Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Edd is decking himself out in rain gear. He puts on galoshes, a yellow poncho, and even some goggles.]
Edd: "I'm famished!"

[Edd approaches a grapefruit. He twists it, examining it. He then digs his spoon in. A spray of juice hits him in the face, drenching him.]
Eddy: [entering through the screen door] "I smell breakfast." [He lets the door swing shut.]
Ed: [tearing through the screen door] "I smell friends."
Edd: "Ed, the screen door?"
Ed: "Let's watch it."
Edd: "Do you realize you've opened a door for all winged insects to invade my home?!?"
Eddy: [with a dull tone in voice and facial expression] "You just had to get him started, didn't you, Ed?"
Edd: [trying to pull the screen together] "The annoying buzzing and their insatiable urge to bite is enough to make your skin crawl!" [He hears the buzz of a fly.] "Do you hear it?" [He runs to a drawer and rifles through it, coming up with a flyswatter.] "Okay. We're safe. Everyone stay calm. I've got it under control."
Eddy: "It's on Ed!"
Ed: "Get it off, Eddy, get it!" [Eddy hits Ed.]
Eddy: [slapping Edd on the back] "Bingo! Gah. This guy's quick!" [grabbing the flyswatter] "I got it I got it!" [Ed hits him with a newspaper.] "Ow!"
Ed: [swatting at the air] "Prepare to meet your doom, buzz-bug with wings that flies!"
Eddy: [bringing the flyswatter down on Ed's head] "There it is! Hey, get back here! [knocking Edd over] "Look out. It's too fast! There it goes! I got him! I see him! I got him! I see him! I got him!"
[The fly zooms into Eddy's mouth. Eddy clutches at his throat in shock.]
Ed: "What? I can't hear you, Eddy." [coming to the obvious solution] "MY EARS ARE BROKEN!"
[Eddy points to his throat.]
Edd: "It seems the insect has lodged itself in Eddy's voice box,--" [Eddy nods.] "--disabling his ability to talk." [Ed pulls one of Eddy's hairs out, causing him to scream in pain voicelessly.]
Ed: "Eddy can't talk."
Edd: "I know of a temporary solution." [He ties a bell around Eddy's neck.] "Just ring this bell when you need to communicate."
[Eddy rings the bell.]
Ed: "Hello!"
Edd: "Eddy's trying to say something!"
[Eddy opens his mouth.]
Ed: "Eddy wants an umbrella."
[Eddy shakes his head.]
Edd: "The latest in Chemistry Theories magazine?"
[Eddy shakes his head again.]
Ed: "Buttered toast?"
[Eddy just shakes the bell. A moo comes from outside. Edd and Eddy lean on each other to look.]
Ed: [leaning on both of them] "Let me see!" [They collapse.]
Rolf: [walking by with a cow] "Hello, embarrassing Ed-boys! [He sees Eddy's bell.] "Why is Eddy wearing a bell like a cow?" [laughs]
Ed: "Eddy forgot his voice." [Eddy rings the bell.]
Edd: "And talks to us by ringing this bell." [Eddy rings the bell again. When they ignore him, he donks it against his forehead.]
Ed: "Hey! Eddy's talking."
Edd: "What is it, Eddy?"
Ed: "Eddy needs to water...the Christmas tree because it's dry!"
[Edd and Eddy look at him oddly. Eddy then rings the bell again.]
Edd: "Eddy would like a dictionary!" [The bell rings again.] "An atlas?"
Rolf: "Eddy is hungry!"
Edd: [confused] "Eddy's hungry?"
Rolf: "Yes. Do you not hear it? Are you so simple? Come, you are invited to Rolf's for food and merriment."

Rolf: "...but my will was strong in the ways of the reading of the bells. Enough about Rolf. Please, let us fill our faces."
[The Eds and Rolf are seated at a table. On the table are many meats, cheeses, and fishy dishes.]
Ed: "Hello!" [He pokes an octopus.] "Cool. I saw this movie!"
Rolf: [with a squid on the end of his fork] "Movie bad. Food is good!" [He drops his fork.] "Ed! You are disgracing yourself!" [Ed is wearing the octopus on his head.] "Tell me how good my fish sticks are, please."
[Edd has a plate of fish on sticks in front of him. Rolf signals for him to eat.]
Edd: "Curse my polite ways." [biting into one, his eyes watering] "A gastronomic coup, Rolf."
Rolf: "Eat, hungry Eddy, eat!"
[Eddy stares at the sausage in front of him. It explodes into ground meat, and he pushes it away. He rings his bell.]
Edd: "What's Eddy saying, Rolf?" [Eddy points at the table and then to his own mouth, rolling his eyes]
Rolf: "Hmm. It seems that Eddy would like one of us to feed him like a baby." [Eddy sits there, astonished at how far off Rolf is.]
Ed: "Ooh! Ooh! I'll do it!" [He rushes over to feed Eddy, leaving the octopus spinning in midair. He moves a spoongul of sausage meat to Eddy's mouth] "Eat your smelly sausage, Eddy. Here comes the choo-choo!" [He jams a spoon in Eddy's mouth.] "Chew it all up or no octopus for you, mister."
[Eddy, trying to push Ed away, rings his bell again.]
Edd: "Translation, Rolf?"
Rolf: "Eddy wishes to work off the sausage with outdoor activity."

[The Eds are swimming in the creek.]
Edd: "Synchronized swimming! I never knew, Eddy."
Rolf: "A wise choice, Eddy. A favorite in my country, second only to shiny shoes!"
Ed: "This is fun!"
[The Eds continue to perform routines. Eddy rings his bell.]
Ed: [dunking Eddy] "Dunk Eddy! Dunk Eddy!"
[The Eds go into three poses. On the last one, Eddy is on the bottom. He rings his bell as the Eds sink.]

[Eddy is on a unicycle in a huge makeshift slingshot. Ed is holding him back.]
Edd: "Eddy sure has gained confidence since losing his voice."
Rolf: "The Unicycle of Doom is a very brave request for a coward."
[Ed lets go. Eddy shoots across the street just as Jimmy opens his front door. Eddy, with Jimmy on his face, goes through the house, through its wall, and into a fence. The fencepost he runs into spins him round and round before it sends Eddy back to the cul-de-sac, where his unicycle goes up a lamppost, bending it back. The resulting rebound flings him off into the distance past the park.]
Ed: "Now what, Rolf?"

[Eddy is in his room, recuperating. A fridge suddenly knocks his door off its hinges.]
Rolf: "Eddy says, he is too hot and sweaty and must cool off for a moment." [Edd turns the temperature-regulating knob to the coldest setting.]
[Snow starts to fall. Eddy looks out the window, where Ed and Edd are waving at him. Soon his room is blanketed in snow. He starts to shiver and attempts to push the fridge out. When he's unsuccessful, he grabs a blanket and wraps himself in it.]
Ed: [turning away from the window with Edd] "Lucky for Eddy, we got Rolf."
[Eddy trudges through the snow to the window, where he looks out on his friends. His hair freezes off.]
Edd: [with a drink in his hand] "Phew! I'm definitely hot!"
Ed: [drinking a soda] "There he is!" [Eddy rings his bell.]
Rolf: [setting down his watermelon] "Now, Eddy is thanking us, or he would like his thick toenail clipped. Okay yes, he is thanking us!"
[Eddy continues to ring his bell as the snow envelopes the window.]
Edd: "It's nice to help out a good friend."
Ed: "Melon, please."

[Eddy is sneaking around the side of a house, trying not to be noticed. He takes a step forward and his bell rings.]
Edd: "Rolf, Eddy wants something."
[Eddy heads back the way he came only to encounter Rolf.]
Rolf: "Yes, Eddy, what is it? Ring your bell, please." [Eddy runs the other way.] "Eddy!" [Eddy runs into a fence.]
[Edd, Ed and Rolf surround Eddy, looking at him expectantly until Eddy signals for them to stop.]
Ed, Edd, and Rolf: "Huh?"
[Eddy pretends to use a typewriter and then outlines a piece of paper. He points to the invisible sheet.]
Edd: "What is it, Rolf?"
Rolf: [pulling a piece of paper out of his trousers] "Paper for Eddy?"
Edd: [as Eddy excitedly takes the paper] "Just as I thought."
[Eddy then mimes writing.]
Rolf: "Yes, Eddy, sure, here."
[Rolf hands Eddy an ear of corn. Eddy writes with it for a few seconds before realizing it's not what he wanted. He then throws the corn on the ground and yells at the other two Eds.]
Edd: "Hm."
[Eddy goes over to the fence and kicks it. He screams in pain. Holding his foot, he hops forwards. A misplaced hop lands on the ear of corn, and he falls flat on his face.]
Rolf: "Eddy would like to face his greatest fear!"
[Eddy jerks up from the ground in shock.]

[Eddy is in the middle of a wooden ring with a red towel.]
Ed: "We getcha, Eddy."
Rolf: "Eddy is prepared to face the beast." [A door on the side of the pen bucks with the force of an animal trying to escape.] "Hey! Whoa! Yah." [He opens the gate.] "Behold."
[The beast is a rooster. Eddy looks at it and laughs.]
Rolf: "Do not cry, Eddy! Be a big man and face your fear!"
[Eddy proceeds to taunt the rooster.]
Ed: "Óle!"
Rolf: "Eddy, careful! Do not taunt the doodle!"
[Eddy continues to mock it. The rooster crows and begins to chase him. Eddy tries to climb the fence.]
Ed: "Go, Eddy!" [He grabs Eddy.] "You almost fell out, Eddy." [Ed throws Eddy back into the ring.] "There you go."
[The rooster crows again.]
Edd: "Use the cape, Eddy, the cape!"
[Eddy holds the cape out like a matador. The rooster readies itself like a bull about to charge. It then rushes Eddy. At the last second, Eddy pulls the cape away to reveal...Plank?]
Jonny: [picking up Plank, who has the rooster's beak buried in him] "Good work, Plank! We've rescued another one!" [He takes off.]
Rolf: [chasing Jonny] "Not again, Jonny! Stop where you stand!"
Jonny: "Run, Plank!"
Rolf: "Do not fool Rolf!"
[Eddy watches them and then tears the bell off its rope.]
Ed: "Rolf's not here, but I got a good idea what you're–" [Eddy throws the bell at his head.] "Ow."
Edd: [as Eddy runs away] "Uh, Eddy?" [pulling at Ed] "C'mon, Ed, we need to help Eddy!" [Edd pulls Ed's jacket and shirt off.] "Please get dressed and follow me."

[Edd and Ed round a corner.]
Edd: [not seeing Eddy anywhere] "Hmm. He must have gone back to his home."
[Ed and Edd go back the way they came. Eddy pops out of a tree and makes faces at the place they used to be. He then tries to leap out of the tree, but his shirt gets caught on a branch.]
Eddy: "WHAT'S WITH THIS SHIRT!?!" [realizing he can talk] "Hey! I can talk!" [beginning to panic] "Ed! I can talk! Double D, come back here! Get me down!"

[Ed and Edd are sitting on a doorstep. Eddy's voice can be heard in the background.]
Edd: "The brain is an amazing organ, Ed. Why, it's actually fooling me into thinking that Eddy's calling out to us."
Ed: "Were Rolf's fish sticks good, Double D?"

Eddy: [still trapped] "Rolf! Hey guys! C'mon, will ya?" [He continues to struggle.] "Tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle!"

Season 1 Scripts
"The Ed-Touchables" • "Nagged to Ed" • "Pop Goes the Ed" • "Over Your Ed" • "Sir Ed-a-Lot" • "A Pinch to Grow an Ed" • "Dawn of the Eds" • "Virt-Ed-Go" • "Read All About Ed" • "Quick Shot Ed" • "An Ed Too Many" • "Ed-n-Seek" • "Look Into My Eds" • "Tag Yer Ed" • "Fool on the Ed" • "A Boy and His Ed" • "It's Way Ed" • "Laugh Ed Laugh" • "A Glass of Warm Ed" • "Flea-Bitten Ed" • "Who, What, Where, Ed" • "Keeping up with the Eds" • "Eds-Aggerate" • "Oath to an Ed" • "Button Yer Ed" • "Avast Ye Eds"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide