Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Eddy is in a van made of cardboard going around the cul-de-sac. The van apparently sells cheap ice cream. The van suddenly stops.]
Eddy: "C'mon guys, it's gotta look real! Push it smooth!"
[We now see that an exhausted Ed and Edd are pushing it from the back.]
Edd: "Can we please–" [he pants] "–take a break?"
Eddy: "Just a couple more feet! We'll be rich! Onwards!"
[Ed and Edd push the truck to the center of the cul-de-sac.]
Eddy: "Perfect!" [He rings a bell.] "Ice cream! Big scoops!" [to Ed and Edd] "Start making the ice cream." [calling again] "Real cheap! Ice cream! Get your ice cream here!"
[Ed and Edd start making the ice cream. Edd rolls up a piece of paper into a cone and pours glue into it.]
Edd: "One scoop, please." [He hands the cone to Ed and begins work on another cone.]
Eddy: "Ice cream! Get your ice cream here!"
[Ed glues a baseball to the cone. He then dips the baseball into pink paint to make a strawberry ice cream cone replica.]
Eddy: "Big scoops! Real cheap! Ice cream"
Ed: [examining the final product] "Drink, mister?"
Edd: [handing him another cone] "One scoop, please."
Eddy: [getting impatient] "C'mon, c'mon." [He looks around and sees nobody.] "Ice cream! Big scoops! Hello? Ice cream!" [puzzled] "Where is everyone?"
Edd: "Maybe they're on to us."
Eddy: "Nah. This one's foolproof." [He pats the van, and it falls apart around him.] "I'll look around." [He walks off as Ed eats one of the fake ice creams.]
Edd: "What are you doing, Ed?"
Ed: "Get your own!" [They begin to fight over the ice cream.]
[His voice echoes around the neighborhood, and the camera shows that it is completely deserted.]
Eddy: "I don't get it."
Ed: "It is simple, Eddy." [He pauses to think of an explanation.] "The kids entered a wormhole and were spewed into an alternate universe!" [Edd and Eddy look at him cynically.] "Simple."
Eddy: [grabbing Ed's ice cream] "You're simple. Let's check the houses." [They walk off, but Ed doesn't follow.] "Ed." [Ed follows the other two.]

Eddy: [at someone's door] "We'll get to the bottom of this. Hmm?" [He rings the doorbell three times and waits. He then holds it down for a few rings and lets go.] "Someone's coming!"
[The door opens.]
The Eds: "Huh? Ewwwwww."
[At the door is a sickly Jimmy. His skin tone is paler than normal, and there are red spots all over him. He also has some strange liquid on his head.]
Jimmy: [delirious] "Hello, Mr. Postman. Are those eggs for me?" [He scratches himself furiously.]
Eddy: "Look at his face!"
Ed: "It's so gross!" [He moves toward Jimmy.] "Can I touch it?"
Edd: [blocking his way] "Ed! No!" [explaining] "He's got chicken pox. Touch him and you'll get it too."
Eddy: "Double D! Behind you!" [He points to Jimmy, who has crept up behind Edd. Eddy grabs a handy sign and uses it to prod Jimmy backwards.] "Back, chicken boy! Back! Back!" [He pushes Jimmy into the house and shuts the door.]
Ed: [looking at the sign] "Hey, look!"
Edd: "Oh, dear, a quarantine!"
Ed: "I've seen this before."
Eddy: "Where?"
Ed: [pointing] "There."
[All over the cul-de-sac are strewn Quarantine signs.]
Edd: "It must be an epidemic!"
Eddy: "So I-uh-guess we're the only ones not sick. Heh heh."
Edd: "So it seems, Eddy."
Eddy: "So what, we can still do something. C'mon, boys. Let's do something!" [He starts to run off, but Ed's next statement stops him in his tracks.]
Ed: "Like what?"
[The Eds contemplate this.]

[The Eds are still contemplating it a while later.]
Ed: "Oh, I got an idea!"

[The Eds are in the lane, playing "Kick the Can." At least, Edd and Ed are playing. Eddy seems to be rather uninterested.]
Edd: "Yeah!"
Ed: "Cool!"
Edd: [kicking it as Eddy attempts to play] "Ha ha!"
Eddy: "Hey, it was my turn!" [He stomps the can flat and kicks it away.] "Your turn."
Ed: "Is Eddy okay?" [Edd shrugs.]

Edd: [playing Cat's cradle] "Watch closely, Ed!" [Eddy paces angrily behind them. Edd finishes and spreads his arms to reveal an Eiffel Tower figure.]
Ed: "Cool. My turn!" [He plays with his string and initially gets nothing; however, on his second attempt, he manages to tie himself up. Ed and Edd laugh at his predicament.]
Eddy: [coming up to them] "You two...are BORING ME!" [to Ed, who is walking away] "Where you going, MONOBROW? Yeah, that's right. You have one eyebrow. And no chin!" [Ed looks at both.]
Edd: "Aw, come on, Eddy–"
Eddy: "And you! What's with the hat?" [trying to tear it off] "What are you hiding?" [He falls off of Edd onto the ground and lies there facedown.]
Ed: "Okay, okay. I know. Let's change a lightbulb!"
Eddy: [in agony] "BOORRINNGG! Your ideas are boring! Someone! Anyone! I need a sucker!"
Edd: "Boy, Eddy, face the facts! No kids..."
Eddy: "No scams."
Edd: [walking away with Ed] "Let's go change that lightbulb!" [Eddy just stays where he is.]
Eddy: "Hey! Wait guys! Wait! Watch!
Ed: "Aw come on, Eddy."
[Eddy takes his tongue and winds it in the form of a turban around his head.]
Ed: "Nah, Eddy, we've seen that before. Now you're boring us." [He and Edd walk away.]

[A quarantine sign is shown.]
Eddy: "Jonny!" [He sees a sign.] "Rolf!" [He looks at a yard full of signs.] "But-but-check this out!" [He tries to make fart noises with his armpits. Failing, he hammers on someone's door.] "C'mon, people!" [He runs to the middle of the cul-de-sac.] "Kevin!" [He knocks on another door.] "Sarah! Oh, no. I'm calling on Sarah."
[Eddy sinks to the ground. We are taken inside his head, where his brain starts to expand. It grows too big and explodes, popcorn flying out. Eddy's body then goes into spasms, and Eddy starts running around in circles, laughing like a maniac.]
Ed: [watching him] "Eddy's funny!" [Eddy runs past.]
Edd: "Oh, dear! This is serious, we must do something! Without kids to scam, he's gone crazy!" [Eddy dances like a loon.] "We have no choice, Ed. For Eddy's safety, we'll have to capture him!"
Ed: [not really understanding Edd] "Yeah."

Eddy: [peering into a mailbox] "I see you!" [He crawls in.] "Oh yeah." [The post holding the box up breaks, and the box falls over at Edd's feet.] "Hi, Plank!"
[We see Ed and Edd's faces. Ed is wearing a Jonny mask, and Edd is disguised as Plank.] "Hi, Jonny! I'd invite you in, but I just shampooed the rugs!" [Ed's mask falls off.]
Ed: "Oops."
Eddy: "Jonny. You dropped your face. I'll get you a new one!"
[Eddy runs off. Edd looks at Ed angrily, as Ed ruined the scheme.]

[Eddy is in the park, playing with three small paper cups. He shuffles them.]
Eddy: "Hey, find the nut, where's the nut, here's the nut! Round you go, where where, are you sure you wanna? Kay, here we go, can't see, don't know, okay, time's up, gotta go! C'mon, c'mon, pick pick, this one, this one, this one, thththththth?"
[Eddy is playing a shell game with a squirrel. The squirrel picks the center cup, and Eddy tosses it aside.]
Eddy: "Ooh, sorry, you lose." [He reveals that the nut was under the cup on the right. More squirrels come up to him.] "Who's next?"

[Eddy collects a bunch of nuts and walks off.]
Eddy: "Suckers!"
Edd: "Hey!"
Eddy: "Hmm?"
Edd: "Drop those nuts!"
[Eddy crams the nuts in his mouth and takes off for the woods. He swings away from them on vines, escaping easily.]

[Eddy is on the sidewalk, his mouth still full of nuts. He spies a fire hydrant and heads for it.]
Eddy: "Jawbreaker!"
[Eddy rips the hydrant out of the ground, puts it in his mouth, and sucks on it as though it really is a gobstopper. Ed approaches behind him, a plunger in his hand.]
Eddy: [slurping away] "This is good."
[Ed and Edd sneak up behind him.]
Edd: "Now, Ed!" [Ed raises the plunger and throws it.]
Ed: "Aah!" [The plunger lands on top of Eddy's head, knocking the nuts and the hydrant out of his mouth.]
Eddy: "Aah! Ambush!" [He runs away.]
Ed: "There he goes."
[Edd grabs onto one end of the string and is pulled along.]
Ed: "Double D!"
Edd: "WAAAAAAAAHH!" [He slams into a trashcan.]
Ed: "Wait! Wait! I want to ride, too."
Edd: "Eddy! Ach!" [He goes through a fence and some bushes. Eddy turns a corner, and Edd fishtails behind him.] "YOYAHHHH!" [He hits a pole and lets go of the string.]
Ed: "My turn, my turn!"
Eddy: [confused] "Who what where huh?"
Ed: [to Edd] "You have all the fun." [He picks Edd up off the ground. Edd raises his arm up, another idea already formed.]

[Eddy looks over a fence.]
Eddy: "Ham and eggs with buttered toast!" [He eats a fencepost before sighting a dollar lying on the ground.] "Huh? Sweetheart!"
[Eddy dives after it, but a string pulls it away.]
Eddy: "Baby, come back!"
[Eddy follows it. Edd can then be seen running, holding the rope to which it's attached.]
Eddy: "Stop teasing!" [Edd waves it in front of a shed.] "Lucy, I'm home!"
[Eddy dives on Edd, knocking him into the shed.]
Edd: "Ed! Close the door!"
[Ed closes the door from the outside. Realizing what he's done, he stops and opens it. He enters the shed.]

[Eddy is running around a padded cell built in the shed.]
Eddy: "You and me against the world, baby! YEAH!!!" [Edd locks the numerous locks put on the shed.]
Edd: [giving Ed a key] "Ed, hide this key discreetly."
Ed: "Okay."
Eddy: [to Edd] "Will you marry us?"
Edd: "I'm not registered for that!"
Eddy: "Then we'll elope!"
[Ed puts the key between two slices of bread and eats it as a sandwich. Eddy, meanwhile, looks at his money happily until Ed grabs his head and turns it to the right.]
Edd: "Surprise, Eddy. You're rich! Vuelah!" [There is a huge pile of money in a corner of the shed.]
Eddy: [leaping in] "Whoa! Cha-ching! Moolah. Money! Dinero. Cash!" [standing up, becoming saner] "We'll buy a truckload of jawbreakers!"
Ed: "Whaddya mean?"
Eddy: "Whaddya mean, whaddya mean? With all this glorious–" [He takes a closer look at the bills.] "What the–It's fake!" [Ed's face is on the money and no denomination is listed.]
Ed: "I drew it myself."
Eddy: "Huh?" [He groans in frustration.]
Ed: "Eddy's mad."
Edd: "Correct! He's back to normal!"
[Eddy screams, and then hears a noise.]
Eddy: "Kids."

[Outside, all the kids have recovered and are playing. Inside, Eddy runs to the door and tries to open it.]
Eddy: "C'mon boys, the chickens are ripe for the plucking." [He realizes the door is locked.] "Huh?" [He wrestles with it.] "Where's the key?"
Ed: "I ate it! Discreetly."

[Eddy is using Ed as a shovel, attempting to tunnel out from the shed.]
Ed: "Dig a hole. Dig a hole, dig a hole." [as Eddy puts him in the dirt again] "I am a good shovel, huh Eddy?"

Season 1 Scripts
"The Ed-Touchables" • "Nagged to Ed" • "Pop Goes the Ed" • "Over Your Ed" • "Sir Ed-a-Lot" • "A Pinch to Grow an Ed" • "Dawn of the Eds" • "Virt-Ed-Go" • "Read All About Ed" • "Quick Shot Ed" • "An Ed Too Many" • "Ed-n-Seek" • "Look Into My Eds" • "Tag Yer Ed" • "Fool on the Ed" • "A Boy and His Ed" • "It's Way Ed" • "Laugh Ed Laugh" • "A Glass of Warm Ed" • "Flea-Bitten Ed" • "Who, What, Where, Ed" • "Keeping up with the Eds" • "Eds-Aggerate" • "Oath to an Ed" • "Button Yer Ed" • "Avast Ye Eds"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide