Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Ed is in the kitchen, playing with a yo-yo.]
Ed: "Boy, I'm good! Yo yo, yo yo yo, yo..."
Edd: "Just as I thought. One teaspoon of butter, perfectly measured. Eddy?"
Eddy: "Got it, Double D." [He grabs the entire stick. Cooking at the stove] "You guys haven't lived till you've tried one of my omelets. Ed, eggs, I need eggs!"
Ed: "I got 'em, Eddy!" [He ties himself up in his yo-yo string.] "Almost there, Eddy!" [He tries to walk forward but falls.]
Edd: "Ed! You're pitting the floor!"
Ed: "Aw no way, Double D, not since I had my braces removed."
Eddy: "Eggs, Ed, eggs!"
Ed: [opening the freezer] "Eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs." [He finds a popsicle.] "Pop freeze!"
Eddy: [putting way too much salt in the pan] "You won't find eggs in the freezer, Monobrow! Look in the fridge? Next to the milk?"
Ed: [his tongue stuck to the popsicle] "I'll be right back, Eddy!" [He looks through the fridge and pully out a massive carton of his objective.] "I found some eggs!"
Eddy: "Bring 'em over, I'm starving!"
Ed: "I'm Ed!"
[Ed brings them over, his tongue still stuck. His tongue knocks the fridge over, and it stops him, pulling him back.]
Ed: "Got them!"
[Ed falls, releasing the eggs. The eggs fly all over the place. Eddy holds up his pan to protect himself. Edd is pelted to the floor.]
Eddy: [getting up] "Hmm. Ed? Oh, Ed?"
Ed: [holding his treat] "Banana flavor, Eddy! Wanna bite?"
Eddy: "Hold that thought." [He smashes Ed in the face with the frying pan.]

[Eddy and Edd are trying to clean the eggs off of themselves.]
Edd: "No eggs, no omelets, Eddy."
Eddy: "If we had a chicken, we'd be knee deep in eggs." [He gets an idea.] "A chicken! That's it!"
Ed: [leaping on Eddy] "A chicken! Oh, please, Eddy, can we get a chicken? C'mon Eddy! Oh, please, Eddy, let's get a chicken. Can we please?" [pleading] "I love chickens, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Sure, Ed, you can have a chicken." [sinister] "But I get to keep the eggs."

[A chicken is sitting on a nest in a bucket. Rolf suddenly picks it up.]
Rolf: "The hay is warm and tells Rolf all." [He pulls out an egg.] "Ah. The fat has been creamed, and I will sleep well. A fine egg. Rolf will remember."
Ed: "Look! Chickens!"
Eddy: "And they lay eggs! Hey Rolf, fire over that egg-maker!"
Ed: [chasing a chicken] "Chickens are fast."
Eddy: "C'mon Rolf, give us a chicken!"
Rolf: "Has your brain turned to custard like half-priced pastry, Ed-boy? I give you no chickens!" [Ed drops the chickens he is holding.] "It is very simple, like yourself. You hatch your own fowl."
Edd: "An opportunity to nurture the life and future of a domestic fowl seems appealing."
Ed: "Where do eggs come from, Rolf?"
Rolf: [picking up a chicken] "Let me show you exactly where the egg comes from–"
Edd: "No! Um...eggs come from chickens, Ed."
Ed: "Where does a chicken come from?"
Rolf: "An egg, slowpoke Ed! My day is half over and you are half full. Goodbye."
Eddy: "Wait! Rolf! How bout that egg?"
Rolf: "You must trade for the egg, greasy Ed-boy."
Eddy: "Trade? For what?"
Rolf: "Sawdust. You want this egg, yes, Ed-boy?"

Eddy: [with a cup and a funnel] "We'll have a chicken in no time!" [He places the funnel in the cup.]
Ed: [with a two-person saw and a log] "I love chickens, Eddy!"
Edd: [on the other end of the saw] "I enjoy witty banter, but my arms are falling asleep here!"
Eddy: "The sawdust collector is ready. Let's go boys!" [Ed starts sawing, and the dust slowly collects in the cup.] "I'd hate to do this for a living."
[Edd, on the other end of the saw, is being pulled back and forth, slamming against the log on every pull.]
Jonny: [running up to them] "Stop! Stop sawing that log!"
Eddy: "How else are we supposed to get sawdust? Maybe Plank'd like to contribute."
Jonny: "Oh, no. Plank says–"
Jonny: "–Kevin has lots of sawdust!"
Eddy: [excited] "Kevin's got sawdust? Remind me to thank you! Later!"
Ed: "I'm getting a chicken!"

Kevin: [lugging a trash can full of sawdust out of his shed] "Sawdust bites." [He wipes his brow.] "Doing chores bites."
Edd: "Excuse me, Kevin, but we would like to offer our services and help you dispose of that–"
Eddy: "Give us your sawdust, Kevin!" [trying to scam him] "I mean, sawdust is so heavy. And it's just lying around, doing nothing. Useless dust. From a saw. Eh?"
Edd: "And our respect for wood by-products will ensure it will be distributed to a loving home." [The Eds grin nervously.]
Kevin: "Fine. You can have the sawdust."
The Eds: "YEAH!"
Eddy: "Now we can get my egg!"
Ed: [hugging his friends] "And I can hug a chicken."
Kevin: "I'll trade you for...painting my shed."
Eddy: [irked] "Trade shmade, paint your own lousy shed."
Kevin: "No sweat. I'll just take this sawdust and–"
Eddy: "No wait um...so where's the paint?"
Kevin: "What paint?"
Eddy: "How do we paint the shed with no paint?"
Kevin: "You figure it out. Dork!"

[Jimmy is in his room, doing a still life of a fruit bowl.]
Jimmy: [polishing an orange] "Darn waxy buildup. Perfect." [painting] "You're a pretty dog–huh?"
[He looks out to see the Eds have taken over his studio.]
Eddy: "How's it going, Rembrandt?"
Jimmy: [running into a closet] "My fresco is ruined!"
Eddy: "Jimmy, wait! Just give us some paint! Jimmy, c'mon!" [After recieving no reply, he tries to break the door down.]
Jimmy: [cowering in a corner] "How much must an artist suffer? Oh, the torment."
Eddy: [reaching under the door] "Come out here, willya? We just need some lousy paint."
Jimmy: [sighting the groping hand] "AAAH!"
Eddy: "Where are ya, ya little–" [a biting sound is heard] "YOW! He bit me! He bit me! Jimmy bit me! Jimmy bit me!"
Edd: "A starving artist, I suppose." [he snickers] "I couldn't resist." [He marches up to Jimmy's door.] "Pardon me, Jimmy, perhaps we could interest you in a trade?"
Jimmy: "A trade?" [he thinks] "Clams!"
Edd: [taken aback] "Clams?"
Eddy: "Clams? Where the heck do you get–"
Jimmy: [opening the door] "No clams, no paint." [He slams the door shut.]

[The cul-de-sac is seen from an overhead view as the Eds quickly rush to one of the houses from the far end.]
Eddy: "Clams? What's with clams?" [The Eds ring the doorbell.] "Could you spare some clams?" [They rush to another door.]
Edd: "Pardon me, you wouldn't happen to have any clams, would you?"
Eddy: [to yet another person] "Say, you haven't seen any clams around here, have ya?"
Edd: [at another house] "Could we borrow a cup of clams?"
Ed: [ringing another doorbell] "Can Eddy come out to play?"
Eddy: "I'm right beside you, Ed."
Ed: "Hi, Eddy!"
[A sudden noise comes from the sewers. A manhole cover is lifted and pushed aside. Plank climbs out, wearing scuba gear. Jonny follows him, dressed the same way.]
Jonny: "Boy, Plank, you're hard to beat when it comes to gathering clams!"
Edd: "Clams?"
Ed: [heading towards Jonny] "Is that Jonny?"
Eddy: "The clam master has arrived."
Edd: [scratching his head] "My, how convenient."

Eddy: [to Jonny] "Just what we're looking for. Toss a few of those clams our way, Jonny boy."
Jonny: "Trade ya, Eddy."
Eddy: [put out] "Oh, sure, why not."
Jonny: "We'd like an anchor!"
Eddy: "An anchor? What are you, nuts? I'm going home!" [He walks into the open manhole.]
Ed: [peering down at Eddy] "But I love chickens, Eddy!"

[The Kankers are sitting on their sofa, reading a copy of "Tire Iron Weekly" and giggling. The doorbell rings, and they rush to get it.]
The Kankers: "Visitors!"
Lee: "Out of the way!"
Marie: [fighting with her sisters over who gets to open the door] "How's a knuckle sandwich sound?" [She pushes them away.] "Ha!"
[She opens the door to reveal a tall man in a trenchcoat. Upon closer inspection, the man is revealed to be the Eds, standing on one another.]
Tall Man: "Greetings, ladies. Um, we're doing a survey, and–" [His chest taps him.]
Tall Man's Chest (Edd): "Eddy!"
Tall Man: "Oh, I mean, ahem–" [his voice deepens] "I'm doing a survey, and–"
Lee: "Our mom's not home."
Marie: "Yeah, take a hike." [The Kankers giggle.]
Tall Man: "I was wondering, how many anchors do you own?"
May: "That's stupid."
Lee: "You look familiar, mister."
Eddy: "Huh?" [as his costume begins to shake] "Stop it, will ya?"
May: "You were on an infomercial?"
Tall Man: "Um, no, yes. I'm very well known. Quite famous actually. Want my autograph?"
Ed: [sticking his head out] "I'm the legs." [The disguise collapses.]
Edd: [clinging to Ed] "Oh, my. Exposed."
Marie: "It's our boyfriends!"
Lee: "Eddy's such a weasel."
Marie: "Group hug!"
May: "Let's kiss them!"
Ed: "Oh, no, not me!" [He runs away, dragging his friends behind him.]
Eddy: "Run, Ed, run!"
[They leave the trailer park.]

Jonny: [on a swing with Plank] "Listen to the clams gurgle in the bucket, Plank."
Eddy: "Got your anchor, Jonny." [He hands Jonny a rope.] "Allow me." [He spins the tire swing in a circle. The rope winds around Jonny, tying him up. Ed comes in, carrying a large rock.] "Wise trade, Jonny. Clams for an anchor. I'm such a sucker." [to Edd] "Quick, let's get over to Kevin's."
[Edd points at Jonny, who has managed to get free and is clinging to the bucket.]
Eddy: "All right, all right! We couldn't get an anchor. Can we trade for something else?"
Jonny: "Plank wants to trade!"

[Sarah is playing badminton with Nazz. She draws back her racquet, but when she moves to hit the birdie she is unable to.]
Sarah: "HEY!"
Eddy: "Give me your racquet, Sarah."
Sarah: "My serve!" [She hits Eddy into the net. Eddy flies back into his friends.] "DON'T EVER TOUCH MY RACQUET!"
Ed: [pleading] "Sarah, we need it to trade for a chicken. Please?"
Sarah: "I'll trade you for a giant teddy bear."
Eddy: [despairing] "When will it end?"
Ed: "Back to Jimmy's!" [He herds them away.]

[Someone knocks on Jimmy's door. He looks through the peephole.]
Jimmy: "What do you want?"
Eddy: "Giant teddy bear?"
Jimmy: "Plums."
Eddy: [growling in frustration] "What's with the food?"
Edd: "Plums are good for you, Eddy."

Rolf: [picking a plum] "So, back again, wanting Rolf's plums, confused Ed-boys? Do you not want my egg?"
Eddy: [exasperated] "Yes, we want the egg! But we need these plums first!"
Rolf: "No plums, as I am still waiting for my sawdust. Do not fool Rolf!"
Eddy: [sarcastic] "Oh, I know, let's trade!" [He fishes through his pockets.] "How about a nice comb for those plums?"
Rolf: "I have many, thank you."
Eddy: "I should have noticed." [looking through Edd's pockets] "Let's see, a 'Condensed Manners for the Advanced' book?" [recieving no response, pulling out an abacus] "Okay, a, a–"
Edd: "Abacus, Eddy."
Ed: "I got a yo-yo." [He plays with it.] "That is called 'Walking the Dog'."
Eddy: [despairing] "It's over, Double D. No eggs, no chicken, no omelets."
Rolf: [playing with the yo-yo and laughing] "It is so simple, I am enjoying myself!"
Eddy: [hopeful] "Yo-yo for plums, Rolf?"
Rolf: "Yes, Ed-boy. I have never seen such a thing. My family will sit around, telling stories of produce spread and Rolf's yo-yo for generations."
Eddy: "Well..."
Rolf: [giving him the plums] "Ya ya. Goodbye."
Eddy: "Be right back."

[The Eds go from house to house. They trade the plums for the bear, and the bear for the racquet.]
Eddy: "Ed, wait!"
Edd: [pointing in the other direction] "Jonny's this way!"
Ed: "Fore!" [with the clams] "Follow me!"
[The Eds bring the paints to the shed, and the sawdust to Rolf's.]

Eddy: [standing in front of the sawdust-filled trashcan] "So, here's the sawdust. Cough up the egg, Rolfy boy."
Rolf: "Yes, the trade is complete." [He holds up the egg.] "Behold."
Edd: "Splendid."
Eddy: [taking it] "It's mine." [to the egg] "What I went through for you, baby."
Edd: "I'll design plans for an incubator."
Ed: "It has my eyes."
Eddy: "And your thick outer shell."
Ed: "I want to hold it, Eddy." [He grabs the egg.] "Let's play!"
Eddy: "Ed, no! Wait!"
Ed: "You must be so cramped in there. Fly, chicken, fly!" [He opens the egg, spilling its contents.] "Uh, the chicken's gone bad."
Eddy: "Like my luck."

Season 1 Scripts
"The Ed-Touchables" • "Nagged to Ed" • "Pop Goes the Ed" • "Over Your Ed" • "Sir Ed-a-Lot" • "A Pinch to Grow an Ed" • "Dawn of the Eds" • "Virt-Ed-Go" • "Read All About Ed" • "Quick Shot Ed" • "An Ed Too Many" • "Ed-n-Seek" • "Look Into My Eds" • "Tag Yer Ed" • "Fool on the Ed" • "A Boy and His Ed" • "It's Way Ed" • "Laugh Ed Laugh" • "A Glass of Warm Ed" • "Flea-Bitten Ed" • "Who, What, Where, Ed" • "Keeping up with the Eds" • "Eds-Aggerate" • "Oath to an Ed" • "Button Yer Ed" • "Avast Ye Eds"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide