sending Rolf flying.] "Get it?"
Rolf: "Inform Rolf of this Jib!"
Ed: "Okay, your turn, Jib! Alley-oop!" [He spins an empty chair.] "Whoa! Look at Jib, guys!" [laughing] "Jib's throwing up! I am in stitches! Aw, come here brave soldier." [He shakes hands with Jib.]
Eddy: "Alright, enough fooling around. Back to work!"
Edd: "That was fun, Ed."
Eddy: [hit in the head with a checkered ball] "Why you–"
Ed: "It wasn't me! Uh–um–Jib says work is for suckers."
Eddy: "No work for Jib, huh? Okay, Jib, what then?"
Ed: "Jib says he wants to play tag! You're it, Eddy!" [He hits Eddy in the face.]

[Eddy chases Ed around the playground.]
Ed: "Run, Jib! Eddy's trying to tag you!"
Eddy: [angry] "Come here, you! Lemme just get my hands on you! Why you!" [In the middle of all this, a comic falls out of Ed's jacket.]
Ed: "I'm hungry. Look at me! Boy, I'm good."
Eddy: "Ed!"
Ed: "Run Jib!"
[Edd picks up the comic and looks through it.]
Edd: [amused] "Well well well." [Ed rushes past. Eddy slumps to ground by Edd, totally exhausted.]
Eddy: "What's up with that guy?"
Edd: "Comics, Eddy. It's poison for the brain. This cancer has swallowed Ed's mind, causing him to invent an imaginary friend." [calmer] "I suggest re-education, through classic novels, with weekly cerebrum massages." [He puts the comic in a recycling bin.]
Eddy: "In your dreams." [He stomps off.]

[Ed is seen playing a game on a sheet of paper. He draws something on it, then holds it up, revealing he was playing Tic-tac-toe with Jib.]
Ed: "Gee, Jib, you are good."
Eddy: [as Edd works on the machine] "Look at him, playing by himself like an idiot." [A shoe hits him on the head.]
Ed: [offscreen] "It was Jib!"
Edd: "Well, with distractions and all, it's complete, Eddy."
Eddy: "Oh baby, back to reality!" [He pulls the sheet off, revealing a claw grab.] "We're gonna be rich! No one can resist a prize-grabber machine."
[Jimmy and Sarah stare at it from the other side of the street.]
Jimmy: "Did it fall off a truck?"
Sarah: "That's how my brother was born!"
Kevin: [riding up] "Prize-grabbers are cool!"
[Eddy lifts up a hatch so that they can get inside.]
Eddy: "Boy, that was fast. Hurry, Double D!" [Edd gets in and Eddy follows.] "I amaze me."
Jimmy: [standing next to the machine with Sarah and Kevin] "Look at those super-duper prizes. And only 25 cents."
Eddy: [impatient] "C'mon! Go for it!"
Kevin: "Go for the boombox there, Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "I can feel my heart beat."
Eddy: [rubbing his hands together in anticipation] "Bingo."
Jimmy: [about to insert a quarter] "Here I go. Watch me."
Eddy: "That's it that's it."
Ed: [interrupting] "Hi everybody!" [Jimmy pulls his quarter out.] "Meet my new friend Jib. Jib, that's Jimmy, Kevin, and my baby sister Sarah."
Sarah: [speaking in a cutesy voice] "Ed! You're scaring me!"
Ed: "Jib made you presents."
Jimmy, Sarah, and Kevin: "Presents?"
Eddy: [realizing his scheme failed] "I hate Jib."
Kevin: [walking away with Sarah] "Cool. Thanks, Jibbo."
Sarah: "Isn't Jib the nicest kid you ever met?"
Jimmy: [holding up his quarter] "I'm so taken, I'm gonna win you a prize, Jib."
Eddy: [happy again] "I love you Jib."
Ed: [grabbing Jimmy and pulling him back from the machine] "JIMMY, STOP! Jib says this machine is a rip-off. It's all a big scam!"
Jimmy: "Wow! Thanks, Jib!" [he walks off]
Eddy: "ED!" [He bursts out of the machine and takes off after Ed.]
Ed: "Watch out, Jib! Eddy's gonna tag you!"
[Eddy utters a war cry and continues the chase.]

[Edd and Eddy are sitting on swings, but not swinging.]
Edd: "I must express my concern of accomplishing anything with Jib around. I'm at quite a quandary."
Eddy: "Forget your laundry." [He gets off the swing and throws it forward.] "I hate Jib!" [The swing comes around and hits him in the back of the head, knocking him into a tree. Angered, he starts fighting with it to show his frustration. He finishes and goes off, but comes back to kick it. He hurts his foot and makes noises of pain.]
Edd: "We need expert advice."
Eddy: "Expert, huh? Let's go." [He leads Edd offscreen.]

[Plank is on a teeter-totter, going back and forth. Jonny is on another, right next to him. Plank's is a fish, and Jonny's is a rooster. Eddy reaches out and stops Plank.]
Edd: [approaching Jonny] "Hello, Jonny! We seem to be at an impasse, and wish to solicit your expert advice."
Jonny: "Say what?"
Edd: "Um, Ed has an imaginary friend, can you help us?"
Jonny: "Imaginary friend? What's that?"
Eddy: [hinting at Plank] "C'mon, you know. An imaginary friend?"
Jonny: "Hmm. Sorry. I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe Plank knows."
Eddy: "This is our expert?"
Jonny: "Ssh." [he nods, listening to Plank] "Plank says to build an invisible trap." [Edd and Eddy stand there, confused.]
Eddy: [getting it] "Makes sense to me! Double D, draw up the invisible plans!"
Edd: "With invisible ink?" [he giggles] "This is becoming contagious."

[Ed is playing with two giant bubble wands. Bubbles are seen floating out behind him.]
Ed: "Whoa! Bubbly, huh Jib?"
[The camera shifts to Edd and Eddy. Edd is pretending to use tools to build something. Eddy looks on.]
Edd: "Just a few unseen adjustments…"
Eddy: "So, huh well?"
Edd: "...a covert twist here..." [makes the adjustment] "It's ready, Eddy."
Eddy: "Ready Eddy. I like that." [calling to Jib] "Oh Jib! Jib, we got a present for ya!" [Ed puts a bubble over his head, forming a space helmet.]
[Ed waves to Jib, who has headed over to join the other two. The trap is then heard being set off.]
Eddy: "Sucker in the trap! Ha!"
[He jumps over and grabs Jib.]
Eddy: "Thought you could outsmart us, huh Jib?" [he gets flipped over] "What the–! Uh… Jib?" [Eddy is confused about what to do. He then suddenly receives two punches to the face and one in the stomach. Jib then apparently holds Eddy over his head and spins him before tossing him to the ground.]
Edd: [to Ed, still in the bubble] "Ed, do something! Eddy hasn't a chance!"
[He pops the bubble and Ed's head disappears, much to Edd's horror. Ed then pulls his head up out of his jacket.]
Ed: [unconcerned] "Aw, Jib's just playing."
[Jib continues to pummel Eddy. Meanwhile, Sarah, Jimmy, Rolf, and Nazz arrive.]
Sarah: [seeing Eddy acting strange] "Hey, what's with Eddy?"
Ed: "Eddy's playing with Jib."
Eddy: "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! UNCLE! UNCLE!" [Jib rolls Eddy into the form of a basketball and throws him.]
Jimmy: "Jib's so athletic."
[Eddy goes through an open window as a buzzer sounds. The kids, with the exception of Edd, cheer.]

[Ed is sobbing into Edd's shirt as Eddy loads invisible bags onto a bus.]
Ed: [crying] "Who's gonna push me on the swing, or go fishing with me? Who's gonna help me butter my toast?"
Edd: "Um…time heals all wounds, Ed." [He pats Ed on the head.]
Eddy: [with a bandage on his head] "And good riddance! Yeah, Jib! Take this…junk with ya!" [He closes the luggage compartment.] "I'll miss you like a hernia."
[The bus starts up and drives off. The kids (Kevin, Jonny, Plank, Nazz, Rolf, Ed, Edd, Jimmy, and Sarah) wave and say their goodbyes.]
Kevin: [dispirited] "This stinks."
Rolf: "Yes, and he did not even try Rolf's candied beets."
Jimmy: [walking home with Sarah] "So many things left unsaid."
Ed: "Jib said his work here was done."
Edd: [exasperated] "Can we give it a rest already?!"
Eddy: "Oh, Ed?"
Edd: "Apparently not."
Eddy: [miming a slingshot] "Guess what I got?"
Ed: "Hmm?"
Eddy: "It's an invisible potato in an invisible slingshot."
Ed: "Where, Eddy?"
Eddy: "Don't blink!"
[He lets go, and sends Ed spinning into fields of pain.]

Season 2 Scripts
"Know it All Ed" • "Dear Ed" • "Knock Knock Who's Ed?" • "One + One = Ed" • "Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed" • "Ready, Set... Ed!" • "Hands Across Ed" • "Floss Your Ed" • "In Like Ed" • "Who Let the Ed In?" • "Home Cooked Eds" • "Rambling Ed" • "To Sir with Ed" • "Key to My Ed" • "Urban Ed" • "Stop, Look and Ed" • "Honor Thy Ed" • "Scrambled Ed" • "Rent-a-Ed" • "Shoo Ed" • "Ed in a Halfshell" • "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed" • "Hot Buttered Ed" • "High Heeled Ed" • "Fa-La-La-La-Ed" • "Cry Ed"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide