Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Sarah, Jimmy, and Jonny are playing in the sandbox. Sarah and Jimmy are on one side, making castles.]
Sarah: "Ready? Whee!" [She lifts the bucket, revealing a perfectly formed castle.]
Jimmy: "I'm as happy as the day is long, Sarah!"
Jonny: [looking through binoculars] "Okay, you tell me, because I am stumped!" [He lets Plank look.]
[Jimmy puts icing all over the castle. Sarah then adds four candles. Jonny and Plank look at each other, confused. Sarah then adds a cherry to the top.]
Jonny: "Well if they can make a cake out of dirt, we can make a doughnut!" [He grabs a shovel only to find Sarah holding on to the end of it.] "Me and Plank are making a doughnut!"
Sarah: "So what? We were using that."
Jonny: "Don't you like doughnuts?" [Sarah throws him into the cake.] "Are you a doughnut hater?"
Sarah: [swinging Jonny around] "Gimme it, Jonny!" [Plank is hit into a mud puddle.] "You and Plank can get your own shovel!" [Jonny sees Plank swells up to enormous proportions.]
Jonny: "You got Plank wet!" [He draws the shovel back, and then lets Sarah have it. The shovel hits Sarah in the face.]
Jimmy: "Let's share! Please? We were having so much fun!"
Sarah: [getting up] "JONNY!" [She proceeds to pound Jonny.]
Jimmy: "Stop it! Stop it, you two! My heart is sinking into a sea of sadness!"
Eddy: [by the fence, with Ed] "It's the match of the century, huh Lumpy? Mammoth Mouth versus Gargantuan Head!"
Ed: "Not for me, Eddy. Without the bun, a sausage has no home." [Edd approaches.]
Jonny: [offscreen; during the fight] Holy moly!
Jimmy: "I'm so unhappy!" [He runs away crying. Eddy laughs.]
Edd: "Oh, dear! Jimmy's upset. Perhaps I can help." [He moves to go to Jimmy.]
Eddy: [hauling Edd back] "Oh, no you don't! If there's any helpin'-doin' around here, we do it for cash. 'Cause that's how we work."
Ed: [dancing] "Work that body, work that body, don't you go hurt nobody."

Edd: [as Eddy examines himself in a mirror] "Are we all set, gentlemen?"
[Ed puts a clothes hanger in his mouth to make a huge fake grin. Jimmy comes by crying.]
Edd: "Having a bad day, friend?"
Eddy: "Kiss that sourpuss goodbye, cuz it's nothing but good times at Smileyville!"
Jimmy: "Smileyville?"
Edd: "Cast away those melancholy blues! Exit your cave of despair! And get ready for a day of merriment and joyity!" [He shows Jimmy a map.]
Jimmy: "A friendly Ferris wheel? A teddy bear's picnic? A candy lane!" [He smiles.]
Eddy: "You're looking chipper already!" [solemnly] "But like in real life, happiness costs dough, my friend. A measly quarter is all it takes." [He makes puppy dog eyes.]
Jimmy: [handing over a 25¢ piece] "Worth every penny, friend."
Ed: [opening the door] "Allow me."
Jimmy: "You guys are the greatest! Thank you thank you thank you!"
Edd: [Waving goodbye] "Have fun, Jimmy! A merry heart goes all day! Ta-ta!" [The door shuts behind Jimmy.] "Oh, Eddy! I know Jimmy's going to love all that hard work you and Ed did inside Smileyville!"
Eddy: "Let's go get a jawbreaker before he finds out." [He and Edd leave: Ed, however, is distracted by the hanger getting stuck sideways in his mouth before being dragged away.]

Jimmy: [inside Smileyville] "Friendly Ferris wheel, here I come!" [He turns around and gets a shock.] "Huh?"
[The Eds have tricked him: there was no Smileyville after all. Behind the doors lie only the lane, in its drab, un-smiley glory.]

[A river of tears is flowing from Jimmy to a gutter. Jimmy is crouched on a sidewalk, bawling his eyes out from the disappointment. A feather suddenly floats down beside him. He looks up to see Rolf wearing a pair of wings.]
Rolf: "Today Rolf is forced to celebrate his traditional thank you to the noble Guardian Pigeon!" [He dances around, flapping his arms.]
Jimmy: [listlessly] "If only I had a guardian pigeon." [grabbing Rolf] "Hug me, Rolf!"
Rolf: [uncomfortable] "What are you doing? Someone may be looking!" [He pushes Jimmy away.]
Jimmy: "BUT I'VE HAD A HORRIBLE DAY! Filled with conflict, turmoil, and Eddy, who tricked me out of all my money!"
Rolf: "Son of a gun! The Ed-boy? He has now just defaced two jovial moods, yes?" [plotting revenge] "Make a funny face, boy Jimmy, for the spirit of the Guardian Pigeon shall displace itself on the head of this mischief maker!" [He holds out a leg, and Jimmy leaps on it.]
Jimmy: "Where are we going, Rolf?"
Rolf: [hopping away] "Ask no questions! Come, Wilfred."
[Wilfred drags the next scene into place.]

Eddy: [outside the candy shop, hysterical] "I swear, I just had it! Maybe I dropped it! For crying out loud, find that quarter, Double D!"
Edd: "Eddy, remember? You gave the quarter to Ed for safekeeping."
Eddy: "What am I, nuts?"
[We hear Ed laughing and see him in a bouncy rocket ride outside the candy store. The ride, coincidentally, costs exactly twenty-five cents. Eddy's face boils red and he seethes with fury.]
Edd: "Now, Eddy, be gentle."
Eddy: "ED!"
[Eddy leaps towards Ed. Just before he can attack, though, he stops in midair. Eddy sniffs the air once, twice...and then recognizes the scent.]
Eddy: [dreamily] "Moolah." [He drifts towards the smell.]
Edd: [disappointed] "But Eddy! What about Ed?"

[Eddy drifts through the lane and across the street. He runs into a fence, but his nose leads him onward. He sniffs his way under the fence, where he sees an amazing sight.]
Eddy: "Tree? Leaves? Cash? It's a Money Tree!" [He dives at the tree, ripping a few leaves off. He rolls around in the dollar bills.] "I'm rich!" [scrubs his pits with several bills] "AND IT'S ALL MINE!"
Rolf: "Stop, you!"
[Eddy turns around slowly and sees Rolf, wearing an odd hat.]
Rolf: "What are you doing to Rolf's money tree?"
Eddy: "Yours?" [begging] "Let me just have a little! You can grow some more. It's a money tree, for Pete's sake!"
Rolf: "What do you think, boy Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "Oh!" [reading off of his hands] "Why not give him a magic money seed so Eddy can grow his own money tree in only three days?"
Eddy: [excited] "Yeah Rolf! What he said!"
Rolf: "Boy oh boy!" [pretending to be unsure] "Rolf is very unsure of this. Rolf cannot simply give the money tree seed to the Ed-boy. Could he? Oh, what to do, what to do."
Eddy: "I'd give you anything for it. Name it! It's yours."
Rolf: "Anything? Hmm. Well, this is just off the top of Rolf's head, but Rolf would like...all your worldly possessions."
Eddy: [instantly accepting it] "You got it! No changing your mind, too late, it's a deal!"
Rolf: "Very good! Rolf will wait at his dwelling, yes?"
[Eddy runs off.]
Jimmy: "Wowie wow! The Guardian Pigeon is watching over me, Rolf!"
Rolf: "Tolerate the day, nauseatingly cute one, as the Guardian Pigeon has yet to drop its full load."

[Edd is reading a book called "How to Wait" while Ed continues his ride.]
Eddy: [running up] "Double D! You aren't gonna believe this. Rolf got this tree! And it grows cash! Bushels full! And Rolf's giving me a seed! I'll be rich!"
Edd: "Calm down, Eddy. Bother–"
Eddy: [leaping into the ride with Ed] "Ed! Muscle!" [He carries Ed. Edd chases him.]
Edd: "Eddy, wait! I'm confused!" [He hears something through a missing part of the fence and goes back to look.]
Rolf: "Rolf could put up a roof with the brain of that Ed-boy!"
Jimmy: "How gullible can you get?"
Rolf: "Come, poofy-haired one, and see the wisdom of the Guardian Pigeon."
[After they leave, Edd goes over and picks up one of the dollar bills. He looks it over. On the back is a soup label.]
Edd: "What an effortless attempt at reproducing common currency. Not to mention a complete waste of an otherwise fine soup label." [He realizes he's all alone.] "I've really got to learn to stop talking to myself."

[Jimmy and Rolf are on Rolf's doorstep, having drinks.]
Jimmy: "You know, Rolf, I have some skin moisturizers you really must try!"
Rolf: "Uh...thank you, no, Rolf is good."
[Jimmy and Rolf each sip their drinks. Ed and Eddy come trundling up, carrying the contents of Eddy's room on their backs.]
Eddy: "Here you go, Dracula, everything I own in this whole stinkin' world! Now gimme that seed! C'mon! Gimme it!"
Rolf: [handing over the seed bag] "A deal is a deal."
Eddy: "I'm rich! Let's plant it and rake in!" [He grabs Ed's jacket.]
Ed: "Cold!"
Jimmy: "My cheeks are cramping, I'm so giddy! This is the bestest day I've ever had!" [He hugs Rolf.] "Let's celebrate with cookies and milk, Rolf!"
Rolf: [peeling Jimmy off] "Cookies and Milk? Do you wish Rolf ridiculed at the Son-of-a-Shepherd Social Club? Come, let us stuff innards into the membrane of a sow."
Edd: [showing up too late] "Eddy?!?"

[Ed is ripping boards up in Eddy's room.]
Ed: "Cluck cluck cluck. This is fun!"
[Edd takes in the scene. Everything from Eddy's room is gone, and Ed is pulling up boards with a hoe to create a dirt patch in Eddy's room. Eddy is happily tossing the seed bag too himself.]
Ed: "Ooh! Look at me!"
Edd: [appalled] "Have your mother and father seen what you've done, Eddy? Because when they do, YOU'LL PAY FOR THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR GREED!"
Ed: "Yes he will, Double D, 'cause Eddy's gonna buy 'em a new house."
Eddy: "Cuz I got a magic money tree seed." [Edd stands there, stupefied.] "And when it sprouts, I'll buy you a new hat."
Edd: [holding out the fake banknote] "What, with this Eddy? A crudely drawn bank note on the back of a soup label?"
[Eddy looks at the label but immediately discards it.]
Eddy: "No, with the oodles of dough from my money tree!" [He opens the bag, revealing the "seed".]
Edd: "That is not a seed, Eddy. That is a discarded spool."
[Eddy stands there, stunned into silence.]
Eddy: "THEY HAD THE NERVE TO FLEECE ME!?!? Well, two can play at this game! Quick, I got a plan!" [He grabs Ed. He reaches for Edd, but Edd does not immediately comply.] "Plan, I said!"
Edd: [hopping from one foot to the other] "I can't, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Whaddya mean, you can't?"
Edd: "Because I desperately need to use the lavatory! An unfortunate reaction to this stressful situation, I'm sure."
Ed: "You still got me, Eddy!"
Eddy: [sarcastic] "Boy, ain't I lucky."

[Rolf is in bed, wide awake. On the other side of his, room, Jimmy is humming as he puts up flowered wallpaper.]
Rolf: "Boy Jimmy, when might you be going home?"
Eddy: [from outside] "Holy cow! Look at this?" [Under a streetlight sits a bush covered in meat.] "It's a bush that grows meat!"
Ed: "Let's get some gravy!" [He pulls out a puppet of Edd.]
Puppet Edd: "Yep! Even me as Double D finds this really kinda logical!"
Eddy: "You said it, Double D!" [holding up a jar of dirt] "I just used this magic, meat-growing dirt! I'll take everything you got for a trade, huh?"
Rolf: "Ha ha ho! This fool thinks Rolf and boy Jimmy will fall for his shenanigans!"
Jimmy: "Goofy grape!"
Rolf: "Manure boy!" [He pulls his shutters closed. Edd arrives.]
Edd: "Well' well, well. Seems one can't tend to their natural functions without being REPLACED by some RAG-TAG HAND PUPPET!"
Eddy: "Hold this." [He throws the jar of dirt in Edd's face.]
Puppet Edd: "Oh dear. I fell!"

[Eddy is hammering on Rolf's door.]
Eddy: "GIVE ME BACK MY STUFF! YOU JERKS RIPPED ME OFF!" [He throws his body against the door.]
Rolf: [opens his shutters again] "Ed boy! Please stop! I beg of you. You will wake Nana! Silence, yes? Thank you."
Eddy: "SILENCE!? I'LL GIVE YA SILENCE!!!" [He picks Ed up and uses him to batter the door.]
Ed: [each time he hits the door] "Who's there? Who's there? Who is there?" [Eddy prepares to hit the door one more time.]
Rolf: "Ed-boy! Have mercy! Forgive Rolf, and Rolf will make good by giving you...the real money tree seed?"
Eddy: [questioning, puts Ed down] "Real money tree seed?"
Edd: [sure Eddy isn't that gullible] "Oh, puh-leeze! Do you really think Eddy would fall for that old–"
Eddy: "Deal!"
[Rolf holds Jimmy out the window. In Jimmy's hand is clutched a bolt.]
Eddy: "I'm rich!" [He runs over and kicks the meat bush out of the way. Eddy plunges the seed into the ground and waters it. He then puts up a small fence and a sign saying "Eddy's Plant."] "And it's mine! ALL mine!" [He giggles greedily.]
Ed: "Even I am not that dumb, Double D."
Edd: "An iris-in would be appropriate, don't you think?"
[The camera irises-in on Eddy's plant as Eddy continues to chortle gleefully.]
Edd: "Thank you."

Season 4 Scripts
"An Ed in the Bush" • "See No Ed" • "Is There an Ed in the House?" • "An Ed is Born" • "One Size Fits Ed" • "Pain in the Ed" • "Ed Overboard" • "One of Those Eds" • "They Call Him Mr. Ed" • "For the Ed, by the Ed" • "Little Ed Blue" • "A Twist of Ed" • "Your Ed Here" • "The Good Ol' Ed" • "Thick as an Ed" • "Sorry, Wrong Ed" • "Robbin' Ed" • "A Case of Ed" • "Run for your Ed" • "Hand Me Down Ed" • "Stiff Upper Ed" • "Here's Mud in Your Ed" • "Stuck in Ed" • "Postcards from the Ed" • "Take This Ed and Shove It"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide