Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Two deck chairs are tied to a clothes-drying contraption in a backyard. Edd is oiling the pole in the center.]
Edd: "The Lawn Chairs Orbit Earth Ride is ready."
Eddy: [by a ticket booth] "Ticket booth ready!"
Ed: [fenced in] "Petting zoo A-OK!"
Eddy: "They'll push, they'll shove, they'll pay big bucks to come to our 'Ed-Land!'"
Edd: "I'd like to run a preliminary test first."
Ed: "Oh oh, test the petting zoo!"
Eddy: [climbing on to the ride] "Hang on to your eyebrow, Ed."
Ed: "Pet me now!"
Eddy: [uncomfortable] "This chair stinks!"

[Eddy is carrying a stool to Ed-land. Ed is following him with an armchair.]
Edd: [protesting] "You're tampering with the laws of weight and balance, Eddy. Eddy?" [He sighs.] "Ignorance must be bliss."
[The armchair is hooked onto one side of the ride, not effectively counterbalanced by the lawn chair still on the other side.]
Eddy: "Now we're talking."
Edd: "Shall we begin, Ed? Contact!"
Eddy: [after Ed fails to push Eddy's chair] "What was that? C'mon, musclehead, push!"
[Ed grabs the chair and pushes it hard. Eddy disappears into a whirling blur. As he spins, the rope starts to come apart. The one holding his chair up snaps and shoots him up, up, and away.]
Eddy: [flying] "WE'RE GONNA BE RICH!"
[In the distance, the chair is heard crashing.]
Ed: "My turn!"

[Eddy is still sitting in the chair. The back end of the chair is wedged in an upper-story window.]
Eddy: "Holy cow!" [He jumps to the ground.] "Good push, Ed. Did you see that chair fly?"
Kevin: [pushing the chair out of the window] "Who broke my window?"
Ed: "Hi, Kevin!" [The chair lands on him.] "Ow. [falls down] Ouch."
Kevin: "EDS! Don't move."
Edd: "Sorry, Kevin. While testing our new ride, we didn't anticipate the weight-length ratio Eddy's chair–"
Eddy: [slapping a hand over Edd's mouth] "Button your lip!"
Kevin: [belligerent] "Who broke my window?"
Eddy: "Um...didn't you see them?"
Kevin: "Who?"
Eddy: "The Mucky Boys!"
Kevin: "Mucky...boys?"
Eddy: "Yeah! They were dumped off by a tornado! And raised by field mice. In a cave, near the construction site. And they eat their weight in cheese, and they throw comfortable armchairs through the air and smash, into your window."
Kevin: [considering the story for a few seconds] "Baloney!"
Eddy: "Look, there they go!"
Kevin: "Where?"
Eddy: "There!"
Kevin: "Freeze, Mucky Boys!"
Eddy: [to Edd, giggling after Kevin runs off] "Kev's such a sap. Mucky Boys. I crack me up."

[The Eds turn a corner and walk down the lane.]
Eddy: "Let's test the petting zoo."
Ed: [calling] "Mucky Boys! Oh, Mucky Boys!" [He runs into his friends.] "Did you see a flying comfortable chair?"
Edd: "Eddy, you should've told the truth."
Eddy: "Truth schmooth. We're off the hook, aren't we?" [He continues walking and spies something funny.] "C'mere, quick." [Sarah and Jimmy are wearing archeologist-type clothing.] "Check out the fashion slaves, guys."
Ed: "What? What is so funny?"
Sarah: "Just ignore them, Jimmy."
Eddy: "And what are our half-pint pygmies up to?"
Sarah: "If you must know, we're hunting."
Jimmy: "Yeah!"
Eddy: "For a brain?"
Sarah: "No! The Mucky Boys!"
Eddy: [nervous] "Um...the Mucky Boys?"
Sarah: "You've heard of them, haven't you?"
Eddy: "Um, yeah, sure."
Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy. Kevin's waiting." [Jimmy sticks his tongue out and they both walk off.]
Ed: "Look out for flying chairs."
Edd: "Well Eddy, it's only a matter of time before Kevin finds out the truth about–"
Eddy: [trying to appear nonchalant] "No problem. We, the Eds, are smarter than–"
Ed: "Onions?"
Eddy: "No, Ed. We're smarter than–"
Ed: "Buttered toast?" [Eddy grabs his eyebrow and pulls him along.] "A bus driver?"

[Kevin, Rolf, Jimmy, and Sarah are searching the construction site. Kevin sticks a stick into a portable cement mixer and bangs the side.]
Kevin: "No Muckies here. You find anything, Rolf?"'
Rolf: "Not yet, Kevin." [Sarah trips] "I must have silence!" [he picks up some dirt and listens] "The soil speaks to me. It tells me Rolf! The Mucky Boys are fifty paces towards the sun. Cooking beets!"
Sarah: "Are you sure?"
Rolf: "Foolish youth. The soil knows all."
Kevin: "All right. Follow me!"
Eddy: [in a bulldozer, scheming with his friends] "They've all fallen for it."
Edd: "Eddy, wouldn't it be easier if we just–"
Ed: "Make funny noises?"
Eddy: "Ed! You found a brain! Mucky Boys make loud, funny noises."
[Eddy starts to make loud, odd noises. Ed joins him.]
Edd: "Ssh!"
[Ed and Eddy stop to laugh, and then continue with the noises. Kevin hears them and stops.]
Rolf: [jumping onto Kevin] "We have angered the Mucky Boys!"
Sarah: [jumping on Rolf] "AAH!"
Jimmy: [getting on top] "Help! Help!"
Kevin: [carrying the rest of the group] "When I see Mucky, I'll believe Mucky. Outta my way!" [He throws his friends off and heads left.]
Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy." [She and the others follow him. The Eds peek out from behind a bulldozer and sneak off in the other direction. They jump behind a pile of dirt, and Ed falls into mud.]
Eddy: "Ed, you got mud on your face." [looking at the indentation Ed left] "Nice face-print."
Ed: "I'm Ed."
Eddy: "I know what'll fix Kev! Footprints!"
Ed: [with his shoes off] "Look! Mucky feet!"
Eddy: "Hmm." [He hits them with a mallet. Ed's feet swell up exponentially.] "Now those are Mucky feet."
Edd: "Eddy, this is becoming a very complicated–"
Eddy: [not listening] "Okay, Ed, stomp down to the old drain pipe."
[Ed steps on Eddy and walks, with his gigantic feet, in the direction Eddy indicated.]
Ed: "How'm I doing, Eddy?"
Edd: "Oh, boy."
Ed: "Uh, where's Eddy, Double D?" [he falls in a puddle]
Edd: "Stuck to your foot like an old gum wrapper."
Ed: [pulling Eddy from the puddle] "Hey Eddy, we're here."
[The Eds are indeed at the entrance to a giant drainpipe.]
Eddy: "Bingo! This is perfect for the Mucky Boys' cave!"
Edd: "It doesn't look very hygenic."
Ed: "Way cool."

[Jimmy is walking along, scared. He suddenly trips and falls into a gargantuan footprint.]
Rolf: "Look at the size of this footprint. I haven't seen feet this big since my great-grandmother."
Kevin: "Let's follow them." [They continue on.]

[The footprints have lead the kids to the puddle.]
Rolf: "The Mucky Boys are smart. I have lost their trail in this pool of water."
Eddy: [inside the pipe] "This will totally throw Kevin off our back."
Edd: [making cave paintings] "Eddy, the authenticity of 'The Cave' is quite questionable. If we just tell Kevin–"
Ed: [with a bone in his head] "I found a bone! Cool, huh?"
Kevin: [in the distance] "Let's check this place out!"
Ed: [unreasonably happy] "Hey, it's Kevin!"
Eddy: "Quick, Double D! We need to vanish! Fast!"
Edd: [holding up the paint] "It says, 'Covers in one coat.'"
[Eddy smiles.]

[The kids peer into the cave.]
Rolf: "It's the Mucky Boy cave." [Various caveman artifacts are everywhere.] "Their hideous scent is everywhere. Do you smell it?"
Sarah: [pinching her nose shut] "Smells like my brother's feet!"
Kevin: [walking past a mural of the Eds attacking something] "I still haven't seen a Mucky boy."
[The eyes of the characters in the mural pop open as soon as the kids pass. The Eds apparently covered themselves with paint and stuck themselves to the wall.]
Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy, we're falling behind."
Jimmy: "Okay, okay. These shoes are pinching my feet." [He trips over a paint can.]
Sarah: [starting to figure things out] "Paint can, and cave painting." [She dabs at the pig on the wall.] "This paint's still wet! C'mon, Jimmy. I smell something other than Mucky Boys." [She and Jimmy leave.]
Edd: "Eddy, Sarah knows. It's just a matter of time."
Ed: [panicking] "My eyes are stuck! I can't open them!"
Eddy: "Open your eyes, Ed."
Ed: [opening his eyes] "Thanks, Eddy."
Eddy: "If it's Mucky Boys Kevin wants, then it's Mucky Boys Kevin gets."

[The kids are still in the pipe.]
Kevin: "C'mon Rolf, how much longer?"
Rolf: "My father walked a hundred miles with a mule, two goats, and a shoe on his back."
Sarah: "Big deal."
[The Eds are at the end of the pipe, coated in mud. They are getting ready.]
Ed: "They're coming, Eddy!"
Eddy: [with moose antlers] "Put this on." [He sticks the antlers to Ed's head.]
Edd: "Eddy, this mud is filthy!"
Eddy: [with a toolbox] "Get over it, Double D. Catch!" [He throws the toolbox.]
Edd: "Catch? Oh dear." [The toolbox strikes him a glancing blow on the side of the head.]
Eddy: "The Mucky Boys live!" [He bangs his wrench on the ground.]
Ed: "Yeah! Mucky Boys!" [He plays with a shovel.]
Edd: "Eddy, I desperately need to wash. Could we please end this?"
Ed: [making a noise] "GEARHWAA! Be scary, Double D." [Edd does a poor imitation of a growl.]
Eddy: [sarcastically] "Oh, I'm petrified."
Rolf: [from the pipe] "Here, we must climb up here!"
[Eddy runs off to hide, not a moment too soon as Rolf comes out a moment later. After exiting, he reaches into the pipe and hauls out the other three. The energy released when they come out causes them to fly onto one end of a filled wheelbarrow. This tips the other end, sending the dirt flying directly onto Rolf.]
Rolf: [shaking some dirt off] "Rolf is too strong for his own good!"
[Suddenly, sounds are heard from behind him. Rolf looks up to see Eddy, holding a wrench and making odd noises.]
Rolf: "Mucky Boys!"
Jimmy: "AAAH!"
[Ed pops out of a dirt pile. Everybody except for Sarah is frightened witless. Edd then pops out.]
Kevin: "You guys owe me a window!" [He runs away.]
Rolf: "I must water the beets!" [He exits as well.]
Jimmy: [stranded] "Sarah! Oh, Sarah!" [He hides behind the tipped over wheelbarrow.]
Eddy: [jumping onto Ed's back and riding him like a horse] "Ach gahte!"
Ed and Eddy: "Mucky Mucky Mucky Mucky!"
Eddy: "MUCKY! YAH!" [Ed gores the barrow, tossing it skyward. The Mucky Boys continue their rampage.]
Sarah: "Oh Ed!" [Ed turns around.] "Mom says you gotta clean your room!"
Ed: "Not now, Sarah, we're playing!"
Kevin: [peeping out from behind a dirt pile] "Huh?"
Sarah: "HA!" [She picks up a hose and aims it at them.]
Eddy: "You have got the biggest mouth!"
[The water hits the Mucky Boys, washing them clean. When the wave subsides, the Eds stand there, soaked. Comically, Ed is still pretending to be a Mucky Boy.]
Sarah: "There's your Mucky Boys!"
[Ed keeps pretending to be a Mucky Boy.]
Eddy: [deciding it's gone on long enough] "Okay, Ed. Show's over, take five." [to Kevin, who is bristling with rage] "Mucky Boys. Pretty funny, huh, Kev?"
[Kevin continues to boil, angry.]

Edd: "Well Eddy, this all could have been avoided if we–"
Ed: "My nose is itchy."
Eddy: "So scratch it."
Ed: "Scratch it for me, Eddy."
Eddy: "Get away from me."
Edd: "Well, Ed, I could've scratched it for you but I'm a little preoccupied at the moment."
[We now see that the Eds are stuck in a giant block of cement.]
Ed: "AAAH! Scratch my nose!"
Eddy: "Shut up, Ed!"
[Jonny and Plank approach with a cake.]
Jonny: "Look, Plank, Kevin was telling the truth!"
Kevin: "Jonny, leave 'em alone! Let 'em stew in their own muck." [He walks off chuckling, and the rest of the kids follow.]
Jonny: [whispering] "Psst. Eddy. There's a hammer in the cake." [He sets the cake down, shoots Eddy a mutual smirk and walks off.] "Coming, Kevin!"
Edd: "The hammer's obviously contaminated the–"
Ed: "Cake!" [He dives in, eating the cake more with his face than with his mouth. When he comes up, the hammer is stuck to his face.] "Aah, my itch is gone."
Eddy: "Ed, it's on your face."
Ed: "What's on my face?"
Eddy: "The hammer."
Ed: [freaking out] "A tarantula! Aah get it off Eddy, quick quick, Eddy, get it off!"

Season 1 Scripts
"The Ed-Touchables" • "Nagged to Ed" • "Pop Goes the Ed" • "Over Your Ed" • "Sir Ed-a-Lot" • "A Pinch to Grow an Ed" • "Dawn of the Eds" • "Virt-Ed-Go" • "Read All About Ed" • "Quick Shot Ed" • "An Ed Too Many" • "Ed-n-Seek" • "Look Into My Eds" • "Tag Yer Ed" • "Fool on the Ed" • "A Boy and His Ed" • "It's Way Ed" • "Laugh Ed Laugh" • "A Glass of Warm Ed" • "Flea-Bitten Ed" • "Who, What, Where, Ed" • "Keeping up with the Eds" • "Eds-Aggerate" • "Oath to an Ed" • "Button Yer Ed" • "Avast Ye Eds"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide