Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Eddy is staring through binoculars at a beehive.]
Eddy: "Okay, boys, it's time for the welcome wagon to pay a visit."
[The Eds are all wearing uniforms that read "Ed's Hive Bee Gone."]

[Eddy creeps up on the nest, carrying a baseball bat. His friends follow, also carrying bats. As we watch, Eddy backs off, letting his friends do the dirty work.]
Edd: [drawing his bat back] "Careful, Ed."
Ed: [readying himself as well] "Knock knock!"
[Ed and Edd proceed to destroy the nest.]
Eddy: [looking at the wreckage] "AAAAHHH!" [He runs away.]
Ed and Edd: [following him, screaming] "WHOOOAOOAOOOOAAA!"
[The bees chase the trio down a hill. Eddy reaches his house. He steps inside and closes the door, holding it shut. Ed and Edd reach it too late, and Eddy strands them outside.]
Eddy: [opening the door after the ruckus subsides] "Hmm?"
Ed: "Um, Eddy? Can we do something else?" [Both his and Edd's faces are swollen with bee stings.]

[The sun is beating down.]
Eddy: [sweating profusely] "What's with this heat?" [pleadingly] "Shade. I need shade." [He spots some.] "There!"
[The Eds all dive into the shade provided by a tree.]
The Eds: [relaxed] "Shade."
[The shade recedes, coming closer and closer to the base of the tree.]
Edd: [getting his arms burned] "Sun!" [They stand against the tree as the shade recedes toward them.]
Eddy: [worried] Oh ,"This can't be good. We need to find some more shade fast!"
[The Eds head from spot to spot. Each time they move, the shade disappears. Ed soon comes up with an idea.]
Ed: "Hey! I know where we can cool off."
Eddy: "And I'm desperate enough to believe you." [They run off, each step resembling a blazing inferno.]

Sarah: [dragging a chair across the kitchen] "Ice. I need ice."
[She stands on the chair and opens the freezer. A big block of ice falls out. The Eds are frozen inside. She kicks them out through the wall to the middle of the street, where the ice melts.]

[Eddy is clawing at sand.]
Eddy: (drooling sand) "W-w-w-w-water!" [He collapses.]
Edd: [crawling] "H₂O, please."
Ed: "Gravy."
Eddy: "I'm frying!" [The Eds collapse down into the sand, defeated.] "The fat lady just sang, boys."
Ed: "My life is flashing before my eyes."
Eddy: "What life?"
Kevin: [looking at them] "What are you guys doing?"
The Eds: "What?" [They suddenly stand up, completely recovered.] "Uh...nothing."
Kevin: "Dorks!" [He speeds off.]
Ed: "Dorks?"
Eddy: "Kevin, wait! Where ya going?"
Kevin: "To Nazz's sprinkler party, stupid!"
Eddy: "Sprinkler party?" [He grins.]
Kevin: [offscreen] "You're NOT invited!"
Eddy: "Sprinkler party! Hear that, boys? A chance to cool off and score some social points, too! Hmm. We have so much preparation to do. We'll start by..." [He huddles with the other two Eds, outlining plans.]

Eddy: [entering his room with his friends in tow] "It's time to put the plan into action." [Ed bumps into Edd.] "Relax, guys, don't do anything I wouldn't, make yourselves at home."
[Ed wriggles under the covers and crawls out with a magazine. He begins reading. Edd, meanwhile, surveys the room and decides to stand.]
Eddy: "Hey, Double D, sit anywhere, you know."
Edd: "I'll stand as per usual, Eddy; thank you."
Eddy: [pulling out a key] "Oh, yeah." [going to a wardrobe] "Now for the secret of schmoozing; the rapture of rap; the snap, crackle, pop of cool." [The doors of the wardrobe open into many other drawers, finally revealing a dresser with locked doors.] "Hire a secretary, boys." [He inserts the key into one of the locks.] "Bingo. Now this–no peeking–this will be a day you'll never forget." [He pulls out a box.] "Pinch yourself, boys, swimsuits of the gods." [The box is opened to reveal three very small swimsuits.] "Well, okay, they're my brother's."
Edd: "My word. They look like napkins!"
Ed: "Cool box, Eddy."

[Eddy puts a record on, and "Green Onions" begins to play. He changes into his swimsuit. He then grabs some hair gel and works it into his hair. Eddy adds lotion to his arms, and he finishes off by drawing five hairs on his chest with a pencil. The look is completed by the addition of a pair of sunglasses. He jumps into the middle of the room, slips, and falls. The record stops playing. Edd and Ed are then seen. Their swimsuits are likewise too tight. Ed is wearing shoes, and Edd is wearing a shirt along with his suit.]
Edd: "Um, perhaps they're a tad too confining."
Eddy: "No way, Jose! We're cooking! People used to try to be cool. But now it's hot. WE'RE hot."
Edd: "Do you feel hot?"
Ed: "Nah. I'm half baked."
Eddy: [placing towels around his friends' shoulders] "Okay, so we look good, we feel good, so, off to the party! [He whips his friends with his towel, sending them out before following.] We're gonna be hip, we're gonna be hot, we're gonna make the scene!"

[The Eds look over the fence. All the kids are at the party, having fun.]
Eddy: "Wow. Everyone's here!"
Ed: "Looks like fun!" [He tries to climb the fence.]
Eddy: "Hold on, Mr. Happy!" [He pulls Ed back.] "The entrance to a party is everything. Lesson Number One:..." [They huddle.]

[The Eds enter, screaming and yelling all the way. Eddy, in a show of over-the-top bravado, dives for the kiddie pool where Jimmy is situated. Jimmy screams, but Eddy overshoots the pool and slides on the grass. His friends land on top of him. It would be a nice stunt if they didn't run into a table and end up collapsed in a heap.]
Sarah: [annoyed] "Oh, great!"
Kevin: "What are you guys doing here?"
Eddy: [wearing his towel like a cape] "Isn't it obvious?"
Sarah: "Who invited them?"
[Kevin takes a wet sponge and scrubs off Eddy's chest hair.]
Eddy: "Aah! My pencil chest hairs!"
Kevin: "Hey, check out the–" [Eddy grabs the waistband of Kevin's trunks and wedgies him.]
Nazz: [approaching them as they're about to come to blows] "Now boys, relax. Have fun. It's a party."
[Kevin and Eddy simultaneously melt. Nazz laughs it off.]
Sarah: [to Ed, who is sitting on the sprinkler] "Get your big butt off the sprinkler!" [Ed shifts just enough to send a spray of water into Sarah's face.] "Ooh, you–"

[A large spread of various foods is seen on a table. Rolf is salivating over a pig's head.]
Jimmy: "Um, what is that?"
Rolf: "Stuffed pig's head. A favorite of my country."
Jimmy: "Well, I brought a quiche!" [He shows it off to Rolf.] "Mmm. Yummy."
Rolf: [frightened] "It is the food of the–" [He waggles his lips with his finger and runs off.] "THE PARTY IS CURSED!"
Sarah: [to a crying Jimmy] "Don't worry, Jimmy. I like quiche!"
Edd: "Hey, Eddy, catch!" [He and Ed throw burgers at Eddy, all of which he catches and eats. As a finale, Ed throws the pig's head into Eddy's mouth. He then throws Edd at him. Edd hits Eddy in the stomach, causing the pig's head to pop out. The head hits the table and bounces, finally ending up in Jimmy's quiche.]
Eddy: "Enough goofing around. If you wanna get noticed, you gotta mingle. Schmooz." [He pushes them to the table.]
Sarah: "Look at this mess."
[The kids (Jonny, Jimmy, and Sarah) notice that Edd and Ed are bookending them, wearing creepy smiles.]
Ed: "Hey, have you guys seen "Attack of the Zombie Brain-Munchers?""
Edd: "The operation I saw involved fascinating new brain extraction techniques."
Ed: "By hideous mutants with huge drooling mouths."
Edd: "So precautions had to be taken to avoid contamination."
Ed: "From popping eyeballs and swelling brains!"
Edd: [using the pig head for reference] "The incision was made here to relieve tremendous pressure."
Ed: "But it was too late, his head exploded!"
Edd: "With the slicing and cleaving, the gnashing and the severing–"
Ed and Edd: "Bloody! Gory!"
[Jimmy faints while Ed and Edd continue to demonstrate what happened in their respective shows. Eddy slaps his forehead.]
Eddy: "Guys? GUYS!" [He bangs his friends' heads together.] "Stop talking shop. I said... mingle."

[The kids are dancing to music.]
Eddy: "Look, music! Great! This is perfect. Let's mambo!" [He pulls them off.]
[The Eds join in. They start to get into the groove when suddenly the music stops and the kids head for the table to eat.]
Eddy: [plotting] "Okay, boys. Time for us to pull off a big one."
[They huddle and scheme. As soon as the plan is set, Ed and Edd head behind the sprinkler. Eddy, meanwhile, climbs a ladder leaning against the fence. When he gets to the top, he pulls out a megaphone.]
[Eddy prepares to dive. He leaps into the air and does a series of tricks before he hits the ground. He then leaps up and starts running at his friends. He runs steadily until, just before he hits the sprinkler, he leaps high into the air. Ed and Edd scramble madly, trying to figure out where he'll come down. They catch Eddy in their arms, slightly unsteady. The trio manage to steady themselves and cheer; however, at this exact moment, their swimsuits refuse to hold them anymore and burst. One flies onto Plank's head, one flies into Kevin's hot dog bun (replacing his hot dog), and one lands in the punch bowl. Jimmy grabs it in the ladle and drinks it down with the rest of the punch. The music then starts again. The Eds just stand there shocked, hands over their privates. Nobody notices; in fact, it seems as though everyone at the party was doing their best NOT to notice the Eds.]
Eddy: [seeing the kiddie pool] "Quick! Into that pool!"
[The Eds hotfoot it to the pool and dive in.]

Edd: [worried] "What are we gonna do now?"
Eddy: "Someone's coming, act natural." [The Eds pretend they're playing.]
Sarah: "Quit hogging the pool. It's our turn."
Eddy: "No, it isn't."
Sarah: [furious] "Yes, it is!"
Ed: "We are not moving."
Sarah: "ED! GET OUT!!!!"
Eddy: "Hit the road." [He splashes water on Jimmy and Sarah.] "Put an egg in your shoe and beat it."
Jimmy: [grabbing Sarah] "Oh, c'mon, Sarah, let's leave these guys alone."
Edd: [breathing a sigh of relief as Ed laughs] "That was close."
Nazz: "Hi, Ed, Edd n Eddy. You boys look cool. Mind if I join you?"
Eddy: [working up the courage to ask her to leave them alone] "Uh, Ed's got three nipples like that bad guy in James Bond."
Nazz: [laughing and walking away] "You're funny."
Ed: [searching himself] "What third nipple? Show me where it is."
Eddy: "It's right here." [He grabs Ed's right nipple and squeezes.]
Edd: "Look!" [Rolf is carrying a giant cake to the table. Ed stands up and starts to walk towards the kids until Eddy stops him.]
Eddy: "Get down! Are you nuts?"
[The kids eat the cake, happily, while the Eds sit in the pool despairingly. Edd pulls out his hands and looks at them; they have swelled up.]
Edd: "GAH! I believe our bodies are soaking up all the water in the pool."
Eddy: [irritated] "Shut up."

[The kids are sitting around a campfire. The Eds are in the pool a few feet away, frozen.]
Ed: "F-f-f-fire g-g-g-good–w-w-w-warm..."
Eddy: "Sh-sh-sh-shut up."

[The kids are inside, sleeping in sleeping bags in the living room. The Eds are still outside. By now their bodies have absorbed so much water that their bodies are crushed against each other.]
Edd: "I th-th-think the c-c-coast is clear now-w-w, Eddy."
Eddy: "T-t-then let's-s get out-t-t of h-h-here." [turning to Ed] "Ed? Ed? C-c'mon, Ed."
Ed: "F-f-fire g-g-good-d-d."
Eddy: "L-l-let's go. One...two..."
[They lift the pool. It comes up around their waists, cramming them against each other even tighter even as the bottom breaks.]
Eddy: "This is not good."
[The Eds make a break for it. They don't see the discarded pig's head, however. They slip on Rolf's pig head and fly into a tree. They poke their heads out. Ed's head has a beehive on it.]
Edd and Eddy: "AAAHH!" [Ed takes off the hive.] "RUN!"
[The Eds run, the pool still around them. They cry in pain, the pool wedged around them, as they run home, bees stinging all the way.]

Season 1 Scripts
"The Ed-Touchables" • "Nagged to Ed" • "Pop Goes the Ed" • "Over Your Ed" • "Sir Ed-a-Lot" • "A Pinch to Grow an Ed" • "Dawn of the Eds" • "Virt-Ed-Go" • "Read All About Ed" • "Quick Shot Ed" • "An Ed Too Many" • "Ed-n-Seek" • "Look Into My Eds" • "Tag Yer Ed" • "Fool on the Ed" • "A Boy and His Ed" • "It's Way Ed" • "Laugh Ed Laugh" • "A Glass of Warm Ed" • "Flea-Bitten Ed" • "Who, What, Where, Ed" • "Keeping up with the Eds" • "Eds-Aggerate" • "Oath to an Ed" • "Button Yer Ed" • "Avast Ye Eds"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide