Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Ed is in his basement reading a comic book labeled "Evil Tim", and looks up.]
Ed: "The curse of Evil Tim!"
[Ed continues to read the comic, absorbed. Eddy looks in from the window. Outside, the kids are congregated.]
Jonny: "I can't wait either, Plank!"
Eddy: [excited] "Places, people! The show's about to start!"
Kevin: "This better not bite, dork."
[Eddy rushes over to Edd, who is wearing a bush.]
Eddy: "Everybody's waiting, Double D!"
Edd: "Eddy, I'm having second thoughts. Ed is sure to catch on to this charade."
Eddy: "Stick to the script." [He kicks Edd to his position, then runs over to Ed's window and proceeds to bang on it.] "HELP! ED, SAVE US! HELP ED!"
Ed: "Evil Tim's got Eddy!"
Eddy: "Up here, blockhead."
Ed: "Eddy!" [He slams his face against the window and holds up the book.] "I got a new comic."
Eddy: "So what? We're being attacked." [He drags Ed out and shows him to the kids.] "Stop panicking, folks! Everything's gonna be okay, 'cause Ed's here to save our lives!"
Ed: "Yep. It's me, alright."
Eddy: "It's been terrorizing the cul-de-sac all morning! Oh, look! There it is!"
[An ominous black shape rises up in the distance. Ed looks through his comic.]
Ed: "It is the curse of Evil Tim!"
Kevin: "What a rube." [He, Jonny, and Rolf laugh.]
Rolf: "Greenhorn Ed-boy has fallen harder than Nano's arches, yes? No?" [Eddy clamps their mouths shut.]
Eddy: "Ssh!"
Ed: "It has come to dissect our internal organs, and feed them to the minions of Hades!"
Jimmy: "Jeepers, Sarah. Ed's scaring the Mr. BoJangles out of me."
Eddy: "Don't worry, Jimmy. You're in good hands." [He taps Jimmy on the head, pushing Jimmy's trike forward at the monster, causing Sarah to punch him.]
Jimmy: "Runaway trike!"
Eddy: [Now sporting a black eye from Sarah's punch] "Look at that, Ed! Evil Tim is sucking Jimmy in!"
[Jimmy hurtles down the lawn, wailing. Ed follows, clutching a ginormous tree.]
Edd: [as the monster, but peaks his head out] "LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT NORTHERN DUTCH ELM! Oh dear. Oh dear. I can't seem to coordinate my–"
[Edd tries to move out of the way, but the costume makes rapid movement impossible. Ed smashes the tree down on top of Edd and Jimmy.]
Ed: "The curse has passed! You are safe."
Jonny: "Holy moley!" [Kevin falls off his head.]
Rolf: "Rolf is amused."
Nazz: "So where's Jimmy, dude?" [Sarah realizes the gravity of the situation.]
Ed: "Jimmy?"
Eddy: [tearing up] "You gotta love him." [Ed roots underneath the tree until he finds and pulls out Jimmy.]
Jimmy: "Some things are best left unsaid." [The kids giggle.]
Kevin: "Choice!"
[Ed gives Jimmy mouth-to-mouth, blowing in and inflating Jimmy only to have him deflate each time. As he does this, Kevin and Eddy burst into laughter as everyone looks on.]
Ed: [when Jimmy is back to normal] "ARE YOU WITH US, JIMMY?"
Jimmy: "Help!" [Sarah yanks him away.]
Sarah: "Stop it!"
Jimmy: "I got prune lips, Sarah!"
Sarah: "Ed, you slobber-mouthed baboon!" [She carries Jimmy away.]
Kevin: "That was so awesome, huh Rolf?"
Eddy: "Gee, thanks Kev."
Kevin: "Oops. What I meant to say was it was awesome–for a one-year-old!" [He and Rolf laugh and walk off-screen.] "Dork."
Edd: [crawling out from under the tree] "Oh...is this what we've been reduced to?!? Humiliating each other?!?"
Ed: [pulling Edd up] "Double D! Not you too!" [He attempts to give Edd his particular brand of first aid.]
Ed: "I feel funny."
Eddy: "Funny? You're a laugh and a half, Ed!" [Ed reaches down and pulls out a clump of dirt.]
Ed: "Boing! It's a light bulb. Boing!"
Eddy: "Okay. I'm stumped."
Edd: "I believe Ed has an idea."
Ed: "Boing! For a scam."
Eddy: [laughing] "Stick to counting your teeth, Ed. I come up with the scams around here."
Ed: "But Eddy, boing!"
Eddy: "What do you know about scams?" [He wrenches the dirt away and gets hit in the face.] "Forget it!"
[Ed sits down and starts to cry.]
Edd: "There, there Ed."
Eddy: "What's he blubbering about?"
Ed: [weeping] "Boing, Eddy!"
Edd: "First you make him the brunt of your joke, now you deny him freedom of concept! He may have thought of something truly unique."
Ed: [sobbing] "It's a good one, Eddy!"
Eddy: "ALL RIGHT ALREADY! Let's do your stupid scam, Ed."
Ed: [joyous] "I am the man! My scam my scam my scam. My scam!" [to Edd] "I learned that trick from Sarah." [to his friends] "Okay. First we need-um–" [he looks at Evil Tim] "A bunch of rocks!"
Edd: "Rocks?"
Eddy: "This is on your head."
[Eddy leaves. Edd thumbs his nose at Eddy's receding back and follows.]

[Ed is painting, splashing red paint everywhere. Ed finishes and comes up for air.]
Ed: "I marked the spot with an X, Double D. Let's move 'em out!"
[Edd looks from the pile of large rocks to Ed.]
Edd: "Ed, these rocks are quite large in mass and will require significant force in order to...transport..." [He trails off.]
Ed: "Right over on the X, Double D!" [He rushes over to a porta-potty.] "Ready or not, here I come!"
Eddy: "Go away!" [Ed lifts the top off to reveal Eddy, shirtless with a red hat on his head and with his face painted like a skull and his torso purple. A pentagram hangs on his chest.] "Why am I dressed this way, Ed?"
Ed: "It's all a part of the big plan."
Eddy: "Yeah, right."
Ed: "Now, paint this like an Aztec temple." [He drops a portable cement mixer on Eddy and runs off.] "My scam, my scam, my scam."

[Edd is struggling with a rock. He carries it to the spot Ed indicated only to find a Q. He turns to Ed shoving a shovel up his sleeve.]
Edd: "Q? Ed, where's the X?"
Ed: [heaving a long-suffering sigh] "A, B, C, D, L M N O G. Don't you know your alphabet, Double D?"
Edd: "But I don't understand! You said X marks the spot! All I see is a–"
Ed: "Boing! Lunchbreak!"

[Edd and Eddy are seated at a table. Ed opens a toolbox and hands them each sandwiches. Ed and Eddy begin to eat.]
Edd: "Well, Ed, this is very nice. Thank you."
[Ed swallows his first bite and slaps the table away. He then knocks his friends' sandwiches to the ground.]
Ed: "Back to work!" [He hands Edd another rock.] "Right on the X." [Ed sends Edd on his way and gallops over to Eddy.] "C'mon, Eddy! We have to find rotten spaghetti noodles!"
Eddy: "How stupid can you–" [Ed grabs Eddy in his teeth.] "Hey!" [Ed carries him away.]
Edd: [staggering around] "Ed, wait! I can't find an X!"
[All around the construction site, one letter is drawn in red: Q.]

[Kevin is in the lane with the other kids.]
Kevin: "Let go of my ball, Jonny!"
Jonny: [a football stuck in his mouth] "Mmph mmph mmph!"
Kevin: "If your tooth pokes a hole in it, I'll let all the air out of your head!" [Jimmy runs up.]
Jimmy: "Hey, guys!"
Rolf: "Hello."
Jimmy: "Look! Sarah got me a new teddy! Introducing..." [Sarah holds up a stuffed rabbit] "Mr. Yum Yum! Isn't it adorable?"
Kevin: "Better keep it away from Jonny, or he'll eat it."
Jimmy: "He wouldn't dare! Mr. Yum Yum hates saliva. I love you, Mr. Yum Yum." [He hugs the bunny.]
Kevin: "I think I'm gonna hurl."
Rolf: [sentimental] "Jimmy's foolish affection for a stuffed hand cloth touches Rolf, as I too have a childhood companion. Meet my clam, Bobo." [He pulls out a gigantic clam from under his shirt.] "To this day Rolf seeks comfort from Bobo when he is frightened. Hello, Bobo." [He hugs the clam.]
Kevin: "Is that a giant clam?"
[A piece of fence walks up the lane. It is put down, and Ed peers over it. Eddy wanders up grumpily.]
Ed: "Our suckers await unsuspectingly."
Eddy: [suddenly interested] "Suckers? I thought we'd never get to this part! So how do we fleece em, Ed?"
Ed: [nervous] "We need Double D for this part!"
[Ed gallops away. He comes back pushing Edd forward. Edd is dressed in a parka.]
Edd: "There wasn't an X to be found, Ed." [Ed jams a fishbowl over Edd's head.]
Ed: "Okay. Now, Double D, it is very important that you give Eddy these pancakes. Yum."
Edd: "Very well, Ed. Here, Eddy." [He gives Eddy the pancakes.]
Eddy: "Pancakes give me gas."
Edd: "Now what?"
Ed: "X marks the spot, Double D! Off you go!"
Edd: "There is no X, Ed!"
Ed: [hushed] "Wait for my signal, Eddy."
[Ed walks over to the kids, his back horizontal. On his chest he carries a teapot.]
Sarah: "ED! Is that Mom's teapot?"
Ed: [standing up causing the pot to fall and shatter.] "Maybe."
Sarah: [flatly] "Ed, you're scaring me."
[Suddenly, Ed grabs Mr. Yum Yum and runs away.]
Jimmy: "Mr. Yum Yum!"
Sarah: "Get back here!"
Ed: [running past Eddy] "Now, Eddy, now!"
Eddy: "Now what?" [He turns around to see the angry kids converging on him.]
Jonny: "Are you gonna finish those, Eddy?"
Kevin: [threatening] "Where's Mr. Yum Yum?"
Eddy: "Mr. Yum Yum? Who, Ed?" [Sarah pushes the kids out of her way.] "Pancake?" [Sarah leaps on him and begins the thrashing.] "HELP ME!"

[Ed drops the rabbit into the middle of a Q. Edd is next to it, struggling with a rock.]
Ed: "Nice job, Double D. It looks just like a Q."
Edd: [confused] "Excuse me? Ed, I think somewhere along the line you lost your train of thought. Your plan is irrational, muddled, and inconsequential."
[Ed takes out a dog treat and begins to eat it.]
Edd: "Is that a doggie treat?"
Ed: "What's the rock for, Double D?"
[Edd stands there stunned. The rock slips from his grasp and falls onto his foot. He breaks the silence.]
Edd: "MY FOOT!"
Eddy: [with the pentagram trashed and the hat off his head.] MY HEAD!" [He stumbles between Ed and Edd.]
Ed: "You're late, Eddy!"
Eddy: [strangling Ed] "Why'd you take the rabbit? GIVE BACK JIMMY'S MR. YUM YUM!!!"
Edd: "Mr. Yum Yum?"
Eddy: [to Edd] "You know I'm gonna get you for this."
Sarah: "HEY!"
[The kids have arrived, blood boiling and ready for vengeance, seeking to reclaim the stuffed hand cloth.]
Sarah: "Give Jimmy back his bunny!"
Jimmy: "I'm but a mere shell of a man without my Mr. Yum Yum."
Jonny: "Let's tickle em till they wet their pants!"
Edd: [shaking from nervousness] "Well, let's not jump to anything rash. It's a simple breakdown in communication."
Ed: "Fools!"
[Ed is situated atop a mound of dirt. The kids and the Eds are in front of him, able to do nothing but watch.]
Ed: "Evil Tim has beckoned you all, for you all will pay with your brains!"
Eddy: "Brains? What are we gonna do with brains?" [Edd smirks at Eddy.]
[Ed bites into Mr. Yum Yum's belly.]
Jimmy: "Mr. Yum Yum!"
[The fuzz drifts down to Edd and Eddy.]
Eddy: "What the heck's he doing?"
Edd: "Embarrassing me to no end."
Rolf: [scared] "Ed-boy has bitten the belly of a stuffed hand cloth!" [He pulls out his clam.] "Quickly! We must seek encouragement in the bosom of Bobo!"
Nazz: "If you think I'm getting in that thing–"
[Rolf grabs Nazz and shoves her into the clam. The rest of the kids are pushed in. Various body parts end up sticking out of the clam, most notably Rolf's legs.]
Jonny: "Listen to it gurgle, Plank!"
[Rolf stands up and runs off.]
Edd: "Was that a giant clam?"
Eddy: "Nice scam! They took off! So where's the cash?"
Ed: "Cash?"
Eddy: "AAAH!" [to Edd] "It's your fault. WHY DO YOU ENCOURAGE HIM?!"
Ed: [after sliding down the mound of dirt.] "Aw, shucks, sorry guys. My curse didn't work. But I did everything it said in the comic book."
Edd: "Ed, curses are nothing more than myth and superstition, based only on one's own personal fears."
[A crow flutters down and lands on his head. Three more land by the Eds.]
Edd: "Strange. The crow's migration pattern is nowhere near this location."
[More black birds flutter down near the Eds. The camera pans to show more and more coming towards the construction site, landing on the bare bones of houses and various trees.]
Edd: "It's as though they were summoned to gather here."
[The crows are now in even rows, placed at specific distances from one another. Despite this, more crows are coming in and fluttering to the gathering.]
Edd: "But why?"
Eddy: "Man, I hate birds."
[The demonic black birds continue to fly in. One particularly scary shot finds them staring straight at the camera.]
Ed: "Evil Tim has beckoned them!"
Edd & Eddy: ED!!!!!!
[The sound of cawing fills the world, drowning out everything else.]

Season 3 Scripts
"Wish You Were Ed" • "Momma's Little Ed" • "Once Upon an Ed" • "For Your Ed Only" • "It Came From Outer Ed" • "3 Squares and an Ed" • "Dueling Eds" • "Dim Lit Ed" • "Will Work for Ed" • "Ed, Ed and Away" • "X Marks the Ed" • "From Here to Ed" • "Boys Will Be Eds" • "Ed or Tails" • "Gimme, Gimme Never Ed" • "My Fair Ed" • "Rock-a-Bye Ed" • "O-Ed Eleven" • "The Luck of the Ed" • "Ed... Pass it On..." • "Brother, Can You Spare an Ed?" • "The Day the Ed Stood Still" • "If It Smells Like an Ed" • "Don't Rain on My Ed" • "Once Bitten, Twice Ed"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide