Ed, Edd n Eddy

Eddy: "Hey there, brave conquistador! Welcome to Ed's Peek Into the Future!" [He backs off, allowing us to see a giant cardboard futuristic city with a tunnel leading inside.] "See what marvels await you in the world of tomorrow! Only twenty-five cents." [He looks at Plank.] "Each, that is."
Jonny: "Plank wants to know if we'll live on Mars."
Eddy: "Maybe, maybe not." [He holds out a jar.]

[The door creaks open.]
Eddy: "The answers, my friend, are blowin' in the wind."
[Jonny enters, and Eddy slams the door. Suddenly the lights flip on, revealing many futuristic contraptions. Jonny begins to move.]
Jonny: "Wow, Plank! The floor is moving!"
Edd: "That's modernization, Jonny. Everyday tasks such as walking will be a thing of the past–in the future! Why, even the instinctive exertion of eating becomes effortless, my friend."
[A plunger swoops down and grabs Jonny, holding him up to a box. On the box are written "Food", "Wash", "Sleep", "Hair", and "Floss". Beside each option is a button.]
Edd: "All with the mere push of a button." [muttering] "Let's see, hygiene, wash, press, launder" [normally] "Ah! Here we go!"
[Edd presses the button. In the box, a sign pops up, reading "Food."]
Ed: "Food!"
[Two slots fly open, and a canful of beans hits Jonny in the face.]
Ed: "You're welcome!"
Edd: "Not a problem! The future knows no stain." [He presses the wash button.]
[Jonny is seated on a pillow. A diving helmet with a hose attached is plopped down on his head.]
Edd: "Lounge, as futuristic ingenuity removes any evidence of unmanageable edibles."
[The helmet fills with water and soap flakes. The hose then detaches, and a spoon stirs the water. Edd comes over and twists a tap, and the soapy water drains from the helmet. The helmet is then pulled off, and Jonny is left cleaned, albeit with a sudden Afro.]
Jonny: "Right on!" [The sidewalk moves again.]

[Eddy is on the driveway, jingling his change. He looks in at the coins.]
Eddy: "I'm a sap for ya. You know that, don'tcha?" [Someone taps his shoulder.] "Yeah yeah, the line starts over there." [The finger taps again.] "Hey! How 'bout I stick my foot right–"
[Behind him is Nazz. Eddy is taken aback–not by her beauty, but by the jawbreaker in her cheek.]
Eddy: "Hello!"
Nazz: "What's with the styling clothes, Eddy?"
Eddy: "Where'd you get that jawbreaker, Nazz?" [brought down] "Bazooka-chin Kevin, right?"
Nazz: "No way. It's customer appreciation day at the candy store, and they're giving away jawbreakers for free!"
Eddy: "FREE? YEEHA!" [He leaps into the air with excitement.]
Nazz: "But you better hurry. The store closes in ten minutes."
[Eddy leaps out of his costume and runs into his scam.]

[Jonny has televisions strapped to his feet.]
Jonny: "TV shoes?"
Edd: "For viewing on the go? Well, I didn't say the future was practical."
Eddy: [bursting in] "Forget this!"
Ed: "Yes, I will."
Eddy: "Jawbreakers! Free!" [He grabs a clock.] "Only ten minutes left!" [The clock ticks over a minute.]
Ed and Jonny: "Free jawbreakers?"
Edd: "Ten minutes left?"
[The Eds burst out of the scam.]
Eddy: "Hurry up, before they're all–" [He runs into a cardboard stop sign so hard that his eyes pop out of his head. Sarah is revealed to be holding it.]
Ed: "Sarah?"
Edd: "Sarah?"
Sarah: "Mom says–"
Jonny: [appears holding Plank, his body in a twist due to the position and weight of his TV shoes] "Pull, Plank, pull!" [He uses Plank to drag himself forward along with his TV shoes.]
Sarah: [continuing where she left off] "Mom says you've gotta clean up that mess or you're in big trouble!"
Ed: "But Sarah, if we don't get to the candy store, we don't get jawbreakers!"
Sarah: "Clean it up! Or I'm telling mom." [She struts away.]
Eddy: "No time! The store's closing in–" [He looks at his watch.] "I gotta get me a jawbreaker!"
Edd: "Oh, sure! Why help clean up, Eddy? After all, we don't want free jawbreakers, do we, Ed?"
Ed: "Help me, Double D!"
Edd: "The gall of that Eddy." [He pulls a string on his hat, folding up his costume within it.] "Leaving us stranded. Coming, Ed!"
[Ed pulls the driveway out from under the scam and pulls it over the scam, leaving a huge lump.]
Edd: "Oh, my."
Ed: "Jawbreaker, Double D!"
Edd: "Hardly noticeable, Ed." [He rejoins the hunt.]

[Eddy is running down the sidewalk.]
Eddy: "Come on! My nose runs faster!"
[Edd grumpily quickens his pace.]
Kevin: [offscreen] "Hey, watch it!"
[The screech of tires is heard.]
Edd: "Eddy, look out!"
[Kevin runs into Eddy, going straight down the latter's throat.]
Edd: [quietly] "Gracious."
Kevin: "No, really. I'm poundin' you, dork."
Edd: "Serves you right, Eddy. I think you owe Ed and I an apology, leaving us with that mess to clean up."
[Ed pulls Kevin out.]
Eddy: "No time! Candy store!" [He runs.]
Kevin: "Hey, I ain't done with ya!"
Ed: "Jawbreaker, Double D!" [He hurls Kevin away and runs after Eddy.]
Edd: "Wait! Curse promotional giveaways."

[The Eds turn into a lane. Edd pulls out a calculator and looks at the time. He then measures Ed's legspan and Eddy's angle of running. He punches the numbers in and comes up with a fearsome answer.]
Edd: "Oh, my. Hightail it, gentlemen! At this rate we'll never make it there in time!"
[The Eds pour on the speed. Ed and Eddy instantly plow forward, but Edd falls back.]
Edd: "Oh, who am I kidding?"
[Edd looks around the lane and begins to pick up various items.]

[Ed and Eddy are still running flat out. The lane dead-ends, and Eddy shoves Ed in front of him. Ed breaks the fence, clearing the way for him and Eddy.]
Ed: "Gentle as a kitten in a tree. Eddy, LOOK!" [Ahead is a steamroller.]
[Eddy uses Ed to pole vault over but lands through the roof. Ed grabs him and pulls him down through the front. On the way, Eddy grabs the starter, and the steamroller moves forward. Eddy then runs into a dangling crane hook. The hook catches him and throws him into Ed, and they land in the path of the steamroller.]
Eddy: "Mommy!"
Ed: "I got it, Eddy!"
[They get run over and flattened but quickly resume their sprint. Eddy checks his crushed watch and sees that time is running out. He and Ed pop up and rush again. Suddenly, a vehicle piloted by Edd hits them from behind, and they land on it.]
Eddy: "Where'd this wagon come from, hotshot?"
Edd: "Necessity, Eddy. Fabricated from everyday suburban litter in order to increase our velocity within our ever-shrinking window of opportunity."
Eddy: "Yawn. Just kick this thing into high gear and let–" [He stops suddenly. Both he and Ed look scared. Edd looks forward and sees the Kankers.]
Edd: "Ah-ah-Ed? Eddy? BLOCKADE!"
Lee: "Hey look, it's our husbands."
Marie: "Just in time to play 'house'!"
Eddy: [camera zoomed in on his face] "KANKERS!"
Ed: [camera zoomed in on his face] "EXTREME CLOSE-UP!"
Edd: "Retreat!"
[The wagon skids and slams into a giant pile of dirt.]
Lee: "Mom was wrong. Men do amount to a pile of dirt!"
[The Eds burst out, running full speed.]
Eddy: "Free!"
Ed: "Jawbreaker!"
Edd: "Pardon us, ladies!" [He runs the numbers.] "Time is not on our side, gentlemen! AAAH!"
[May leaps on him, capturing him.]
Edd: "Ed! Eddy! Help me!"
[Edd is struggling to free himself.]
Edd: "No, wait! Please! You don't understand!"
Lee: "You missed two of 'em, May!"
Marie: "Yeah, but at least she got the cute one!"
Eddy: "No time, Ed. Jawbreakers!"
Edd: "HELP ME!"
[Ed runs in circles, unable to decide, as Edd gets picked on by the Kankers.]

[Jimmy is working on a garden placed on a shelf above the ground. He waters his flowers and sniffs them happily.]

[Eddy runs down the sidewalk at a furious pace.]
Eddy: "Shortcut! There's gotta be a shortcut!"

[Jimmy continues to work on his garden. A rope holding the garden up is coming loose]

[Eddy sees Jimmy's yard.]
Eddy: "Bingo!"
[Just as he runs by Jimmy, the knotted rope comes undone.]
Jimmy: "My garden in the sky!"
[The plants fall. Eddy covers his head. When he looks up, however, he is in the middle of a circle of destruction, untouched.]
Eddy: "Missed me!" [A piano lands on him.]
Kevin: "That's for gobbing all over my bike, dork!"
[Kevin walks away laughing. The lid of the piano pops up, revealing that Eddy is stuck in the strings.]
Ed: "Coochie coochie coo!"
[Ed comes by, carrying Edd. Both have kiss stains on their faces and are wearing baby clothes.]
Eddy: "Double D! Get me outta here, willya?"
Edd: "Well it seems the shoe is on the other foot, huh, Eddy?" [Ed checks a watch stuck on the bottom of his shoe fearfully.] "Your selfishness and greed are really getting on my–"
[Edd looks down to see his shadow ticking away the seconds. Looking at the sky, he sees the sun going down.]
Edd: "Time's running out!"

[The Eds are going down the lane again.]
Eddy: "You snooze you lose, Double D!"
Edd: "WE'VE ONLY GOT FIFTY SECONDS LEFT!" [He clutches his side in pain.] "STITCH! I'VE GOT A STITCH!"
Eddy: [pointing downhill] "There it is! I see it! C'mon, hurry up!"
Edd: "Sore! I can't go on!" [Ed grabs Edd and drags him.]
Ed: "Jawbreaker, Double D!"
Eddy: "We're almost there! I'm droolin', I tell ya! Come to poppa, my babies!"
[Suddenly a cloudbank rolls in and lightning flashes.]
Eddy: "You gotta be kidding me!"
[A driving wind blows right in the faces of the Eds. The wind is strong enough to knock Eddy back. Only Ed can withstand the grind.]
Edd: "It was never meant to be! Fate has conspired against us!"
Eddy: "Jawbreakers?!"
[Ed stands tall and strong. He whips his friends out like a towel and wraps them against a lamppost. He then pulls himself up the chain.]
Eddy: "Quick thinking, Lumpy!"
Edd: "You see, Eddy? Any obstacle can be overcome when we work together as a team!"
[Ed pulls them across the street. Suddenly, a yard from the sidewalk, a parade of chickens comes.]
Eddy: "Now what?"
Edd: [disbelieving] "It's a chicken drive?"
Rolf: "Yah, fowls, hiyah! Come along, Lazar! Hiyah!"
Ed: "Ch-ch ch-ch chickens!"
Eddy: "Don't look at 'em, Ed!"
Edd: "Ed, what are you doing? Wait!"
[Ed dives into the chicken drive.]
Edd and Eddy: "No, Ed!"
[Eddy heaves himself out of the parade. Edd is not so lucky, as he is being trampled by the birds.]
Edd: "Eddy! Help me! I'm submerged in a preponderance of poultry!"
[Eddy turns to the candy store and then back to his friend.]
Edd: "Eddy?"
[Eddy is caught in a storm of indecision almost as fierce as the storm battling against them.]
Edd: "Help me!"
Eddy: [despairing] "Free jawbreaker, Double D!"
[Eddy leaps for the door. In the middle of his jump, the sign flips to closed, and the door locks. The lights in the store go off. Abruptly, the storm pulls back and the chicken drive ends. The sun comes out again. Edd coughs, and Ed opens up his jacket to reveal that he had stashed Edd in there with a few chickens.]
Edd: "Thank you, Ed. You're a true friend. Unlike others, whose sole purpose is seeking self-gratification!" [He climbs out of Ed's coat. Eddy stares into the store, haunted.]
Eddy: "Hey! One of 'em's moving! And it's covered with fuzz!" [A familiar brown head pops out of the jawbreaker display.] "It's Jonny!" [Eddy bangs on the door.] "Jonny! Let me in! Open the door!"
Jonny: "Plank says to blow it out your nose, Eddy!"
Ed: [laughing] "Good one, huh, Double D? That Plank cracks me up."
Edd: "There's a moral in this. Somewhere."
Ed: "Yep! Two chickens are better than one." [He and Edd walk off.]
Eddy: [banging on the door] "JONNY!"

Season 3 Scripts
"Wish You Were Ed" • "Momma's Little Ed" • "Once Upon an Ed" • "For Your Ed Only" • "It Came From Outer Ed" • "3 Squares and an Ed" • "Dueling Eds" • "Dim Lit Ed" • "Will Work for Ed" • "Ed, Ed and Away" • "X Marks the Ed" • "From Here to Ed" • "Boys Will Be Eds" • "Ed or Tails" • "Gimme, Gimme Never Ed" • "My Fair Ed" • "Rock-a-Bye Ed" • "O-Ed Eleven" • "The Luck of the Ed" • "Ed... Pass it On..." • "Brother, Can You Spare an Ed?" • "The Day the Ed Stood Still" • "If It Smells Like an Ed" • "Don't Rain on My Ed" • "Once Bitten, Twice Ed"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide