Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Jonny is sitting and thinking. Something occurs to him, and he moves a chess piece.]
Jonny: "Checkmate!"
Jonny: "Boy, Plank, you sure have lost your finish." [A trashcan lid lands on the board.]
Eddy: "That's home plate, and here's the banana."
Jonny: "Banana?"
Eddy: "Run, Jonny, run!"
Jonny: [running] "Um, okay. Where to?" [He runs into a tree which has a target painted on it.]
Eddy: "Hit the bullseye, Jonny! Squeeze the banana and hit the bullseye! Do it, hurry! Hit it! Hit it!"
[Jonny does as requested.]
Eddy: [dragging him away] "What are you waiting for? Here's the peas, and here's the straw!" [He pours a bag of peas into Jonny's mouth and sticks a straw in.] "C'mon, Jonny, get the lead out! Shoot the balloons! Shoot the balloons!" [Ed is floating in the air, suspended by four balloons.] "Don't look at me! Shoot the balloons!" [Jonny pops the ballons supporting Ed's arms, making him fall on the ground face first.]
Jonny: [upon hitting the two frontmost balloons] "Oh, boy!"
Eddy: "Don't drop the marshmallows!" [Marshmallows fall into Jonny's arms.] "Quit looking at me! Hurry, Jonny, move it!"
Jonny: [running] "What do I do, Eddy?"
Eddy: "Feed Double D. Feed him Jonny, hurry!"
[Edd is carrying a tuba while sitting on a tricycle. Jonny fires away at it, not getting any in the tuba.]
Eddy: "That-a-boy Jonny!"
Jonny: "Wa-hoo-hoo!"
Eddy: "Touch home plate! Touch it! Touch it!"
Jonny: "I see it, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Go! Run! Hurry!"
The Eds: "Run Jonny run!" [Jonny dives for the plate but comes up short.]
Eddy: "Touch it! Touch it!"
Edd: "Hurry Jonny, touch home plate!"
Ed: "Go, Jonny, go!"
Eddy: "What are you looking at?"
Edd: "You're almost there Jonny!"
Ed: "Aw, look at Jonny crawl!"
Eddy: "Touch it!"
[Jonny crawls to home plate and touches it.]
Jonny: "I did it!"
Eddy: [holding out a jar] "Quick, put a quarter in the jar, Jonny!"
The Eds: "Hurry, Jonny, hurry!" [Jonny just stares, uncomprehending.]
Eddy: "Put the quarter in the jar!" [The Eds continue to encourage him. Jonny stands up with the jar.]
Jonny: "Nice try, Eddy." [He hands Eddy the jar back, then walks away with Plank.]
Ed: "I helped too, Jonny. I was the balloon guy!"
Edd: "Perhaps we should design a game for Rolf."
Eddy: "What's the use? Look at him, hanging laundry. Boring. And Kevin's fixing his bike–snoresville. Nazz is lounging, and the twerps are playing blocks. Did I mention Nazz lounging?"
Ed: "What a gaggle of sad-sacks."
Edd: "It's the curse of suburban living, Eddy. We're just too distant from the hustle and bustle of the big city."
Eddy: "I love the city! If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere!"
Edd: "Let's not forget the potpourri of urban culture! Museums, theater, and my favorite, libraries."
Ed: [bumping into Edd, knocking him off his tricycle] "Oh, and when you bump into cars they go 'Whoo! Whoo! Barp! Barp!'"
Eddy: "You can make big bucks in the big city."
Ed: "Let's drive to the city, fellas!"
Edd: "We're too young to drive, Ed."
Ed: "My dad has a shovel!"
Eddy: "Well I say if we can't go to the city, let's bring the city to the cul-de-sac."
Edd: "I suppose I should find some tape."
Ed: "Not to mention a duck."

[Rolf is finishing the laundry.]
Rolf: "Ahh. The merciless beating with a stick has cleansed Nana's pantaloons, fresh." [Strange noises are heard.] "What is this that fouls the calm of the cul-de-sac?"
Kevin: [shouting] "Hey, Rolf! Your dad shearing sheep again? Keep it down!"
Rolf: "This sound is a mystery to Rolf, as is your mockery of my father's leisure delight."
Sarah: [stepping out of Jimmy's house] "Hey! Keep it down or I'm calling the cops!" [She stalks over.] "How are we supposed to play with all this racket?!"
Jimmy: "I think it's coming from the lane!"
Kevin: "I bet those Eds are up to something."

Kevin: [looking into the lane] "Awesome."
Nazz: "We've got our own city!"
[The Eds have indeed been busy; a cardboard city named Edtropolis has been built in the lane.]
Rolf: "Ya ya."
Kevin: "Hoo, rah. The dorks did something cool for once."
Sarah: "Everything's so big and tall!"
Jimmy: "Let's stroll down the boulevard of dreams!"
Jonny: [offscreen] "No, wait!" [The kids turn to look.] "Don't go in there!"
Rolf: "Look!"
Jonny: "The city's a bad place, the city's scary and smelly. It's true! Ask Plank." [The kids ignore him and go past.] "City people ignore you, they're too busy, and walk right past you without even so much as a howdy-do." [He realizes he's alone.] "Huh? Guys? Didn't you hear what I said?" [The kids disappear into the city.] "Boy, Plank, ever feel like you might as well be talking to a piece of wood?" [Plank is gone.] "Plank? Plank? Not you, too!"

Jimmy: [walking, with the other kids, through the city] "I'm tingly all over!"
Sarah: "I've never been to the city!"
Rolf: [talking to cardboard people] "Good day, Mrs. Lady. Hello, Mr. Fancypants. Greetings, city stranger."
Kevin: "They're cardboard, Rolf. Get a grip."

[A traffic light made of a milk carton is seen.]
Sarah: "Go!" [The traffic light switches to stop.]
Rolf: "What barbarian would hang the milk box from a string?"
Sarah: "Geez, Rolf, that's a traffic signal." [A car horn shatters the conversation.]
Eddy: [pretending to drive] "C'mon, I ain't getting any younger. Move it."
Sarah: "Eddy, if you blow that horn one more time–" [Eddy honks again and speeds off, raising a cloud of dust.]
Kevin: "What the–get back here, dork!"
Rolf: [choking on the exhaust] "The city air is thick, like Nano's toenail."
Jimmy: [enveloped in a cloud] "Where'd everybody go?"
Kevin: "Wait'll I find that dork."
Ed: [pretending to be a truck] "Beep beep!" [He speeds past the kids.] "I'm a truck, ten-four. Veering on your crumpet, thing."
Kevin: "They're just trying to bug me. And it worked!" [He runs after Ed. He doesn't get far, however, as he runs into Edd. Edd has an airbag, and it inflates to many times Edd's size.]
Kevin: "You cut me off, Double Dweeb!"
Edd: "I beg to differ, Kevin. My safety bag would not have deployed if you hadn't rear-ended me."
Rolf: "I cannot see past Ed-boy's swollen back!"
Eddy: "What is this, a funeral? Let's go, Grandma!" [Eddy honks his horn, and Ed trundles up to the intersection.]
Edd: "Stay calm. Ignore the peanut gallery." [The light changes.]
Jimmy: "Don't stop."
Rolf: "Yes, go." [Edd makes a hand signal that can't be seen by anyone behind him.]
Sarah: "Look out!"
Kevin: "This guy's a hoot."
Edd: "Can you see my hand signal? Because I'm about to make a turn."
Kevin: "That's it. Stand back, folks." [He picks Edd up and stuffs him between two buildings.] "Road rash!"
Ed: "Smokey's on my tail!" [He drives past. Eddy jumps out of the way while the other kids get run over.]

[Jonny is wandering the bad side of town.]
Jonny: "Plank? Oh Plank? Where are ya, buddy?" [A voice beckons him from an alley.]
Man in Alley: "Hey. Jonny boy. S'matter?" [Eddy steps out.] "Looking for something?"
Jonny: "Plank ran off, Eddy. He's all alone in this cardboard jungle! Have you seen him?"
Eddy: "Hmm. Plank, Plank, Plank. About this tall, smiles a lot?"
Jonny: "You saw him?"
Eddy: "I can't seem to remember." [He pulls a jar out of his pocket.] "How's about refreshing my memory, huh?"
Jonny: [getting violent] "DID YOU SEE HIM OR NOT?!"
Eddy: [cowering] "Nope. Haven't seen him. Beats me."
Jonny: [continuing the hunt] "Plank? Oh Plank?"
Eddy: "How's a guy supposed to make a living?"

[Jimmy is dancing in the streets.]
Jimmy: "Bright lights and skyscrapers, whee! Pinch me Sarah, I'm dreaming!"
[Sarah is nowhere around.]
Jimmy: "Sarah?" [to the cardboard people] "Pardon me, have you seen my friend Sarah? Sir? Too many people!"
[In his head, he hears people laughing at him and babies crying.]
Jimmy: "I feel so congested!" [distracted] "Oh look, a shoe store." [He skips away.]

[Kevin is reading a copy of Bikini Babes.]
Kevin: "Aw, here we go."
Edd: "Shine your shoes, citizen?"
Kevin: "What?"
Edd: [placing a cardboard box on the ground] "Foot, please."
Kevin: "Yeah, yeah, fine." [He puts his foot on the box.]
Edd: [shining the shoes] "We certainly have been having some fine weather, haven't we, sir?"
Kevin: "Enough small talk, what's the damage?"
Edd: "The customer's always right! All done. That'll be 25¢."
[Kevin drops a bottle cap into his palm.]
Edd: "Um, Kevin, you seem to have given me a bottle cap."
Kevin: [walking away] "Life in the big city, pal." [He laughs and walks off.]
Edd: "Kevin seems to have adapted quite well."
[Nazz walks by, carrying several boxes; she has shopped the afternoon away.]
Edd: "May I help you with those?"
Eddy: [from atop a building, imitating a pigeon] "Coo coo coo, coo!"
Ed: [next to Eddy] "Oink oink!"
Eddy: [scooping out a spoonful of yogurt] "Pigeons don't go oink, Ed."
Ed: "I'm a gazelle! Oink!" [The yogurt drops.]
Edd: "Nazz, wait!" [He pushes an unaware Nazz out of the way of the dive-bombing.]
Nazz: "Hey, you!"
Edd: [realizing what he's done] "Oh my."
Nazz: "What do you think you're–"
Edd: "Look out!" [He pulls her away from another bomb.]
Eddy: "Coo, coo!"
Ed: [picking up an anvil] "Quack quack!" [He drops the anvil into the street.]
Eddy: "Ed, you're gonna hurt somebody! This ain't a cartoon!" [The anvil crashes onto the ground. Luckily, it missed Nazz.]
Nazz: [managing not to notice the falling mayhem] "Double D, let go!" [Edd pulls her away from more yogurt.] "Get off!" [She pushes him off and karate-chops Edd's back.]
Edd: [in pain] "Curse my chivalrous ways."

Jonny: "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" [He steps in some yogurt.] "For crying out loud!"
[He hears a car's roar.]
Jonny: "Plank! My buddy!"
[Plank is driving a wagon. Jonny has to leap into a trash can to out of its way.]
Jonny: [bangs his head in the trash can as he peeks out to despairing watch Plank drive off] "Plank! Look what the city's done to you. Plank!"

Sarah: [waiting in a line with Nazz] "Lineups. And more lineups. What's with all the lineups?!"
Nazz: "That's what you do in the big city, Sarah. Ohhh my–"
Sarah: "Jimmy?"
[Jimmy has gone off and gotten a snake tattooed on his face.]
Jimmy: "I got a tattoo, Sarah!"
Nazz: "Is that what this line is for?"
Jimmy: "Only 25¢ at Ed's Tattoo Parlur!"
[Ed is tattooing an ear of corn on Kevin's back.]
Kevin: "Get on with it, dork."
Eddy: "Cry me a river."
Sarah: "Hey! You butted in line, Rolf! Get lost!" [She goes over and starts to pound on him.]
Rolf: "Have mercy, rabid youth!"
Jimmy: "Sarah's in trouble, and needs the help of the boy with the snake on his face!" [He hisses and heads into battle.]
Rolf: "Assistance, please!" [Sarah tosses him to the ground.]
Eddy: "Security! Break it up, will ya?"
Edd: [nervous] "But Eddy, situations such as these tend to work themselves–"
Eddy: [pushing Edd] "Get out there! They're scaring our customers."
Rolf: "Mama, salvage Rolf!" [Sarah brings a cardboard person down on him.]
Edd: [not involving himself in the fight] "People, please, control your–"
Sarah: "Jimmy, careful of his hairy back!" [She goes to help.] "Hold him for me."
[The fight seems to be climaxing when it suddenly stops. Jonny is in the middle of the warring parties.]
Nazz: "Hi, Jonny."

Kevin: "Oh, yeah? Well, what's two plus two?"
Eddy: "Hey hey hey! Any of that crystal ball stuff'll cost you extra." [seeing Jonny] "Hiya, Jonny. Wanna tat?"
Jonny: "Your city's corrupted the mind of my pal Plank! Surrender, urban fiend!" [He leaps at Eddy and begins to thrash him.]
Eddy: "Help, I'm being mugged!" [Jonny runs away laughing with the money jar in his mouth.] "Did you see that? That bald kid took my money!"
Sarah: [disinterested] "Tell someone who cares."
Eddy: [Kevin snickers at his misfortune] "Ed, do something!"
Ed: "Can I cater a party?"
[Eddy growls and heads out after Jonny.]

[Jonny climbs up the side of a building until he reaches the top.]
Sarah: "What's he doing?"
Jonny: "You better find my Plank!"
Edd: "We'll need some time, Jonny!"
Jonny: "What?"
Eddy: [on the building as well, having followed him up] "Jonny, wait!"
Jonny: "Back off, Eddy, or it's curtains for your dirty money!" [He dangles the open jar over the side of the building.]
Eddy: "Don't even kid about something like that!"
[Spotlights hit Jonny.]
Edd: [using a traffic cone as a megaphone while Ed uses a pair of flashlights as searchlights] "Hey, you up there! Yes, you! With the jar. Someone wants to talk to you." [Edd places the cone in front of Plank.]
Jonny: "Plank, is that you?"
Eddy: "See? Plank's okay. Now about that jar, pal."
Jonny: "Shush. What?"
Jonny: "Really? You think I should?"
Eddy: "Should what? What?"
[Jonny hands the money jar's lid to Eddy.]
Jonny: "Okay, you brat, you!"
[Jonny hops down onto the next level, tossing the jar in the air and letting it spin.]
Eddy: "Jonny, no!" [Eddy makes a grab at the jar. He catches it upside down. All the money pours out onto the street.] "My money!"
Kevin: "Scrambles!"
Rolf: "Rolf is pleased."
[The other kids join in and grab all the money.]
Eddy: "Hey, don't touch that! Put it down!"
[Eddy jumps, and the roof collapses. The other boxes quickly follow suit, folding into one another. Eddy squeezes out the front door.]
Eddy: "That's city property!"
[Having collected all the money, the kids scatter, leaving Ed and Edd lying on the ground.]
Edd: [dazed] "You're welcome."
Eddy: [hauling Edd to his feet] "Double D, tell me you saved some, tell me we're okay!"
Edd: "Eddy. It was horrible, Eddy! Look what they did to my shirt!"
Eddy: [releasing Edd] "AAARGH!" [He leaps on Ed.] "Okay, lummox, did you get any coins? Did you, huh?"
Ed: "Yeah, I got a bunch!"
Eddy: "Thattaboy, Ed! Gimme gimme gimme!"
[Ed holds up a worm.]
Eddy: "A worm?"
Edd: "Ironic, don't you think?"
Ed: [leaning on one of the buildings] "I was too fast for them, Eddy."
[The building suddenly slips and slides to the left. It hits another building, which topples into another. The collisions build in momentum until the city goes down like dominoes.]
Eddy: "My city!"
Ed: "Dominoes! Let's do it again! Here, hold this." [He drops the worm down Eddy's shirt.]
Eddy: "Ed! I don't want it! Double D! Get a net! It's crawling!"
Edd: [giggling] "You know, Eddy, ceaseless toil and broken dreams are the essence of urban living."

[Jonny is riding through the ruined city with Plank in Plank's wagon.]
Jonny: "Ahh. Take a deep breath Plank, you can smell peace, love and tranquility!"
Jonny: "I missed you too, buddy! But if you ever do that again, I'll glue you to a rock!"
Jonny: "It's a joke, Plank!" [He laughs.]

Season 2 Scripts
"Know it All Ed" • "Dear Ed" • "Knock Knock Who's Ed?" • "One + One = Ed" • "Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed" • "Ready, Set... Ed!" • "Hands Across Ed" • "Floss Your Ed" • "In Like Ed" • "Who Let the Ed In?" • "Home Cooked Eds" • "Rambling Ed" • "To Sir with Ed" • "Key to My Ed" • "Urban Ed" • "Stop, Look and Ed" • "Honor Thy Ed" • "Scrambled Ed" • "Rent-a-Ed" • "Shoo Ed" • "Ed in a Halfshell" • "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed" • "Hot Buttered Ed" • "High Heeled Ed" • "Fa-La-La-La-Ed" • "Cry Ed"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide