Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Edd looks over a toothpick model of a bridge. He rubs his eyes, and places a toothpick with a triangular banner on it on top of one of the bridges posts.]
Edd: [tired] "Complete." [he stops a timer] "In only fourteen hours and seven minutes."
[Edd looks straight ahead, dazed.]
Edd: "Sleepy, sleepy sleepy."
[Edd puts his head on his desk and goes to sleep. Suddenly, a loud crash comes, and we see that somebody has put a foot through Edd's door. Despite this, Edd is so tired he doesn't wake up.]
Eddy: "There's a knob, Ed." [Eddy opens the door.] "Double D! Are you sitting for this one?"
[Edd is sitting, but he is so exhausted that he takes no notice and simply continues to snore.]
Eddy: "Good! The biggest cash cow ever to be milked is on our doorstep!" [plopping down on the bed] "Not one to gloat, but, man, am I good."
[Ed goes over to the sleeping Edd and looks at him.]
Eddy: "I see a big sign over a ocean world: Ed's Sea Ranch!"
[Edd continues sleeping, blissfully unaware of Eddy's plans.]
Eddy: "Is he sleeping?" [annoyed] "The least you could do is humor me, Double D!"
Ed: [worried] "Oh, this may not be Double D at all, Eddy, but a clone, put on this planet to–"
[Eddy flicks Ed away. He then pushes Edd's nose to the table until Edd awakens and gasps for breath. Edd staggers backwards and bumps into Ed]
Edd: "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [He collapses into the gentle arms of sleep again.]
Eddy: "C'mon, Sockhead, I need you, pal! Ed's Sea World, I tell ya!" [Edd doesn't awaken.] "What a lump."
Ed: "Why, thank you Eddy."
[Eddy pulls out Edd's labeler and uses it to tape Edd's eyes open.]
Ed: "Hello, Double D."
Eddy: "Now that I got your attention, I need you to figure out the plans for–"
Ed and Eddy: "–Ed's Sea Ranch!"
[The strain on Edd's eyelids becomes too great for the tape, and the tape breaks.]
Edd: [shutting his eyes and yawning] "Sleepy sleepy sleepy."
[A confluence of yawns makes its rounds among the three friends.]
Eddy: [to Ed] "Hey, grab Double D! We got work to do."
Ed: "Right behind you, Eddy."

[Eddy motors into the woods and stops. He jumps on Edd's back, and Ed continues to drag Edd forward through the woods, Eddy riding on Edd.]
Eddy: "No kid can resist otters, and dolphins, and maybe a giant shark exhibit? Who likes the shark exhibit!" [Ed runs into the creek.] "What the?"
Ed: "Location, location, location." [The Eds instantly sink; soon after, Ed carries a drenched Edd out.] "Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead." [He shakes Edd out like a wet towel and places him on a boulder]
Eddy: "Okay, We got a spot. So what's next, Double D?"
Edd: [barely awake] "Build a pen to house the aquatic creatures."
Ed: "Oh! I got one!" [He pulls open his jacket to reveal a fridge, and takes out a bottle of mustard.] "Alley-oop!" [Ed squeezes the mustard, and a pencil eeks out.] "Here's your mustard, Double D."
[Edd mutters unintelligibly and takes the mustard.]
Eddy: [annoyed] "He asked for a pen!"
Ed: "He asked for mustard, Eddy. Do you have corn in your ears, mister?"
Eddy: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Ed: "Oh, look! Double D is planning!"
Edd: [blearily drawing on the boulder] "Land water pounds per square inch containment."
Eddy: "We're gonna be rich! You could buy a chin, Ed! Think of it!"
Edd: [finishing the plans and waking up a little] "Elementary."
Eddy: "Woohoo!" [He stares at the plans.]
Edd: [handing him a list] "Supplies and materials."
Eddy: "What would we do without you, Double D?"
Ed: "Live the life of Riley?"
Eddy: "Shut up, Ed." [He drags Ed off to fetch the supplies.]

Edd: "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [He wakens long enough to shift his position on the rock he is on.]
Ed: "Supplies!" [He dumps the supplies on top of Edd.]
Eddy: "We got everything on the list Double D, now what?" [not spotting Edd anywhere] "Where's...where's Double D?" [realizes what happened and rolls up the list] "Lemme guess. He's under the supplies, right Ed?"
Ed: "Yep!" [Eddy hits him with the rolled-up list.] "Did you get it, Eddy?"
Eddy: "We need Double D, Ed." [he kicks Ed into the pile] "To realize my dream of Ed's Sea Ran–"
Ed: [plopping Edd's rock on Eddy] "Found him."
Eddy: [dazed] "I'm okay, 'cause I'm gonna be rich." [pulling a muffler out and staring at the plan] "Now let's see, where does this doohickey go?"
Ed: "I'll get the other stuff."
Eddy: [hauling Edd upright] "I can't read your plans. Where's this thing go?"
Edd: [talking nonsense] "Attach it spefically to the barsh-niggum abitalluby tim." [He falls asleep, and Eddy hits him with the muffler.] "Parallel to the car seat!" [He goes to sleep again, this time with an aching head.]
Eddy: "Thank you."
[Eddy climbs up a tower of stuff to place it in the indicated position.]
Eddy: "Woohoo! Thar she blows! All we need now are some exhibits."
[The building in question is a large arc. Both sides are made up of various household implements, and in the center hangs a sign reading "Ed's Sea Ranch."]
Eddy: [sweetly] "Oh Double D? Where do I find some sea creatures?" [angry, shaking the tired Edd] "Stinky sea fish, Double D!"
Edd: "Tired. Bed. Spongy. Sea." [He droops and nods off, slipping out of his shirt in the process.]
Eddy: "Of course! The greatest of all creatures! Sea-bed sponges!" [noticing a problem] "Where do you get sponges?"
Ed: "Oh oh oh me me me!"
Eddy: "Ed."
Ed: "At my house!"
Eddy: "No way!"
Ed: "No lie." [He pulls Eddy with him.]
Eddy: "Sweet."
Edd: [alone] "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [He begins to snore again.]
[With nobody watching, the arc collapses. The stream is dammed and runs dry. Fish are seen dying, and it seems as though Ed's Sea World is an impossible, nonexistent dream.]

[Ed hauls Eddy into his bedroom and throws him on a chair.]
Eddy: [babbling] "Photos with the sea sponge, 25¢, Double D! You got a camera, go get–" [notices that Edd's not with them] "Where's Double D?"
Ed: "Do not adjust your set." [He runs out.]
Eddy: [chasing him] "Hurry, Ed, we need Double–"
Ed: [coming back with Edd] "Ssh! He is sawing logs, the little dickens." [Ed sets Edd on his sofa, and Edd slips off.]
Eddy: "What took ya?"
Ed: "I read books, Eddy."
Eddy: "Back to business, Ed! Where's those sponges?"
Ed: [clamping his hands over Eddy's mouth] "SSSHH!" [whispering] "The walls have ears, Eddy. Follow me." [He drags Eddy into the bathroom.]
Edd: [climbing out from under the chair] "Oh, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy." [sighting Ed's bed] "Bed."
[Edd heads over to the bed. Pulling away the covers, he sees the horror that lies beneath.]
Edd: "Not if it was the last bed on earth."

[Ed tears the wallpaper away from one of his bathroom's walls, revealing a stash of sponges.]
Eddy: "It's the mother lode!"
Ed: "I collect sponges, Eddy."
Eddy: [ecstatic] "Double D! Check this out!" [He pulls a sponge from the pile, and the pile collapses onto him.]

Jimmy: [in a nurse's uniform] "After you, doctor."
Sarah: [as a doctor, entering her room] "Thank you, nurse."
Jimmy: "AAAAHHH!"
[Jimmy and Sarah catch sight of Edd, collapsed in Sarah's bed.]
Sarah: [on the verge of throttling Edd] "DOUBLE D, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"
Edd: [exhausted] "I'm azleepy sleepy sleepy..." [He trails off and goes back to sleep.]
Jimmy: "Hmm. A severe case of exhaustion, don't you think?"
Sarah: "I'm the doctor, and I say he's dead!"
[Sarah shakes Edd, and the boy shifts in her bed.]
Sarah: "He's worser than I thought! Let's operate!"
[Jimmy, imitating a siren, drags him out of the house in a wagon which serves as an ambulance. As they go past, Eddy heaves the garage door open.]
Eddy: "Double D?"
Ed: [popping up from under a stepping stone] "Double D?"

Sarah: "Double D?"
[Edd is stretched out on a table. Sarah uses her hands to pry open his mouth.]
Jimmy: "Egads! Shouldn't you be wearing gloves?"
Sarah: "No time. His brain's broken!"
Jimmy: "Holy smoke! Brain surgery!"
Sarah: "Come on, Nurse, move it!" [Jimmy hauls a purse onto the table.] "Glue." [Jimmy hands the glue over.] "Mallet." [Jimmy gives the mallet.] "Faster!"
Jimmy: [with a saw] "Now let's fix that brain!"
[Edd is suddenly dragged off the table.]
Eddy: [Ed holding Edd by the legs] "Take a hike! His brain belongs to us."
[Ed nods assent. While he's nodding, Kevin steals the brainy Ed-boy.]

Kevin: [dragging Edd behind him] "I'll knock two points off your dork rating if you figure out what's up with my bike chain." [The chain has clearly fallen off the gears.]
Edd: [Kevin shakes Edd's head and Edd recites dentistry] "Liberally apply toothpaste for cleaner, brighter teeth."
Kevin: "Toothpaste?" [sarcastic] "Radical." [He drops Edd, and Rolf grabs the exhausted boy.]

[We are in Rolf's garden, which has become infested with lobsters.]
Rolf: "Look Ed-boy! Lobsters! Look! Am I crazy? Rolf's garden has been cursed!" [he plucks a carrot, and water spurts up] "Do you see? A fountain! Look! A cure for Rolf's curse, Ed-boy?"
Edd: "Hot wax for more manageable follicles."
Rolf: "Ah, yes, the wax. Simple, yes. Thank you!" [realizing he has lobsters clamped to him, he screams in pain] "Scourge of the seas! Release Rolf! Nana, find the pliers!"
[Rolf runs away, and Edd curls up against a tree.]
Edd: "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [Jonny peeks out from behind the tree.]
Jonny: "Be brave, Plank. Double D will help." [to Edd] "Double D? Can you help us?"
[Edd lifts his bleary eyes.]
Jonny: "It's a little embarrassing." [whispering] "Um, Plank's got this growth." [Plank is indeed growing a twig.] "Is it serious?"
[Edd laughs hysterically, and then climbs on top of Jonny's head, where he settles down to sleep.]
Jonny: "Double D was laughing with you, not at you, Plank! You're silly."
[As he walks away, Ed grabs Edd and yanks him away.]

Ed: [in the lane, handing Edd to Eddy] "One Double D, hold the onions!"
Eddy: [trying to drag Edd away] "Gimme him! We gotta finish our Sea Ran–" [a force pulls in the opposite direction] "Whoa!"
Kevin: [yanking on Edd's arm] "This dork owes me a bike chain!"
Eddy: [latched on to Edd's legs alongside Ed] "He's my dork, leggo!"
Sarah: [making the scene] "Look, Jimmy, our patient!"
Jimmy: "I wanna take his temperature!"
[Sarah and Jimmy join the tug-of-war, using Edd's free arm as their pressure point.]
Eddy: "Leave Double D alone! He's ours!"
Sarah: "He's sick! Gimme 'im!"
[Rolf comes upon the scene, lobsters attached to his body. The tug-of-war stops as the parties look at him.]
Rolf: "Ed-boy! A moment of your time? Ow, Eee! Never use hot wax to soothe enraged lobsters. Thank you. NANA! HAS THE WATER COME TO A BOIL YET?" [He runs away.]
Jonny: [about to use hedge clippers on Plank's twig] "Rolf's weird, huh Plank?"
[Water suddenly gurgles out of a knothole in the fence.]
Jonny: "Uh-oh, trouble!"
Jonny: "Something's dammed the creek causing it to flood the cul-de-sac?"
Jonny: "Do you think so?" [He puts Plank's growth in the knothole, stopping the flow.] "A little wet, but I'm okay!" [He pats his friend.] "Thanks to you!" [More holes open, water spurting through.] "Holy cow! AAH! AAH! AAH!"
[The levee breaks, flooding the cul-de-sac.]
Ed: "Sea Ranch! I am Neptune, King of–"
[The wave hits them, stopping Ed from speaking further.]

[Nazz looks out her window and yawns. She stares despondently at the waterlogged cul-de-sac. The Ed's Sea Ranch sign floats by overhead. On top of the sign sit Jonny, Rolf, and many barnyard animals, including Rolf's goat, a pig, a cow, and five chickens. The sun beats down heavily on the makeshift raft.]
Rolf: "How long have we been adrift, Jonny?"
Jonny: "Plank says, beats me!"
Rolf: [scratching his chin] "Rolf's premature facial hair burdens him."
[Jimmy and Sarah float past on another piece of wood.]
Jimmy: "My tummy's cramping! I'm so hungry, I'd even eat processed cheese!"
Rolf: "Rolf's belly would like food too."
[He looks around the raft at his various animals. His gaze then alights upon Jonny. Before Rolf's very eyes, Jonny's head is transformed into a magnificent roast turkey.]
Jonny: "How ya holding up, Rolf?"
Rolf: "If we do not find dry land soon, I will have to feast upon your succulent...noggin."
Jonny: [confused and a little creeped out] "Okay...Let's go check the fishing net, Plank."
[Jonny grabs a giant fishing net and heaves it aboard. In the net are Edd, Eddy, and some lobsters.]
Rolf: "Quick Jonny, get the stick!"
Ed: "Ahoy!" [He leaps from the water.] "It is I, Neptune!" [He reenters the water.]
Eddy: "He's a natural. Ed could be the star attraction for Ed's Sea Ranch!"
Edd: [still tired, but less exhausted] "Persistent, aren't we?"
Ed: [breaching again] "King of the sea!"
Rolf: "Did you find the stick, Jonny?"
[The sound of something being hit is heard.]

Season 2 Scripts
"Know it All Ed" • "Dear Ed" • "Knock Knock Who's Ed?" • "One + One = Ed" • "Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed" • "Ready, Set... Ed!" • "Hands Across Ed" • "Floss Your Ed" • "In Like Ed" • "Who Let the Ed In?" • "Home Cooked Eds" • "Rambling Ed" • "To Sir with Ed" • "Key to My Ed" • "Urban Ed" • "Stop, Look and Ed" • "Honor Thy Ed" • "Scrambled Ed" • "Rent-a-Ed" • "Shoo Ed" • "Ed in a Halfshell" • "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed" • "Hot Buttered Ed" • "High Heeled Ed" • "Fa-La-La-La-Ed" • "Cry Ed"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide