Ed, Edd n Eddy

[The scene opens with a shot of the Peach Creek message board. It reads "Happy Valentine's Day! Go Cobblers! A bus pulls up to the school. We then get to see inside a classroom. One blackboard reads "Ed, Edd, n Eddy in" and the next one reads "Hanky Panky Hullabaloo." The second blackboard has hearts drawn all over it. We then move into the hall. A heart hung on the wall reads "Written by Jono Howard, Mike Kubat, Danny Antonucci." The announcement board reads "Storyboard by Big Jim Miller, Scott Diggs Underwood, Leah Waldron." We then move to an office door, which reads "Directed by Mr. D. Antonucci."]

[Three spitballs hit the office door. The Kankers are lounging in the hall. Lee is firing spitballs, Marie is filing her nails, and May is drawing.]
Marie: [elbows Lee's face] "Hey Lee, check out Miss Vincent van Stinko." [Mockingly.]
Lee: "What's this?" [She snatches the card.] "Aw, it's a Valentine card."
May: "It's for my boyfriend!" [She jumps on Lee.]
Marie: "It's for big Ed, Lee."
May: "Give it back!" [She grabs it back from Marie.] "Ed's the bestest boyfriend ever!"
[May holds her head high as she walks away.]
Marie: "Now I know who got Mom's genes."
Lee: "Hormones." [She chuckles.]
[As May walks down the hall, she sings. She turns a corner, and two fairy-like cupids fly up. They look like Sarah and Jimmy.]
Jimmy: "When nature stirs on Valentine's Day, and face the children with their splendor–"
Sarah: "–Suddenly their minds will stray to thoughts of love and words so tender!"
[The cupids giggle and fly away. Eddy skids around a corner.]
Eddy: [enthusiastic] "Let's learn! Last one to class is a–" [He catches himself.] "What am I saying?"
Edd: "Isn't Valentine's Day wonderful?" [Ed brings up the rear, soon becoming unnerved by all the decorations.] "As I'm sure you're aware, it can be quite unnerving to express one's come hither feelings of amore. Yet this holiday conquers the upchuck of apprehension and allows one that opportunity to let that special someone know you care." [Ed grabs him.]
Ed: "Yucky, squishy, MUSHY GIRLS, DOUBLE D!" [whispering] "The fish have chips, my fine friend."
[Ed rushes to his locker and spins the combination. A pile of congealed junk falls out.]
Eddy: [laughing] "Your locker stinks like–"
Ed: "An onion." [He holds it up and then takes a huge bite.] "Girls do not like stinky breath. Camouflage." [He rises, a bag over his head.] "So girls cannot see you. And a spider." [He holds up a shoe box with air holes in it.] "Girls hate them. Sarah said so." [A blue spider crawls up his body and Ed chuckles.] "Tickly."
[Ed realizes he has a spider on him.]
Ed: "SPIDER! Get it off! Get it off! AAAAAHHH!"
[Ed rushes to the water fountain and splashes water on his shirt, trying to drown it.]
Edd: "Oh for goodness sake. You're frightening the poor thing!" [He coaxes the spider into his palm.] "All better." [He lets it crawl out a window.]
Eddy: "Eeh, you babies got it light. Yep, Valentine's Day is just the same old grind for that chick magnet."
[Eddy opens his locker. A "Kiss the Hunk" stand appears, complete with annoying music.]
Eddy: "25 cents a smooch, ladies! Line forms to my left."
[No girls appear. Edd looks down the hall. Eddy's smile drops from his face.]
Eddy: "They must be freshening up in the can."
Edd: [sarcastic] "In the can, right-o. While we're waiting, I got a little something here for you." [He hands Ed a card.] "Happy Valentine's Day, Ed!"
Ed: "Nap time already?"
Edd: "Eddy?" [The card features a picture of Nicola Tesla.]
Eddy: "You electrify me? Who the heck's this guy?"
Edd: "Nicola Tesla, Eddy. It's part of my 'Great Minds of Science' Valentine's Day card series."
Ed: "It has a mind, Eddy!"
Eddy: [after a beat] "Ain't you supposed to give these things to girls?" [His bell rings.] "A customer!"
[The Eds turn to the customer and scream.]
May: "Happy Valentine's, Ed!"
[Ed pulls the bag over his head, but Eddy rips it off and uses it himself. Ed takes it back from Eddy.]
May: "You're the hairiest sweetest biggest chunk of man in the land! Will you be mine?"
Ed: [after a few seconds] "AAH YUCKY MUSHY GIRLS!" [He runs down the hall from May but runs into the wall, causing him to turn around and stampede the other way like an elephant.] "WOE! HURT! PAIN! RUN! PAIN!" [tramples over May]
[Eddy laughs. Suddenly, his bell rings.]
Eddy: "A customer!" [He puckers his lips and turns. Kevin is there.] "In your dreams, pal!"
Kevin: "Get this hunk of junk out of the hallway and get to class!"
Eddy: "Don't let your brains go to your head, Mr. Hall Monitor."
Kevin: "Oh." [He writes on his clipboard.] "You just got yourself a detention. Pal."
[Eddy grumbles and folds the stand into his locker.]
Edd: "Oh come now, Kevin. Why taint the emotional sincerity of Valentine's Day with a detention slip?"
Kevin: [handing him another slip] "That's for sticking up for Dorky."
Edd: "But I've never had a detention!"
Kevin: [kicking Eddy] "Move it, slouch!"
[Kevin laughs. Edd looks at his detention slip. Suddenly, he hears crying noises from down the hall.]

[Edd opens the door to a janitor's closet. He sees May inside, sobbing into her hands.]
Edd: "May?"
May: "Big Ed hates me!"
[The bell rings.]
Edd: "Um...I'm sure it's nothing like that! Ed's just being shy." [He glances into the hall.] "Oh dear. Um, don't you think we should be getting to class?" [May continues to cry.]
May: "I've got no valentine for Valentine's Day!"
[Edd scribbles on a card.]
Edd: "I–I really must get to class. Happy Valentine's Day, May." [Edd hands her a card and leaves for class. May stares at the card–one of Charles Darwin.]
May: "Naturally I select you?" [She walks into the hall to see Edd hurry around a corner.]
Edd: "Late! Late! Late! Late!"
May: "Double D?!"
[A tiny arrow hits her and she falls in love. May floats away. The cupids float down.]
Sarah: "And so the spring of love is seated deep within the Kanker girl!"
Jimmy: "Still another half is needed for its blossom to unfurl!"
[The fairies fly away giggling, past a hall where Rolf is drinking from a water fountain. Rolf abruptly stops.]
Rolf: "Rolf smells the inky scent of mountain sprites, come to make mischief among us!"

[Lee and Marie are examining an anatomy textbook and giggling.]
Lee: "Hubba hubba!"
Marie: "Ooh la la!"
[Lee turns the page. We look around the lab and see Edd working with chemicals. Ed walks by, wearing the classroom's skeleton.]
Ed: "Boy, am I parched!"
Eddy: [snickering] "Man, are you gonna get in trouble!"
Edd: [Annoyed.] "Some of us are here to learn, thank you!"
[A lovestruck May floats up next to Edd.]
May: "Hiya Double D!"
Edd: "Aah. Feeling better, May?"
[An awkward silence ensues. Edd looks down and sees that May is literally floating, not touching the ground at all. He sits up, nervous.]
Edd: "Well, nice talking to you, oh would you look at this work work work. This assignment is worth 40 percent of our term."
May: "Can I be your partner?"
[Edd's eyes bulge. Suddenly, something in the back of the room explodes. Ed and Eddy, who were messing with chemicals, have blown up their desk leaving them shirtless and covered in soot.]
Ed: "Pink belly!"
Eddy: "Oh, way to go, numbskull! You ruined my shirt!"
May: "Stupid! Don't you know never to mix ferric oxide with an aqueous suspension?"
Edd: [astounded] "May? I've never seen that side of you."
May: "I've developed a mean bathroom deodorizer too."
Edd: [backing away] "Well, perhaps it's a conversation best had in a very busy public area, yes?"
[A tiny arrow spears his bum, and Edd falls in love with May.]
Jimmy: "Now that Double D's been stricken with the course of Cupid's will–"
Sarah: "–ever shall a note be written. The plot gets thicker still!"
[The cupids fly off. Jimmy carries Edd one way, and Sarah carries May another.]

[Sarah carries May past a hallway full of lockers. The hair on Rolf's head stands up.]
Rolf: "Again? These mountain imps taunt Rolf no more!"
Kevin: "You're whacked, dude."
[Jimmy sends Edd down another hall. Edd comes to his locker and finds a note. He unfolds it.]
Edd: "To my sweet lambchop: won't you be my valentine? Love, May."
Eddy: [laughing, to Ed] "May's so stupid, she put your valentine on Double D's locker!"
Ed: "Yuck! Mushy!" [He dives towards the hallway floor and buries his head into it like an ostrich. Eddy changes his voice and imitates May's buck teeth by putting a book over his.]
Eddy: "Oh Ed! It's me, May Kanker! Won't you be my valentine?"
Ed: [His head is shown in the boiler room.] "That's not funny, Eddy."
Eddy: "Aah, what're ya scared of? [spits the book out] Girls don't bite, stupid." [He shoots the crumpled page at a wastebasket.] "They'll just slowly nag you to death."
[The shot goes in and the bell goes off. Ed and Eddy are about to go to class when they stop. Edd is searching the rummage for his valentine.]
Eddy: "Look at him! Not only is he the teacher's pet, but now he's kissing up to the janitor! Hey! We're gonna be late for class, Double D." [Edd continues to search. Eddy slaps Ed.] "Ed! Fetch!"

[Eddy runs into the gym. Ed follows, dragging Edd. The doors slam around Edd's midsection as he looks longingly at the valentine.]
Edd: "Turtledove. Til whence we meet again."
[Edd tucks the card into his hat as he gets pulled through the doors.]

[Kevin is supervising the gym class, clipboard in hand.]
Jonny: "Gym assistant, sir? Watch me!" [Jonny does push-ups under Kevin's gaze.] "Look sharp, Plank, he's marking us."
Eddy: [seeing Kevin] "What, you again?"
Kevin: "The things I do for extra credits."
Ed: "Here! Present! Chip! On head! Yo! Ready when you are! Can I be excused?"
Kevin: "No. Today you're gonna be climbing rope."
Jonny: "Right on!"
[Jonny easily scales the rope like a monkey and rings the bell at the top. At the other end of the gym, Nazz exits the girls' locker room.]
Nazz: "Alright girls, let's sweat! Today's class is gonna be like so much fun!"
[The Kankers exit the locker room.]
Lee: "Sounds like a test, huh May?"
[At the mention of his love's name, Edd spins around.]
Nazz: "Okay, that's not cool."
[Marie and Lee are fencing with two badminton rackets. May sticks hers in her mouth and chews on it. When she takes it out, it is in the shape of a heart. May uses this to frame Edd. Edd blows her kisses.]
Kevin: "Hey, no-neck, your go." [The rope smacks Eddy in the eye.]
Eddy: "I ain't climbing no stupid rope!"
Kevin: "Oh, you're climbing it, or I'm telling the teacher."
Eddy: "Fink."
[Eddy walks to the rope and begins to scale it. He manages to make it to the top, but when he reaches for the bell, he slides down the rope. He hits the mat.]
Ed: "My turn!"
Eddy: [examining his singed hands] "ROPE BURN!"
Kevin: "Double Dweeb!"
Ed: [to the lovestruck Edd] "Wakey wakey!"
Kevin: "You're up!"
[Edd skips in circles around Kevin and then skips to the rope. He uses an eggbeater to scale it and ring the bell.]
May: [dreamily] "I wanna wear his beanie."
Lee: "What the heck's she talking about?"
Marie: "Look at her face, she's probably constipated again."
[Nazz blows her whistle.]
Nazz: "A little less talk and a little more badminton, please?"
[Nazz tosses the shuttlecock into the air and Marie swings her racket, knocking the birdie to Nazz as Marie and Lee laugh after hitting Nazz to the ground.]
Kevin: "So who's next?"
Jonny: "It's Plank's turn!"
Kevin: "Zip it, cactus head!"
Ed: "Look at me!" [Ed is holding on to the rope as he perches on a basketball hoop.] "I'm as helpless as a kitten in a tree." [He swings down.] "Meow."
Eddy: "Go, Lumpy, go!"
[Ed hits the other hoop and swings backwards.]
Eddy: "He shoots!" [Eddy puts Edd on the map. Ed snatches him and dunks Edd at the peak of his swing.] "He scores!"
[Edd lies on the ground, hurt.]
May: "Lamb chop!"
Ed: "Yahoo!" [He lands on Kevin.]
Kevin: "You just got yourself a detention."
[Ed grins. The bell rings and he and Eddy run into the locker room, laughing.]
Jonny: "How do I know what they're laughing about, Plank?"
[On the gym floor, May cradles the injured Edd.]
May: "Speak to me, lamb chop! Are you hurt?"
Edd: "Your gaze alone would heal any wound."
May: "You're so adorable, I could just eat you up!"
Edd: "Bon appetit, turtledove, for I am basted and ready to serve."
Nazz: [to Kevin] "Dude. Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" [She points to the lovebirds.]
Kevin: "Man, that's sick."
[The fairies fly over the gym.]
Jimmy: "Now the dance of love is started, and the secret is about to unfurl."
Sarah: "Never shall the pair be parted by another boy or girl!"
[The fairies laugh. On the floor, Lee watches, and pushes the locker room door open.]
Lee: "Yo Marie, looks like that man of yours is flirting with your sister."
[Marie looks out to see the two canoodling on the mat.]

[Marie is now in art class. She is painting. What she is drawing is a picture of her pushing May off a cliff. Lee works on a piece of macaroni art, while May draws images of love on a card. Ed, meanwhile, is carving a block of wood, much to Eddy's enjoyment.]
Eddy: "C'mon Ed, c'mon! Before the teacher sees ya!"
Ed: "All done, Eddy. You owe me a buck." [He holds up a carving of an Eddy dollar.]
Eddy: "No problem, da Vinci! Give me a second, I'll go print you one! C'mon, stupid!"
[Ed puts up fakes of him and Eddy in their seats and follows Eddy to a printing press in the back of the room. Eddy pulls a portable chalkboard in front of them to disguise their counterfeiting.]
Eddy: "We'll print up a hundred bucks even before class is done!"
Ed: [pouring ink directly onto the paper] "Here's the ink, Eddy!"
Eddy: "How's this thing work?" [hissing to Edd] "Psst! Double D!"
[Edd sighs and continues to stare at May. Suddenly, ink splatters onto Eddy.]
Ed: "Heads up, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Ed!"
[Jonny taps Edd.]
Jonny: "I'm a little squirrel, and this nut's for you!" [He holds up a folded note addressed to a "Lamb Chop."]
Edd: [finding a candy heart inside] "A sweet! From my sweet!" [reading the heart] "Be mine."
[Jonny the squirrel runs across the room and delivers the note back to May. May's eyes bug with joy when she reads it. Jonny is sent back to Edd with a new inscription. Edd writes in the note, and the squirrel rushes back to May. This circle is repeated many more times, to the welling anger of Marie. Eventually she snaps and attacks Jonny. She wrestles the squirrel to the floor.]
Marie: "Lemme see that!"
Jonny: "No, I can't, it's against squirrel policy!"
Marie: "Gimme it!"
Jonny: "Nuts to you!" [He cheerfully gobbles down the note.]
Marie: "You're such a weirdo!"
[The floor in the back of the room is beginning to be covered with ink. Eddy is pitch black with the stuff.]
Eddy: "What are you doing!"
Ed: [in the printing press] "Splish splash, I'm taking a bath, Eddy!"
Eddy: "Double D! Do something! Stop this crazy thing!"
[A wave of ink erupts and bursts through the chalkboard. It washes Edd towards May.]
May: "Lamb chop!" [She joins hands with Edd, unmoved by the wave. The wave splashes her sisters against the wall.]
Edd: "Turtledove!" [The wave subsides, and they continue to hold hands as they leave the room.]
Eddy: "Lamb chop?"
Lee: "Turtledove?"
Edd: [opening the door] "I've got some stain removal we can share. Care to partake?"
May: "You can!"
[The lovebirds leave, and the remaining Eds and Kankers look at each other suspiciously.]

[Eddy is working to crack a lock. He does so and opens the locker. It is Edd's.]
Eddy: "Bingo!" [He looks at some books and throws them out.] "Opposite Attraction and You?" [the book hits Ed in the face] "Relishing the Repugnant?" [this book hits Ed too]
Ed: "Yum! Relish!" [gets hit by another’s book]
Eddy: "Diametric Doting Done Easy? I don't get it."
Ed: "Look Eddy, a prize!" [He points to May's hairpin. Eddy takes and studies it.]
Eddy: "It's May's barrette! Double D's been poisoned with Kanker love, Lumpy!"
Ed: "Yucky evil mushy, Eddy!" [He pulls another bag over his head.]
Eddy: "And I've got a test after lunch! How am I supposed to steal his answers if he's all May-happy?"
[Eddy slams the locker door.]

Lee: "Get over it, Marie." [The Kankers rip open May's locker.] "That Double D was always a wolf in sheep's clothing."
Marie: "I could tell there was always something going on. He's probably with her right now! What's this?"
[Marie pulls out a heart-shaped box. Lee lifts the lid and plucks a sock from it.]
Marie: [outraged] "That's Double D's sock! That creep!"
Lee: "Flirting is one thing, but handing out your unmentionables is goin too far!"
[They stalk off angrily, ready to find the two and break it up.]

Jonny: [humming at the lunch counter] "Bum ba-dum bum bum..." [notices the tray of jelly hearts] "Aw look, Plank, jelly hearts for Valentine's Day!" [He pokes a heart.] "Whee!"
Jonny: [heading to a table] "Holy cow, relax, buddy! Of course I washed my hands."
Jonny: "Where'd you think they've been?"
[Rolf sits down across from Nazz and Kevin. He plunks down a huge, squid-filled sandwich.]
Nazz: "Happy Valentine's day, Rolf."
Rolf: "Poppycock!" [A tentacle wriggles, and he smashes the sandwich with a mallet.]
Kevin: "Uh, so hey, Nazz, I, uh, like, you know–" [He pulls out a sheet of paper.] "Happy Valentine's Day?"
Nazz: "Awesome, thanks Kev.":[Kevin blushes.] "I got you a card too."
Kevin: [accepting it] "Sweet."
Nazz: "Rad."
Kevin: "Slick." [Rolf begins to grind his teeth.]
Nazz: "Super cool."
Kevin: "Choice-a-riffic."
Rolf: "ARE YOU ALL SO LOST TO THESE GRETCHENS OF AFFECTION?" [quieter] "Ed-boy and the Kanker girl have been smitten! Beware, lest you be next. Take these, the Lemons of Acceptitude." [He holds them out.] "Squeeze its nectar into your eyes in order to see what cannot be seen."
[Rolf leaves, and Kevin and Nazz look at each other quizzically.]
Kevin: "...right." [They drop their lemons and begin their lunch.]
[Eddy opens the door, and he and Ed enter. On the other side of the cafeteria, Marie opens the door and Lee follows her in. They meet in the center of the cafeteria.]
Eddy: "Well well well. If it ain't the sisters of the friend-stealer."
Marie: "Where's our May?!"
Eddy: [jumps up] "WHERE'S OUR DOUBLE D???!!!" [Marie falls down.]
Marie: [shaking Eddy] "You've got three seconds to tell us where she's at. One...Two..."
Eddy: "Hey, isn't that an abandoned car axle?"
Marie: [turning around] "Where?" [Eddy throws a sandwich at her.]
Lee: "Nice shot."
Eddy: "Tell your stupid sister to stay away from our friend."
Lee: "Tell your stupid friend to stay away from our sister!" [She throws two hot dogs at Eddy. They stick into his eyes.]
Marie: "Oh look Lee, wiener eyes!"
[They laugh. Ed holds up his stinky, sock-clad foot.]
Ed: "Stand back, matrons of makeout!" [whispering] "Girls hate toenails, Eddy."
[An orange hits the back of Ed's head. The Kankers use a table as a barricade as they fire away.]
Jonny: "Food fight!"
[Ed grabs the table that Rolf, Kevin, and Nazz and sets it in front of him and Eddy before they return fire.]
Eddy: "Get em, Ed! Whoa!" [Ed comes up and prepares to throw, but gets hit by Swiss cheese, the holes reflect on his face.]
[The food flies everywhere. Rolf, hunting for cover, runs to a trashcan and dives in.]
Ed: "Every man for himself!"
[The Eds and the Kankers ram their tables together. Lee slams her hand through and grabs Eddy. Marie reaches over and tries to grab Ed, pulling his head up to her, but he throws her to the ground by bowing forward. Eddy pulls Lee's leg to his mouth and bites it, her eye shows from the pain.]
Kevin: [enjoying the fight] "Hit him again!" [The cafeteria doors creak open as the fight moves into hand-to-hand combat.]
Edd: [sweetly] "Greetings, everyone!"
[The fighting stops. Edd and May are clutching each other tenderly.]
Edd: "Our Valentine's has come true. Has yours?"
[Two pairs of hands wrench them apart.]
Eddy: "Get a grip, Romeo! That's a Kanker you're falling for!"
Lee: "Forget the bum, May."
May: [straining against Lee] "Lamb chop!"
Edd: [reaching for her] "Turtledove!"
[May breaks free of her captor and begins to run for Edd, but Marie leaps on her.]
Marie: "He's trouble with a capital R, May."
Edd: [dragging Eddy forward] "Turtledove!"
Ed: "No, Double D!" [He leaps on his friend, stopping him.]
Jimmy: "How could this have happened? Chaos reigned instead of love."
Sarah: "We must stop this chain of madness! Fire at will from above!"
[The cupids load their bows with many arrows and let them fly randomly. Inside his trashcan, Rolf hears the arrows fly. Cautiously, he looks out to see Lee holding hands with Kevin.]
Lee: "Happy Valentine's, dreamboat."
Kevin: "You're so righteous, babe."
[Jonny and Nazz stare at each other dreamily.]
Jonny: "For you, foxy mama!" [He holds out a bouquet.]
Nazz: "What a hunk!" [She takes the flowers and hugs Jonny. Ed dances with a sandwich.]
Ed: "May I have this dance?"
[Eddy stares at Plank, love in his eyes.]
Eddy: "Where have you been all my life?"
Rolf: "Fools!" [He throws the trash can off.]
[Rolf reaches into his pockets and digs out two lemons. He squeezes them, and the juice shoots into his eyes. Rolf's eyes pop and swell, but he is now able to see the fairies dancing up above.]
Rolf: "Peekaboo, Rolf sees you!" [Vengeance is in his voice as he looks at them.]

[Rolf goes to the janitor's closet and picks up the janitor's bucket and mop.]

[Rolf returns to the lunchroom. He pushes the bucket in and whirls the mop like a bo staff before addressing the fairies.]
Rolf: "Begone, cursed underlings of Valhalla!"
Jimmy: "Oops. We missed one, Cupid Sarah."
Rolf: "Rolf awaits your response!"
[A hail of arrows rains down on Rolf. Rolf uses the mop to protect himself.]
Rolf: [after the rain stops] "You tickle Rolf's radish." [swiping at them with the mop] "Take this! And this!"
Sarah: [leading Jimmy to a high-up corner] "Quick! Up here! Far from his swings!"
Jimmy: "Safe and sound at last!" [The mop plasters them against the wall.] "Ow! That stings!"
[Rolf takes the destroyed cupids to an open window and drops them outside.]

[The lunchroom is still full of loving couples.]
Marie: [to Rolf] "Come here often, big boy?" [Sludgy water hits her in the face.] "What happened?"
Rolf: "Weaklings. Rise and shine!" [He splatters Eddy.]
Eddy: "Who what where?" [He drops Plank.]
[Nazz and Jonny are eating spaghetti when they get hit.]
[Kevin is rowing a gondola for Lee when the water splatters them.]
Ed: [kissing his sandwich] "Me, and you, and a dog named Boo."
[A shower of sludge comes down on the pairing. Ed looks at the sandwich, shrugs, and eats it.]
Rolf: [seeing May and Edd about to kiss] "You make Rolf sick."
[The water hits them, and they instantly back off. Edd sees his hands holding May's and lets go.]
Edd: "May! Oh–pardon me, but I think I belong over there." [He moves to stand by his friends. May joins her sisters.]
Rolf: "The harsh realities of your miserable lives have been restored! Thank you."
[A bell rings, and the kids head off to their various classes.]
Jonny: "Rolf's weird, huh Plank?"

[The Eds are in a hallway cleaning up the debris of Valentine's Day, expect Eddy who's drinking while leaning on the lockers.]
Edd: "I cannot believe this. Me! A detention to mar an otherwise impeccable school record! What will Mother and Father think?"
Eddy: "Quit your blubbering. Me and Ed get at least two a week."
Ed: "That's why I exfoliate."
Eddy: "Besides, I'd be thinking about my reputation there, Casanova." [Edd blushes.]
Ed: "Yeah! Double D and May, sitting in a tree!"
Ed and Eddy: "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
Edd: [mortified] "Oh, the tangled web Valentine's Day does weave."
Eddy: "Suck it up, Double D. Heck, Ed fell in love with a sandwich!" [Ed holds up another onion.]
Ed: "Love is like an onion, Double D. The more you peel away its layers, the more it stinks."
[Ed takes a big bite of his onion.]
Eddy: "Man, I hate it when he does that."
Ed: "Watch me." [exhaling stinky breath at Eddy] "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EDDY!!!"
[The card that May gave him earlier slips out of Edd's hat.]
Ed: "Eddy?"
[Edd examines the card. He smiles dreamily.]
Ed: [worried] "Oh Eddy? Speak to me, Eddy!"
[Edd gently tucks the card back into his hat.]
Ed: "It's only supposed to work on girls! Eddy! Do something, Double D!"
Edd: "Perhaps a little first aid, Ed?"
Ed: "Oh, I got it. Mouth to mouth for Eddy!"
[Before Ed begins, Eddy starts to awaken. Ed pinches Eddy's nose and opens Eddy's jaws.]
Eddy: [scared] "Ed?"
Edd: "Inhale, Ed."
[Ed inhales deeply and descends upon Eddy.]
Eddy: "Oh no."
Edd: "And blow."
[Ed exhales the full stink of his oniony breath into Eddy's mouth and lungs.]
Eddy: "LUMPY GERMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [gags]

Specials Scripts
"Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jingle Jingle Jangle" • "Ed, Edd n Eddy's Hanky Panky Hullabaloo" • "Ed, Edd n Eddy's Boo Haw Haw" • "The Eds are Coming" • "Ed, Edd n Eddy's Big Picture Show"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide