3 Squares and an Ed/Script

''[Eddy looks ahead, bored. Edd pops out behind Eddy, a huge grin spread across his face.]'' Edd: "Try to contain yourself, Eddy! The adrenaline of irreverence can be quite overwhelming!" [quieter] "We're so bad." Eddy: [annoyed] "What're you givin me here, laundry shoots?" [He indicates the chutes.] Edd: "Very good, Eddy! But look closely. One's Mother's chute, one's Father's chute, and last but not least, my chute. Eddy, my chute has been secretly treated with a silicone lubricant making it the fastest slide to any basement, anywhere!" Eddy: "No foolin?" Edd: "Now for safety reasons, I insist you use this pillow, Eddy." ''[While Edd's back is turned, Eddy wiggles his way into Edd's chute. He starts his slide.]'' Eddy: "Yee-haw!" [The chute slams shut, and Edd turns around, clutching a pillow.] "WOOHOOHOOHOO!!!" Edd: "Eddy, you get back up here and get your pillow!" [The sound of Eddy's landing is heard.] Eddy: [in the basement] "Bottom floor! Dryer lint, paint cans, lost socks and mildew!" [Edd lands at the bottom of his father's chute.] Edd: "And arachnids!" Eddy: "You got peanuts in your basement, Double D?" Edd: "Spiders, Eddy." [He climbs a ladder to get a closer look at one.] "Basements make an excellent home for spiders, and Mildred is ready for her weekly examination." [Eddy looks around bored.] "Aren't you, Mildred?" [to Mildred] "Did you just wink at me? Yes you did! Yes you did!" ''[A creaking sound is heard and a horrible screeching sound comes from an opened closet. Edd rushes over.]'' "Don't touch that, Eddy!" [Edd turns off something called the "Opera-Matic."] "Well, I see you've stumbled upon my collection of misfit failed inventions, nosy parker! I've archived these disasters to remind me of failed attempts and learn from past mistakes." Eddy: "Hey, is that a volcano?" [He rushes into the closet and hauls out the volcano.] Edd: "Eddy, not that old thing!" Eddy: "How does it work? Does something shoot out of here? Well where do you plug it in?" ''[Eddy steps on a button at the base. The volcano turns on and sucks Eddy's head into it.]'' Eddy: [strained] "Double D!" [Edd giggles.] "A comedian, huh?" [Eddy rears back.] Edd: "Oh dear!" ''[He runs away. Eddy slams his head down, and the volcano impacts where Edd was standing.]''

[Eddy, volcano off his head, chases Edd outside.] Eddy: "Wait'll I get my hands on you!" Edd: "Ed, help!" ''[He pulls to a stop in front of a barricade of pots and pans. Eddy leaps at Edd.]'' Eddy: "Gotcha!" [He knocks Edd and himself over the wire, setting off the alarm.] Sarah: "Freeze, mister!" [She is in a police uniform and holding a rifle.] "Put your hands where I can see em!" Eddy: [pushing the rifle away] "Get that thing out of my face, Sarah." [Sarah brings the end of the gun down on Eddy's head.] Sarah: "Take a hike, Eddy, no one's sees my brother. 'Cause he's been grounded." Eddy: [chuckling] "This I gotta see. Coming, Double D?" Sarah: [stopping him] "Halt! No visitors!" Jimmy: [to a docile Edd] "Don't let me have to use this!" [He puts a wooden rifle in Edd's ribs and giggles.] "Kidding! It's just a hunk of wood, Double D." Edd: "It's all fun and games till someone gets a sliver, Jimmy." Sarah: "Guard!" [Jimmy retreats to his post.] "Ten-SHUN! Ready, and...March!" [They march in front of Ed's window, which has bars taped across it.] "Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup..." Eddy: [seemingly giving up] "Oh well. You'll have to learn your lesson, Ed. Let's go, Double D. Before I start to cry. We'll miss you, buddy." ''[He waves. As he rounds the corner of the house, Eddy grins.]''

''[Jimmy and Sarah are marching in front of the post. Plank, dressed as a four-leaf clover, pokes out from a bush. Jimmy notices Plank and stops marching. Plank is yanked back into the bush.]'' Jimmy: "I think I'm getting heatstroke from this hat, Sarah!" Sarah: "What's going on, Jimmy?" Jimmy: "There's something in the bushes!" Sarah: "Really?" [pushing Jimmy forward] "I guess you better check it out then, private!" [Jonny jumps out of the bushes dressed like a leprachaun.] Jonny: "Howdy howdy howdy! If you catch me I'll give you me pot of gold!" Jimmy: "A leprachaun!" Jonny: "Catch me I'll give you me pot of gold!" Jimmy: [chasing Jonny] "I gotcha, you little scamp!" Sarah: "Jimmy, wait! You get back here!" [Jimmy doesn't come back.] "Jimmy? Hey, wait!" [Eddy and Edd peek out from the other side of the house.] Eddy: [to Edd] "What'd I tell ya? Jonny'll do anything for a handful of granola." Edd: "I'm not sure about this, Eddy. Ed's parents will surely tell our parents. Haven't you heard of consequential punishment? It's the parental ring." Eddy: "Fine. If that's how you feel, I'll let Ed know you were too busy to help him in his time of need. Don't worry about it." Edd: "The old guilt route, huh Eddy? Works every time."

''[Ed is staring at a picture of his TV. He lowers the photograph, revealing that the TV is missing.]'' Ed: [sad] "It is not fair." ''[Ed is sitting in a cardboard box in the corner of his basement, crying. It is evident that he has cried many tears, as a puddle has collected around him and the base of the box is soaked through. In the middle of his room, a storm drain starts to rattle, and the drain shoots up. An umbrella-like contraption appears and stretches the hole in the concrete wide enough to comfortably let the bodies of Edd and Eddy out.]'' Edd: "And there you have it. The yielding abilities of cement are further explained." Ed: "Eddy! Double D!" [He hugs them tightly.] Eddy: "Ed." Ed: "Hello!" Eddy: "Ed!" Ed: "Hello!" Eddy: "Ed!" Ed: "Hello!" Eddy: "ED!" Ed: "Hello!" Eddy: "We're busting you out, Ed." Ed: "But I am grounded, Eddy. I have been a bad boy." [He drops his friends and walks to his box.] Eddy: "So be a good boy." [He holds Ed over the drain.] "And follow us. Suck in your stomach, Ed!" Ed: "I can't do it! Sarah will find out and Sarah will tell Mom!" [He leaps into his box.] "And I'll be grounded!" Edd: "Ed, you've already been grounded." Eddy: [thinking] "I know how to get Ed out of here so that even he won't know he's missing."

[Jonny and Jimmy are by a cardboard rainbow.] Jimmy: "It's the end of the rainbow, leprachaun. Hand over that pot of gold." Jonny: "Nope. Up to the fake rainbow, that's all you get for one handful, pal." [He peels off the beard and leaves.] Jimmy: [disappointed] "My fantasy! Crushed by an imp." Sarah: "Back to your post!" [She grabs Jimmy.]

[Eddy stares out Ed's basement window.] Eddy: [hushed] "Hurry it up, Double D!" Edd: "All right, Eddy." ''[He pushes Ed's box into the puddle of tears. In the box is a vacuum cleaner wearing a pair of Ed's pants. Edd slips Ed's shirt and jacket over the body and adds a pineapple to the top.]'' "There we go! A rather apprable substitute for Ed's head, don't you think?" [He frowns.] "Yet, it feels unfinished. Wanting." Eddy: "Hey fountainhead, we ain't got all day!" Ed: "Why is Ed sitting in a box?" Eddy: "Shut up, Ed, and go down the drain!" [He tries to push Ed down the drain.] Edd: "That's it!" [He positions a book in front of the Ed statue.] "Hmm..." Eddy: "Will you hurry up?" [He grabs Edd.]

''[A sprinkler is watering Ed's back lawn. Suddenly, the flow of water stops, and a lump moves through the hose. The hose spits out Ed and then, in short order, Edd and Eddy.]'' Eddy: "How's it feel to be back on the outside, Ed?" Ed: "OUTSIDE ED?!?!? But I am grounded, Eddy!" [He hightails it through the window.] Eddy: [trying to pull Ed back] "So what?" Edd: "Has that window been open this whole time?" Sarah: [offscreen] "Hey, who's there?" [She jumps around the side of the house, gun cocked.] "Freeze, mister!" ''[There is nobody there. Sarah goes over to the window and peers in at the Ed statue.]'' Sarah: "You keep it down in there, Ed!" ''[Sarah and Jimmy move away from the window. The real Ed and his cohorts are clinging to a ceiling pipe.]'' Eddy: "Our two squirts in blue haven't a clue." Edd: "But now we're trapped with Ed, Eddy!" Eddy: [agitated] "Just follow my lead!"

[Eddy creaks Ed's door open and drags his friends out.] Eddy: [whispering] "Halfway there, boys. Now all we have to do is go up the–" ''[Eddy turns around. The stairs are missing.]'' Eddy: "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE STAIRS?!?" Ed: "My parents took em down 'cause I am grounded." Edd: "That's disturbing." Eddy: "Ah, they can keep the stairs, 'cause you can jump it!" Ed: "But I am grounded, Eddy!" Eddy: "Yeah, yeah, we heard a million times. Lemme help, Ed!" [He pulls out a giant safety pin.] Edd: "No, don't do it!" Eddy: "What's your problem?" [He jams the point into the floor.] "Just lean right back."

[Ed comes flying out the basement door.] Ed: "Alley-oop!" Edd: "Gracious!" Eddy: "Geronimo!" [The Eds land in the living room, right by the front door.] Eddy: "Behold, the gate to freedom!" [He puts his hand on the doorknob.] "After me." ''[Sarah throws the door open, knocking the Eds backward. The good news is she doesn't see them. The bad news is she and Jimmy are coming inside.]'' Sarah: "Don't worry, Jimmy, you'll be okay. Slivers aren't fun, are they? You've really got to be careful with wooden rifles." [The Eds hear the cops coming and rush up the stairs.] "Let's poke and prod and wiggle it until it falls out." [Sarah hears a noise.] "What was that?" [The Eds are staying behind the upper floor's banister as they sneak across the upper level, barely out of sight.] Jimmy: "What?" [He listens.] "You work too hard, Sarah. Sometimes you have to stop and smell the coffee." Sarah: "Ah, whadda you know? C'mon, let's find those tweezers." [She moves Jimmy along.]

''[The Eds enter a room. Edd keeps his hands over Ed's mouth.]'' Eddy: "Let's stay in here until the coast is clear." [Edd removes his hands.] Ed: "I'M A BAD BOY! I am grounded." Eddy: [after a moment of thought] "Quick, the window!" [He runs into Sarah's closed window.] Edd: "I believe a solution to all this can be found with a little brainpower, Eddy." Eddy: [muffled] "I'm game."

[Sarah slide open a slot in Ed's door and looks in.] Sarah: [meanly] "Hey Ed, time for dinner!" Jimmy: "Buttered toast with gravy? People eat this?" Sarah: "Look at him sitting there, reading his little book!" [She realizes what's wrong.] "Book?" [Sarah storms into the room and goes up to Ed.] Sarah: "Where'd you get that book Ed?" [Sarah tussles with the Ed dummy and the pineapple falls off.] Jimmy: [frightened] "Did Ed's head fall off, Sarah?" [Sarah looks at the pineapple angrily.] Sarah: "ED!!!!!!!!"

[Upstairs, the Eds hear the loud call.] Ed: "Sarah knows, guys!" Eddy: "Duh Ed, we heard her. Keep your shorts on." [Ed's shorts are around his ankles.] "No, seriously, keep your shorts on.]''

''[Jimmy runs into the backyard, whistle blasting. Sarah scurries up the stairs, also tweeting on her whistle. Eddy opens the window and tethers out a giant kite.]'' Eddy: "Houston, we have liftoff." Ed: "Let me remind you that I am–" Eddy: "Free as a bird, Ed!" ''[He grabs Ed, and the kite tows the Eds out the window. Sarah bursts in.]'' Edd: "Not good not good!" Eddy: "Go baby, go!" [The kite runs out of string, and the Eds are left hanging in midair.] Edd: "Why do I condone such behavior?" ''[The Eds fall to earth, screaming, and land on Jimmy. Jimmy is crushed into a hole. Ed peeks out of the hole and vomits up Eddy, who pukes up Edd, who retches out Jimmy.]'' Jimmy: "Saliva! Yuck!" Sarah: "Jimmy get out of there!" ''[She pulls Jimmy free. To Ed, sweetly]'' "Guess what, big brother? I'M TELLING MOM!" Edd: "Remember that parental ring, Eddy?" Eddy: [getting up] "Oh great. Now we're gonna get it."

''[In Edd's room, a makeshift telephone rings. Edd puts down the book he is reading and goes to get it.]'' Edd: [picking up] "Double D here. Over." Eddy: [using a tin can] "Hey, this stupid thing work?" Edd: "Roger. You need to say over, Eddy, when you're finished speaking. Over." Eddy: "This stinks! I got grounded forever. Over." Edd: "Three days for me, Eddy. A little quality time with my ants and some–" Eddy: "Three days? What makes you so special?!? Over." Ed: [through a sponge] "Hello? Hello?" Eddy: "Ed?"  Edd: "Ed? Over." [His line slowly begins to be pulled out his window.] Eddy: "Forget Ed! I got a plan for the escape of the–" [The line goes taut, pulling the Eds against their respective walls.] Eddy: "Hello?" Edd: "Ouch." Ed: "Cool!" [The Eds get yanked again.] Edd: "Must be a party line." [He hits the wall.] Eddy: "Oh, my aching–" ''[Wham! Wall slam.]'' Ed: "Do it again!" ''[His wish is fulfilled. In the middle of the cul-de-sac, Sarah is using an umbrella to pull on the wires.]'' Jimmy: "Bring it on home, Sarah!" [Pull.] "Encore!" [Pull.] "This time with gusto!" [Pull.] "Lawdy mama!" [Pull.] "I'm tingly all over!" ''[Pull.]'