Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Eddy runs by, stepping in a puddle. Ed follows and falls straight through. Edd stops short and steps over it.]
Edd: "Puddles can be so messy." [He puts up a Caution sign.] "An ounce of prevention!"
Eddy: "Hey, snailboy, move it, willya? I'm not getting any younger." [He walks off a cliff.]
Edd: "Eddy, stop!"
Ed: [running off the cliff into Eddy] "I got a soaker, guys!"
Eddy: "Ed, if you bump into me one more–"
Edd: "Um, guys?"
Eddy: "What?"
Edd: "Improbable alert!"
[Eddy realizes he's standing on thin air and rushes to safe ground. Ed stays where he is.]
Edd and Eddy: "Come back, Ed!"
Ed: "I can jump it, guys!"
Edd and Eddy: "No, Ed!" [They pull him back.]
Edd: "Now what?"
Eddy: "I'm thinking, I'm thinking."
Ed: "Can I think?"
Edd and Eddy: "NO!"

[A bottle is spinning rapidly in the center of a circle formed by the kids. The bottle stops, settling on Jimmy.]
Jimmy: "It's my turn! Luck be a lady tonight."
Kevin: "Right. Pick then. Truth, or dare?"
Jimmy: "Dare me, sucka."
Sarah: "Thattaboy, Jimmy!"
Kevin: "Cool. Let's see. I dare you to...skip your turn."
Jimmy: [realizing he's been played] "Darn it."
Kevin: "What a sap." [He spins the bottle again.]

[Edd is using a makeshift anemometer to judge the wind's speed and direction.]
Eddy: "What's the word, Double D?"
Edd: "Well frankly Eddy, I'm concerned. The wind conditions aren't suitable for our trajectory. The lean is much too steep for the span."
Eddy: "What else is new? Let 'er rip, Ed!"
[Ed lets go of the tree root he's biting.]
Ed: "Gravy."
[The tree the Eds are standing on snaps to its full height, rocketing them away. They land headfirst in the lane.]
Ed: "I think I hit a pipe."
Jonny: "Buzz, buzz, buzz off, Jonny." [He is pretending to be a fly.] "Buzz, buzz, buzz off, Jonny. Buzz, buzzoow!" [He runs into a fence, and all the kids (except Nazz and Jimmy) laugh.]
Nazz: "You shouldn't have dared Jonny to buzz off, Kevin."
Rolf: "Ah, the artichoke thickens. Are those the better-check-your-wallet Ed-boys?"
Kevin: "Where? Aw, great."
[Ed pulls himself out of the ground and yanks his friends out of the dirt.]
Sarah: "Who invited them?"
Kevin: "The dorks came to ruin our game."
Eddy: "Truth or dare? I love this game! Who's next?" [He spins the bottle.] "I gotta warn ya, I'm a pro at this. Siddown, pigeons." [He opens his eyes to see that the Eds are alone. Forebodingly, the bottle points away from them.]
Edd: "Their social skills are deplorable."
Ed: "My turn to spin!" [He spins himself around and points the bottle at Eddy upon stopping.] "Eddy? Truth or dare?"
Eddy: "Okay, dare, Ed."
Ed: "Okay, I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' through a car wash."
[Edd and Eddy look at Ed, flummoxed.]
Edd: "Ed, try a more reasonable dare, please."
Ed: [after a long pause] "Okay, I dare Eddy to be Double D."
Edd: "Eddy act like me? Why that's–"
Eddy: "Stupid, Ed! You blew your chance to–"
Edd: "Y'know, Eddy, it could be quite intriguing. Why, I'd be flattered if you were to mimic me."
Eddy: "Let's see, where do I start?" [He proceeds to mimic Edd] "The wind conditions are absurd. The lean is too steep for the fat."
Ed: "Good Double D, Eddy." [Edd chuckles.]
[Eddy pretends to strain to budge the bottle, unable to move it an inch.]
Eddy: "Oh, dear. The unsanitary. My skinny arms cannot bear the weight. Oh oh I know. I'll move it with my brain." [He pretends to concentrate.]
Edd: [sarcastic] "Ha ha ha. Very good, Eddy." [He spins the bottle.] "Can we resume playing?" [The bottle settles on him.] "Oh, dear."
Eddy: "Ha! I dare ya to be Ed! Go on, flatter him."
Edd: "Well, I suppose I could, but only if Ed will be Eddy."
Ed: "I can do Eddy, I practiced." [He pushes his eyes together and starts speaking in a loud, raspy voice.] "Can it, Double Dweeb!"
Eddy: "Whaddya mean you practiced?"
Ed: "Shut up, Sockhead!"
Eddy: "Please, Eddy, you're invading my personal space!" [He pushes Ed away. The trio laugh hysterically.]
Eddy: "Well?"
Ed: "Do me, Double D!"
Eddy: "We're waiting."
Edd: "Very well. Let's see now." [He turns around and manipulates his face. When he faces his friends again, his eyes are spread out across his face.] "Buttered toast." [The Eds laugh again.]

[Jimmy pours a hose onto a Slip-n-Slide.]
Jimmy: "It's ready, Sarah!"
Sarah: "Here I come!" [She slides the length of the toy.] "Whee! That was fun! Your turn, Jimmy!"
Jimmy: [pouring sunscreen into his palm] "In a second, Sarah! I'm oiling up for speed!" [Jimmy rubs the lotion on his chest and stomach.] "On your mark, get set–"
Rolf: "Out of the way!" [He rides his unicycle into Jimmy, and Jimmy gets tangled in the spokes.]
Sarah: [worried] "Jimmy!"
Jimmy: "The wrath of destiny visits yet again."
Rolf: "Rolf has no time for this!" [to Sarah] "Where is your brother?"
Sarah: "What am I? His keeper?"
Rolf: "Yes."
Sarah: "Backyard."

[Rolf enters the backyard to see Ed's clothes stumbling around with a watering can on their head.]
Rolf: "Ho ho! There you are, one shy of a full deck Ed-boy! Rolf requires your assistance." [He pulls the can off to reveal Edd.]
Edd: "Who is there?"
Rolf: "Imposter! You are not Ed-boy!"
Edd: "Gravy."
Rolf: [confused] "Hmm."
Eddy: [wearing Edd's clothes and a sock on his head] "Pardon me, Rolf, but I have compost a theory. Once upon observation of this small rock, I have discovered actually mutated from a big rock. Intriguing."
Edd: [running like Ed] "Haw haw haw!" [He slips.] "Curse Ed's horrible posture."
[Rolf turns his head to see Ed, dressed like Eddy, lounging in a chair.]
Rolf: "Oafish Ed-boy!" [He hurries over.] "Rolf requests the presence of your colossal feet, as it is time to squish the raspberries."
Ed: "I'll help if I give you a quarter, Rolfy boy."
Rolf: [scratching his head] "What?" [He grabs Ed.] "Your shenanigans try Rolf! Come, as the raspberries will spoil." [He runs off with Ed.]
Eddy: "Oh dear."
Edd: "Look at him go, Double D."
Eddy: "That leaves just I and you. Ed, now that they've left, let's make fun of Eddy behind his back."
Edd: "Like we always do?"
Eddy: "Ah hah! I knew it!"
Edd: "You're so gullible, Eddy. Or as Ed would say, 'Gravy!'" [He runs after Rolf.] "Haw haw haw!"
Eddy: "Wait for me. I'm slow and out of shape!"

[A chicken is pecking at the dirt. Suddenly, Rolf's shoe lands beside it.]
Rolf: "Hurry! as the raspberries beg to be squashed, Ed-boy."
Ed: "Let's sell the squash for cash. Chicken!" [hugging it] "Pet the chicken, pet the chicken–" [He sees Edd.] "The stupid bird stole my quarter. Flew away with it. Stupid."
Eddy: "Excuse me, Eddy. May I fuel inject? Chickens cannot fly, as they are mammals."
Edd: "I love chickens, Eddy."
[The Eds laugh heartily. Rolf, who is stomping the raspberries, glares at them.]
Rolf: "Ed-boy!"
Ed: [poking Edd] "Wake up, Monobrow."
Edd: "Oh right. Yes. Ahem." [turning around to face Rolf] "I am Ed."
Rolf: [hassled] "You are not Ed-boy! I must have the large Ed-boy here now. So please, Ed-boy, raspberries to squash! Thank you."
Eddy: "Rolf said thank you! Isn't it refurbishing to hear politeness?"
Ed: "Put a sock in it, sock in it. I got a plan." [He pulls Eddy's sock over him and walks behind Edd.] "Hey, burrhead. I will now inflict pain on you."
Edd: "What?"
[Ed swings Eddy, knocking Edd into the raspberry silo.]
Edd: "Buttered toast?"
Rolf: "No butter, raspberries! Squish the fruit, slowpoke Ed-boy. Rolf needs juice for his great thirst!"
Eddy: "Eddy, I too am thirsty. Quite partial, to be correct."
Edd: [calling from the muck] "Parched! The word you're looking for is parched!"
Ed: "Yeah right Lumpy! Parched is a fish!"
Eddy: "Intriguing."
Rolf: "You are not Ed!" [ranting] "You have cursed my raspberries to the life of salad dressing, impostor with tiny feet!"
[Suddenly, the berry juice begins to drain from its container.]
Ed: "You know what they say, Double D." [He shoves Eddy's mouth to an opened pipe on the side.] "If you're thirsty, take a drink." [Eddy chugs it down and swells up.] "Gee, Double D, you really let yourself go." [He jumps on Eddy, and Eddy spits the pipe out.] "Kids'll pay big money to ride a blimp. You're a genius, Double D."
Edd: [popping out of Eddy's sock] "You really think I'm a genius?"
Eddy: "Hey I'm Double D! I'm the genius!" [A red-tinted Rolf opens Eddy's mouth and climbs out.]
Ed: "I have caused discomfort 'cause I'm Eddy!"
[The Eds laugh.]
Rolf: "Rolf has never been so confused."

[Edd is walking in the lane.]
Edd: "Uh oh, a fence!" [He walks into it.] "Gravy."
Ed: "Aw, come on, Double D. I don't say gravy all the time."
Edd: "Buttered toast, then."
Eddy: "Toast is so crude, as the crust always gets stuck in my gap." [Edd shuts his mouth to hide the gap. Ed and Eddy laugh as Kevin and Nazz walk up.]
Kevin: "I don't even wanna know."
Eddy: "Greetings, Kevin. A pleasure to look at you. May I inspect your nostrils?"
Kevin: "Get lost, dork."
Eddy: "Intriguing. Your apelike qualities ensure your smartness. Let's examine your brain!"
[Eddy pulls out a telescope and extends it so it goes through Kevin's ears.]
Kevin: "Hey! That's it! You're meat, dork!" [He chases Eddy.]
Ed: "Eddy's good, huh Double D?"
Sarah: [calling] "Ed!"
Ed: "Sarah?" [He dives into a bush.]
Edd: "Sarah? Ed."
Sarah: [seeing Edd from the back] "Ed."
Edd: "Ed, Sarah."
Sarah: [grabbing Edd] "I've been looking for you. Mom said to clean your room!" [She drags him off.]
Edd: "Ed?!"
Ed: [popping out of the bush] "What a tree sap."
Jonny: "Hiya, Ed. Why ya dressed like Eddy?"
Ed: [in his normal voice] "It's a dare, Jonny." [as Eddy] "So buzz off, melonhead!"
Jonny: [laughing] "Been there, done that, Ed, oh, I mean Eddy! Ha ha! Oh."
Jonny: "Plank says he'll give you a quarter if you'll do a dare."
Ed: "Bring it on, I'll do anything for cash. 'Cause I'm short."

[Sarah kicks open the door to Ed's bedroom and throws Edd inside.]
Sarah: "I'll be back in five minutes!" [She starts to close the door, but stops.] "Cuz Mom said I could!"
[Sarah slams the door, leaving Edd in the grody hole known to us as Ed's basement.]
Edd: [stuck in a chair] "Deception certainly is excruciating."
[Edd looks down and spots a sandwich. The bread is all molded, and it is so old that mushrooms are popping out of the bread everywhere.]
[Edd wrenches himself free of the chair and stumbles backwards into the bathroom. He falls into the bathtub with a plop. When he sits up, he is covered in a strange brown glop–the same glop filling the tub.]
Edd: "What in heaven's name is this?" [He fishes in the muck.] "A ladle? Oh my. IT'S A TUB OF GRAVY!"

[Eddy bursts into Edd's house and slams the door on Kevin.]
Kevin: "Get outta Double D's house!" [Eddy runs upstairs, and Kevin opens the door.] "Get out here and take your lumps."
[Eddy finds his way into Edd's room and locks the door.]
Eddy: "Bingo."
Kevin: [pounding on the door] "Open this door!"
Eddy: "Sucker!"
Kevin: "That's it, I'm gonna count to three–"
Eddy: "Don't bust an artery, Einstein."
[Suddenly, an alarm begins to blare, and the room strobes with a red light. A recording of Edd's voice is heard.]
Recording: "You have invaded my personal space. Do not touch anything and leave via the designated exit."
[An Exit sign over the door is flashing. The lock on the door unlocks itself, and the door swings open to reveal a triumphant, viciously happy Kevin.]
Recording: "Watch your step on the way out and have a nice day!"
Kevin: [pounding his fist into his palm] "Oh, you can count on it." [He chuckles evilly.]
Eddy: [frightened, while mimicking Edd one last time] "Oh dear. Pain."

Jonny: [laughing] "Boy, Eddy. We can't tell that truth to anyone now, can we?" [Plank is dressed in Eddy's clothes. From the top of the board, three straws stick up.] "Right, Ed? Whoops! I mean, Plank!" [Ed is in his underwear, pretending to be Plank.] "What's that, Eddy? Woo, hoo! What a potty mouth!" [Jonny laughs.]

Season 2 Scripts
"Know it All Ed" • "Dear Ed" • "Knock Knock Who's Ed?" • "One + One = Ed" • "Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed" • "Ready, Set... Ed!" • "Hands Across Ed" • "Floss Your Ed" • "In Like Ed" • "Who Let the Ed In?" • "Home Cooked Eds" • "Rambling Ed" • "To Sir with Ed" • "Key to My Ed" • "Urban Ed" • "Stop, Look and Ed" • "Honor Thy Ed" • "Scrambled Ed" • "Rent-a-Ed" • "Shoo Ed" • "Ed in a Halfshell" • "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed" • "Hot Buttered Ed" • "High Heeled Ed" • "Fa-La-La-La-Ed" • "Cry Ed"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide