One + One = Ed/Script

''[Eddy is in bed, sleeping peacefully. Suddenly, flies start to swarm around him. Eddy waves them away and rolls over. The flies return, however, and Eddy awakes a little. He then sees something startling.]'' Eddy: "Ed! What are you doing in my bed?" Ed: "I can't sleep, Eddy. I keep thinking. How can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?" Eddy: "Ed?" [after a long pause] "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" [He boots Ed out of bed.] Ed: "My buttocks hurt." [His attention is drawn to the lava lamp.] "How does goo float?" Eddy: "HIT THE ROAD!" ''[A crunching is heard. Ed has eaten the lamp.]'' "My lamp!" Ed: "Eddy, why don't birds just take a bus south for the winter?"

''[A clock on Eddy's stove reads 3:14. Eddy is exhausted, and Ed's barrage of questions is still going strong.]'' Ed: [opening and closing the refrigerator door] "Eddy, when you close the fridge door, does the light stay on?" Eddy: "GO HOME!" Ed: [continuing to play with the door] "Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light."

''[It is morning. Eddy has gotten no sleep, and Ed is still asking questions.]'' Ed: "Eddy, carrots are good for your eyes. Can it dial a phone?" Eddy: "If you're going to strain your peanut brain, think of something more important. Like–how to get your face on a dollar bill!" Ed: "Eddy, why is someone in the kitchen with Dinah?" Eddy: "Uh...Double D up yet?"

''[Edd is working on some complicated piece of machinery. He plucks out a piece.]'' Edd: "Slowly...careful..." [examining it] "How embarassing! It's a 20-volt resistor! Who woulda thought? My, I love knowledge!" Eddy: "HEY DOUBLE D!" [Edd leaps into Ed's arms.] Edd: "Eddy, you know I hate that! Oh, hello, Ed." Eddy: "What'd ya do to this toaster? Busted, or what? Where's the toast go, anyway?" Edd: "First of all, Eddy, toast doesn't go in a toaster. Bread does. Second, it's actually an antique radio. I disassembled it, Eddy, to understand how it works." Eddy: "You're a riot, Double D." Edd: "Think how if we knew everything, we would be–" Eddy: [sarcastic] "If we knew everything, we would be so famous." [getting an idea] "Wait, yeah! And rich!" Ed: "Like potato salad?" Edd: "Well–" Eddy: "I see jawbreakers! Loads of em! I never thought I'd say this, but, let's learn!" Edd: "That's the spirit! Let's get educated! Shall we begin our journey of knowledge at Ed's house?" Eddy: "We're gonna be eggheads! Rich eggheads!" Ed: "Cluck cluck cluck."

[Ed heaves open his garage door.] Edd: "Egads!" Eddy: "Garages are for cars, Ed." Ed: "Why thank you." [Ed's garage is filled with an immense amount of junk.] Edd: "Where do we begin?" Ed: "Oh I know! Let's take this apart first!" [He grabs a washing machine and heaves it onto Eddy.] Edd: "Uh, Eddy?" Ed: "Look at what I found!" [climbing out of the washing machine] "One Eddy, and a whole bunch of doohickeys. I took it apart, Double D. Am I smart now?" Edd: [making notes] "Let's not ask for miracles, Ed." Eddy: "You're enjoying this, aren'tcha?" Ed: [with an agitator] "Ah, and what's this?" Edd: "Spin it, Ed! And learn." ''[Ed spins it and sticks his tongue out. The agitator wraps his face around it.]'' Ed: "It's a face scruncher, cool!" Eddy: [by a dresser] "Let's see what makes this old dresser tick!" [He pulls out a bra.] "Woo hoo! PG-13!" Ed: "That's my mom's, Eddy." Eddy: "Oooghhghableah!" Edd: [giggling] "Oh dear." Eddy: [looking at Edd's notes] "I haven't learned a thing. C'mon, let's find some more stuff." [Eddy, making his exit, jumps on Edd's head.] Edd: "Eddy, must you be so rough?" Ed: "Is it my turn to jump on your head?" Edd: "Let's just follow Eddy, Ed." Ed: [leaping offscreen] "Follow the leader!" Edd: [as Ed lands on his head] "Ouch!"

[Rolf goes over to a chicken coop and takes the chicken out.] Rolf: "Not again!" [He pulls out a sow.] "How many times must Rolf purge himself? No strange visitors! Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser." Edd: [offscreen] "The plywood of this coop has some very unusual characteristics." ''[Edd and Eddy are taking apart the coop. Ed is hugging a chicken.]'' Eddy: [unimpressed] "Wow. Wood." Rolf: "Ed-boys!" Edd: "We're trying to solve the mysteries of life." Rolf: "This reminds Rolf of a fable from his old country." Eddy: [bored] "Here we go." Rolf: "The story of the Ugly Boy and the Tree of Heads." Eddy: "Yeah, well, it's been great, but we're out of here." Rolf: [grabbing the Eds] "Life too short not to smell the parsley!?! Okay. Once upon a time an ugly boy was thrown out of his village and hit his head upon a tree! The boy looked up, and was amazed at the many beautiful heads growing along its branches!" [He demonstrates with his tree.] Ed: "Handsome!" Rolf: [putting a fruit on his head] "After many tries–" [Rolf removes the fruit, and reveals he is headless.] Eddy: "What the–" [Rolf's head pops out of his shirt.] Rolf: "–he found one that fit, and ran back towards the village! Yes? He became very popular." Ed: "I want a new head! Please, Rolf? New head! Head for Ed!" [He shakes the tree and uproots it, revealing that the tree is two-dimensional.] Edd: "What a discovery! It's flat as cardboard!" [He makes notes.] Eddy: "Gimme that!" [The tree is too heavy for him.] "Ow!" Edd: "Heavy in weight! Got it. Thank you, Eddy." ''[Eddy climbs out from under the tree and runs up it. He looks out over the fence it is balanced on.]'' Eddy: "You guys gotta see–this..." [The tree topples over.] Edd: [very happy] "I best tend to his medical needs! 'Scuse me." Ed: "My turn to jump on his head!" Rolf: [alone, angry at being ignored] "Life has many doors, Ed-boys!"

''[Eddy is stumbling along. Although he is moving, perspective isn't changing; the things in the distance stay small even when he reaches them.]'' Eddy: [dazed] "Tree...tall...big...flat..." [He falls down behind a tiny house.] "Huh?" [He tinkers with the background house.] "Einstein's got nothing on this." Edd: "What a discovery! I'm speechless! Why, this is an absolute coup! The displacement of perspective! Why we're–" Eddy: "I thought you were speechless." Ed: "Look at me run." [He falls and slides, ending up under the road.] "Home free." Edd: [making notes] "The pavement has adapted fabric-like qualities! Interesting!" Eddy: [laughing] "He'll never find his way out!" [Eddy leaps on a background house, and the house collapses under his weight.] "I say we take a break. This learning stuff is making me hungry." [Eddy passes his hand behind the sun.] Eddy: "Did you see that?" [He does it again.] "Weird. Oh well. Can't beat 'em, eat 'em." [He takes a bite out of the sun, leaving a crescent moon.] "Not bad." Jimmy: [in the suddenly dark lane] "Jumping Jehosephat! Who turned out the sun?" Ed: [looking over a fence] "Hi, Jimmy!" Jimmy: "AAAAAHHH!!!" Eddy: [beside him with Edd] "Lighten up, shrimp. We're just figuring out how stuff works." [He spots a loose thread on Jimmy's person.] "A thread?" ''[Eddy pulls on it and destroys the sweater. The thread leads into Jimmy's body.]'' "Woohoo!" [He yanks Jimmy's outline loose.] Edd: "Is that Jimmy's outline?" Eddy: "You betcha. Let's sell it back to him." Jimmy: "Fate has dealt a cruel hand." [Jimmy collapses into a liquid and goes down a sewer grate.] "Darn it!" Edd: [as Eddy pulls on the outline] "Um, Eddy, you best not aggravate it." Eddy: [twisting it into a hairstyle and putting it on his head] "Like my new hairdo, Double D?" Edd: "It suits you, Eddy. Ed!" Ed: [sawing a hole in the night sky] "This is fun!" [He finishes with the hole, revealing the Kankers taking a bath.] May: "Big Ed, scrub my feet!" [The sisters giggle, and Ed shoves the hole away.] Eddy: "Did you see anything?" [Eddy falls into the sawn-out hole, and falls through it in a seemingly endless loop.] Ed: "Uh, Eddy? Eddy? Eddy?" [He picks it up.] "My turn!" [He puts his head through it, and his head appears, upside down, at the top of the screen.] "Look at me!" Edd: [taking more notes] "Ed, you seem to have stumbled upon another dimension! I feel we're getting closer to answering that all-important question!" Eddy: "Is Eddy rich yet?" Ed: "Can Ed go to the bathroom?" Sarah: [popping up out of the hole Ed is holding] "ED!" Ed: "Sarah?" Edd: "Sarah?" Sarah: "WAIT TILL I TELL MOM WHAT YOU DID TO JIMMY!" [She pulls out a jug in which Jimmy rests.] Jimmy: "Don't spill me!" Eddy: "What a shame! Gotta go? So soon?" ''[Eddy starts running, but steps out of his running feet. He then places Sarah in the moving feet, and she runs away.]'' Sarah: "Eddy, you blockhead!" Edd: [ecstatic] "We could very well be the next cover story of Intellectual Discoveries magazine!" Eddy: "Good thing you're housebroken." [Edd looks up.] Edd: "Don't look now, but there's a cow floating overhead." [The cow opens its mouth and a rooster crows.] "I feel uncomfortable. Pardon me." [He exits to the right.] Eddy: "Hold the elevator, Double D." ''[He follows. Ed stays where he is.]'' Edd and Eddy: "Ed!" Ed: "Am I it?" [Ed follows his friends to a place where everything floats where it may and there are no clear paths.] Eddy: [as Edd adds more notes] "Double D! We've learned into fortune!" Edd: "Don't let the excitement spoil your grammar, Eddy." Eddy: "Look around us. We've gotta be rich!" [A house behind him suddenly opens up, and Sarah leans out of it.] Sarah: "EVERYTHING'S BROKEN! FIX IT NOW!" Eddy: "Shut your mouth, Sarah! Or better yet, get rid of it!" [Eddy rips off Sarah's lips.] "I love taking things apart." [Sarah bites him.] "Get her off, Double D!" Edd: [making notes] "Not a chance!" [Suddenly, things start drifting every which way.] Eddy: "SARAH!" Edd: "Hello. An original scene transition. Interesting." [A checkerboard pattern rises up to cover the screen and turn the world to black.]

[The Eds eyes open in a plain black world.] Edd: "Did you eat the sun again, Eddy?" Ed: "Can you guess what I'm doing?" Eddy: "Get off my foot, Ed!" Edd: "I think we're moving, Eddy." [The camera zooms out to reveal the Eds are in Kevin's right eye.] Kevin: [riding his bike nowhere] "I can hear dorks, but I can't see dorks. Come on out and show yourselves!" ''[Kevin rides off, leaving smoke behind him. When the smoke clears, Ed is sitting in a chair, floating.]'' Ed: [pulling on a cloud] "Mountain gravy!" Edd: [in something like an Escher print] "Careful, Ed. You don't know where that's been!" Ed: "Oh, it's right here, Double D." [In front of Edd's eyes, Jonny's disembodied head appears.] Jonny: "Tally-ho! Plank and I are gonna go rough it in the woods!" [Jonny's body tucks Jonny's head under its arm, revealing that it has Plank for a head and is lugging behind it a backpack overstuffed with various unnecessary items.] Edd: [hushed] "This is not good." Nazz: [in the backpack, with the body of a purple reptile] "Care to join us, Double D?" Edd: "Guy...um...igh–" Eddy: [upside down] "Was that Nazz?" [The perspective changes so that it looks like Edd and Eddy are standing sideways.] Edd: "You realize we're floating, don't you?" ''[They fall, and chicken legs pop up from nowhere. Suddenly, Rolf parts the background.]'' Rolf: "Hello, Ed-boys." [He reveals he has three heads.] "Many doors, yes?" Rolf's Head #2: "Too much for–" Rolf's Head #3: "Couch potato Ed-boys like yourselves." Eddy: [in a living room] "A three-headed Rolf. Yawn." Ed: [blowing up his piece of cloud] "Fly, butterfly, fly." [It floats upward, carrying Ed with it.] Eddy: "Ed, what're you doing?" Rolf's Heads: [in tandem] "The story is not yet over!" Edd: [grabbing Ed's leg] "Oh, Ed, please!" Eddy: [grabbing Edd's legs] "I gotcha!" [The cloud lifts them away, and Rolf's heads growl.] Eddy: "How's he put on a hat? Are we rich yet, Double D?" Edd: "It's all become very complicated, Eddy." Eddy: "What're ya givin me? All we have to do is read your notes. And we'll be up to our necks in jawbreakers!" Ed: "I love chickens, Eddy!" ''[The cloud runs into the tip of a pencil, popping it. The Eds fall to Earth. Edd drops his notes, and they scatter all over the place.]'' Ed: "Sandwich!" Edd: [seeing the scattered notes] "My notes!"

[In the now normal lane, the kids watch as the Eds scramble to pick up all Edd's notes.] Kevin: "What are you doing?" The Eds: "Uh...nothing." Kevin: "Right. Except for being–" Sarah: "Dorks?" Kevin: [impressed] "Yeah." Jimmy: [sitting in a wagon, bandaged] "Can't we all just get along?" Ed: "Jimmy! You got your line back!" [He examines Jimmy.] "Is it on wrong?" Sarah: "ED! LEAVE JIMMY ALONE!" Ed: "Baby sister!" [He pulls at her lips.] "Take your mouth off again." Rolf: "Big Ed has lost his marbles?" Ed: "It's stuck!" Eddy: "Go, Burrhead, go!" [Sarah heaves Ed off and sends him sliding towards his friends.] Ed: "Sarah's mad." Eddy: "RUN FOR IT!" ''[Eddy takes off. He almost falls into a manhole, but manages to stop in time. Unfortunately, Edd runs into Eddy's back, pushing them both in.]'' Ed: "It's okay, guys. I'll just pick up the hole." [Ed grabs the manhole and pulls a gigantic pipe out.] Edd: "This is unsanitary!" Ed: "Alley-oop!" Sarah: "Wait till I get my hands on you!" Ed: "Big hole." Sarah: "Ed!" Eddy: "Run for it!" [Ed runs away carrying the pipe, Sarah chasing him all the way.]