Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Rolf has his face pressed against a window. He is staring in, trying to discern something. He suddenly turns around to face the kids, who are standing at the end of the house's driveway.]
Rolf: "Why does Kevin taunt us so?"
Jonny: "Maybe he's playing tiddleywinks!"
[The wait continues.]
Jimmy: "Could it be he's forgotten?"
Sarah: "He better not have, or I'll remind him the hard way!"
Nazz: "Chill, guys. He'll show up."
[The wait continues. Suddenly, the lock at the bottom of the garage door turns. Kevin heaves the door open.]
The Kids: "Jawbreakers!"
[The garage is indeed filled to the brim with the candy treats, which are glowing with a magical light.]
Kevin: "My dad says, the inventory's gotta go. Same deal as last year, dudes and dudettes." [He holds out a pocket, and the kids quickly fill it with change.]
Nazz: "Awesome, Kev!"
[The kids rush the garage. Jimmy is the last to make it in.]
Jimmy: "Leave some for me, you piggies!"
Eddy: [offscreen] "Hurry, quick! Move it, move it, move it!" [He and his cohorts exit the lane.]
Rolf: "Out of Rolf's way!" [He runs over Eddy. The rest of the kids (barring Kevin) trample him on their way out.]
Nazz: "I'm set for life!"
Jonny: "You ain't just bustin' pixies, sister!"
Ed: [picking up Eddy] "Jawbreakers ahead!" [The Eds run into the garage. Jimmy runs by with a single jawbreaker.]
Jimmy: "Out of my way! I'm salivating!"
[The garage is devoid of all jawbreakers; the Eds came too late.]
Edd: "Gadzooks! Do you see any jawbreakers? I certainly don't."
Eddy: [despairing] "THEY'RE ALL GONE! SAY IT AIN'T SO, DOUBLE D!"
Edd: "I'm afraid we're too late, Eddy." [Eddy begins tearing the walls apart in desperation. Ed searches through a light shade in the ceiling.]
Ed: [forlorn] "Come out, come out, wherever you are!"
Eddy: [throttling Ed] "THIS IS YOUR FAULT! ADMIT IT! If you do, I promise not to leave bruises."
Kevin: "Hey, you lovebirds, vamoose. Babysitting's over, 'cause I just scored big time. Later!" [He walks off, pocket full of change.]
Ed: [waving goodbye] "You forgot to say 'dorks,' Kevin!"
Eddy: [to his friends] "Did you see Kevin's pockets? They're bursting with cash, I tell ya!"
Edd: "Let's hope for Kevin's sake those stitches don't tear. Wouldn't it be a shame if he were to lose that plentiful peck of pennies?"
Eddy: [not getting it] "Yep."
Edd: [after Eddy says nothing more] "Yup? Is that all you have to say for yourself? Yup? No rash, nonsensical quip to defraud Kevin of his fortune?"
Eddy: [somewhat confused] "Scam Kevin." [to Ed] "That's what he said, right?" [now to Edd] "I'm way ahead of you, Sockhead." [The Eds huddle.] "Here's the plan, boys."
[Eddy says nothing.]
Ed: "What?"
Eddy: "Uh...you know."
Edd: [after more silence] "Well?"
Eddy: [leaping back] "Okay, WHAT?" [He waits a few seconds, then pulls out a box of bran and a bowl.] "Breakfast anyone?"
Edd: "Eddy, are you feeling all right? This behavior's so unlike you!"
Eddy: [faking a cough] "Oh, must be this malaria, Double D. I'm just gonna go grab me a laxative." [He tries to walk off, but runs into Ed.]
Ed: "Still waiting for the plan here, Eddy!"
Eddy: [sweating] "Oh, what's the use." [He buries his head in Ed's shirt and his words come out muffled.] "I can't think of a scam.
Edd: "Pardon me, Eddy, I couldn't hear you."
Eddy: [still muffled] "I can't think of a scam."
Edd: [opening Ed's mouth wide] "You were saying?"
Eddy: [now clearly audible, the words coming from Ed's mouth] "I can't think of a scam."
Edd: [relieved] "Oh, Eddy. You have nothing more than a mental block! Don't be ashamed of it. It happens to the best of us!"
Eddy: "Not to me, it doesn't!"
Edd: "Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm sure you'll think of one in due time."
Ed: "Pardon me to heck, but...Eddy should just buy one!"
Edd: [considering it] "Interesting. Ed's suggestion to purchase a scam and strategy may be a viable one, Eddy."

[The Eds have set up a stand offering cash for scams.]
Ed: "Eddy's stumped, hasn't a clue. Give us a scam and we'll pay you!"
Jonny: [approaching] "Hiya, guys! Whatcha doin?" [reading the sign] "You think it, we buy it?"
Edd: "Care to submit an idea for a scam, Jonny?"
Jonny: "Wow! A scam? I don't know..." [trotting to the middle of the street] "How about this! Jonny and Plank's Penny Dance! A one, and a two–" [He begins to dance and sing.] "Pennies, pennies, I seek a penny, give me your pennies, I like the pennies..."
Edd: "Um, Eddy, a tad eccentric, don't you think?"
Jonny: "...who's got a penny–" [Eddy kicks him away.] "Whoo-ee that smarts!"
[Sarah and Jimmy are playing on a teeter-totter. Jonny lands on Sarah's side, catapulting Jimmy skywards, then lands on Jimmy's end.]
Eddy: "I've seen better days, Double D. Tapped. Done for."
[Jimmy lands on Ed. When they sit up, Jimmy finds that Ed has disappeared and that he's in Ed's clothes.]
Jimmy: "I'm hideous! Don't look at me!"
Edd: [rushing over] "Jimmy! Wiggle your toes! Is Ed in there?" [Ed's head pops up, pushing Jimmy out of his clothes.]
Ed: "Where did I go?"
Eddy: "Hey, Jimmy boy! Sell me a scam, you dog, you!"
Jimmy: "Excuse me?"
Eddy: "Go on! I promise I won't laugh!"
Jimmy: "I thought that was your niche." [He thinks for a while.]
Eddy: [whispering to Edd] "This ain't working, Double D."
Edd: "Have faith, Eddy. After all, you did teach him everything you know."
Eddy: "Oh yeah I did! Didn't we win an Emmy for that episode?"
Edd: "Hardly."
Eddy: [getting close to Jimmy] "What would I do if you were me?"
Jimmy: "Move over?" [He giggles.] "I think I have a scam that'll knock your socks off."
Eddy: "Is this kid gold or what? Lead the way, Eddy junior!"
Edd: "I think Eddy's starting to feel better about himself, Ed!"
Ed: "An apple a day keeps the bus driver away, Double D."

[The Eds and Jimmy are at the playground. Jimmy is jumping around, excited.]
Jimmy: "This is it! Boppity Boppity Boo! This is the perfect spot for what I like to call 'Jimmy's Super-Duper Scammy-Whammy!' Ed, we will need ten extension cords."
Ed: "Oh! Oh!" [He runs off.]
Eddy: "I can't wait."
Jimmy: "Eddy, from you I'll need ten refrigerators!"
Eddy: [shocked] "Ten refrigerwhats? You meant Ed, right? All that heavy lifting ain't my style, kid."
Jimmy: "Is that so? I guess my scam's just not good enough for you."
Eddy: "No, wait! Ten refrigerators, you got it!" [unhappy] "I'm aching already." [He goes to get them.]
Edd: "So, Jimmy, do tell, what have you planned for this lucrative lure? I mean, you have thought this through, haven't you?"
Jimmy: [examining his fingernails] "Oh Eddy! Looks like you'll have some help with those refrigerators!"
[Eddy smiles widely.]

[A montage showing Edd and Eddy collecting refrigerators starts. For the first fridge, Eddy has Edd carry it on his back. It is then pushed over to Jimmy. For the second (Rolf's) they saw through the kitchen wall behind it and bring it out through the hole. Jimmy can then be seen tossing the freezer's contents out. At another house, Edd places a jack in a hole. Eddy jumps on the jack, raising the house and slanting it. Edd puts a mattress on the ground and marks an X on it. The fridge comes trundling across the second floor and hits the mattress, where it bounces, landing on Edd. Jimmy can then be seen watching happily as the tenth refrigerator moves into place on the back of Edd.]
Eddy: "You asked for it! Ten fridges. When do we sucker those suckers for cash, Jimmy boy?"
Jimmy: "I now require one hundred fence boards."
Edd: "One hundred fence boards? Why on earth would you need–"
Eddy: [dragging him away] "Quit bellyaching."
[Jimmy looks at the fridges. All are now being filled with water, supplied by hoses he's placed inside.]

Eddy: "Go on, yank it! Do I have to come down there and show you how to do it? Put some muscle into it!"
[A large section of fence is missing. Eddy is standing on top of a bunch of boards, all of which are in a wagon. Edd is straining to pull out more boards from the fence. As he attempts to yank out a final board, his crowbar comes loose and hits him in the face, knocking him out cold.]

[Jimmy is looking at one of the boards.]
Jimmy: "Splendid. It's all coming together. Now all we need are those extension cords."
[They wait, but Ed still fails to appear.]
Eddy: "What's taking Ed so long?"

[Ed is running, the cords stretched out behind him. Even though he is running, the cords are holding him back, and he isn't moving forward. The camera moves backwards to show that Ed forgot to unplug the cords from their devices (mostly TVs), and the devices have wedged up against a pair of trees.]
Edd: [noticing Eddy and Jimmy looking hopefully at him] "Oh, all right! Anything to see where this frivolous fracas leads." [He hops the fence and goes down to unplug Ed.]

[The cords are plugged into a large power strip array on the side of a house. The cords lead into the park, where the fridges are plugged in.]
Jimmy: "Gentlemen, I'm ready to unveil what I call, 'Jimmy's Super-Duper Scammy Whammy!'" [The Eds stand, waiting. Ed and Eddy both look eager; Edd merely looks exhausted. Jimmy opens the fridge and takes out a gigantic, strawberry popsicle.] "It's to die for!"
Ed: "Yummy!"
Edd: "Is that an ice pop?"
Jimmy: "This one's Strawberry Gush!" [indicating Ed's selected ice pop] "And that's Banana Bop. We'll be rich, Eddy!"
Edd: "Refreshing and nutritious. I like that. Bravo, Jimmy."
Eddy: "Ice pops are stupid!" [Jimmy stands there silently.] "If you think I'm paying you for this lame-o scam, you're wrong! I could've thought of something better!"
Jimmy: "Fine, suit yourself. And just try to think of something better!" [He takes Ed's treat (now with a massive bite mark) away.] "Hmmph."
Eddy: "Oh, I'll think of something better! Ed! Knocks some sense into me!" [He points at his head.] "And make it a good one."
[Ed proceeds to throttle Eddy three times.]
Eddy: "That's it! I got one! I just thunk, Double D! The scam of all scams!" [Ed hits Eddy again.] "I'm back, baby."

Eddy: [going into a spiel] "Perplexed by the mysteries of life? For just one quarter, you too can find out your hat size!"
Edd: [pointing to a series of holes in the pavement, each indicating a different size] "Please, put your head in this hole, sir!"
[Ed puts his head in the hole.]
Edd: "Your hat size is four!"
Ed: "I am fulfilled!"
[The spiel concludes.]
Kevin: [dubious] "What, that's it?" [pretending to be taken in] "Yeah, I'll fork up for that." [He fishes in his pocket.] "Here you go." [Kevin pulls out a big handful of nothing. Eddy stares at the hand, disappointed.] "Well, would you look at that. I must have spent all my cash on Jimmy's rad ice pops! Ha! See you, dorks!"
[Kevin walks away. Jimmy then comes by, with several wagons. In each wagon has a piggy bank, overflowing with dollars.]
Edd: "Well, Jimmy certainly profited from his venture."
Ed: "We must scam him, my gaggle of pals!"
Edd: "Eddy?"
Eddy: [fearful] "Okay Ed. You know the drill."
[The screen goes black, and Ed beats up Eddy.]

Season 4 Scripts
"An Ed in the Bush" • "See No Ed" • "Is There an Ed in the House?" • "An Ed is Born" • "One Size Fits Ed" • "Pain in the Ed" • "Ed Overboard" • "One of Those Eds" • "They Call Him Mr. Ed" • "For the Ed, by the Ed" • "Little Ed Blue" • "A Twist of Ed" • "Your Ed Here" • "The Good Ol' Ed" • "Thick as an Ed" • "Sorry, Wrong Ed" • "Robbin' Ed" • "A Case of Ed" • "Run for your Ed" • "Hand Me Down Ed" • "Stiff Upper Ed" • "Here's Mud in Your Ed" • "Stuck in Ed" • "Postcards from the Ed" • "Take This Ed and Shove It"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide