Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Jonny walks by Eddy, who is washing a cool-looking red car.]
Eddy: "Hey, Jonny boy!"
Jonny: "Hi, Eddy! Nice car!"
Rolf: [dropping by] "Hello, Eddy. May we shop for meat in your fancy car?"
Eddy: "Keep dreaming, Rolf."
[Kevin and Nazz approach.]
Eddy: [rolling the window down, sitting in the driver's seat] "Hi, Nazz."
Nazz: "Wow, Eddy! Cool car." [Eddy rolls the window back up.]
Kevin: [tapping on the window] "Hey, dork. Whose car is this, you twerp?"
[Eddy, in the car, turns the radio up high. The subsequent noise drives Kevin and Nazz away.]

[Edd now stops by.]
Edd: "Hey, Eddy. What're you doing?"
Eddy: "Just buffing the wheels."
Edd: "Whose car is this, Eddy?"
Eddy: "Beats me. Where's Ed?"
Edd: "I called his residence, but no answer."
Eddy: "Let's hunt him down!"

Edd: [as Eddy looks in his window] "Do you see him?"
Eddy: [entering Ed's room] "Nope."
Edd: "Perhaps we should check upstairs."
Eddy: "He's just hiding!" [He pulls out a seat cushion. Edd, giggling, points to an Ed shaped lump in the bed. Eddy comes up beside him.]
Edd and Eddy: "Dogpile!"
[They jump on the lump only to bash their heads. They drop back. Edd pulls the sheet off to reveal a car bumper with a license plate reading "AKA 1." A sudden crash comes from upstairs.]
Eddy: "Let's check upstairs."

[Edd and Eddy come upstairs. Exiting the basement, they see Ed.]
Eddy: [to Edd] "And I thought you had problems."
[Ed is in a long, flowery dress and a summer hat with his usual jacket.]
Ed: "Quick. Run away!" [his friends laugh] "Don't fool around! Run!"
Eddy: [taunting him] "Excuse me ma'am, can Ed come out and play?" [Sarah suddenly shoves Edd and Eddy apart.]
Sarah: "Hey! No one can join my tea party without dressing up!"
Eddy: "Forget it, Sarah."
Sarah: [to Ed, who doesn't want to get involved] "Tell your stupid friends it's my way or the highway!" [She sucks in a big breath of air and holds it.]
Eddy: "Good luck."
Ed: "Sarah, stop it."
Eddy: "Look, she's changing colors." [Sarah's face turns red]
Ed: [Sarah's face turns green then yellow] "Please Eddy, she's gonna blow up." [Sarah's face turns blue then purple]
Eddy: "Cut it out, Sarah."
Ed: "Eddy, just put on the dress!"
Eddy: "No way, Ed!"
Ed: "Aaaah! She's leaking, Eddy!" [tears ooze down her cheeks] "Sarah, don't blow up!"
Eddy: "All right, I'll wear the stinking–"
Sarah: [appearing with a dress] "Here you go."

Sarah: "I am the queen, and you are my servants. Now,–"
Ed: "Smashing hat, Eddy." [Eddy growls.]
Sarah: "As I was saying, I am the QUEEN!"
Ed: "And we are your serv-i-ants."
Eddy: [annoyed] "Next thing you know she's gonna want a throne!"

[Sarah is sitting on a throne. There is another one beside her.]
Eddy: [leaning back in his chair] "A toast to my big mouth!" [The doorbell rings and he topples over.]
Sarah: "Get the door!"
[Eddy goes to answer the door. He opens it to reveal Jimmy.]
Jimmy: "It is I, Prince Jimmy!" [Eddy slams the door.]
Sarah: "Who was it?"
Eddy: "The frog prince."
[Sarah growls as the doorbell rings again.]
Ed: "I'll get it, my queen." [he runs off] "Presenting the honorable Prince Jimmy."
Sarah: "Prince Jimmy has arrived!" [angry] "Let the games begin!"
Jimmy: "Oh, goodie!" [He claps.]
Edd: "Games?"

Ed: [with a bit in his mouth] "I am a horse!"
Eddy: [also with a bit in his mouth] "You're a horse's–"
Sarah: [sitting on Eddy] "Hey. You better win."
[We now see that Sarah and Jimmy are sitting on Eddy and Ed, respectively, treating them as horses. Apparently a horse race is about to start. Edd comes up with a horn and blows through it.]
Sarah: "Go!" [She jabs Eddy in the side with her heels. He takes off.]
Ed: "Neigh!" [He follows.]
Jimmy: "Whoa!"
[The race leads them down two hallways. Jimmy passes Sarah on a straightaway.]
Sarah: "Huh? Go faster!"
[Ed runs over couches and leaps a chair. He then goes up some stairs. Jimmy, hanging on for his life, is slammed against the stairs.]
Sarah: [pulling Eddy's tongue] "Go faster now!" [pulling it again] "Faster faster!"
[Edd is standing by the finish line, holding a checkered flag.]
Ed: [straining] "Aah!"
Eddy: [in pain] "Ooow!"
Jimmy: [scared] "Eeenh!"
Sarah: [annoyed] "Grr."
[Ed and Eddy dive for the finish. Ed comes out ahead by half of his body.]
Edd: "Prince Jimmy has won!" [He brings the flag down.]
Sarah: "You lost horsie! Bad bad bad bad!"
Eddy: [fed up] "This stinks!" [He tries to leave.]
Sarah: "To the dungeon with him!"
Eddy: [as Jimmy giggles] "The dungeon, oh no! I'm sooo scared!" [Sarah pulls a rope, releasing a cage onto Eddy.]
Sarah: "Bye bye!"
Eddy: [trapped] "Ed, get me out! Ed? Double D?"
Sarah: "Bring me my fool!"
Ed: "Okay."
Eddy: "Spoiled brat."
Ed: "Please Eddy, play along." [He lifts the cage.] "Here's the fool!"
Eddy: "No way!" [Ed places a jester hat on Eddy's head.]
Ed: "Eddy's a great fool, huh Eddy?"
Eddy: "I said no!"
Sarah: "Bad babysitter! I'm telling Mom you left me all alone!"
Ed: "But I won't get paid." [He puts his head in his hands.]
Eddy: [eager] "Did you say paid? You're getting paid? I'm here for you, pal."

[Edd blows his horn.]
Jimmy: "This is fun!"
Eddy: "I just flew in from Peach Creek and boy,–"
Sarah: "Are you stupid."
Eddy: "Yeah, so why'd the chicken cross the road?"
Sarah: "To lay an egg, just like YOU ARE NOW!"
[Eddy stands still until he gets an idea. He pulls out a puppet of himself.]
Eddy: "Say, Eddo, what's a ghost's favorite lunchmeat?" [as Eddo] "Boo-loney!"
Sarah: [getting in his face] "YOU STINK!"
Eddy: [to Ed] "She has no taste! I used all my best stuff!"
Ed: "Don't give up now, Eddy!" [He throws Eddy back in.]
Sarah: "Well?"
[Eddy pulls out a top hat and fishes around in it. He finds what he's looking for and pulls out Edd. A tomato hits him in the face.]
Ed: [handing Eddy some items] "Here Eddy, juggle this stuff. I'll get more."
Eddy: "More?" [He tosses the stuff in the air and juggles it.]
Jimmy: "Ooh. Juggling!"
Sarah: "Boring."
Ed: "Here Eddy. Juggle this too!"
[Ed throws a table at Eddy. Eddy somehow manages to catch it and keep his rhythm. Ed then throws a chair at Eddy. This is followed in short order by another table and Edd. Ed then throws a cactus at Eddy.]
Ed: "AAH!"
[The things Eddy was juggling fall down as Sarah laughs.]
Ed: "Oh no. Oh no." [He catches the chair and sets it in its rightful position.] "AAH!" [A table hits Eddy on the head. Ed rushes to catch a TV and a toaster.]
Eddy: "AAAAAAAHHHHH!" [A canoe lands on him, knocking the cactus off him. Ed catches an aquarium. Sarah continues to laugh.] "Aw, shut–" [A fridge lands on him. Edd opens the door and climbs out.]
Edd: "Ed?"
Sarah: "That's more like it!" [She grabs a vase and raises it over her head.]
Ed: "Sarah! Don't throw stuff!" [The vase hits him on the head, but Eddy catches it before it can hit the ground. Sarah then throws a lamp. After Ed catches it, she begins to throw other things. These include the chairs that make up her throne.]
Eddy: "I got it!" [The stool lands on his head]
Edd: "I've got it." [He gets trapped in the deck chair]
Ed: [looking inside the chair] "Double D?"
Edd: "Hello." [The chair snaps shut on his hand. He yanks his arm back and hits Eddy on the head with the chair.]
Ed: "It wasn't me."
Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy." [They leap off their thrones.]
Eddy: "Grab her!" [He leaps for her.]
Ed: "Eddy!" [He leaps on Eddy.] "There she goes!"
[Sarah goes to a table with a lamp on it. She throws the lamp and the table in the air.]
Ed: "Sarah!" [The lamp lands on Eddy's head, and the table lands on Ed's.]
Edd: "Oh no I couldn–" [Sarah and Jimmy run by him.]
Sarah: [dangling a vase] "Hey Ed?" [She drops the vase.]
Ed: "Sarah!"
Edd: "This is not good."
Eddy: "My money!"
[Sarah and Jimmy are bouncing on the couch. Sarah takes a picture off the wall and throws it. Jimmy follows suit with a vase. Eddy, trying to catch one, collides with Edd. Edd somehow manages to get the picture anyway, and Eddy grabs the vase inches above the floor.]

Sarah: [with a bowling ball] "Fore!" [She rolls it. Jimmy rides by on a vacuum cleaner.]
Jimmy: "Whee!" [Sarah yanks him off the cleaner.] "Aww."
Ed: "Sarah! No bowling in the house!" [He steps on the ball. He has to run to keep his balance on it. The vacuum cleaner then runs into him, knocking him away. The ball is sent towards Eddy, who steps on it and slips. His vase goes into the air.]
Edd: "Eddy! The vase!" [Standing on Eddy, he catches it.]
Eddy: "Get off me!" [At that moment, the vacuum runs into the trio. They slam into the wall and fall down. The vacuum sucks up, in order, the bowling ball, Eddy, Ed, and Edd. When Edd goes in, the vase falls and breaks. The vacuum then proceeds to suck up the broken vase. It attempts the picture as well, but the picture is too large for it and the vacuum cleaner explodes.]

[The room is utterly destroyed. The Eds get up in the midst of this mess.]
Eddy: "Wow. What a dump."
Ed: "We gotta stop them!"
Eddy: [considering] "Think Eddy, think. Bingo!"

[Sarah and Jimmy are having a pillow fight in her room.]
Jimmy: "Bad doggy."
[Edd blows his horn.]
Edd: "All hail the great King Eddy!" [Eddy is sitting on the rebuilt throne, with Ed beside him.]
Eddy: [as Ed crowns him] "Thanks, squire."
Sarah: [infuriated] "King? There is no king! I'm queen!"
Eddy: "Yeah right." [He pulls the rope, and the cage descends around Sarah.]
Jimmy: [frightened] "My queen! Aah!" [He runs and hides.]
Sarah: "I AM THE QUEEN!"
Eddy: "You're a squirt!"
Ed: "Oh no. Oh no." [He facepalms.] "My mom's gonna kill me. We gotta do something!"
Edd: "I have a suggestion."

[Edd takes a small paintbrush and paints something in white. Ed, beside him, uses a bigger paintbrush to paint something in blue.]
Eddy: [entering] "How's it going? Ooh, nice work." [Ed and Edd giggle, pleased.] "It's perfect! [He accidently dips his hand into the paint on Ed's shirt, then wipes if off on Ed's face.] Let's set her up."
Ed: "Yeah, let's do it!"
[He drags it onscreen. It is a poorly drawn painting of Sarah, Jimmy, Ed, Edd, and Eddy standing in the middle of the living room.]
Eddy: "There. All clean and fixed. Your mom will never know." [chuckles]

Season 1 Scripts
"The Ed-Touchables" • "Nagged to Ed" • "Pop Goes the Ed" • "Over Your Ed" • "Sir Ed-a-Lot" • "A Pinch to Grow an Ed" • "Dawn of the Eds" • "Virt-Ed-Go" • "Read All About Ed" • "Quick Shot Ed" • "An Ed Too Many" • "Ed-n-Seek" • "Look Into My Eds" • "Tag Yer Ed" • "Fool on the Ed" • "A Boy and His Ed" • "It's Way Ed" • "Laugh Ed Laugh" • "A Glass of Warm Ed" • "Flea-Bitten Ed" • "Who, What, Where, Ed" • "Keeping up with the Eds" • "Eds-Aggerate" • "Oath to an Ed" • "Button Yer Ed" • "Avast Ye Eds"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide