Ed, Edd n Eddy

[Eddy walks across his bedroom floor, shirtless. He then makes poses in front of his bedroom mirror, appearing and disappearing from it every few seconds. He puts on a shirt. We then see that he is jumping up and down in order to be visible to it. He then takes a chair over to his record player. He takes out a record and tries to put it on (while balancing on the chair), but he is not quite tall enough to reach the record player. One of his attempts sends the chair skittering out from under him, and he has to grab the cabinet on which the record player is perched to keep from falling. The vinyl he was trying to play falls to the floor and breaks into many pieces like glass.]
Eddy: [to the cabinet] "You're firewood."

[We next see Eddy looking at a wall. On the wall are marks showing how much he has grown. Comically, his growth has been nonexistent from eight years old onwards. Annoyed by this, Eddy extends one of his hairs to its utmost length and marks this false extension as his height. He walks off, happy.]

[The kids are playing in the playground. Sarah and Jimmy, in particular, are playing with a baby carriage. Eddy comes up to them.]
Eddy: "Hey!"
Sarah: "Eddy, we need a new dolly. Wanna be our new dolly?"
Jimmy: "Yeah, dolly!"
[They both giggle. Eddy walks off, unhappy.]
Kevin: [coming up to him with Nazz] "Hey, squirt, where's the tall dorks?"
[Eddy walks on. He sees Rolf playing with a basketball.]
Eddy: "Hey, Rolf! Quick, pass it, c'mon Rolf, pass it!"
Rolf: "You are too little, Eddy, I might squish you."
[Eddy, grumpy, moves on.]
Eddy: "Yeah right."

[Ed and Edd are playing on the swing set. Edd jumps off and lands perfectly on the ground. Ed jumps as well, but reconsiders immediately.]
Ed: "Too high!" [He grabs the swing and holds it as he comes back to earth. The swing drags him through the dirt, making a trench.]
Eddy: [offscreen] "You call that a jump?"
Ed: "Eddy!"
Eddy: "Watch and learn." [He takes a running start at the swing. He jumps on it, letting it carry him higher, and then jumps, landing a ways away.]
Edd: "Bravo, Eddy! You've broken another record!"
Eddy: "Chin-ups, anybody?"
Ed: "Me first!" [He rushes ahead of the other two Eds, jumps, and grabs a bar.]
Eddy: "Hey!"
Edd: [grabbing one of the monkey bars as well] "C'mon, Eddy!"
[Eddy attempts to reach the bars, but his height won't allow it. Ed and Edd let go of the bars.]
Eddy: "Hey." [Ed gives him a boost.] "I don't need your help, Ed."
Ed: [tickling him] "Oh yes you do."
Eddy: "Stop it!" [Edd tickles him.]
Edd: "A little boost for Eddy."
Eddy: "Knock it off!" [Both Eds tickle him. Eddy's grip on the bar weakens, and he falls into the dirt at its base.]
Ed: "You're too little, Eddy."
Eddy: [threatening to throttle Ed] "I'M. NOT. LITTLE!"
Edd: "A lot of important people were short in stature."
Eddy: "I'M NOT SHORT!" [He walks off.]
Edd: "But I-I..." [He trails off. Ed and Edd look at each other and shrug. They then head off after Eddy.]
[Ed pats Eddy on the head.]
Eddy: "Stop it, Ed! We're the same height. So get over it, I am not short!"
Ed: "But we like you short."
[Eddy turns around and shoves Ed. Instead of knocking Ed back, he himself slides back a few feet.]
Eddy: "You think you're so tall."
[Eddy walks off, alone.]

[Eddy walks along a field of flowers, ripping some out and destroying them.]
Eddy: "I'm not short. I'm just fine. I'm perfect!"
Lee: [suddenly appearing] "Hi, little Eddy."
May: "He's so cute."
[The Kankers proceed to physically harass him, putting their hands all over his face.]
Marie: "Look at that baby face."
Lee: "He's such a little brat."
Eddy: "I'm not little! Got it?" [He tries to walk away, but May blocks him.]
May: "Not so fast, pipsqueak."
[Eddy moves in the other direction.]
Marie: "Hold it, stubby."
[Eddy moves to the center of the circle of Kankers.]
Lee: "Where ya goin, shrimp?" [The sisters cackle evilly.]
May: "Let's kiss him!" [Her sisters sigh in agreement.]
[Eddy looks desperately for a way out. He finds one by plowing through the flowers.]

[Ed and Edd are in the lane, searching for Eddy.]
Edd: "Eddy? Eddy?"
Ed: "Eddy? Oh, Eddy?"
[Eddy walks through a space where a couple of fenceposts are missing. Ed and Edd spot him.]
Ed: "Hey! Wait up, Eddy!" [Eddy continues walking.] "Eddy!"
[Eddy goes into his room and shuts the door in order to brood.]
Ed: "Eddy?"
Eddy: "No tall people allowed."
Ed: "We can help you be tall."
Edd: "Eddy?"
Eddy: [peeking out] "You can?"

[Eddy is being stretched out.]
Ed: "Look, Eddy's so tall!" [Eddy is holding on to a tree while Ed pulls on his legs. Edd is making calculations.]
Sarah: "Ed!" [Ed releases Eddy.] "What're you doing?"
Ed: "Making Eddy tall."
Sarah: "I'm telling Mom."
Jimmy: "I wanna be tall."
Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy." [Jimmy runs after her.]
Ed: "Let's try plan B!"

[Eddy is sitting on a stump while Edd drafts plans. Ed comes up with a package.]
Ed: "Plan B!" [Eddy stands up.] "Say Aah." [Eddy opens his mouth.] "Wider!"
Eddy: [opening his mouth wider] "Aah!"
Ed: "Eat this." [He stuffs the package in Eddy's mouth. Eddy swallows it. Ed then pulls the cord on the package, and Eddy bulges.]
Edd: "Well, he's certainly wider." [Ed hugs Eddy, making him taller.] "Eddy! You're tall!"
[Eddy shoots out of Ed's arms. He hits a tree, a fence, and the ground before finally running out of momentum.]
Edd: "No time for rest, Eddy. The plans are complete. To my garage!"

[Eddy is outside the garage, trying to find out what's going on inside. On the inside, Ed and Edd are readying themselves for intense experimentation. Outside, Eddy tries to look in through the window but fails, because of his height.]
Edd: "Saw." [Ed hands the saw over, and Edd uses it.] "Heat." [Ed hands over a welder.]
[Eddy, on the outside, is tapping his foot. The door opens slightly, and Eddy rushes in.]
Ed: [putting him back outside] "It's not done yet, Eddy."
[Eddy groans in frustration.]
[Inside, Edd uses various hoses on the product. He then spits on two brushes and uses them to shine the invention.]
Edd: "Okay, Ed, they're ready! Let him in."
[Ed opens the garage door, and Eddy leaps in.]
Eddy: "So?"
Edd: "Behold! Walking braces." [The braces in question are two boots on top of accordion-like platforms.] "You will become like a giant among the low-set."
Eddy: [pushing them away] "Do I look like a clown?" [when Ed picks him up] "Hey!"
Ed: "C'mon Eddy, try them on!"
Eddy: "Put me down! I don't wanna put on your stupid boots!"
Edd: "But Eddy, they'll make you taller."
Eddy: "Taller?" [He lets Ed put the boots on him.]
Edd: [holding a one-button remote] "This remote control, when pressed, activates the shoes–"
Eddy: [snatching the remote] "Gimme that!" [He presses the button and holds it. The shoes raise him up a few inches.] "Nice boots, Mr. Inventor Smarty-PaAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
[The accordion platforms shoot upwards, ramming Eddy through the ceiling. Eddy comes down a few seconds later, dazed.]
Eddy: [confused] "Nice pants, Mr. Smarty-Boots, nice..."
Edd: "Careful Eddy, that button is very sensitive."
Eddy: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever." [He presses the button, and starts walking forward. With each step, he gets taller.]
Edd: "Wow, Eddy!"
Eddy: "C'mon, boys!"
[The Eds exit the garage.]

[The Eds are by the playground.]
Eddy: [seeing Sarah and Jimmy] "Hello, dollies."
Jimmy: [scared] "Eeee! Aaah!" [He drops the dolls, and Eddy steps on them.]
Eddy: "Hey! Playing with dolls is fun!"
Sarah: "You big ape!"
Eddy: "Big! And don't you forget it."

[Kevin and Nazz are on the sidewalk, grooving to the radio. Eddy approaches them.]
Eddy: "Hey Nazz."
Nazz: "You're looking tall!"
Eddy: "Tall. I like the sound of that!"
Kevin: [indicating the shoes] "What are those supposed to be?"
Eddy: "Just the latest footwear. Check 'em out!"
[Eddy puts a shoe on Kevin's head and presses the button. The shoe presses Kevin's face into the ground. Eddy laughs evilly.]

[Rolf is still playing basketball. He raises the ball over his head and slams it onto the ground. The opposite force sends it into the air. When it comes down again, Rolf heads it into the basket. Eddy catches it after it falls through.]
Rolf: "5 Oh, in a row."
Eddy: "Betcha can't do that again."
Rolf: "Ya. I'll make you believe, small fry."
Eddy: "Do it."
[Rolf again heads the ball. This time, however, Eddy rises up and catches the ball in mid-air.]
Eddy: "Nice try, Rolfy." [He takes the ball and stuffs it in Rolf's mouth.] "I love being tall. Maybe now I'll get some respect around here."
Lee: [making a sudden appearance with her two sisters] "If it ain't Tater Tot."
May: "And his two corncobs."
Eddy: [quietly, to his friends] "Stand back, boys." [He marches up to the Kankers and presses the button, raising himself up about 10 feet.] "Are YOU talking to ME?"
[The Kankers giggle.]
May: "Sure are."
Marie: [pointing at the shoe supports] "Would you look at them. He's got himself a pair of big shoes!" [The Kankers laugh.] "Like a circus clown!"
Lee: "What's this?" [She grabs the remote.]
Eddy: "Hey!"
Lee: "Let's see what this does!" [Lee presses the button, and Eddy comes down to earth.]
Eddy: "No!"
[Lee then pushes the button three times quickly, and Eddy shoots into the sky.]
Edd: "Oh dear. They're not meant to go that high."
[The button is pushed again, and Eddy comes down. He lifts one leg. The button is pressed, and the shoe takes a sizable chunk out of the fence near Edd and Ed. It then retracts. Ed goes to look through the hole, and the other shoe knocks him through it. He climbs out and stands in front of the hole. Predictably, he is kicked through again. The shoe rebounds and hits Eddy in the face. It then becomes perfectly plain that Eddy has no control, as the shoes push and pull at him in various painful ways.]
Marie: "Gimme that!" [She snatches the remote and pushes the button repeatedly.]
May: "My turn!" [May presses the button until the remote breaks apart in a puff of smoke.]
[Eddy's shoes begin to quiver. He then shoots to a great height. He stays there for a few minutes, but the supports give out, sending him back down again.]
Eddy: "AAAAAAAAHHH!" [He hits the ground to the sound of a discordant, crashing piano chord.]

[Ed walks over to a hole in the ground.]
Ed: "Cool. Hi Eddy!" [He slips and falls into the hole.]
Edd: "Ed?"
[The Elevator Boots expand tremendously, lifting the Eds incredibly high.]
[The Eds end up in space. They are suspended only by Eddy's boots, which are tilting back and forth.]
Lee: [kicking through the struts, destroying them] "Timber!"
Eddy: "Uh oh."
Ed: "Aah!"
The Eds: [falling] "WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" [Sarah and Jimmy are playing with the carriage.] "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Eddy: "NOOOO!"
[Sarah and Jimmy scatter. Ed and Edd land beside the carriage, creating a hole of their own. Eddy suffers a much worse fate, landing INSIDE the carriage. When Ed and Edd go to look for him, they see him sucking on a bottle, decked out like a baby.]
Ed: "Aw, look! Coochilly coo!" [Eddy looks at him, unamused. Edd and Ed run away with the carriage.] "Cute little fella. You know, Double D, he's got your eyes."

Season 1 Scripts
"The Ed-Touchables" • "Nagged to Ed" • "Pop Goes the Ed" • "Over Your Ed" • "Sir Ed-a-Lot" • "A Pinch to Grow an Ed" • "Dawn of the Eds" • "Virt-Ed-Go" • "Read All About Ed" • "Quick Shot Ed" • "An Ed Too Many" • "Ed-n-Seek" • "Look Into My Eds" • "Tag Yer Ed" • "Fool on the Ed" • "A Boy and His Ed" • "It's Way Ed" • "Laugh Ed Laugh" • "A Glass of Warm Ed" • "Flea-Bitten Ed" • "Who, What, Where, Ed" • "Keeping up with the Eds" • "Eds-Aggerate" • "Oath to an Ed" • "Button Yer Ed" • "Avast Ye Eds"
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Specials
See also: Episode Guide