Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Ed is bouncing high in the air, laughing with each jump.]
Eddy: "This idea's too good, even for me."
Edd: [struggling under the weight of a bag of gelatin] "A triumph, Eddy."
Ed: [bouncing on a diving board] "Belly flop!"
Eddy: "Slow down, Tarzan. We're not ready yet."
Edd: "This lime-flavored gelatin should replicate the look and feel of a real ocean." [He pours it into the water.]
Eddy: "I can't see, is it done yet?"
Ed: [in his underclothes] "Done what?"
Edd: "The directions state it takes fifteen minutes for the–"
Eddy: "Fifteen minutes? It's supposed to be instant gelatin. What a rip!"
[Eddy pushes Edd into the pool wall. The walls around the water shake.]
Eddy: "RUN!" [As he and Edd do so, the walls collapse, revealing a giant, square gelatin pool.]
Ed: "Jiggly."
Eddy: [returning] "I smell cash, boys. Every kid on the block will want to cool off in this stuff! Tell me, am I drooling?"
Ed: "Up periscope!" [He dives in and sinks close to the bottom. There he stays, held in place by the gelatin.]
Edd: "I must have overestimated the viscosity of the gelatin."
Eddy: "The greatest scam in the world! Gone."
Edd: "Eddy. Look."
[Ed sucks in all the gelatin. He then grins and lets the green goop stream out from the gaps between his teeth.]
Edd: "Well, I think I'll skip lunch today."
Eddy: "Let's take him home and hide him."

[Ed's room is decorated with banners and posters announcing a monster movie marathon.]
Eddy: [reading] "Marathon? Don't miss? All day movie? Ed, what's up with all these signs?"
Ed: "To remind me not to forget."
Eddy: "How to blink and talk at the same time?"
Ed: [shoving a TV guide at his friends] "No, the monster movie marathon."
Edd and Eddy: "Movie marathon?"
Ed: "Eight hours of horror cyclops movies!"
Edd and Eddy: "Cool!"
Eddy: "Count me in!" [He jumps into a chair Ed has just pushed forward.]
Ed: [leaping onto Eddy's lap] "Tell me a story, Eddy."
Eddy: "Get off me!"
Edd: "Room for one more?"
Eddy: "What are ya?"
Edd: [squeezing in] "Comfy?"
Eddy: "Okay, Ed. Snack me."
Ed: "Snack?"
Edd: "Certainly, Ed. After all, we are your guests. Which makes you, the host."
Eddy: "Yeah. C'mon, Snack Boy, fork 'em over."
Ed: "I am a host." [He rolls up his pant leg to reveal several small packages stuck to his leg.] "Snack for Double D?" [He plucks a hair-covered package off and offers it.]
Edd: "Stop wait I couldn't. Not before Eddy."
Ed: [moving the snack to Eddy] "Snack for my guest."
Eddy: "It's hairy, Ed."
Ed: "Oh, I will get you another one, Mr. Eddy."
Eddy: [backing away] "Oh, um, let me just check the kitchen."
Edd: [following] "Don't you leave me here."
Ed: "I got this one for Christmas."

[A bunch of crayon drawings lie on a table in a kitchen.]
Jimmy: [holding one up] "Look, Sarah! French Post-Modern Impressionistic!"
Sarah: "Looks like a gerbil, Jimmy!" [In the background, the Eds head for the fridge.]
Eddy: "Monster movies need a monster snack. Where's the mayo, Ed? Look out, Mr. Comfy."
[Ed plunges his eyes into a donut to make himself look like a cyclops.]
Ed: "Monster sandwich!"
Eddy: "Now if we only had–"
Edd: "Ooh, garbanzo paste!"
Eddy: "Uh, you're kidding, right?"
Sarah: "Ed! Get out of my kitchen!"
Eddy: "Ooh. Artists."
Sarah: "I have a guest!" [She kicks a chair at the fridge door, knocking it closed and trapping Edd and Eddy inside the fridge.] "So get lost!"
Ed: "But Sarah, I am a host!"
Eddy: [opening the door] "We're not going anywh–" [Edd falls on top of him.]
Sarah: "You're leaving right now!"
Ed: "Please, Eddy, before she–"
Eddy: "Before she what? Did you forget about the movie? What's Toulouse gonna do, anyway? Fingerpaint me to death?" [He laughs.]
Edd: "Eddy, need I remind you of Sarah's instability and lack of rational thought!"
[Sarah, face red, leaps at them with a growl.]
Sarah: "RRRAH!"

[Ed is pushed out the door. Edd and Eddy are stuffed in his mouth, and he is sitting on a skateboard. The board hits a rock, and Ed falls over.]
Eddy: [climbing out] "Wait'll I get my hands on that shrimp!"
[Sarah slams the door shut and locks it.]
Eddy: "Unlock this door, Sarah!"
[Sarah knocks on the window to attract his attention and then makes faces at him. Jimmy attempts it, but his retainer prevents him; when he tries again, he ends up rebounding and falls to the floor. Sarah then draws the curtains.]
Eddy: "Why you little–Ed, your sister locked us out."
Ed: "I must see movie movie good for Ed!"
[Ed zooms off. Before he can reach his window, Sarah locks it, effectively keeping them from getting in.]
Ed: "I gotta see the movie, Eddy!" [Sarah and Jimmy are in his chair.]
Eddy: "I've had it! Those twerps will regret the day they messed with this brainpower." [He taps his forehead.]
Edd: "I believe we'll all be sorry for that, Eddy."

[Sarah is using a glass to listen through the door. Outside, a wagon is being wheeled to the house. We then see that the Ed's are in an enclosed space, presumably on the wagon.]
Ed: "Eddy, I think my leg's asleep."
Eddy: "Your head's asleep, Ed."
[Atop the wagon is a giant doll made of cardboard. Inside, Sarah is balancing Jimmy on her shoulders so that Jimmy can look out a window in the door.]
Sarah: "Can you see those idiots, Jimmy?"
Jimmy: [looking at the doll] "Sarah! Santa's come early!"
[The door is unlocked.]
Jimmy: "It's so life-sized!" [He spots a string.] "A talking dolly!" [He pulls the string.]
Eddy: [whispering] "Say something, stupid!"
Ed: "My head is snoring, make it stop."
Jimmy: "AAAH! Sarah! Boogeyman!" [He clutches Sarah.]
Sarah: "Now now, Jimmy. We'll have lots of fun with our new dolly." [She starts to wheel it away.]
Eddy: "What saps! What suckers!"
Edd: "Please move your foot, Eddy."
[The doll moves in the front door, through the house, and out the back door. Sarah then pushes it somewhere and leaves it.]
Eddy: "We're in! Movie, Ed."
Ed: [kicking the head off] "TV for me!"
Eddy: "What's up, kiwihead?"
[The wagon is balanced on top of a lamppost.]
Ed: "My parents moved the house, Eddy."
Eddy: "What the–"
[The wagon tilts and falls off. The Eds lie among the wreckage.]
Edd: "We could just go to our house, Eddy."
Eddy: "What, and ruin the plot?"
Ed: "I want movie now."

[A banging is heard on a door. Kevin answers.]
Kevin: "We got a doorbell, you know."
Eddy: [frantic] "Kev, am I glad you're home! Um, you passed First Aid, right? Good! It's Ed. It's bad, Kev. There's not much time."
Kevin: "What's bad, Dorkenstein?" [He looks up.] "My yard!"
[Kevin's yard has indeed been destroyed. There is a huge ditch running through the middle strewn with a broken tree and numerous household implements. At the end of the ditch is a makeshift plane.]
Kevin: "What'd you twerps do to my yard?"
Edd: [doing a poor job of acting] "Oh, the tragedy! Ed, my friend, speak to me!"
Eddy: "Ed was flying! Skywriting! When he ran out! Of. Syllables!"
Ed: [being dragged from the wreckage by Edd] "Ow! My liver. Ow! My lasagna."
Edd: "Ed, lasagna isn't a major organ."
Ed: [confused] "It isn't?"
Eddy: "He flew in reverse! To erase a spelling mistake. Then crash! In yard. It was hideous. If only he had landed on his head."
Ed: [being dragged by Edd] "Ow! My fingernails. Ow! My skin. Ow! Hi Kevin."
Eddy: "Look at his legs!"
Ed: "Pain and hurt!"
Eddy: "They're boneless! We better take him to your TV room. To heal."
Kevin: [not buying it] "Get off my lawn."
Ed: "Ouch! Scratch pain."
Eddy: "Nice job, Brando."
Ed: "Monster movie, Eddy!"

[A doorbell rings at another house. Rolf comes to answer it.]
Rolf: "Good day?"
Eddy: "Hi Rolf. Come in? Watch TV? Sure, but we can't stay long. Now where's that T–"
Rolf: [grabbing Eddy's earlobe] "You have no permission to enter Rolf's house!"
Edd: "My, what interesting antiquities, Rolf." [He scans the furniture, which is all wrapped in plastic.] "Old World Colonial? That's an interesting piece." [He is pointing to a sculpture of a sheep inside a jar.]
Rolf: "Ah, yes. Come, sit. Let Rolf tell you of the Great Nano urn. A brave and proud shepherd he was. Look, my Great Nano's ashes still protect the land!" [He shakes the urn, and ashes fall, as though the urn is a snow globe.]
Eddy: [sitting down] "Why's there plastic on this chair, Rolf? To keep it fresh or something?" [Eddy slides off the chair.]
Rolf: [annoyed] "Sit down, Ed-boy!"
Edd: [on a stool] "Your great-grandfather sounds like a great man, Rolf."
Rolf: "As I was the first-born male of the family, it was placed upon me to carry the Great Nano cross the sea to this new land. It was a difficult journey for Rolf." [seeing Ed not sitting down] "Birdbrain Ed-boy, sit down! My patience is thin, and your head is fat!"
[Ed spots a television cabinet across the room.]
Ed: "TV, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Bingo."
Rolf: [acting out his story] "Under the cover of darkness, we traveled across the sea in canoes made from our leather shoes, yes?"
Eddy: "Monster movie, Ed?" [He and Ed bounce their chairs towards the television.]
Rolf: [still telling his tale] "A giant sea cucumber arose from the depths with one eye blinking and blinking, looking at Rolf like a sandwich!" [He notices Ed and Eddy.] "Am I boring you?"
Eddy: "Nah, we gotta go to the bathroom."
Edd: "We? Together at once?"

[Rolf holds the door open for the Eds.]
Rolf: "The sea cucumber gurgled loudly like my father after eating cabbage!"
Edd: "Yes, yes, one moment!" [He shuts the door. To his friends] "There's no telling what I'll do if I hear any more of that story!"
Eddy: "There's gotta be another way to that TV. There! Look." [He points straight up at an open vent.]
Edd: "A bathroom vent? Do you know what kind of bacteria adhere to–" [Ed picks him up.] "Wait!"
Ed: "TV, Double D." [He stuffs Edd into the vent.]
Eddy: [crawling through the vents] "This way, hurry!"
Rolf: [talking to the bathroom door] "We had to devour the cucumber!"
Edd: "Eddy, I am stuck!"
Eddy: "Me too! Ed, give us a push."
[Ed pushes his friends out a vent that lies right in front of the TV.]
Ed: "TV! Movie! Is it on?"
Eddy: "Outta my way!" [He hauls the cabinet doors open.]
The Eds: "Cyclops!"
[Eddy opens the doors to reveal a TV with an incredibly small screen, maybe an inch diagonally. The rest of the machine is ancient, including a four-way channel selector and a gigantic power switch.]
Eddy: [squinting] "What is this? I can't see it. Is that a TV?"
Ed: "Who's there?"
Edd: "Rolf's television seems dated. I'm sure this activates it." [He pulls the switch.]
Ed: [holding up a jellybean] "Snack, Eddy?"
[Suddenly, the floor begins to shake. The cabinet moves away from the wall. Suddenly, the tiny screen lights up with static.]
Ed: "Where's the movie?"
Eddy: "Relax, will ya? It's just the wrong channel." [He fiddles with the tuner.]
Ed: "Oh! That's it."
Eddy: "This? This is the–"
Ed: [pushing Eddy out of the way] "This is where the cyclops blinks his victims to death."
Eddy: "It's not even in color! I still ache from digging up Kevin's yard."
Edd: "Even from this distance, the production values look remarkably cheap."
Eddy: [leaving] "C'mon, let's get more gelatin."
Edd: "Coming, Ed?" [Ed shushes him.]
Eddy: "C'mon, Ed, this movie stinks."
Ed: "Movie good for Ed!"
Eddy: "Lighten up, Lumpy, I just–"
Ed: "Shut up! Sit down!"
[Edd and Eddy take seats on stools. Ed turns back to his movie happily. Rolf appears.]
Rolf: "Ho ho! There you are, snake-in-the-grass Ed-boys."
Ed: "Shh!"
Rolf: [joining Ed at the TV] "That creature reminds me of my one-eyed Great Nana. She was such a sweet woman. Always bumping into things!"
[Ed sets Rolf on a stool.]
Ed: "No more talking."
Rolf: [to Edd] "How long must we sit?"
Edd: [looking a little sick] "It's an eight-hour marathon."
Eddy: "Good thing we already went to the bathroom."
Ed: "I SAID QUIET!" [He returns to the movie.] "SNACKS!"

Season 2 Scripts
"Know it All Ed" • "Dear Ed" • "Knock Knock Who's Ed?" • "One + One = Ed" • "Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed" • "Ready, Set... Ed!" • "Hands Across Ed" • "Floss Your Ed" • "In Like Ed" • "Who Let the Ed In?" • "Home Cooked Eds" • "Rambling Ed" • "To Sir with Ed" • "Key to My Ed" • "Urban Ed" • "Stop, Look and Ed" • "Honor Thy Ed" • "Scrambled Ed" • "Rent-a-Ed" • "Shoo Ed" • "Ed in a Halfshell" • "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed" • "Hot Buttered Ed" • "High Heeled Ed" • "Fa-La-La-La-Ed" • "Cry Ed"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide