Hot Buttered Ed/Script

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Script

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[The Eds are in a tent in a backyard at night.]
Eddy: "Ed! Quit hoggin' 'em, Ed!"
Ed: "Say pretty please, Eddy!"
Eddy: "In your dreams."
Ed: "Say 'pretty please with two eggs and a slice of bacon.'"
Eddy: "Gimme the chips!"
Edd: "Do you mind? I'm trying to read!"
Eddy: "Wait for the movie, Double D. C'mon, Ed, I'm starving!" [The bag rips, and chips fall all over the place.]
Edd: [as the chips fall] "Oh, look at this now! Dried potatoes, that may contain dextrose salt and saturated fats all over my sleeping bag!"
Eddy: [snickering] "Double D made a mess in his sleeping bag, Ed!"
Ed: [He laughs, then stops.] "Hey, let's bake a pie and hit me with it!" [Eddy shines the flashlight at him.]
Eddy: "Doctor, I think we need to operate." [He snickers.]
Edd: [giggling] "Oh, I concur, Doctor Eddy."
Eddy: "Hold still, Lumpy!" [His fingers pinch Ed's shadow.] "Boink! Boink!"
Ed: "I feel it, Eddy! Like voodoo."
Eddy: "Boink!" [He and Edd laugh.]  
Edd: "May I try?"
Eddy: "Sure, why not."
Edd: [making a shadow puppet] "Did you know shadow puppetry is one of the oldest forms of entertainment?" [He has made a dinosaur skeleton.]
Ed: "Like walnuts?" [manipulating his fingers] "Can you guess what it is?" [He holds up his hand.]
Eddy: "Hmm. Gee, Ed. Is it a–hand?"
Ed: "Oh! Oh oh, wait wait. Um..." [His hand is the shadow on the tent.] "I think it's broken, guys."
Eddy: "What a lump!"
Edd: "Well, at least he's consistent." [He and Eddy share a laugh.]
Jimmy: "Excuse me!" [He is calling from his bedroom window.] "Do you mind holding it down out there? Some of us are trying to sleep!" [Eddy develops a mischievous smirk.]
Edd: "Shh! We're disturbing our neighbors, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Oh, are we?" [He makes armpit noises with his armpits, and he and Ed laugh.]
Edd: "Eddy, please!"
Jimmy: "Savages." [He slams his window and goes back to bed.]
Edd: [still coaxing] "Eddy! Shh!"
[Ed and Eddy still make armpit noises throughout the night]

---

[It is morning, and the Eds are fast asleep. Eddy wakes up for a few seconds, notices Ed's foot in front of him and rolls over. He then goes back to sleep for a few seconds more. He then sits up, unzips the tent, and looks outside.]
Eddy: "Wake up! We slept in!"
Edd: "Slept in? Oh dear! I've never slept in! I've blemished my personal resume!"
Eddy: [shakes a still snoozing Ed] "Ed, wake up! We gotta get to the creek or we'll lose our spot at the swimming hole!"
Ed: [sitting up] "Oh, no, spot is lost! Say it ain't so, Eddy!" [He runs off with the tent. Edd is rolling up his sleeping bag.]
Eddy: "Ed, this way! Hurry up, Sockhead." [He runs in the opposite direction.]
Edd: "But I haven't brushed my teeth or had my crumpet or–" [Ed runs into him, tentclad.]
Ed: "Here, Spot! Come on, boy!"

---

[Eddy, hustling, strips off his shirt. Edd follows, changing out of his pjs as he runs.]
Edd: "Ed, you're not listening! The spot by the creek!"
Ed: "Spot's by the creek, Eddy!"

---

[The Eds rush down to the creek, where the kids are playing.]
Eddy: "Tell me something I don't know, Ed."
Nazz: [as the Eds run by] "Hi, Eddy. Hi, Double D."
Ed: "Hello, Ed."
Eddy: [sighting the spot] "I see it! I see it! And it's all ours! Oh, baby!"
[Eddy dives for it. Kevin, carrying a towel, gets in the way and elbows Eddy into the water. He then spreads out his towel in the spot Eddy had picked for himself.]
Kevin: "Didn't see you there, pal."
Eddy: [grabbing Kevin's leg] "That's our spot!"
Kevin: "I don't see your name on it, dork." [He kicks Eddy off.]
Ed: "I got him, Double D, I got him!" [He catches Eddy.]
Edd: "The swimming area's large enough to accommodate us all, Eddy. Let me find you a better spot."
Eddy: [grousing] "Kevin stole the better spot!"
Ed: "I got him, Double D, I got him!" [He runs off.]
Eddy: "Ed!"

---

[Sarah and Jimmy are playing in the sand. Nazz walks to the water's edge and dips a toe in.]
Rolf: [popping out on a beach ball] "Bada boom! Ha ha ha ha! Do not ask Rolf to stop!"
Eddy: [in a rocky, undesirable area] "Nice spot, Double D. Is there something on my back?"
[On Eddy's back are wedged many rocks, a stick, and a soda can.]
Edd: "This isn't oh so bad, Eddy. Let's stay all day. Oooch."
Ed: "Oink, oink, oink." [He has placed two giant leaves around his neck and has a branch sticking out of the rear of his underpants.] "Oink, oink, oink." [He shoots his tongue out three times.] "I am a lizard! Oink, oink, oink."
Edd: [searching through his bag] "Well, Ed's lack of sleep is evident." [He pulls out a microscope.]
Eddy: "This spot stinks! There's rocks, garbage, and bugs everywhere!" [He gets swarmed by flies.]
Edd: "Not to mention the lack of shade. Boy, is it hot!" [He continues to hunt through the bag.]
Eddy: "C'mon, let's get out of here."
Edd: "Oh dear. It can't be!" [He drops the bag.] "I forgot my sunscreen! I'm so vulnerable. I can feel my flesh tighten. The stinging of the ultraviolet rays! [He climbs into the bag.] Eddy, Kevin stole our spot!"
Eddy: "Man, it's like a merry-go-round. That's exactly what I said twenty pages ago!"
Edd: "But Eddy, look at him. He looks so comfortable."
Eddy: "Let's put a stamp on his head and mail him to Hollywood."
Edd: "Too inhumane, Eddy. In chess, in order to position oneself, one must first go through the pawns."
[The camera scans the beach and settles on Sarah and Jimmy, who are making a sand unicorn.]
Sarah: "It just needs a ribbon, Jimmy, and it'll be perfect!" [She goes off to get one.]
Jimmy: [patting the sand into shape] "Unicorns are my specialty."
Ed: "Look at me!" [He is riding the unicorn.] "Giddy-up, mutant horse!"
Jimmy: "No, Ed! Unicorns are sensitive!"
Ed: "P'shaw!" [He throws Jimmy on his back and rides.]
Jimmy: "Aah! My tummy!" [Ed's vigorous riding knocks the sand off the unicorn, destroying it.] "I feel queasy."
Sarah: "Ed! Put him down!"
[Ed throws Jimmy off, and Eddy enters.]
Eddy: "Hi, Jimmy, wanna play a game?"
Jimmy: [quavering] "Eddy?"
Sarah: "It's bonehead time."
Eddy: "Ever play 'Splish Splash In a Bath?'"
Ed: "I have!"
Eddy: [taken aback] "You–you have?"
Ed: "Splish splash, take a bath!" [He throws Eddy into the lake. Eddy skips like a stone until he hits a tree growing in the water. The tree tips and both it and Eddy sink.]
Rolf: "Bravo, Ed-boy. A fine toss." [Both he and Nazz clap.]
Ed: "I did a four-splasher! A new splish-splash record."
Sarah: "Look out! I can beat your stupid record." [She shoves him into the lake.]
Jimmy: [on the hot sand] "Ow! Eee! Ooh! Hot! Calluses!"
Edd: [a book on his head] "Excuse me, Jimmy. You wouldn't happen to have any more sunscreen, would you?"
[Various beach toys go sailing over Edd's head.]
Eddy: "What're you waiting for, guys? [He is seen tossing the beach equipment.] Looks like the twerps abandoned their spot! We're one small step to one giant leap from kicking Kevin out of our spot!"
Kevin: "Ha! Good luck, Beach Blanket Dorko!" [He inflates an air mattress in the desired spot, sending a soda flying onto Eddy's head.]
Ed: "Are you going to finish that?"
Eddy: "Gimme back my spot, Kevin!"
Sarah: "Hey! Get out of our spot!"
Eddy: "You and who's army?"
Edd: "You'd think you would've learned by now, Eddy."
Sarah: "AAAH!!!" [She attacks, and the three Eds fly into the water. Edd suddenly pops back up, his trunks having inflated. ]
Edd: [cooled] "Ooh! That worked nicely."
Eddy: [seeing the empty spot] "Double D, check it out! Our spot's empty! Quick, let's grab it before–"
Kevin: [riding the mattress across the water] "I get back?" [He rides onto the beach and lands in his spot.]
Edd: "Excuse me, Eddy, but I need to revisit the sun issue?"
Eddy: "You're like a broken record, Double D. Geez."
Edd: "Our being surrounded by water seems to be magnifying those ultraviolet rays I told you about earlier, my skin's becoming quite sensitive, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Yap yap yap."
[Suddenly, a shadow passes in front of the sun.]
Edd: "Look, it's an eclipse of the sun!"
Ed: "That's Jonny's head, Double D." [Jonny is sitting on top of the cliff.]
Eddy: "What's he doing up there?" [having an idea] "Hey, check it out! If we had Jonny's spot, we could keep an eye on my spot!"
Edd: "At that elevation, it must have a cooling cross-breeze, perhaps even shade!"
Eddy: "It's a cinch. We just need to get rid of Jonny!"
[Ed farts and smiles as bubbles come out of his shorts. Edd and Eddy glare at him.]

---

[The sun is beating down on the rocks as the Eds climb the cliff.]
Eddy: [on Ed, who is acting like a camel] "Let's see. What'll we use to get melonhead off his perch? Explosives? Nah. A giant slingshot? Nope. A trapeze! Double D, that's it! We'll use a trapeze! He'll never know what hit him!" [plotting] "We'll lower some rope–and Ed, you can wear the tights."
Edd: [touching a particularly hot rock] "Aaauughgh!"
Ed: "A bar mitzvah."
Eddy: "So anyway, you just swing over,–"
Edd: "A trapeze? Please. Here's an idea, Eddy. Next time, let's just sit in an oven!"
Eddy: "Why don't you do something useful? LIKE HURRY UP!"
[Edd begins to shake with rage.]

---

[Ed and Eddy look out at Jonny, who is sunbathing.]
Eddy: [whispering] "Pass me the trapeze, Ed!"
Ed: "What?"
[Edd, brash and bold, walks across the top of the cliff.]
Eddy: "What's Sockhead doing?"
[Edd takes out a whistle and rubs it with his hand then blows it. Jonny leaps up.]
Jonny: "I'm ready, coach!"
[Jonny runs to the edge of the cliff and jumps. On the way down, he performs an acrobatic maneuver and dives into the pool in a graceful belly flop.]
Jonny: [surfacing] "Did I make the team, Plank?"
Eddy: [in awe] "Double D! That was pure genius!"
Edd: "Can we move on? This heat is unbearable."
[A stream of white liquid shoots by Edd. Ed has his foot on the sunscreen bottle and is squeezing the goo out.]
Ed: "The sound of a babbling brook makes me want to babble, Double D."
Edd: "Was that Jonny's sunscreen?"
Eddy: "Oh, this is perfect. Once Kevin moves, we'll just swoop in–we'll be kings of the swimming hole!"
[Edd is desperately trying to shake some remnants of sunscreen into his palm.]
Edd: [tossing the empty bottle away] "My kingdom for sunscreen."
Eddy: "Ed, you be lookout."
Ed: "One two buckle my shoe." [He gets into position and looks out over the beach.]
Eddy: "Mess with me, will he? Ha!"

---

[The sun has sunk low to the ground, temperatures have cooled, shadows have lengthened, and the kids are tired out from a day at the beach. Nazz leaves with a yawn, followed by Kevin, who is carrying back all his beach paraphernalia. Ed, at the top of the cliff, waves goodbye.]
Ed: "Seeya, Kevin!"
Eddy: [excited] "Kevin leave? Woohoo! Took him long enough. Slug."
Edd: "Assistance please. Assistance."
[Edd is stretched out on the cliff, his body burned red from a day without sunscreen.]
Eddy: "What's with you?"
Edd: "Mother nature is sssooooooooooo unforgiving."
Ed: [extending his arm] "Come on, Double D." [He lifts Edd to a standing position.]
Edd: "Yowch! Don't touch me!" [He touches his face.] "Ow! My face! Every nerve in the primary layers of skin are screaming, 'DOUBLE D, YOU NINCOMPOOP, YOU FORGOT THE SUNSCREEN!'" [He moves.] "Yeowch!"
Eddy: "You look a little sunburnt, Double D."
Edd: [through gritted teeth] "Don't toy with me, Eddy, I'll be shedding for weeks!"
Eddy: "Welcome to the great outdoors, Nature Boy. What a whiner." [He realizes he's burned on his left side.]
Ed: "I am a lizard." [He is also half burnt.] "I have changed colors! I have become Chameleon Man! Oink!"
Edd: "Stay back!" [Ed prods his sensitive skin.] "Ouch!"
Ed: "Oink!" [He pokes Edd again.]
Edd: "Yahouch! Eddy, make him stop!"
Eddy: "Cut it out–"
Ed: "Oink!" [He prods Eddy.]
Eddy: "Ow!"
Ed: "You can be my sidekick, Frogmouth Kid! And–and Double D is our butler, um...Double D!"
[Eddy decides to slap Ed's burnt back.]
Ed: "Oink!" [He pokes both of his friends.]
Edd and Eddy: "Ow!" [They hit back.]
Ed: "Oink!" [He pokes them again.]
Edd and Eddy: "Ow!" [The hit is returned.]
Ed: "Oink!"
Edd and Eddy: "Ow!"
Ed: "Oink oink! Oink oink!"