Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Kevin rides by on his bike. Eddy watches happily.]
Eddy: "What a pathetic set of wheels."
[Kevin screeches to a halt.]
Kevin: [getting in Eddy's face] "They'd look pretty good shoved up your nose!"
[He is suddenly carried backwards by Ed. Eddy follows.]
Eddy: "No need to be displeased, we've got all your needs at Krazy Ed'z Kustom Hot Bikes." [shoving Kevin in] "Yeah yeah, I know what you're saying. How can I afford a Kustom Hot Bike, Krazy Eddy? That's me, Krazy Eddy. But wait till you see this beaut! Show him the Big Daddy Cruiser, Krazy Ed! That's him, Krazy Ed." [Ed whips the sheet off of a giant superbike.]
Ed: "Ta-da!"
Kevin: [eyes wide] "Awesome! Check out these rad spokes!" [The spokes are really kitchenware.]
Eddy: "Yep, and at no extra cost."
Edd: "Eddy, don't you–"
Eddy: "Hey, do you mind? We got a customer here!"
Kevin: "These tires are choice."
Eddy: "You got an eye for quality my friend. Why don't you take her for a spin Kev, while Krazy Double D–that's this guy, Krazy Double D–gets the boring paperwork ready. Get it?"
Edd: "No."
[Kevin peels out on the bike.]
Kevin: "Out of my way!"
Eddy: "Kevin plus sucker equals cash for Eddy."
Kevin: [doing stunts] "This is so cool! Awesome!"
Edd: "He can't do that, Eddy! You said he wouldn't do that! You said build a bike that looked good, and that's it! That's all!"
Eddy: "Looking good is what it's all about, Double D. You just lie about the other stuff."
[Kevin is happily riding along when one of the wheels come off. The other rear wheel is quick to follow, and Kevin goes into an ungraceful slide down the street, skidding on his back and scattering parts everywhere.]
Ed: "Come again!"
[Kevin runs into a mailbox.]
Eddy: "Hey Kev, what'd I tell ya. Is it hot or what?" [Kevin throws a pedal at him.]
Kevin: "I'll get you dork! After I find some ointment." [He walks away, his back totally torn up.] "Ouch."
Eddy: "What's with him? I did everything my dad does. How come he sells stuff? Maybe it's the tie."
Edd: "Well, it certainly couldn't be that we manufactured the bike from HAND ME DOWN KITCHENWARE! Ten hours of hard work! And for what?"
Ed: "To fleece the masses!"
Eddy: "Check's in the mail, Ed."
Edd: [ranting] "It's the same thing, day in and day out! It's so monotonous! A pipe dream at best!"
Ed: "You are not alone, my friend. I dream of pipes too."
Eddy: "Boy, Ed, who'da thought?"
Ed: [pointing skywards] "Look, a balloon!"
[Drifting lazily in the sky is a large red balloon, floating on the breeze.]
Edd: "Aw, someone must have accidentally set it free."
Ed: "It is an alien probe from outer space!"
Eddy: "It's headed for that tree! Aw, man, it's gonna pop! C'mon branches, do your stuff! Pop it, pop it...that's it, that's it! Aw, stupid tree."
Edd: "There's something symbolic about an abandoned balloon. Boundless, devoid of direction, nudged by a gentle breeze into the unknown."
Ed: [running after it] "Let's capture it!"
Eddy: [following] "And pop it!"
Edd: [bringing up the rear] "You two mind your p's and q's now."

[The balloon drifts down the lane, the Eds following it at a breakneck pace. Eddy comes close but rams into a fence at the end of the path.]
Eddy: [dazed] "Hello! Hey, it's a dead end."
Edd: "Drats! We'll have to go around."
Eddy: "Let's get a slingshot."
[The Eds head the other way. Edd is sweaty and tired from the short run.]
Edd: "Oh, I'm exhausted! My genetic makeup has thrown in the towel! I'm filthy with sweat! Bath, I need a bath!" [He realizes that Ed is carrying him on his shoulders.] "Why thank you, Ed!"
Ed: "It's getting away!" [He stoops over to place Eddy on top of Edd's shoulders, creating a tower.]
Eddy: "Thattaboy, Ed! C'mere, you little–"
Edd: "Don't you hurt it, Eddy!"
Eddy: "What? All I'm gonna do is pop it!" [He laughs evilly. Suddenly, Ed trips on his untied shoelaces.]
Ed: "Uh oh!"
[The tower flips, and it's all Eddy can do to run on his hands. Unfortunately, Eddy can't control their direction, so the tower of Eds run headlong into a tree.]

[The balloon drifts over Rolf's farm. Rolf is busily cleaning his cow. The Eds enter, chasing it.]
Eddy: "Pop the balloon!"
Edd: "Onward, brave latex composite!"
[The Eds run into a chicken.]
Ed: "Chicken!"
[The Eds hit a pig.]
Ed: "Pig."
[The Eds run into the cow that Rolf is washing. It stops them in their tracks.]
Ed: "Cow."
[The cow slowly tips over onto Rolf.]
Rolf: "Mama! A bandage for Rolf!"
Eddy: [restarting the hunt] "Hurry up, it's getting away!"
Edd: "Excuse me, Rolf."
Ed: "What'd ya do, Double D?"
Rolf: [in pain] "Never again will Rolf store house keys in his trouser pockets."

[The balloon drifts into the lane and out of view.]
Eddy: "Where'd it go? I lost it! You guys see it?"
Ed: "What's it look like, Eddy?"
Eddy: "Shut up, Ed."
[The trio runs in a circle for several seconds; it isn't long before Edd begins to wheeze.]
Eddy: "Boy, Double D, you're such a jock."
[Edd stops and pours himself a glass of water. He drinks it down and then runs off. Ed follows.]

[Eddy looks over fences, trying to glimpse the balloon.]
Eddy: "Stupid balloon!" [It drifts by right over his head.] "I found it!"
[The balloon leads him into the playground and up a slide.]
Eddy: "Come on baby, come on."
[Eddy comes to the end of the platform and goes down the top of a tube slide. Ed pops out the end.]
Ed: "Look at it probe."
Edd: "I got it, Ed." [He slowly climbs onto the monkey bars. The balloon drifts past.] "I got it. I got it." [He stands up and hits his head on a bar. Edd falls to the ground.]
Eddy: "Oh no you don't!" [He jumps on a swing and grabs it.] "Gotcha! Ha ha ha!" [The swing falls away, and he plunges to earth. The force of the impact makes him let go of the balloon.]
Ed: "Ooga booga booga!"
Edd: [using a makeshift butterfly net] "Wait, don't go! We have so much in common!" [Ed pounces on top of Edd and uses his breath to propel the balloon away from capture.]
Edd: "What are you doing!?!?"
Ed: "Look at it float, Double D! Float, balloon, float!"
Edd: "Heavens, Ed, what's that devouring your leg?"
Ed: "It's a bag!" [Edd's net is caught on his foot.] "Get it off! Get it off!"
[Edd chuckles as Ed tries to shake the perfectly harmless pillowcase off.]
Eddy: "Good one, Sockhead. But the balloon's toast!" [He follows it.] "Let's go, boys!"
Edd: "Don't you dare, Eddy!"
Ed: "Release me, mutant bag! Have pity!" [Ed has somehow managed to get the bag stuck on his head.]
[Kevin watches the Eds run by and laughs evilly.]

[Jonny and Plank are on a pretend plane with several stuffed animals, being tended to by Jimmy and Sarah.]
Jonny: "I got three nuts in one shell, Plank."
Jimmy: "Good day, sir. Oh, a violation. Please fasten your seatbelts or I'll have to throw you off the plane."
Sarah: [as pilot] "Welcome aboard Sarah and Jimmy's airlines, passengers. Just in case, the emergency exits are located by my dolly, and the other one by Jimmy's bunny. After all, we might explode into a zillion tiny pieces! Wouldn't that be something? He he he! Anyways, for the drop back to Earth, please place our neato oxygen masks firmly over your face. Show 'em, Jimmy!"
Eddy: [interrupting] "C'mon! It's getting away!"
[Edd, exhausted, collapses into a chair. Ed and Eddy fight over the balloon.]
Eddy: "Mine!"
Ed: "No, mine!"
Eddy: "It's mine, Ed!"
Ed: "No, it's yours, Eddy!"
Eddy: "That's what I said, it's mine!"
Ed: "Forget it, it's yours."
Eddy: "You idiot, just grab it! Get it! Get it!"
[The dueling Eds have destroyed much of the plane.]
Jimmy: "Everyone stay calm! Don't panic!"
Sarah: "Ed! Get off my plane! Or I'm telling Mom about your dresser drawer."
Ed: "But Sarah, we just want the balloon."
Sarah: "Get lost!"
Edd: [holding out his magazine] "Um, excuse me, Sarah, would you have a more current issue?"
Jimmy: "Hey, you're trespassing! This is my backyard, and if you don't leave–"
Ed: [running past Jimmy] "Balloon!"
Eddy: "Oh, you're so popped."
Ed: "Hurry, guys!" [He runs through the house.]
Eddy: "Go, baby, go!"
Jimmy: "My house!" [The sound of a call button interrupts him.]
Jonny: "Plank needs more nuts."

[The Eds exit and stare at the high-flying balloon.]
Eddy: "Man, look how high it is!"
Edd: "We'd have to sprout wings to retrieve it from that height."
Ed: "Fly Double D, fly!" [He tosses Edd skywards.]
Nazz: [walking up] "Hey guys, what's up?"
Ed: "Fly Nazz, fly!" [He throws the unsuspecting girl at the balloon.]
Eddy: "She didn't even make a grab for it!"
Ed: "Your turn, Eddy."
Eddy: "Get away from me, Ed!" [He backs up, but Ed grabs Eddy's loop and pulls it.] "Why I oughta–" [His hairs suddenly start to whirl like helicopter blades.]
Ed: "Balloon, mister!" [He lets go of Eddy, and Eddy floats up to the balloon's level.]
Eddy: "This better not mess up my hair, Ed." [He hovers by the balloon.] "Hello, balloon. Come to papa!" [The toy hovers just out of reach.] "What the? Why you little!"
Edd: "Remind me to ask you how you did that, Ed."
Eddy: "C'mere, you sack of hot air!" [He continues to fail to grab it.]

[On the plane, Jimmy is wheeling a baby carriage down the aisle.]
Jimmy: "Pardon me, sir, we have your lunch." [On Jonny's tray is set a plate with three beans and a dab of butter.]
Jonny: "That's lunch?"
[Jimmy sets a steaming lobster dinner in front of Plank.]
Jonny: "Whaddya mean you special ordered?" [He looks back at his tray in disgust.]

[In the sky, Eddy clamps onto the balloon with his shoes.]
Eddy: "Ha! I'm too smart for you, balloon! Ha ha ha! Hey guys, check it out!"
[Eddy holds up the balloon, and the hairs hit his arm and tangle around it. Eddy starts to fall.]

Jimmy: [serving a stuffed rabbit] "Here's your lunch, Mr. Bunny."
[Eddy lands on top of Jimmy. The balloon floats off once again.]
Sarah: "Eddy, you, idiot! I've had it with you guys interrupting our flight!"
Ed: "Aw, come on, Sarah. Look at the pretty balloon!"
Edd: "A blessing in disguise, don't you think?"
[Sarah snatches the lazily drifting balloon out of the air.]
Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy, let's play."
Jimmy: "Oh goodie, revenge!"
Eddy: "How'd she do that?" [He and his friends give chase.] "Get back here with my balloon!"
Jonny: "Looks like we get to fly the plane, huh Plank?"

Sarah: "Pop it, Jimmy, before they show up!"
Jimmy: [attempting to pop the balloon by sitting on it] "My tushy's too small, Sarah!"

[The Eds rush into the street and are greeted with the sight of Sarah and Jimmy trying to hug it to death.]
Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy, squeeze harder!"
Jimmy: "I'm trying, get off my back!"
Eddy: "Let go of that balloon, it's mine!"
Sarah: "Let's bite it, Jimmy!" [She and Jimmy plunge their chompers into the red rubber flesh.]
Edd: "It's only a matter of time before our lone wanderer's pliablilty becomes an issue, Eddy."
Jimmy: [to Sarah] "You go, girl!"
Eddy: "I wanna pop it!" [He tackles Sarah and Jimmy.]
Edd: "Farewell, brave nomad. I knew ye well."
Eddy: [fighting] "Gimme it, Sarah!"
Sarah: [deftly keeping it away] "Gimme gimme never gets!"
Jimmy: "You leave Sarah alone!"
Eddy: "Gimme it!"
Sarah: "No!"
Eddy: [muffled, with Sarah's hand on his face] "Gimme it, you spoiled brat!" [He places his hand on top of Sarah's head and grabs the balloon.] "Bingo."
[Suddenly, the balloon pops for no apparent reason.]
Sarah: "Serves you right." [She and Jimmy walk off laughing. Eddy screams.]
Edd: "There. Are you happy now, Eddy?"
Eddy: "No. I wanted to pop it!" [He throws the rubber down.] "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
Ed: [despondent] "Float, little friend, float!"
Edd: "Chin up, fellows." [As he speaks, a balloon is inflated from behind a bush.] "Let's just remember the joy it brought to us." [Kevin pulls the full balloon from the helium container.] "How much closer we are as friends for knowing it."
Kevin: [tying a string onto the new balloon as Eddy wails] "No need to be displeased, I've got all your needs at Krazy Kev's." [He flicks the balloon away.] "Oops. There goes another one."
[He laughs as the balloon floats into the sky, and Ed notices it.]
Ed: "Look, a balloon!"
Eddy: "I see it! I see it! And it's all ours! Quick! Get it! Pop it! Pop it!"

Season 3 Scripts
"Wish You Were Ed" • "Momma's Little Ed" • "Once Upon an Ed" • "For Your Ed Only" • "It Came From Outer Ed" • "3 Squares and an Ed" • "Dueling Eds" • "Dim Lit Ed" • "Will Work for Ed" • "Ed, Ed and Away" • "X Marks the Ed" • "From Here to Ed" • "Boys Will Be Eds" • "Ed or Tails" • "Gimme, Gimme Never Ed" • "My Fair Ed" • "Rock-a-Bye Ed" • "O-Ed Eleven" • "The Luck of the Ed" • "Ed... Pass it On..." • "Brother, Can You Spare an Ed?" • "The Day the Ed Stood Still" • "If It Smells Like an Ed" • "Don't Rain on My Ed" • "Once Bitten, Twice Ed"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide