Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Eddy is in bed, sleeping peacefully. Suddenly, flies start to swarm around him. Eddy waves them away and rolls over. The flies return, however, and Eddy awakes a little. He then sees something startling.]
Eddy: "Ed! What are you doing in my bed?"
Ed: "I can't sleep, Eddy. I keep thinking; how can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?"
Eddy: "Ed?" [after a long pause] "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" [He boots Ed out of bed.]
Ed: "Ow! My buttocks hurt." [His attention is drawn to the lava lamp.] "Why does goo float?"
Eddy: "HIT THE ROAD!!" [A crunching is heard. Ed has eaten the lamp. The goo can still be seen through his eyes.] "My lamp!"
Ed: [picks Eddy up] "Eddy, why don't birds just take a bus south for the winter?"

[A clock on Eddy's stove reads 3:14. Eddy, exhausted, has curled up into a drawer and Ed's barrage of questions is still going strong.]
Ed: [opening and closing the refrigerator door] "Eddy, when you close the fridge door, does the little light stay on?"
Eddy: "GO HOME!"
Ed: [continuing to play with the door] "Hello, light. Hello, light. Hello, light. Hello, light. Hello, light."

[It is morning. Eddy has gotten no sleep, and Ed is still asking questions.]
Ed: "Eddy, carrots are good for your eyes. Can it dial a phone?"
Eddy: "If you're going to strain your peanut brain, think of something more important. Like–how to get your face on a dollar bill!"
Ed: "Eddy, why is someone in the kitchen with Dinah?"
Eddy: "Uh...Double D up yet?"

[Edd is working on some complicated piece of machinery. He plucks out a piece.]
Edd: "Intriguing! Slowly..." [examining it] "How embarrassing! Seems to be a 15-amp resistor! Who woulda thought? My, I love knowledge!"
Eddy: "HEY, DOUBLE D!" [Edd leaps into Ed's arms.]
Edd: "Eddy, you know I hate that!" [notices Ed] "Oh, hello, Ed."
Eddy: "What're you doing to this toaster? Busted, or what? Where's the toast go, anyway?"
Edd: "First of all, Eddy, toast doesn't go in a toaster. Bread does. Second, it's actually an antique radio. I disassembled it, Eddy, in order to understand how it worked."
Eddy: "You're a riot, Double D."
Edd: "Think how if we knew everything, we would be–"
Eddy: [sarcastic] "If we knew everything, we would be so famous." [getting an idea] "Wait, yeah! And rich!"
Ed: "Like potato salad?"
Edd: "Well–"
Eddy: "I see jawbreakers! Loads of 'em! I never thought I'd say this, but, let's learn!"
Edd: "That's the spirit! Let's get educated! Shall we begin our journey of knowledge at Ed's house?"
Eddy: "We're gonna be eggheads! Rich eggheads!"
Ed: "Cluck cluck cluck."

[Ed heaves open his garage door.]
Edd: "Egads!"
Eddy: "Garages are for cars, Ed."
Ed: "Why thank you."
[Ed's garage is filled with an immense amount of junk.]
Edd: "Where do we begin?"
Ed: "Oh, I know! Let's take this apart first!" [He grabs a washing machine and heaves it onto Eddy.]
Edd: "Uh, Eddy?"
Ed: "Look at what I found!" [climbing out of the washing machine] "One Eddy, and a whole bunch of doohickeys. I took it apart, Double D. Am I smart now?"
Edd: [making notes] "Let's not ask for miracles, Ed."
Eddy: "You're enjoying this, aren't cha?"
Ed: [with an agitator] "Ah, and what's this?"
Edd: "Spin it, Ed! And learn."
[Ed spins it and sticks his tongue out. The agitator wraps his face around it.]
Ed: "It's a face scruncher, cool!"
Eddy: [by a dresser] "Let's see what makes this old dresser tick!" [He pulls out a bra.] "Woo hoo! PG-13!"
Ed: "That's my mom's, Eddy."
[Eddy grunts and drops the bra, disgusted.]
Edd: [giggling] "Oh, dear."
Eddy: [looking at Edd's notes] "I haven't learned a thing. C'mon, let's find some more stuff."
[Eddy, making his exit, jumps on Edd's head.]
Edd: "Eddy, must you be so rough?"
Ed: "Is it my turn to jump on your head?"
Edd: "Let's just follow Eddy, Ed."
Ed: [leaping offscreen] "Follow the leader!"
Edd: [as Ed lands on his head] "Ouch!"

[Rolf is tending to his chicken coop]
Rolf: [to his chicken] "Gertrude? Eggs for Rolf?" [notices a sow] "Oh ho! Not again!" [He pulls out the sow, aghast.] "How many times must Rolf purge himself? No strange visitors! Ever! Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser."
Edd: [offscreen] "The plywood of this coop has some very unusual characteristics." [Edd and Eddy are taking apart the coop. Ed is hugging a chicken.]
Eddy: [unimpressed] "Wow. Wood."
Rolf: "Ed-boys!"
Edd: "We're trying to solve the mysteries of life."
Rolf: "This reminds Rolf of a fable from his old country."
Eddy: [bored] "Here we go."
Rolf: "The story of the Ugly Boy and the Tree of Heads."
Eddy: "Okay, well, it's been swell, Rolfy-boy, but we're out of here."
Rolf: [grabbing the Eds] "Life too short not to smell the parsley! Okay. Once upon a time an ugly boy was thrown out of his village and hit his melon on a tree! The boy looked up and was amazed at the many beautiful heads growing from its branches!" [He demonstrates with his tree.]
Ed: "Handsome!"
Rolf: [putting a fruit on his head] "After many tries–" [Rolf removes the fruit, and reveals he is headless.]
Eddy: "What the–" [Rolf's head pops out of his shirt.]
Rolf: "–he found one that fit, and ran back to the village!" [tosses the fruit on Eddy's head] "Yes, he became very popular."
Ed: "I want a new head! Please, Rolf? New head! Rolf? Head for Ed!" [He grabs the tree and uproots it, revealing that the tree is two-dimensional.]
Edd: "What a discovery! It's flat as cardboard!" [He makes notes.]
Eddy: "Gimme that!" [He drags the tree towards himself, but it's too heavy for him and he drops it.] "Ow!"
Edd: "Heavy in weight! Got it. Thank you, Eddy."
[Eddy climbs out from under the tree and runs up it. He looks out over the fence it is balanced on.]
Eddy: "You guys gotta see–this..." [The tree topples over.]
Edd: [very happy] "I best tend to his medical needs! 'Scuse me."
Ed: "My turn to jump on his head!"
Rolf: [alone, angry at being ignored] "Life has many doors, Ed-boys!"

[Eddy is stumbling along. Although he is moving, perspective isn't changing; the things in the distance stay small even when he reaches them.]
Eddy: [dazed] "Fall...big...tree...flat..." [He falls down behind a tiny house.] "Huh?" [He tinkers with the background house's chimney.] "Einstein's got nothing on this."
Edd: "What a discovery! I'm speechless! I mean, this is an absolute coup! The displacement of perspective! Why we're–"
Eddy: "I thought you were speechless."
Ed: "Look at me run." [He falls and slides, ending up under the road.] "Home free."
Edd: [making notes] "The pavement has adapted fabric-like qualities! Interesting!"
Eddy: [laughing as he leaps on a background house] "He'll never find his way out!" [the house collapses under his weight] "I say we take a break. This learning stuff is making me hungry."
[Eddy passes his hand behind the sun.]
Eddy: [realizing what happened] "Did you see that?" [He does it again.] "Weird. Oh, well. Can't beat 'em, eat 'em." [He takes a bite out of the sun, leaving a crescent moon.] "Not bad."
Jimmy: [in the suddenly dark lane] "Jumping Jehoshaphat! Who turned out the sun?"
Ed: [looking over a fence] "Hi, Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "AAAAAHHH!" [He falls down, but Edd puts him back on his feet]
Eddy: [beside him with Edd] "Lighten up, shrimp. We're just figuring out how stuff works." [He spots a loose thread on Jimmy's person.] "A thread?" [Eddy pulls on it and unravels the sweater. The thread leads into Jimmy's body.] "What the...? Woohoo!" [He yanks Jimmy's outline loose.]
Edd: "Is that Jimmy's outline?"
Eddy: "You betcha. Let's sell it back to him."
Jimmy: "Fate has dealt a cruel hand." [Jimmy collapses into a liquid and goes down a sewer grate.] "Darn it!"
Edd: [as Eddy pulls on the outline] "Um, Eddy, you best not aggravate it."
Eddy: [twisting it into a hairstyle and putting it on his head] "Like my new hairdo, Double D?"
Edd: [gigging] "It suits you, Eddy." [They notice what Ed's up to.] "Ed!"
Ed: [sawing a hole in the night sky] "This is fun! Hello!"
[He finishes with the hole, revealing the Kankers taking a bath.]
May: [holding her scrub brush to Ed] "Big Ed, scrub my feet!" [The sisters giggle, and Ed shoves them and the hole away.]
Eddy: [walks onto the sawn-out hole] "Did you see anything?" [notices the hole he's on] "Huh?" [falls through the hole] "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH..."
Ed: "Uh, Eddy?"
Eddy: [comes back from the top of the screen and through the hole again] "...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH..."
Ed: [looks up] "Eddy?"
Eddy: [...and again] "...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH..."
Ed: [picks up the hole] "My turn!"
Eddy: "...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" [lands beside Ed as he puts his head through it; his head appears, upside down, at the top of the screen.]
Ed: "Look at me!"
Edd: [taking more notes] "Ed, you seem to have stumbled into another dimension! I feel we're getting closer to answering that all-important question!"
Eddy: "Is Eddy rich yet?"
Ed: "Can Ed go to the bathroom?"
Sarah: [popping up out of the hole Ed is holding] "ED!"
Ed: "Sarah?"
Edd: "Sarah?"
Sarah: "WAIT TILL I TELL MOM WHAT YOU DID TO JIMMY!" [She pulls out a jug in which Jimmy rests.]
Jimmy: "Don't spill me!"
Eddy: "What a shame! Gotta go? So soon?"
Sarah: "Eddy, you blockhead!"
[Eddy starts running, but steps out of his running feet. He then places Sarah in the moving feet, and she runs away.]
Edd: [ecstatic] "We could very well be the next cover story of Intellectual Discoveries magazine!"
Eddy: "Good thing you're housebroken." [Edd looks up.]
Edd: "Don't look now, but there's a cow hovering just overhead." [The cow crows like a rooster.] "I feel uncomfortable. Pardon me." [He exits to the right.]
Eddy: "Hold the elevator, Double D." [He follows. Ed stays where he is.]
Edd and Eddy: "Ed!"
Ed: "Am I it?"
[Ed follows his friends to a place where everything floats where it may and there are no clear paths.]
Eddy: [as Edd adds more notes] "Double D! We've learned into fortune!"
Edd: "Don't let the excitement spoil your grammar, Eddy."
Eddy: "Look around us. We've gotta be rich!"
[A house behind him suddenly opens up, and Sarah leans out of it.]
Eddy: "Shut your mouth, Sarah! Or better yet, get rid of it!" [Eddy rips off Sarah's lips.] "I love taking things apart." [Sarah's mouth bites his ear. He strains to tear it off.] "Get her off, Double D!!"
Edd: [making notes] "Not a chance!"
[Suddenly, things start drifting every which way.]
Eddy: "SARAH!"
Edd: "Hello. An original scene transition. Interesting."
[A checkerboard pattern rises up to cover the screen and turn the world to black.]

[The Eds' eyes open in a plain black world.]
Edd: "Did you eat the sun again, Eddy?"
Ed: "Can you guess what I'm doing?"
Eddy: "Get off my foot, Ed!"
Edd: "I think we're moving, Eddy."
[The camera zooms out to reveal the Eds are in Kevin's right eye.]
Kevin: [riding his bike nowhere] "I can hear dorks, but I can't see dorks. Come on out and show yourselves!"
[Kevin rides up, leaving smoke behind him. When the smoke clears, Ed is sitting in a chair, floating.]
Ed: [pulling on a cloud] "Cotton gravy!"
Edd: [in something like an Escher print] "Careful, Ed. You don't know where that's been!"
Ed: "Oh, it's right here, Double D."
[In front of Edd's eyes, Jonny's disembodied head appears.]
Jonny: "Tally-ho! Plank and I are gonna go rough it in the woods!"
[Jonny's body tucks Jonny's head under its arm, revealing that it has Plank for a head and is lugging behind it a backpack overstuffed with various unnecessary items.]
Edd: [hushed] "This is not good."
Nazz: [in the backpack, with the body of a purple reptile] "Care to join us, Double D?"
Edd: "Guy...um...igh–"
Eddy: [upside down] "Was that Nazz?"
[The perspective changes so that it looks like Edd and Eddy are standing sideways.]
Edd: "You realize we're floating, don't you?"
[They fall, and chicken legs pop up from nowhere. Suddenly, Rolf parts the background.]
Rolf: "Hello, Ed-boys." [He reveals he has three heads.]
Rolf's Head #1 (center): "Many doors, yes?"
Rolf's Head #2 (left): "Too much for..."
Rolf's Head #3 (right): "...couch potato Ed-boys like yourselves."
Eddy: [in a living room with Edd] "A three-headed Rolf. Yawn."
Ed: [blowing up his piece of cloud like a balloon] "Fly, butterfly, fly." [It floats upward, carrying Ed with it.]
Eddy: "Ed, what're you doing?"
Rolf's Heads: [in tandem] "The story is not yet over!"
Edd: [grabbing Ed's leg] "Oh, Ed, please!"
Eddy: [grabbing Edd's legs] "I gotcha!"
[The cloud lifts them away, and Rolf's heads growl.]
Eddy: "How's he put on a hat? Are we rich yet, Double D?"
Edd: [trying to read his notes] "It's all become very complicated, Eddy."
Eddy: "What're ya givin' me?" [starts climbing to the top of Edd] "All we have to do is read your notes." [take the notebook] "And we'll be up to our necks in jawbreakers!"
Ed: "I love chickens, Eddy!"
[The cloud floats into the tip of a pencil, popping it. The Eds fall to Earth. Edd drops his notes, and they scatter all over the place.]
Eddy: "Oof!"
Edd: "Augh!"
Ed: "Sandwich!"
Edd: [seeing the scattered notes] "My notes!"

[In the now normal lane, the kids watch as the Eds scramble to pick up all Edd's notes.]
Kevin: "What are you doing?"
The Eds: "Uh...nothing."
Kevin: "Right. Except for being–"
Sarah: "Dorks?"
Kevin: [impressed] "Yeah."
Jimmy: [sitting in a wagon, bandaged] "Can't we all just get along?"
Ed: "Jimmy! You got your line back!" [He examines Jimmy.] "Is it on wrong?"
Ed: "Baby sister!" [He pulls at her lips.] "Take your mouth off again."
Rolf: "Big Ed has lost his marbles?"
Ed: "It's stuck!"
Eddy: "Go, Burrhead, go!" [Sarah heaves Ed off and sends him sliding towards his friends.]
Ed: "Sarah's mad." [Sarah expresses anger.]
Eddy: "RUN FOR IT!"
Edd: "Oh, dear!"
[Eddy takes off. He almost falls into a manhole, but manages to stop in time. Unfortunately, Edd runs into Eddy's back, pushing them both in. Ed slides right next to it.]
Ed: "It's okay, guys. I'll just pick up the hole." [Ed grabs the manhole and pulls a gigantic pipe out.]
Edd: "This is unsanitary!"
Ed: "Alley-oop!"
Sarah: "Wait till I get my hands on you!"
Ed: "Big hole."
Sarah: "Ed!"
Eddy: "Run for it!"
[Ed runs away carrying the pipe, Sarah chasing him all the way down the lane.]

Season 2 Scripts
"Know it All Ed" • "Dear Ed" • "Knock Knock Who's Ed?" • "One + One = Ed" • "Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed" • "Ready, Set... Ed!" • "Hands Across Ed" • "Floss Your Ed" • "In Like Ed" • "Who Let the Ed In?" • "Home Cooked Eds" • "Rambling Ed" • "To Sir with Ed" • "Key to My Ed" • "Urban Ed" • "Stop, Look and Ed" • "Honor Thy Ed" • "Scrambled Ed" • "Rent-a-Ed" • "Shoo Ed" • "Ed in a Halfshell" • "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed" • "Hot Buttered Ed" • "High Heeled Ed" • "Fa-La-La-La-Ed" • "Cry Ed"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide