Ed, Edd n Eddy

[A sign is shown. It shows some kind of wheeled vehicle over the words "Candy Store". The kids are beside the sign, apparently waiting. We then cut to a vehicle. Edd is inside, while Ed is pulling it like a horse. Eddy is sitting on top, holding the reins.]
Eddy: "Whoa! WHOA!" [Ed stops by the sign.] "All aboard." [The kids board, dropping quarters into a can Edd holds out as they come on.]
Rolf: "Goodbye."
[Ed stands there panting until Eddy blows a horn in his ear.]
Eddy: "Next stop, the candy shop!" [He blows the horn again, and Ed takes off.] "Whoa! Ha!"
[Ed heads up an incline.]
Jonny: "Isn't riding the bus fun, Plank?"
[The bus crests the hill and starts going down.]
Eddy: [not sure about Ed's speed] "Easy there, big boy."
Ed: "Heads up, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Huh?" [He looks up to see low hanging branches, each of which hit him.] "Oh! Ow! Ow! Whoa!"
[Inside the bus, things are getting chaotic. The kids are having trouble keeping their balance. On the outside, the bus is going faster than Ed. This leads to Ed being pressed against the bus' front, unable to control its speed. The kids start to scream.]
Edd: "Ed, do you think you can slow down a bit?"
Ed: [shaking his head] "Uh, No." [He slips down and goes under the bus.]
Eddy: "Huh?" [He fumbles with the ropes and finds the empty bit.] "Not good." [He sees Ed stranded on the sidewalk a ways back.]
Jimmy: "Runaway bus!"
Eddy: "Waooh!"
Edd: "Eddy?"
Eddy: "Women and children first!" [He and Edd jump out of the bus and grab onto a tree branch, leaving the kids to their fate.]
Edd: "I'm afraid this constitutes a refund."
[The bus is heard crashing in the distance.]
Ed: [coming up to them] "Hey, what are you guys doing up there?"
Eddy: "Knitting sweaters, you maniac! What are you doing?"
Edd: "Look!" [A mail van goes by.] "The mail's here!" [getting a package out of his mailbox] "Oh boy! Mail!"
Ed: "Is it for me?"
Eddy: [grabbing the package] "It's for me!" [He tears open the paper.]
Edd: "But Eddy–"
Eddy: [looking at the book that was delivered] "A book?" [He tosses it away.]
Edd: "Hey!" [He grabs it.] "It's my new psychology manual!"
Eddy: "Why do you read that mumbo-jumbo stuff?"
Edd: "It covers the latest techniques in abnormal human behavior." [pointing to an inkblot] "Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind."
Eddy: "Money!"
Ed: "Book!"
Edd: [with a new one] "And this?"
Eddy: "Cash."
Ed: [after a long pause] "Buttered toast!"
Edd: [closing the book, to Ed] "Well, you're psychologically normal."
Eddy: "How is buttered toast normal? Let me see." [He grabs it and rifles through the pages.] "Where's the answers?" [A swirling, black and white wheel on a wooden stick falls out.] "What's this?"
Ed: "Buttered toast!"
Edd: "That is a hypnotizing wheel. Allow me to demonstrate." [He spins it in front of Ed, causing his eyes to swirl in black and white.] "Ed, listen to my voice. You will become what you've always dreamed of. One...two...three!" [He snaps his fingers.]
[Ed starts dancing. He does some ballet while the other two laugh. He then grabs Eddy and starts dancing with him. He throws Eddy in the air, and forgets to catch him when he comes down. He then picks up Eddy and does a tango.]
Eddy: "Stop him, Double D."
[Edd giggles until Eddy gets flung into him.]
Edd: [snapping his fingers] "Back to Ed, please!"
[Ed stops in the middle of his routine. He loses his balance, does the splits, and falls on his face.]
Ed: "Ow. My calves hurt."
Eddy: [picking up the wheel] "I've waited all my life for this opportunity."
Edd: "Oh, dear."
Eddy: "Let's go hypnotize more people!"
Edd: "But Eddy, I don't think that's such a good idea."
Eddy: "Have I ever steered you wrong?"
Edd: "Yes."
[Eddy runs off, and the other two Eds follow.]

[Kevin is riding his bike in circles in the lane. The Eds peek out from behind some bushes.]
Eddy: "Our first pigeon." [to Kevin] "Oh, Kevin!"
Kevin: "What?"
Eddy: "I just want you to look at something."
Kevin: "Other than looking at a dork?"
Eddy: [chuckling, he pulls out his wheel] "Look closely! Listen to the sound of my voice. [Kevin's eyes swirl in black and white] You will become what I've always wanted you to be." [He snaps his fingers.]
Kevin: [twitching as he undergoes a mental transformation] "Duh! Gah. Yowch! Gloing!" [Transformation complete, he is now clearly a monkey.]
Eddy: "Find the peanut, Kevin." [Kevin goes over to Ed. He then chomps down hard on Ed's forehead. Ed runs screaming with Kevin attached.]
Eddy: "Bingo."
[Edd scribbles some notes on a notepad.]

[Sarah and Jimmy are playing in a backyard.]
Jimmy: [tugging at something] "Look, Sarah!" [Sarah places a flower in the ground.] "Sarah, plant the daisies next to the rhododendrons." [Kevin leaps on Jimmy and bangs a cup on his head.]
Sarah: "Kevin, get off Jimmy's head!"
Eddy: "Kevin is a slave to my powers." [Eddy has attached the wheel to a turban and added a cape to his ensemble.]
Ed: "He is our pet monkey!"
Sarah: "Get him out of the garden, Ed." [She throws Kevin at Ed, and Ed puts up an arm to protect his face. Kevin climbs down and bites Ed on the butt.]
Ed: "OW! GET HIM OFF!" [He runs away.]
Sarah: "Beat it, Eddy!"
[Eddy spins the wheel. Sarah is transfixed as her eyes swirl in black and white, and when he snaps his fingers she twitches as she undergoes a mental transformation.]
Sarah: "Aah! Aah!" [She lands on the ground in the form of a frog.] "Ribbit." [Eddy laughs evilly.] "Ribbit."
Edd: "Intriguing."
Eddy: [to Jimmy] "So, Jimmy, what do you want to be?" [picking him up] "C'mon, Jimmy, how about a big muscleman!" [He spins the wheel. Jimmy's eyes swirl in black and white as he undergoes mental transformation. Eddy snaps his fingers.]
Jimmy: [suddenly strong] "Grr! Gimme something to bend!" [He tears the flowers apart.]
[Sarah, still a frog, reaches out and snags an insect with her tongue as Edd watches.]
Edd: [scribbling on his pad] "Hmm. Advanced hypno-morphing."
Ed: [still with Kevin on his buttocks] "EDDY EDDY EDDY EDDY EDDY!"
Eddy: "Yes, Ed?"
[He runs into Jimmy, knocking him down.]
Jimmy: "My pecs hurt." [Kevin combs through Jimmy's hair for bugs. Finding one, he smiles and holds it up. Before he can eat it, Sarah grabs it away with her tongue.]
Ed: [worried] "Eddy! If my mom sees Sarah eating bugs, I'll be in big trouble!" [Sarah grabs another insect.]
Eddy: [grumpy] "Everybody back to normal." [He snaps his fingers, and the transformations instantly revert. Sarah, particularly grossed out by the bug in her mouth, tries to wring her tongue of the taste.] "See ya, folks! I've got other fish to fry."
[The Eds leave as Sarah retches while Kevin and Jimmy stand confused.]

[Jonny is playing in the park with Plank.]
Jonny: [going down a slide] "Whee!" [he laughs] "Huh?"
Eddy: "Hello, Jonny."
Jonny: "Hello Eddy."
Eddy: "Enough small talk. It's hypnotizing time!" [He spins the wheel.]
Jonny: "I don't get it. What's Eddy doing, Plank? Plank? PLANK? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PLANK IS A MINDLESS ZOMBIE! NOOO!" [He runs off screaming.]
Ed: "Can I try? Can I try? Eddy? Just once?" [He grabs the turban.]
Eddy: "Alright, alright." [Ed grins and puts the turban on.]

[Rolf is seen scrubbing Victor clean.]
Ed: "Hiya, Rolf!"
Rolf: [waving] "Hello, fellows! Can I scrub you?"
Ed: "Do you like what you see?"
Rolf: [after a pause] "What?"
Ed: "Look into the circley thing."
Rolf: "You crazy?"
Ed: [to Eddy] "Uh it's not working!"
Eddy: "Spin it, bean dip!"
Ed: [spinning it] "Thanks, Eddy!" [He turns to Rolf. Rolf's eyes instantly swirl in black and white.] "When I snap my fingers, you will be a–uh–a giant man-eating noodle!" [He snaps his fingers.]
[Rolf twitches as he goes through the mental transformations. He then slowly bends, moving forward, and suddenly leaps at Eddy and winds around him. He then tries to pull Eddy underground.]
Ed: "No, wait! You are a big hairy bat!"
[Rolf explodes from under the ground. He makes batlike noises.]
Rolf: "Hmm? May-hee-hee-ha-ha! He-ha-ho!" [He grabs Eddy with his teeth.]
Eddy: "Hey! Hey! AAAH!" [Rolf can be seen actually flying.]
Ed: "Cool."
Ed: "Turn into a zombie!"
[Rolf drops Eddy and stops flying. When he gets up, he is a zombie.]
Eddy: "AAAAHH!"
Ed: "Rolf's good." [as Rolf picks up Eddy] "Okay. Maybe a scary fire-breathing lady–"
Eddy: "Enough! Make it stop!"
Ed: [let down] "Okay. Back to Rolf." [He snaps his fingers.]
Eddy: "Give me that!" [He takes the turban.] "Amateur."

[The kids are all playing in the middle of the cul-de-sac. Meanwhile, Eddy has rigged up a screen, in front of which he stands.]
Eddy: "Ready, Double D?"
Edd: [with a makeshift projector] "Yes, you may proceed." [He starts the projector.]
Eddy: "Hello, friends!" [The kids stop and stare.] "Behold, the great Eddydini! Ha ha!"
[He spins the wheel. The kids all start acting like zombies.]
Eddy: "This is great! I can never get tired of this." [He snaps his fingers, and the kids start acting like fish out of water.]
Edd: "Hmm."
Ed: [interrupting the broadcast] "HELLO!" [He pretends to be a monster.]
Eddy: "Ed! Make yourself useful." [He hands monkey Kevin off to Ed.]
Ed: "Here monkey!" [leading him to the kids] "Okay, do your stuff." [Kevin holds out his cup, and all the kids donate quarters.]
Edd: "The mind is amazing, eh Ed?"
Ed: "Oh, you are welcome." [Kevin pounds Edd's chest with his cup. Edd grumpily gives him a quarter.]
Lee: [offscreen] "Look at me, I'm a movie star!" [We now see that she's taken over Eddy's show.]
May: [pushing Lee out of the way] "I'm a TV star!"
Marie: [pushing May out of the way] "You've been canceled. I'm a TV star!"
[Ed, Edd, and Kevin scream.]
Lee: "I want to thank the academy."
Eddy: "Prepare to be mesmerated!" [He spins the wheel.]
Lee: "No way I'll be mesmerated. I eat my roughage!"
Eddy: "Oh, but you will! Just look into-!" [He stops, realizing her hair is in her eyes.] "Get your hair out of your eyes." [He tries to move it out of the way.]
Lee: "Don't touch my hair, squirt!"
[She throws him off, and his turban comes loose. She picks it up and looks at it.]
Lee: "What's this?"
Eddy: [indignant] "Give that back!"
[She spins the wheel, and the Kankers cackle evilly.]

[Lee is in the Kanker's trailer, painting her nails. Marie comes along and plops down next to her on the couch.]
Lee: "Watch it, Marie."
Marie: "Oh, shut your trap."
May: [with a drink in her hand] "Hey! I was sitting there!"
Marie: "Times change."
[A dog howls.]
The Kankers: "Huh?"
Marie: "Lee! Go tell those blasted dogs to keep it down."
Lee: "Alright, alright." [She opens the trailer door.] "WOULD YOU DOGS SHUT UP?!?!?"
[The dogs in question are the Eds. They are tied to a stake in the ground. Apparently the Kankers hypno-morphed them into dogs.]
Ed: "Woof! Woof!"
[Lee takes off her shoe and throws it at them. The Eds gather around it.]
Lee: "That's better. Keep it that way."
[She slams the door and goes inside. The Eds, meanwhile, go after the shoe and fight over it.]

Season 1 Scripts
"The Ed-Touchables" • "Nagged to Ed" • "Pop Goes the Ed" • "Over Your Ed" • "Sir Ed-a-Lot" • "A Pinch to Grow an Ed" • "Dawn of the Eds" • "Virt-Ed-Go" • "Read All About Ed" • "Quick Shot Ed" • "An Ed Too Many" • "Ed-n-Seek" • "Look Into My Eds" • "Tag Yer Ed" • "Fool on the Ed" • "A Boy and His Ed" • "It's Way Ed" • "Laugh Ed Laugh" • "A Glass of Warm Ed" • "Flea-Bitten Ed" • "Who, What, Where, Ed" • "Keeping up with the Eds" • "Eds-Aggerate" • "Oath to an Ed" • "Button Yer Ed" • "Avast Ye Eds"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide