Ed, Edd n Eddy

Eddy: [throwing some doors open] "Howdy! I'm King Triton! And welcome to Ed's Sea Adventure!" [Jonny stands at the entrance.] "Ready for adventure?" [Jonny smiles.] "C'mon, Jonny! Behold."
Ed: [speaks in a different voice] "Ahoy, landlubber. I am Barnacle Ed. [He lifts his hat revealing a boombox from which his dialouge is coming from.] For a lousy twenty-five cents, jump on my back and ride a barnacle."
Jonny: [leaping on] "Wa-hoo-hoo! Let me have it!"
Ed: "Barnacle!" [He bucks Jonny into the air. Eddy turns on a hose, and a stream of water pushes Jonny onwards.]
Edd: "Lobster claws are so uncomfortable!" [Jonny enters the funnel Edd is holding. He travels along the hose until he enters a water cooler.]
Jonny: "We've been pickled, Plank!" [He laughs.]
Eddy: "Only at Ed's Sea Adventure!" [He spins the container.]
Jonny: "Wooohowoohowoohohoo!"
Eddy: [letting Jonny out] "Y'all come back now. That'll be twenty-five cents."
Jonny: "All I have is coconuts." [to Ed and Edd] "Help yourselves!" [He gives them each a coconut.] "Thanks, King Triton! Me and Plank had a blast!" [He shakes Eddy's hand. Eddy looks at the coconut, miffed, then throws it away and goes after Jonny.]
Eddy: "Oh, Jonny boy."
Ed: [staring at his and Eddy's coconuts] "Can I shave them?"
Edd: "Dear Ed. You don't shave coconuts. You eat them!"
Ed: "Like report cards?"
[Without waiting for a reply, Ed throws the coconuts into the air and opens his mouth. The first one hits his head and bounces off. Undaunted, Ed just stretches his mouth wider. When the second coconut comes down, he clamps down upon it and is immediately greeted by a burst of pain.]
Edd: "Are you all right, Ed? You look as though you're in pain."
Ed: [spitting the coconut out] "Ow! My tooth hurts! For real."
Eddy: "You just wanna wear this beard, don'tcha?"
Edd: "I suggest an examination of this culprit cuspid."

[Edd looks in on Ed's teeth. One of them is decidedly wobbly. He touches the tooth, and Ed screams.]
Edd: "You're losing your last baby tooth, Ed. Why, the tooth fairy will–"
Eddy: "Pay big bucks for this tooth!" [He tries to yank it out of Ed's mouth. Ed clamps down on Eddy's hand.]
Ed: "Don't touch it."
Eddy: "Let go, Ed." [He strains and eventually manages to break free of Ed.]
Ed: "Ow."
Edd: "Eddy, please! You can't tamper with Ed's natural growth patterns." [He scratches Ed on the head.]
Ed: "Meow."
Eddy: [whistles] "Oh, Ed. Ed. Look what I've got." [On the fence a few feet away is a poorly painted jawbreaker with "Ed" written on it. The paint is still wet and it is dripping.] "A jawbreaker." [Pulls out a paintbrush dripping in paint.] "See? All for you. Uh..." [Sees the paintbrush he pulled out.]
Edd: "Eddy!" [Eddy discards the paintbrush he had.] "You have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool someone with that old trick."
Ed: "Jawbreaker! Yum yum yum!" [He gallops towards the fence.]
Edd: "Ed, no wait!"
[Ed hits the fence with so much force that numerous boards to either side topple.]
Ed: "Whoa!"
Edd: "Puleah!"
Eddy: "Huh? Wha-?"
[Ed sucks the paint off and backs away. When he does, Edd falls out of the boy's mouth and slides down the fence.]
Edd: [deep gasp] "I've been violated!"
Ed: "Yowch! My tooth sore."
Eddy: "Where'd the tooth go? Did it roll under here? It's still in your mouth! But barely. C'mon, baby, c'mon..." [He jerks Ed's head up and down to try and shake the tooth loose.]
Edd: "Oh, that was brilliant, Eddy. I bet you were up all night thinking up that plan. The itinerary of dental growth is carved in stone and–"
Eddy: "Hey, Double D!" [pointing to an anthill] "Is that an anthill?"
Edd: "Why yes it is! A fine specimen at that!" [He waxes rhapsodic as Eddy steals Ed away.] "Nimble, quick! Spritely, inspired!"

[Ed and Eddy are wearing boxing gloves. Eddy's are on normally, but Ed has his right glove on his head.]
Eddy: "Okay, let's go." [adjusting Ed's head] "Hang on. Say 'Whiplash!'"
Ed: "Hi Mom!"
Edd: "Ed!" [Ed straightens up as Eddy swings, and Eddy hits himself in the face.] "You need to protect that tooth."
Ed: "Aw, I was just playing with Eddy." [He swings his left arm and hits Eddy in the face. Eddy's glove falls off, and Ed bends to pick it up. In doing so, his left arm hits Edd. When Ed stands up to give the glove to Eddy, Eddy gets hit again.] "Eddy! You dropped your glove!"
Eddy: "This is tougher than I thought."

[Eddy is plastering the fences of the lane with signs that say "Wanted: Ed's Tooth." Rolf and Kevin come along.]
Kevin: "I smell something, Rolf."
Eddy: "That's the smell of money, Kevin."
Rolf: "No, that is my Mama boiling the fat from Papa's undershirts."
Eddy: "I'm offering a tooth reward."
Sarah: "EDDY!!! Have you seen Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "Is that you, Sarah? Help! Help!" [Jimmy is plastered under one of the posters.]
Sarah: "I'll help you, Jimmy!" [She pulls Jimmy out.]
Jimmy: "There's a bright light, Sarah. Someone's calling me. Mmm, cookies."
Sarah: "Eddy! What's with these posters, anyway?!?"
Eddy: "I'm trading the tooth fairy." [to Kevin] "Ed's tooth–for cash."
Kevin: "Tooth fairy, schmooth fairy. Big deal."
Eddy: [pretending to consider something] "Deal? Okay. How's about 10 percent of the take?"
Rolf: "10% is not very humid for a hot day."
Kevin: "Thirty-five."
Sarah: "Fifty!"
Eddy: "Fifty? That's almost half!"
Kevin: "Take it or leave it."
[Eddy looks around at the group and decides not to try and negotiate further.]
Eddy: "Okay, okay, get off my back!"

[Ed holds up a cinder block and bites into it. The pain hits him instantly.]
Ed: [muffled] "Ow! Tooth!"
Edd: [holding a sandwich] "Ed, you really must try to eat softer, um, food."
Rolf: [poking his head around a corner] "Yes, like butter, Ed boy."
Edd: [horrified] "Plain butter?"
Rolf: "Listen to me, stuck-in-the-rut Ed-boy. When churned by Rolf, it is better than good."
Ed: "I am sleepy." [Rolf pushes a plunger against Ed's face.]
Edd: "Oh, dear. Rolf, what are you doing?"
Rolf: [plunging Ed's mouth] "Behold the power of churning butter!"
Edd: "With a plunger?"
Rolf: "Ho ho!" [He plunges furiously.]
Eddy: "Thattaboy, Rolf!" [when Edd glares at him] "Rolf's so confused." [He grins innocently.]
Rolf: "C'mon, you!" [He continues until the stick comes free of the rubber. He climbs out of a trash bin with the wood stuck through his ears, going in one ear and coming out the other.]
Eddy: [looking on the ground for the tooth] "Didja get it? Where's the tooth? Tooth tooth tooth."
Rolf: "Rolf cannot hear one peep!"
Ed: [plunger rubber stuck to his face] "My tooth hurts!"

[Ed has a skipping rope tied to his tooth. He sighs in comfort as Sarah twirls the rope and Jimmy jumps.]
Jimmy: "Onesies, twosies, redsies, bluesies."
Edd: "Ed, isn't that uncomfortable for your tooth?"
Ed: "No way, Double D! Sarah says nothing soothes pain like a nylon rope."
Sarah: "Anything for you, gullible big brother." [She passes the line over a tree branch and pulls on it.] "Whee!"
[Ed is stuck hanging by his loose tooth.]
Ed: "Soothing gone! Tooth hurts!" [Eddy laughs uproariously before recovering himself.]
Eddy: "Oh, boy it pains me to see Ed hurt like that."
Edd: "Help him, Eddy." [cynical] "As only you can."
Eddy: "Double D's so gullible. Gimme the tooth, Ed!" [He yanks Ed down. Sarah flies up and falls.]
Jimmy: "Sarah!"
Eddy: [looking in Ed's mouth] "Whatzit, glued in there?"
Sarah: [angrily slams Ed's jaw down on Eddy] "Eddy you idiot, forget the deal! Come on, Jimmy."
Edd: "Your impatience in extracting Ed's tooth is really unnecessary! Patience is a virtue!" [Eddy removes Ed's tounge from his mouth and puts it back where it belongs.]
Eddy: "Honestly, Double D, I don't know what you're talking about."
[A piece of buttered toast attached to a fishing line lands near the three friends.]
Ed: "Buttered toast!" [He dives for it, and the toast moves. He does this many more times before his teeth finally sink into the bread.]
Kevin: [holding a fishing rod] "Moby Dork is mine!"
Edd: "How on earth did you enlist Kevin as an associate to your scam?"
Eddy: "Say what?"
[Ed fights to stay free, while Kevin struggles to capture him.]
Rolf: "He is stubborn like an ingrown back hair!"
[Kevin struggles just to stay planted, and Rolf helps.]
Rolf: "Follow Rolf!"
Kevin: "Dork!" [He moves backwards.] "Incoming!"
Rolf: [as Ed drags them forward] "Your garden is overgrown and your cucumbers are soft!"
Edd: "Soon we will have Ed's tooth, and the money will be ours."
Eddy: "Yeah. In Jawbreaker City!"
Edd: "Gotcha."
Kevin: "Dork! Man, what a die-hard."
Eddy: "C'mon, what's takin' ya?" [He helps them pull.]
[Ed clings to a sturdy tree, using it as refuge. The trunk begins to bend. Finally, the tree snaps, and Ed goes flying into Kevin, Rolf, Edd, and Eddy. The line trails out of his mouth.]
Eddy: [popping out of the pile] "Hello!" [He's spotted a lost tooth.] "Isn't it beautiful? Tooth fairy's gonna pay big for this."
[Kevin and Rolf look at the tooth and laugh. Ed and Edd look mortified.]
Eddy: "What's so funny?"
Edd: "That's your tooth." [Eddy has indeed lost a tooth.]
Eddy: [recovering from a brief spout of humiliation] "Ah, so what? Since it's my tooth, I get to keep all the money. The deal's off, Captain Ahab!"
Kevin: "Boy, how unlike a dork. I'm outta here. Sheesh."
Rolf: "Kevin? Let me re-sole your shoes."
Edd: "You do see the irony, don't you?"
Eddy: "Uh, the one where we forget about Ed's tooth and cash in mine?"
Edd: "Here's the overview, Eddy. The tooth fairy only appears at night, when you're asleep. And the candy store closes in half an hour."
Eddy: "So? If it's sleeping she wants, it's sleeping she gets." [He drags Ed away.]
Edd: "Is there a doctor in the house?"

[The roof of Eddy's house is set up like a landing strip.]
Recording: "The White zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only."
Eddy: [scanning the sky] "I don't see her."
Ed: [sitting up in Eddy's bed] "That's 'cause you can't see her! Right, Double D?"
Edd: "Very well put, Ed." [Ed smiles proudly.]
Eddy: [holding up the tooth] "Oh tooth fairy! See what I got?"
Ed: "I wish I had a tail!"
Eddy: "Go back to sleep." [He jumps on the bed, and the bed slides towards the edge of the roof.] "Ed!"
Edd: "Oh dear." [Eddy grabs him, and the trio head for the edge of the roof.]

Edd and Eddy: "Not cool! Not cool!" [They are hanging onto Ed's legs. Ed, in turn, is hanging by his loose tooth from the gutter.]
Eddy: "What happened to my tooth?!"
Ed: [holding it up] "I got it, Eddy, no problem!"
[Ed's tooth comes out all the way. The Eds fall. On the way down, Ed lets go of Eddy's tooth, and it lands in the gutter beside his lost tooth. The Eds land in Eddy's broken bed.]
Ed: "Ahh. No more sore tooth."
Eddy: [staring at the teeth] "Real smooth, Ed! My tooth's stuck on the roof! Hmm?"
[Eddy realizes, with a jolt, that the pile of leaves in which the teeth are perched are moving towards the drainpipe. At the base of the pipe stands Ed, who is sucking the leaves in.]
Edd: "Oh my." [He begins turning green.]
Eddy: [chuckling] "You're an animal, Ed."
[With one last mighty suck, the leaf pile finds its way into Ed's mouth. Ed begins chewing the dead shrubbery.]
Ed: "Chunky!"
Eddy: "Cough up the teeth, big Ed!"
Ed: "One moment, sir."
Edd: "PLEASE! Ed, don't talk with your mouth full."
[Ed swallows the entire mouthful.]
Ed: "I'm stuffed."
Eddy: [angry] "Like your head! No teeth, means no cash! And no cash, means no jawbreakers!"
[Eddy stuffs the drainpipe onto Ed's head.]
Eddy: [in despair] "I look like a hockey player!"
Ed: [pulling his head out of the pipe] "Cinder shot! Barnacle Ed's the name."
Eddy: "You're a bug." [Eddy slaps Ed, and both Ed and Edd begin laughing.] "Cheer up, Ed."

Season 2 Scripts
"Know it All Ed" • "Dear Ed" • "Knock Knock Who's Ed?" • "One + One = Ed" • "Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed" • "Ready, Set... Ed!" • "Hands Across Ed" • "Floss Your Ed" • "In Like Ed" • "Who Let the Ed In?" • "Home Cooked Eds" • "Rambling Ed" • "To Sir with Ed" • "Key to My Ed" • "Urban Ed" • "Stop, Look and Ed" • "Honor Thy Ed" • "Scrambled Ed" • "Rent-a-Ed" • "Shoo Ed" • "Ed in a Halfshell" • "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed" • "Hot Buttered Ed" • "High Heeled Ed" • "Fa-La-La-La-Ed" • "Cry Ed"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide