Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Kevin is riding a skateboard down the lane. He rides up a ramp and flies straight up, to the astonishment of the gathered kids. Kevin picks up his board and scratches his back.]
Kevin: "Don't try this at home, kids."
Rolf: "This would be impossible, as Rolf would hit the ceiling." [Kevin comes back down.]
Nazz: "He makes it look so easy." [Kevin rides into an elastic band tied between two spikes in the lane.]
Rolf: "Kevin! Assist Rolf!" [He grabs onto Kevin as Kevin sails upwards again.] "Tell Rolf the secrets of this prostrate board." [He tries to climb onto it.]
Jonny: "Oh boy, Rolf's clueless!"
Kevin: "Don't sweat it, Rolf. What you don't know won't hurt ya."
[Kevin slams a helmet on Rolf, and Rolf falls into the ramp. Jonny catches the board.]
Jonny: "Nice one, Rolf!"
Kevin: "Decent, to say the least." [He pulls out his bike and rides down the ramp, skidding to a stop in the lane.]
Jonny: "Woohoo!"
Nazz: "Cool!"
Jonny: [jumping on the skateboard] "Let's boogie, Plank!"
Sarah: "Get in line, Jonny!" [She yanks the board away and Jonny falls into the base of the ramp. She hands the board to a fully padded Jimmy] "It's Jimmy's turn."
Jimmy: "You think I'll kick butt, Sarah?"
Kevin: [now chugging a soda] "Whatever you do, better do it fast, Fluffy, cause those Eds are probably on their way right now to wreck all our fun."
Jonny: "I wouldn't count on it. [flashing back to Johny getting his head stuck in various places] This morning, me and Plank here were playing over at the playground and there was no Ed, Edd, or Eddy around! Not at the creek, not at the junkyard, not at the sewer, not at the–" [Rolf pops up from under Jonny, sending him flying.]
Rolf: "Rolf was also perplexed by the lack of Ed-boy buffoonery."
Kevin: "Hey Sarah, you seen your bro?"
Sarah: [belligerent] "No!"
Nazz: "I haven't see them, either."
Jimmy: [sigh of relief] "I feel as fresh as a spring flower! Come on, people, it's a brand-new day! No Ed, Edd, or Eddy! Hallelujah! Let's go to my house and party! The cookies and milk are on me." [He struggles to get down, forcing Sarah to kick the ramp to get him down.] "Sarah, I think I got an owie."
Sarah: "It's okay, Jimmy. You're used to it."

[The kids are in Jimmy's backyard, playing Pin The Tail on the Eddy.]
Jimmy: "Do it, Nazz!"
Sarah: "Higher! Higher!"
[Nazz pins it dead center.]
Sarah: "Bulls-eye!"
Jimmy: "Right where the sun don't shine."
Jonny: "Boy, these cookies sure are stale, huh Plank!"
[Rolf and Kevin are by the side of the house. Rolf is plucking the raisins from the cookies.]
Rolf: "What know-nothing would dimple the cookie biscuit with the doohickey of a rabbit?"
Kevin: "Those are raisins, dude."
Rolf: "Same thing!" [He drops some raisins into a bucket.]
Kevin: "You know they're up to something."
Rolf: "The doohickeys?"
Kevin: [paranoid] "No, man! The Eds."
Rolf: "Poppycock! There are no Ed-boys today, Kevin. A celebration, I say!"
Sarah: "I'm with you, brother."
Jonny: "I know how you feel, buddy. I wouldn't feed these cookies to a dog! Want a soda?" [He opens the cooler and looks inside.] "How the heck did that get in there?"

[Jonny prances around the backyard wearing a monkey mask he found in the cooler.]
Jonny: "I'm a monkey! Feed me a peanut feed me a peanut! Look at me!" [He leaps onto Sarah.] "You got a monkey on your head! Feed me a peanut!" [He leaps off.]
Sarah: [angry] "JONNY, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!"
Jonny: "No peanut? Feed me a banana, 'cause I'm a monkey!" [Sarah leaps on him.]
Sarah: "I'll feed you a fist."
Kevin: "Hey, where'd you get that?" [He takes the mask.]
Jonny: "I found it in the drink cooler."
Kevin: "What's a mask doing in a cooler?"
Nazz: "That's too weird."
Sarah: "Big deal. That's just one of my stupid brother's drawings."
Jimmy: "People, please! You're giving me a migraine! Let's not forget the party. Cookie, anyone?" [He reaches into the cookie box and pulls out a glove with fuzz on the back.] "Monkey hand! Get it off! Monkeys smell their fingers!"
Rolf: [grabbing the glove] "Why has someone glued fluff to this rubber glove? Has the world come to an end?"
Kevin: "What'd I tell ya? Those dorks are up to no good. Come on, Rolf. Let's find Eddy."
Rolf: [following] "A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse."
Jonny: [confused] "O–kay. Hey guys, where ya goin?"
Sarah: "Wake up, willya? Kevin and Rolf are goin' to look for Eddy, me, Nazz, and Jimmy are going to my house to find Ed."
Nazz: "Why don't you try and find Double D, Jonny?"
Jonny: "Okey-dokey Nazz! Ain't she sweet, Plank?"

[Rolf and Kevin look into Eddy's room. They see no sign of Eddy, only a record spinning on his turntable. The needle on the record is oscillating back and forth, indicating that the record has run its course and the time of Eddy's disappearance is indeterminable.]
Rolf: "No Ed-boys, Kevin!"

[Nazz, Sarah, and Jimmy scan Ed's room. Sarah walks by the TV, which is showing Fish Bowl 2. Nazz pulls out a cushion from the chair and heaves at what lies beneath. On the other side of the room, Jimmy moves a pair of underwear up the wall with a pencil. His face is green as he works at it. Sarah searches the bed and finds nothing at all. Nazz pulls a turkey out of the chair and drops it in a pile of other turkeys she found.]

[Plank looks through Edd's window, Jonny having attached him to a makeshift pole. He looks back and forth and finds nothing of interest.]

[Kevin stares at his watch. It is 3:11. It ticks over to 3:12. He and Rolf are standing in the street, waiting for the others to report back their findings.]
Kevin: "What's takin em?" [Rolf does not reply.] "I got a bad feeling in my gut about this, Rolf."
Rolf: "Shall Rolf rub Kevin's belly with the oils of fermented figs?"
Kevin: "What?" [Jonny appears.]
Jonny: "Hey Kevin!"
Kevin: "Any sign of those losers, Jonny?"
Jonny: "Nope." [pulling out a bottle cap] "But I found this bottle cap! Pretty cool, huh?"
Kevin: "Yeah, real nice." [Sarah, Jimmy, and Nazz join them.]
Sarah: "They weren't in Ed's room!"
Nazz: "Gee, I hope they're okay."
Kevin: "Oh, please!"
Rolf: "Rolf is riddled with guilt over the missing Ed-boys!"
Jimmy: "I have a confession! I've wished for this every birthday. Could it have come true?"
Kevin: "Gimme a break. This is all part of some stupid scam. They're around here somewhere."
[Kevin moves forward and looks down. There is a banana next to his foot.]
Kevin: "Whoa." [He picks it up.]
Nazz: "Is that a banana?"
Rolf: "A turnip for your thoughts, Kevin?"
Kevin: "First, a monkey mask, then, a monkey glove, and now..."
[The camera zooms out. The kids look down the lane. Bananas are scattered throughout it.]
Jonny: "Monkey food! See, what'd I tell ya?"
[The kids walk towards the lane.]
Jimmy: "I've never seen so much fruit in one place! Follow the yellow rind road!"
Sarah: "Wait up, Jimmy!"
Kevin: [paranoid] "Those Eds are watching our every move! Hello."
[Kevin is standing at the entrance to something called "Chimp Wurld." It appears to be a monkey-themed amusement park, complete with tire-swings, vine swings, and bananas everywhere.]
Nazz: [quizzical] "Chimp World?"
Kevin: "What'd I tell ya? Monkey see, monkey gets ripped off." [He enters the park.]
Jonny: "I'm a monkey, huh Plank?" [He goes in.]
Kevin: "Don't go in there, Jonny!"
Jonny: [in a tire swing] "Woohoo! Too much fun!"
Kevin: "Hang on, squirt!"
Rolf: [passing him, unworried] "He can be merry, Kevin, for today we are free of Ed-boys."
Jimmy: "Whee!" [The kids all enter the park, not heeding Kevin's warnings.]
Kevin: "Get real, guys! It's a scam?" [He kicks the ticket booth.] "Rolf?"
[Rolf does not back him up, having chosen instead to have fun with the park's toys and rides.]
Rolf: "Crybaby Jimmy, careful, as the mighty banana is like glue to the path of least resistance." [He steals Jimmy's banana.]
Jimmy: "Wanna wrestle, huh? Here I come!" [They wrestle in a treehouse filled with bananas.]
Kevin: [sounding more and more like a lunatic on a street corner] "Suckers! They'll be here any minute to take your cash!" [He slips on a banana peel.] "Man that's old." [paranoid] "Come on out, Eddy, so I can pound ya!"
Rolf: "There is no one here but us bananas, Kevin."
Kevin: [going insane] "I know you're here, dorks! Show yourselves!"
[Nazz, swinging on a vine, grabs him.]
Nazz: "Chill out, dude."
Kevin: [breaking free] "Let go of me." [to Jonny as he falls] "What're you looking at?" [He pulls out his bike.] "Ah ha!" [Kevin hits the forest floor before he can get on the bike.]
Jonny: "Hey Kevin, watch! Relax, go with the flow."
[He starts to swing on a rope, but the rope snaps in two, leaving him hanging to it.]
Jonny: "Aah! What happened?"
Kevin: [fears being realized] "Oh, here we go."
Jonny: "Help me somebody!" [He hangs upside down.]
Rolf: "Fear not, as Rolf will save your head!"
Jonny: "Jeepers!"
[Rolf swings forward on a rope. On the back-swing, he hits the tree. He falls to a wooden platform, and the door of the treehouse above him gives way. Bananas tumble out onto Rolf.]
Jonny: "Help me!"
Kevin: [paranoid] "The Eds are moving in."
Nazz: "Kevin, check out this slide!" [She jumps on it.]
Kevin: "Wait, Nazz, don't!"
[The slide compresses like a spring. It shreds through a bridge that Sarah and Jimmy are on, leaving them dangling over the forest floor.]
Jimmy: "Help, Sarah, help!"
Sarah: [clinging to Jimmy] "Jimmy!"
[The slide compresses completely and rebounds, sending Nazz skyward.]
Kevin: "Those dorks are out of control!"
Nazz: "Kevin, do something!" [Her pants are caught on a loose nail.] "This is not cool."
[Nazz slips out of her pants and falls. Kevin watches, starstruck.]
Kevin: "Awesome."
[Nazz falls and lands in a tire. She hangs by the top of her head which gets stuck.]
Nazz: "Kevin, help, I'm stuck!"
Jonny: "Help, Kevin, my head's going to explode!"
Sarah: "Kevin, hurry! I can't hold on forever!"
Jimmy: "My ankles are chafing!"
Kevin: "Oh man!"
Rolf: "Kevin! The weight of the bananas are crushing Rolf's apples!"
[Kevin backs up, looking at the wreckage.]
Nazz: "This is, like, totally wrecking my hair."
Jimmy: "Help me!"
[Kevin backs up against a tree, paranoid and scared.]
Kevin: "I've gotta be next. I'm the only one left." [running away] "You ain't scamming me, Eds! I'm on to ya! Later."
Nazz: "Where's he going?"
Sarah: "What's he blubbering about?"
Rolf: "There are no Ed-boys!"
Jonny: "See ya, Kevin!"

[Kevin runs through the woods. We can see that the Eds are in the end of the lane by it.]
Kevin: "Aah!"
Edd: "Ssh! Ssh! This is becoming too risky, fellows. If we don't find Ed's mask, our Chimp World will be all for naught."
Eddy: "Ed, we've been looking all day. Where'd you put it?"
Ed: "Put what?"
Edd: "The mask, Ed. The mask you drew this morning, remember?"
Eddy: [searching Ed's monkey costume] "Did you check your costume?"
Ed: "Whoops! Lost my glove, see?" [He holds up his gloveless hand.]
Eddy: "You bonehead."
Edd: "I'd be the last to say I told you so, but if I had been in charge of–"
[Edd stops. Eddy has taken Ed's costume off and is busily inspecting it.]
Edd: "Well, we can clearly see it isn't on Ed's person."
Eddy: [despondent] "It was the greatest scam in the world!" [vengeful] "I've gotta find the mask."
[Eddy steals Edd's clothes. He shakes the shorts, and Edd's underwear fall out.]
Edd: [hiding his nude body behind Ed] "For heaven's sakes, Eddy, control yourself! Excuse me, Ed."
Ed: [oblivious] "Table for two!"
Eddy: [now in only his boxers] "Aah, quit your gripin. Keep lookin!"
Ed: "Banana?"
Eddy: [slapping the banana away] "Cut it out, Ed. I'm looking over there." [He points in the direction.]
Ed: [two bananas up his nose] "Buy one, get one free!"
Edd: "Eddy? I can't find my underwear!"

Season 4 Scripts
"An Ed in the Bush" • "See No Ed" • "Is There an Ed in the House?" • "An Ed is Born" • "One Size Fits Ed" • "Pain in the Ed" • "Ed Overboard" • "One of Those Eds" • "They Call Him Mr. Ed" • "For the Ed, by the Ed" • "Little Ed Blue" • "A Twist of Ed" • "Your Ed Here" • "The Good Ol' Ed" • "Thick as an Ed" • "Sorry, Wrong Ed" • "Robbin' Ed" • "A Case of Ed" • "Run for your Ed" • "Hand Me Down Ed" • "Stiff Upper Ed" • "Here's Mud in Your Ed" • "Stuck in Ed" • "Postcards from the Ed" • "Take This Ed and Shove It"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide