Club Ed: The Rules and Regulations

Club Ed: The Rules and Regulations is a short included on the Ed, Edd n Eddy Vol.1: Edifying Ed-ventures DVD. It details the requirements necessary to be a member of "Club Ed." A narrator with a British accent details the rules and remarks on them while clips of Ed, Edd n Eddy play in order to further illustrate how the Eds follow them–or rather, how the Eds disobey these purported rules.

Rules
One must always wear appropriate clothing. Always use your manners and eat healthy. Always treat a lady with respect. Maintain a high level of cleanliness at all times. Only offer quality services and products to your customers. Maintain a high level of physical fitness. Educate oneself in all areas of the arts.
 * Rule 1: Attire
 * Rule 2: Food
 * Rule 3: Women
 * Rule 4: Hygiene
 * Rule 5: Work Ethics
 * Rule 6: Athletics
 * Rule 7: Art Appreciation

Script
Narrator: "Club Ed is an establishment for the elite." [Fancy pictures of Ed, Edd, and Eddy are shown.] "One that members much reach a level of maturity and sophistication to be accepted in." [The camera pans out from a list of Rules and Regulations.] "The following are some rules and regulations that keep Club Ed at it's highest possible standard." [The camera has now fully panned out, and we a treated to the sight of Ed's room, decorated with Club Ed memorabilia.]
 * [We find ourselves staring at a wall of Ed's room with a poster for Club Ed. Flies are hovering above a trash can near the poster. Next to the poster is a list of rules in fancy font. A British-accented narrator begins speaking.]

Rule 1: Attire
[A clip from "Sir Ed-a-Lot" plays.] Eddy: "No way!" [Ed shoves a jester's hat onto Eddy's head.] Narrator: "Formalwear–" ''[Ed is shown dressed like Eddy, wearing sunglasses, drinking lemonade, and slacking off in a lawn chair. The clip is from "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed."]'' "–is expected at all major events." ''[Edd blows a bugle. This clip is from "Sir Ed-a-Lot." A new clip is then switched to: Eddy getting the door while in a dress from the same episode.]'' Jimmy: "It is I, Prince Jimmy!" ''[Eddy slams the door in Jimmy's face. A new clip comes on: Ed laughing, from "Hot Buttered Ed." The clip then changes to the kids playing "Spin the Bottle," from "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed."]'' Narrator: "And during regular club meetings–" [A new clip plays: Edd blowing on a jug, from "Avast Ye Eds."] "–and social gatherings–" [New clip: the kids smiling at Jimmy in "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed."] "–members wear–" [The Eds in a trenchcoat, from "Who, What, Where, Ed."] "–their standard-issued Club Ed uniforms." [Clips from "Know it All Ed" showcasing the Eds in cowboy clothes play.] Lee: "I love a man in uniform." [Eddy steps aside, showing Ed and Edd cling to each other and cowering behind him.] Narrator: "This promotes unity among the members." [A fart sound effect is heard.]
 * Narrator: "There is a dress code at Club Ed." [A clip of the Eds hastily getting dressed from "Hot Buttered Ed" plays.] "To ensure that all its' members wear appropriate attire."

Rule 2: Food
Eddy: [seen from Jimmy's front-door peephole, from "Who, What, Where, Ed"] "What's with the food?" Narrator: "Nutrition is always a high priority to members of Club Ed." ''[May removes a hot dog from a laundry basket and prepares to eat it. Clip is from "Avast Ye Eds."]'' Edd: [cooking, from "Who, What, Where, Ed"] "Just as I thought. One teaspoon of butter, perfectly measured." Eddy: "Huh." [Clip is from an unknown episode.] Edd: [opening a cooler, from "Avast Ye Eds"] "The refreshments I've prepared are carefully blended fruit juices, guaranteed to quench a thirst and prevent scurvy." Eddy: [dressed as Edd, from "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed"] "Eddy, I too am thirsty. Quite partial, to be correct." Edd: [offscreen] "Parched!" Narrator: ''[Ed (as Eddy) shoves Eddy (as Edd) onto a faucet, filling him up. This clip is from "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed"] "A well-balanced diet–" [Ed is seen eating a bowl of fruit, from "Who, What, Where, Ed."]'' "–is expected at every meal." Eddy: [cooking, from "Who, What, Where, Ed"] "Ed, eggs, I need eggs!" [Ed, getting Eddy eggs, falls down.] Narrator: [as Edd and Eddy are bombarded with eggs] "And table manners are highly enforced."
 * Ed: [voice-only, from "Know it All Ed"] "Cookies and milk!"

Rule 3: Women
Sarah: [drawing back a tennis racket] "Whoa." [realizing Eddy is on the other end] "HEY!" Eddy: "Give me your racket, Sarah." Sarah: [sending Eddy sailing into the net] "Don't ever touch my racket!" [The clip is from "Who, What, Where, Ed."] ''[The Eds show up at the Construction Site in Western wear. This clip is from "Who, What, Where, Ed."]'' Eddy: [shaking his fist] "Okay, Kankers! I'm calling you out!" Narrator: [as Eddy yells at the Kanker sisters] "They treat ladies with respect and are always grateful for their company." [Ed scratches his butt.] Eddy: "Draw!" [The Eds shoot at their enemies.]
 * Narrator: "The members of Club Ed are all gentlemen." [The Eds race by Jonny, leaving him dazed; clip is from an unknown episode.]

Rule 4: Hygiene
Eddy: [to Kevin, as Edd, from "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed"] "A pleasure to look at you! May I inspect your nostrils?" ''[A moldy piece of bread is on Ed's floor, drawing flies. Edd, stuck in an armchair, stares at it up close. This clip is from "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed."]'' Edd: "Oh, the inhumanity!" Narrator: [as the camera pans over Ed's room] "They will go to any lengths to keep tidy and make themselves presentable." [The Eds are seen searching their sock holsters in "Know it All Ed."] Eddy: "Boy, Double D, you stink." [Clip is from "Know it All Ed."] Edd: [soaked in Krankshaft No.5, from "Know it All Ed"] "Oh, it'll take weeks to disinfect these clothes!"
 * Narrator: [as the Eds deal with a puddle in "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed"] "This is an establishment of sophisticated young men that take pride in their hygiene and cleanliness."

Rule 5: Work Ethics
Eddy: [with Edd, confronting Rolf during "Know it All Ed"] "That's a twenty-five cent prospecting fine!" Rolf: "But I am washing dishes, no-brain Ed-boy." Narrator: [as Edd and Eddy examine a squirt gun during "Know it All Ed"] "They only produce the highest quality of products." [Ed pretends to be a brain-sucking alien in "Know it All Ed."] Eddy: [grabbing a turkey baster out of Ed's mouth] "What we have here is a squirt gun." Narrator: [as the kids rush Double D's House of Import-Exports during "Know it All Ed"] "And refuse to be associated with improper moneymaking schemes." Eddy: [as Edd floats on a giant tire in "Avast Ye Eds"] "For a small fee, we'll offer two lucky passengers a relaxing cruise. Look how relaxed Double D is." [Edd pants.] Narrator: [as Jimmy and Jonny cross a rickety rope bridge during "Avast Ye Eds"] "To them, the customer is always right." Jimmy: [riding the cruise from "Avast Ye Eds"] "Eddy, we've run out of refreshments!" Eddy: "Hey kid, I'm on my break, do you mind?"
 * Narrator: [as Eddy bites on a wooden nickel in "Know it All Ed"] "Club Ed is know for taking work ethic seriously."

Rule 6: Athletics
Sarah: [to Eddy] "Go faster!" Eddy: [throwing Sarah off and removing his bit] "This stinks!" Narrator: "Not only strength–" ''[Ed pulls the fridge over, his tongue frozen to the inside. This clip is from "Who, What, Where, Ed] "–but flexibility and endurance–" [A clip from "Who, What, Where, Ed" where Ed picks up his two friends is shown.] "–are tested in this very rigorous curriculum." Eddy: [to Edd while riding Ed as a camel during "Hot Buttered Ed"] "Why don't you do something useful? Like hurry up!" [Edd grits his teeth in anger.]
 * Narrator: [as Eddy runs on the beach during "Hot Buttered Ed"] "There is a fitness program implemented at–" [Edd bobs on the water. The clip is from "Hot Buttered Ed."] "–Club Ed to assure–" [Sarah uses Eddy as a racehorse in "Sir Ed-a-Lot"] "–its' members are in top physical condition."

Rule 7: Art Appreciation
Narrator: "Like all well-rounded gentlemen–" [the Eds during "Know it All Ed" are shown] "–these young men–" ''[Ed is shown running with a paintbrush and paints while his friends follow with more art supplies. This clip is from "Who, What, Where, Ed."]'' "–are required to spend as much time on brain as brawn." Eddy: [staring down a bottle, imitating Ed, from "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed] "I'll move it with my brain!" Narrator: [as Eddy, imitating Edd, balances a bone on his finger during "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed"] "There's a large amount of education–" [Edd is shown playing the pedal-steel in "Avast Ye Eds." However, the sound that comes out is the one played by Jimmy on his retainer in "Hands Across Ed."] "–invested in the arts at Club Ed." [Ed and Edd are seen painting. This clip is from "Sir Ed-a-Lot."]'' Eddy: "How's it going? Ooh, nice work!" [The Eds are seen practicing shadow puppetry in "Hot Buttered Ed."] Narrator: "As is reflected in all its talented colleagues." Eddy: [shadow-pinching Ed's head] "Boink!" Narrator: [scene returning to Ed's decorated room] "As you can see, Club Ed is an organization with stature, with dignity, and only the highest quality in membership."
 * [A clip plays of Edd measuring the wind from "Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed.]''

Trivia

 * All of the clips featured in the video come from the episodes included on the DVD.