Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Eddy is fiddling with a rope and Ed.]
Eddy: "Ed? Ed?" [exasperated] "Will you quit moving around?" [sweetly] "Oh, Ed."
Ed: "Yes, Eddy?"
Eddy: [twanging Ed's nose] "STAND STILL!"
[The rope gets tied around Ed. The other end goes around a tree limb. Edd approaches Ed with plastic wrap.]
Edd: "This will protect you from any disgusting or unsavory life forms you may encounter." [He wraps Ed from head to toe in the plastic wrap.]
Ed: "Cool." [A snorkel is shoved in his mouth.] "Cool!"
Eddy: "Okay Double D, let's pull!" [The sounds of them straining are heard, and Ed begins to lift off the ground.] "PULL!"
Edd: [straining] "Ed weighs a ton."
Eddy: "I'm getting a hernia. Hey, Ed! How's it look?"
Ed: [unintelligible] "Mur murr, grr growf."
[Eddy leaves and studies the angles. Ed signals that he's in position.]
Ed: [unintelligible] "I'm okay. I'm okay."
Eddy: [coaching Edd, although no longer helping] "A little lower...c'mon, Double D. Easy now. Lower..." [Edd's strength gives out and Ed falls into the dumpster.] "Perfect!"
[Ed is seen swimming through the muck of garbage.]
Eddy: "Think of the treasure, Double D! Hmm?" [pausing] "I wonder how long he can stay down there?"
Edd: "Well, according to the Particle Ratio of–" [The line goes taught, smashing him against the tree limb.]
Eddy: "That's the signal!" [He grabs Edd's legs and pulls on them, pulling Ed out of the dumpster.]
Edd: "Hey!"
Eddy: [guiding the rope] "Bring him over...easy now..." [to Ed] "Any luck, burrhead?"
Ed: [hard to understand] "Oh, yeah!" [He holds up 7 soda bottles and a test tube on his fingers.]
Eddy: "YES!" [he releases the rope]
Edd and Eddy: "Woohoo we're rich! Poised for jawbreakers! All right!" [Ed lands on them, interrupting their celebration.]
Ed: [still unintelligible] "Woohoo! Now we can buy jawbreakers!"

[Ed walks down the Lane, still plastic-wrapped. Edd and Eddy follow in his wake.]
Eddy: "We'll be slurping jawbreakers for weeks."
Edd: "Actually Eddy, with current exchange rates, maybe an afternoon's worth."
Eddy: [not wanting to admit Edd's right] "Ah, you don't know what you're talking about. Whaddya think, Ed?" [notices Ed isn't with them] "Ed? Ed?"
[Ed has fallen behind, and is staring at a poster taped to the fence.]
Eddy: "ED?" [he runs up] "Ed. Hey!" [He snaps his fingers, breaking Ed of his trance.] "What's clogged up your brain, Ed?"
Ed: "That. See?" [He points to the poster, which is advertising a movie.] "Robot Rebel Ranch!" [reading the ad] "Marooned on a distant planet. Visitors in the void. No escape." [He sees a small box in the lower right corner reading "Adults Only."] "AAAAAAAAHHHH!" [He covers it up.] "It's not fair!" [he slumps against the fence] "If only I were older."
Edd: "Don't worry, Ed. We'll see it on TV in a year."
Ed: "Yeah, with all the good stuff cut out."
Eddy: "Don't sweat it, guys. Where there's a will, there's a scam. The first thing we do is we cash in these babies for ticket money." [shaking Ed's hand, jingling the bottles] "ONWARDS, SPACE MONKEYS!"

[The Eds are balanced on a bike, speeding towards the theatre.]
Ed: "Whoa. This is the coolest movie."
Eddy: "Since I'm the most mature looking, I'll go in first. Double D can be my wife."
Edd: [making a revolted face] "Ed's taller, I think he should."
Ed: "Tell you that the story begins–" [images form in his mind] "–with three space outlaws, who crash-land on a robot planet."
Edd: "Amazing!"
Ed: "Shock-O-Rama."
Eddy: "R-rated."
Ed: [letting go of the handlebars] "And they have to fight off the robots, but, they also must try to escape back to earth, or the robots will grind their bones to bits." [The bike goes off a small cliff.] "When the three spacemen lose control of their ship, and hurtle into a field of asteroids–" [A wrecking ball goes by, almost hitting them. None of the Eds notice.] "–that almost crush them into space dust. They're sucked–" [The bike enters a pipe. The Eds are still oblivious.] "–into a dimensional time portal that transports them to the robot planet."
[The pipe ends, and the Eds fall to earth. They land in a strange landscape full of trash.]
Ed: [continuing his monologue] "The heroes find their ship destroyed." [a shot of the broken bike is shown] "They're marooned on the robot planet."
Eddy: "Hey, look!"
Ed: "Whoa!"
[Over their heads, a car is lifted up by a crane with a magnet on the end. The magnet releases the car right in front of the Eds.]
The Eds: "Cool." [machinery begins demolishing the car] "Not cool! Not cool!"

[A shot of a pink Cadillac, sitting on top of a garbage heap, is shown. The camera then shifts to the hood of the car. Ed and Edd are seen peering out from the passenger seat, ready to hide instantly. Eddy is cowering behind the steering wheel.]
Eddy: "We gotta get out of here!"
Edd: "I have an idea." [He pulls a spring out of the upholstery and fashions it into a makeshift headset. He then tries to dial in a station on the radio.] "Come in, Earth. Come in, Earth." [agitated] "Come in Earth repeat come in Earth!" [not receiving a reply] "No response. THERE'S NO RESPONSE!"
Eddy: "Are you saying... WE'RE STRANDED?" [he shakes Edd]
Ed: [remembering the movie's setup] "Then, there's not much time, before the cold robot planet nights squeeze the life out of us." [standing up, making a proclamation] "WE MUST FIND SHELTER!"
[The word "Shelter" echoes as the camera pans out to show the utter desolation of the scrapyard.]

[Ed runs through a section of the junkyard.]
Ed: [signaling to his friends] "C'mon! C'mon! Not much farther now."
Eddy: [weary] "You said that an hour ago, Ed."
Edd: "What are we looking for again?"
Ed: "A cave! The first thing the space outlaws find is a cave, to protect them from–"
Eddy: "Yeah, yeah." [pretending to be scared] "The frozen robot planet nights." [speaking normally] "We're never gonna find–huh?" [His eyes alight on a van.] "Hey!"
The Eds: [scurrying over to the van] "Cool."
[Eddy opens the doors on the back and jumps in. The other two Eds look in to see him lounging on a waterbed.]
Ed: "Cool."
Eddy: "Hey guys, c'mon in! Enjoy the genuine shag carpeting, and the waterbed!"
[Eddy goes up to the front, and blows the horn. "La Cucaracha" plays.]
Eddy: "Boys, welcome to central command."
[Ed and Edd heave sighs of relief.]

[The Eds are racing through the graveyard, wearing weird armor.]
Edd: "Prepare for your eminent capture, Eddy!"
Ed: "Yeah!"
Eddy: "You'll never take me!" [He leaps behind a trash heap. Neither Ed nor Edd see this, and they look for him.]
Ed: "Where did he go? Where did he go?"
Eddy: [leaping out] "Prepare to meet your doom!" [He pulls out a pair of fuzzy dice and uses them like nunchucks.]
[Ed and Edd watch as he plays with them. Then, simultaneously, they pull out ray guns.]
[The Eds pretend to shoot at each other, making "bing" noises. Eddy throws his dice at Ed.]
Eddy: [pointing at Edd] "HA! Missed me! You lose! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
Ed: [on top of a trash mountain] "Hey guys, come up here."
[The camera shows Kevin and the Kankers. Kevin is tied to a tire, and the Kankers seem to be taunting him.]
May: [jovial] "Let's spin him again! Lee!"
Kevin: [bored] "Get away from me."
Lee: "Tell us. For 200, what color's your underwear." [She spins the tire.]
Kevin: [spinning] "Thiiiiissss iiiiissssss ssssstttttuuuuupppiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddd!"
The Kankers: "EEH! WRONG!" [They laugh until Lee puts her foot out and stops the wheel. Kevin is left hanging upside down.]
Kevin: [muttering] "Dumb girls... what color is my–sheesh."
The Kankers: "Oh Kevin!" [Lee looks as though she's about to kiss him.]
Ed: "Stay back! Hideous, life-sucking aliens have captured a fellow space outlaw! Which of the three brave explorers would take the risk to save him? I WILL SAVE HIM! FULL SPEED AHEAD!"
Edd and Eddy: "STOP ED!" [They lose their balance and tumble down the hill.]
May: "My turn!"
Ed: [rushing down the mountain] "Release him, evil space mutants!"
The Kankers: [surprised by Ed's appearance] "What is that?"
Ed: [running towards them] "YOW!"
Marie: [as Ed heads for them] "Run for it, girls!"
Ed: "Do not panic, fellow space outlaw! I have come to rescue you."
Kevin: "Just get me down, you–" [Ed unties him, and he falls to the ground.] "Goo." [standing up, sarcastically] "What are you supposed to be?"
Ed: "Uh–I–I am a fearless space outlaw!"
Kevin: "Yeah, right. Space DORK!"
Ed: [confused] "Dork?" [Edd and Eddy finish their tumble and run into him.]
Eddy: [in a pile of garbage with the other two Eds] "Did you save our fellow space outlaw?"
Ed: "Yes, he was most grateful."
[A sudden roaring sound is heard, petrifying the three Eds.]
Edd: "What?"
Eddy: "Huh? What was that?"
Ed: "Robot bounty hunters."

[Ed is looking through a tin can with both lids cut off, using it as a telescope which leaves him with black mark on his eye. A noise startles him.]
Ed: "Huh?"
[Another roar is heard. He darts from trash pile to trash pile before rushing out.]
Ed: "Prepare to be terminated, solar scum! Yow!"
[Ed comes upon something. We only see it's shadow, however. It seems to be vaguely human in shape, and it is very large, judging by the shadow's length. The camera zooms in for a close-up of Ed's frightened face, and then only his eye, before it goes white.]

[Eddy is pacing back and forth, worried, when he hears a scream in the distance.]
Ed: "NAAAA!"
Eddy: "Ed? Hmm." [He becomes more worried. We then see Edd working on some sort of rocket.]
Ed: [screaming again] "WAYOO!"
Eddy: "Double D! Did you hear that? They're closer now." [pointing to the rocket] "Hey! Is this thing ready yet?"
Edd: "Well, actually Eddy, since it's just a prototype, and still in need of–" [Eddy gets in] "Eddy!"
Eddy: "There's only one seat in this thing. Why'd ya just put in one seat, Double D?"
Edd: "Well I told you. This is the prototype. When this is properly tested, then I'll build the real one."
Eddy: "Yeah whatever. Let's go, Double D. Liftoff!"
Edd: "But Eddy, I still need to–"
Eddy: "Double D, FIRE THE ROCKET!"
Edd: "Fine. But you better wear this." [He puts a colander on Eddy's head.]
[Edd gets the rocket ready. Apparently the pressure is added through a foot pump.]
Eddy: "Oh yeah."
Edd: [sighing] "3. 2. 1. Ignition!" [He fires the rocket.]
Eddy: [as the rocket heads up into the sky] "YEEEEE–HAAAAAAAWWW!" [The rocket disintegrates around him, and he's left sitting in a chair in midair.] "WAAAAAAAA!"
Edd: [calmly] "Oh, better test the parachute." [the parachute opens] "Well, at least that worked." [He tosses the parachute remote to the ground, and the button is pressed. The parachute subsequently detaches from the chair, sending Eddy plummeting to Earth again.]
Eddy: "WAAAAAAA!" [he lands on Edd] "Hey Double D, the rocket needs work."
Edd: [exasperated] "IT'S A PROTOTYPE!!!"

[Ed rushes up.]
Ed: "The robots are coming! The robots are coming!"
Edd and Eddy: "Huh?"
[They turn to see two giant robots appear out of nowhere. The trio run away screaming.]

[The Eds are hiding in the van.]
Ed: [describing the scene] "The planet seemed eerily calm, as the approach of the robot bounty hunters was awaited fearlessly by the three brave outlaws." [Edd and Eddy are seen huddled beside him, quivering in fear.]
Eddy: "Is Ed for real?"
Ed: [Shushing him, he looks out again to see the robots.] "They approach."
[Ed peeps out. He holds three fingers in front of Edd and Eddy. He then lowers one, signaling two. The countdown reaches one, and then Ed gives the command.]
[The Eds fire their guns as Eddy throws grenades. Miraculously, this seems to work.]
Ed: [shouting descriptions] "Vaporizing thermal grenades! Quasic terra lasers! Sub-atomic blasters!" [The robots are shown taking damage.] "HIT EM HARD!"
[The camera shifts from the Eds point of view to show that the robots are in fact Jimmy and Sarah, and that the Eds are throwing tin cans at the duo.]
Sarah: "ED!"
[The Eds pause, and one last can hits Jimmy.]
Sarah: [marching up to them] "What the heck are you guys DOING?"
Ed, Edd, and Eddy: "Uh...nothing?"
Sarah: [grabbing Ed's jacket] "You have to come home, Ed. It's time for dinner." [to Jimmy] "C'mon, Jimmy." [Jimmy stands up, two lumps on his head. He follows Sarah as fast as he can.]
Eddy: "Yeah, dinner sounds good. I'm hungry."
Ed: [still standing by the vehicle] "Only one was left alive after the horrible battle. Wounded and stranded, would he ever get off the robot planet? Would he ever get home?" [The camera shifts to show Edd and Eddy waiting impatiently for him to finish.] "Would he–" [Eddy grabs him and drags him away] "Oh no! Betrayed by his own comrades!"
Eddy: [after the screen goes black] "Ed, shut up."

Season 1 Scripts
"The Ed-Touchables" • "Nagged to Ed" • "Pop Goes the Ed" • "Over Your Ed" • "Sir Ed-a-Lot" • "A Pinch to Grow an Ed" • "Dawn of the Eds" • "Virt-Ed-Go" • "Read All About Ed" • "Quick Shot Ed" • "An Ed Too Many" • "Ed-n-Seek" • "Look Into My Eds" • "Tag Yer Ed" • "Fool on the Ed" • "A Boy and His Ed" • "It's Way Ed" • "Laugh Ed Laugh" • "A Glass of Warm Ed" • "Flea-Bitten Ed" • "Who, What, Where, Ed" • "Keeping up with the Eds" • "Eds-Aggerate" • "Oath to an Ed" • "Button Yer Ed" • "Avast Ye Eds"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide