Who's Minding the Ed?/Script

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Script

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[Ed and Eddy stare through a hole in a fence while Edd watches despondently. Edd and Eddy are dressed like aviators, while Ed is in a superhero outfit. Jonny and Plank approach them.]
Jonny: [excited] "Wow! Are you guys busboys or something?" [Eddy grabs him and makes him look through the hole.]
Eddy: [faking fear] "Jonny, quick! Oh, look! Kevin's being attacked by a rabid rake!"
[Eddy watches Jonny expectantly. All Kevin is doing is raking leaves peacefully in his yard.]
Jonny: "Holy mackerel, Plank! Kevin's in trouble!" [to Kevin] "Watch out for those teeth!"
[Jonny leaps over the fence to Kevin, kicks Kevin away from the rake, and begins to attack the rake.]
Kevin: [disgusted] "Unbelievable." [He walks towards the fighting Jonny.]
Jonny: [offscreen] "Grab his teeth, Plank!"
[Eddy leaps over the fence, into the pile of leaves.]
Eddy: "Geronimo!"
[Ed grabs Edd and drags him into the fray. Ed and Eddy play in the leaves until Kevin comes back, at which point they run off.]
Ed and Eddy: [gleefully] "RUN AWAY!"
Kevin: [shaking his fist at them] "I'm onta ya, dorks! Try that again, and I'll pound ya!"
[Edd dazedly rises from the leaf pile.]
Edd: "Oh, for goodness–" [He notices Kevin and flees.] "My apologies once again, Kevin!"
[A panicked Jonny dives on Kevin once more.]
Jonny: "We'll save ya, Kev!"

---

[A fearful Edd runs down the street past the lane. Suddenly, he backtracks, hearing his friends' laughter. He finds them hiding behind a dumpster.]
Edd: [lecturing] "Are we quite pleased with ourselves, gentlemen? I'm sure Kevin's patience with this random foliage folly is wearing thin."
Eddy: "Kev's a feeb. Let's hit him again, lug nut!"
Ed: "Hit him again! Hit him again! Hit him again!" [Rolf comes up behind him, sweating in odd formalwear.] "I forgot what I said!"
[Ed laughs until Rolf flicks the back of his head, actually knocking him out. Rolf then picks up Ed, tosses the unfortunate boy into a rickshaw, and carries him off to his house.]

---

[Rolf is demonstrating things to Ed while Edd and Eddy watch.]
Rolf: "Listen to Rolf carefully, a-brick-shy-of-a-full-load Ed-boy!"
Ed: [oblivious] "That's me!"
Rolf: "You must fletch the bovine hooves at three p.m. Not two, three. Wilfred will require refuse. Victor must purge. And watch the chickens, as they do not like to be separated, except for Bridget, who prefers solitude." [Ed grabs Bridget and hugs her.]
Ed: [excited] "I can do that, Rolf, for I am the best job I can be! Hug a chicken, hug a chicken."
Rolf: [hurrying away] "Rolf must go now, or Nana will give Rolf a foot beating like no other!"
Ed: "Break like the wind, Rolfy!"
Eddy: [entering the yard] "What's with Rolf Von Stupidclothes?"
Ed: "Rolf's gotta go to a family reunion, and I, Ed, am responsible for his many furry friends!"
[Ed cuddles the chicken once again. An egg falls out, and Eddy sarcastically laughs as Ed examines the egg, then Bridget.]
Eddy: "You're kidding, right?"
[Ed stuffs his thumb in his mouth and blows. His head inflates, and a flute shoots out of his ear and hits Eddy, wedging on Eddy's nose. Ed picks the flute up and begins to play expertly. The farm animals instantly snap to attention and begin to follow him. He leads them down a winding path to his door. As the animals go, they leave a trail of dirt, mud, and general filth. When Edd looks into Ed's house and sees how dirty the animals have gotten it in five seconds, he gasps. Eddy then pushes him over and looks at the dirt.]
Eddy: "Okay, Sockhead. This is the part where you have some big-word, smart-guy way for us to get out of these stupid situations. Go for it." [He walks off, waiting for Edd to reveal his plan.]
Edd: [cleaning himself off] "Not this time, Eddy. Ed's given Rolf his word, and as his friends, we have an obligation to support his disconnected decision, and do our part."

---

[Sarah is in her room, talking to Jimmy on the phone.]
Sarah: "Don't worry, Jimmy. Just keep it dry, and whatever you do, don't scratch it." [A crash comes from downstairs. Sarah peeks out of her room.] "I'll call you back."

---

[Sarah enters the kitchen and sees that the Eds and the animals have made a huge mess of it.]
Sarah: "Ed! You better get these animals out of this house, mister, or I'm telling mom!"
Ed: "No animals here, oh cramped-in-my-rump sister of mine!"
Sarah: [ignoring the blatant lie] "NOW, STUPID HEAD!"
[Sarah leaves the kitchen, Ed being left as a puddle.]

---

[Ed plays his flute again, leading the animals down the basement stairs into his room. Edd follows, still cleaning.]
Edd: "Sarah does have a point, Ed."
Ed: "But Double D!" [He hugs some of the animals.] "They are so cute and cuddly!"
[Edd watches this display of affection with a smile until Eddy enters, a gigantic hole in his shirt.]
Eddy: "My favorite shirt! Shot! Throw 'em out, Ed! Who needs 'em?"
Ed: [head held high] "Inky, dinky, stinky you."
[Ed grabs the animals and begins to pretend to be a fireman with them. His ladder catches Eddy, tossing him into the wall. Edd watches worriedly he looks at wilfred who has Eddy's clothes on he squeals.]
Edd: "Ed, hush! For goodness sake, Sarah's going to hear you!" [Eddy, now in his underwear, flakes off the wall.]
Ed: [running in with a hose] "It's a four-sausage fire, Double D!" [Ed turns the hose on, spraying water everywhere.] "Everybody hop aboard the Ed train!"
Sarah: [offscreen] "Ed!"
[Ed stops playing and stands there mutely, hose still on. The room begins to fill with water.]

---

[Sarah storms down the stairs to Ed's room and throws the door open. When she looks inside, she sees that the room is full of water, and that two of the Eds are floating around inside. Suddenly, the water washes out in a tsunami, washing her to the washing machine and dryer. Sarah climbs on and sits there as some of Ed's debris floats by. Ed floats up to the machines, and a TV settles too as the water drains away. Ed smiles and picks up the TV.]
Ed: "Just watching TV, Sarah. Nothing going on here–"
[Sarah jumps on the TV, crushing it onto Ed's head, and walks into his room. Inside, Edd is climbing down from a ladder with a roll of tape. He grins nervously. Eddy, meanwhile, is wringing out his soaked shirt. Ed enters, TV on head.]
Ed: "See?" [Sarah turns the TV on to see him. Ed grins nervously.]
Sarah: "You better watch your step, mister." [She stomps off.]
Ed: [to his friends] "We sure fooled her, huh guys?"
[Ed removes the TV from his head. As soon as he does so, a chicken falls from the ceiling, tape still on it. The tape on the rest of the animals loses its stickiness, and they fall from the ceiling onto the unfortunate Eddy. Ed once again pulls out his flute and begins to play. The water did one good thing: the animals no longer leave a pile of dirt.]
Edd: [to Eddy] "Honestly! If this is how you're going to help, I may as well be doing this myself. Messy, messy..." [Eddy walks off as he cleans and begins to read a manual.] "Just look at this filth! Our four-legged guests aren't going to clean up after themselves, you know!"
[Eddy looks at Edd, irritated. Suddenly, a cry comes from upstairs.]
Ed: "SKI PARTY A GO-GO!!!"
[The sled comes crashing down the stairs full of animals and runs into the wall opposite them. Ed peeps out of the crush wearing ski goggles, a winter hat, and a gigantic grin.]
Ed: "Hot cocoa and potato salad! Who's with me?"
Sarah: "ED!!!"
[Sarah kicks open the basement door. Ed and his animals have vanished; all that remains is the crashed sled.]

---

[Sarah enters Ed's room.]
Sarah: [scanning the empty room] "There's something fishy going on here."
[Sarah enters to hunt for Ed. The camera settles on the bathroom and looks in on Ed's shower. Inside, Ed has gathered his animals and his friends and plunked them down in the tub. Ed shushes them.]
Sarah: "Ah ha!"
[Sarah throws open the closet door to reveal an immense stash of sandwiches and pizza slices. Sarah begins to root through them, and doesn't notice when Ed carries the tub past silently. Ed carries his bathtub up the stairs and into the family room. He exits.]
Ed: "Okay, everybody out of the pool!" [He turns the tub upside down and lets the gathered flesh fall out.]
Edd: [crushed beneath a cow] "Edward, this charade of lies is in danger of accountability. Perhaps you should consider caring for Rolf's animals elsewhere?"
Ed: [excited and oblivious] "Hold that think!" [He runs off.]
Eddy: "That's it!" [He extricates himself from the pile.] "I'm blowing this barn fest."
Edd: "Eddy, please!"
[Eddy heads to the door only for it to be thrown open into his face. He is smashed against the wall as Rolf, his formal clothing in tatters, happily enters.]
Rolf: "Rolf has returned!" [He lifts the door to look at Eddy.] "Hello, he-who-resembles-a-swollen-thumb Ed-boy." [He slams the door onto Eddy again.] "Hello, everyone. Once again, a family fracas has ended the mirth of Rolf's family gathering." [He mournfully bows his head. Happy] "Oh, well. Time to go, yes?"
[The animals lift themselves up and get into Rolf's pushcart, which then runs over Eddy.]
Rolf: [exiting] "Please pass on Rolf's gratitude to the lacking-a-chin Ed-boy! Goodbye."
Ed: [suddenly reappearing] "Who's up for some hockey?" [He is wearing various pieces of sports equipment.] "Fore!" [He giggles and throws himself about with reckless abandon.] "Where did everybody go?"
Edd: "Uh..."
Ed: "Oh, I get it. Hide and seek. Okay, ready or not, here I come!"
[Edd watches mournfully as Ed looks for the animals.]
Ed: "Hello? Okay, furry friends, you win! Come out, come out, wherever you are!"
[Ed stands in the middle of the room with a grin on his face. Edd puts a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder.]
Edd: "Um, excuse me, Ed. But it seems Rolf returned, um, well, early, and gathered his–" [Eddy shoves him aside.]
Eddy: "Yeah, he took all his pests and booked it back to his dump."
[Ed's eyes well up with tears and he breaks into sobs, showering his friends with tears.]
Ed: "Say it isn't so! Come back, little ones! I miss my furry friends, guys!"
Eddy: [grouchy] "Ah, you're better off without 'em, blubberpuss."
Ed: [still crying] "Don't talk to me."
Edd: "Eddy, can't you see Ed has developed a bond of friendship with Rolf's creatures?" [Ed is staring at photos of good times with the animals.] "We owe it to help him through this difficult time of separation."
Eddy: [exasperated] "What, again? How about my difficult time, of having you on my back THROUGH THIS WHOLE SHOW?!"
[Eddy slumps to the ground. Ed wipes away his tears, and Eddy gets an idea.]
Eddy: [putting an arm around Edd's shoulders] "Hey! I got an idea of a friend who can help old sad sack here."
Edd: [happy to hear it] "Do tell, Eddy."

---

[Ed is in his basement with Eddy. Eddy has Ed on a leash as Ed pants with excitement.]
Eddy: "Huh? What'd I tell ya, Ed? Is he fuzzy and cuddly or what?"
Ed: [excited] "Can I keep him, Eddy?"
Edd: [sarcastic] "Ha ha ha, yes, very good, Eddy." [Edd is dressed as a bunny.] "I think you've made your point quite clear. Oh, I'll admit, I may have been a tad overbearing today, but not without–" [Eddy releases Ed] "–good intentions and concern for Ed's state of well–"
[Ed jumps on Edd. He sits up and squeezes Edd.]
Ed: "Hug the bunny, hug the bunny! Aw, look, he likes me, Eddy!" [Ed begins to roughly rub Edd.] "Purr like a bunny, purr like a bunny, purr like a bunny."
Edd: [agitated] "Rabbits don't purr, Ed!" [He sees Eddy leaving.] "Wait! Don't leave me, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Not this time, Sockhead! I got an obligation."
[Eddy walks off, and Ed hauls Edd back in to play with. Eddy comes back with a stand advertising "Pet the Bunnie."]
Eddy: "Pet the bunny! Only twenty-five cents!"
Edd: [pained] "Eddy!"