Hands Across Ed

"Hands Across Ed" is the 7th episode of Season 2 and the 33rd episode of Ed, Edd n Eddy. In this episode, Eddy sees Ed do a little dance in the Junkyard and decides that he should create a show that will show off people's talent and make some profit. The Eds start a telethon to raise money for Ed's (fake) eyebrow operation.

Plot
Jimmy is being tugged around a backyard by his retainer, frantically trying to stop when he slams full force into a fence and slides up it. Rolf and Kevin, who are standing on the other side of the fence in the lane notice this, but are soon distracted by things flying out of Kevin's pocket, including a wrench, a bike pump, and a radio. Rolf, believing this to be the work of the sirens of the hungry tree, gets on his knees to begin begging forgiveness. In the tree are actually the Eds, who are trying to use a gigantic magnet to steal money. Unfortunately for them, Edd's invention seems to be averse to certain metal alloys, and when Ed turns on the radio in an attempt to "get funky", they fall out of the tree in front of Rolf and Kevin, who quickly figure what's going on. Without further ado, the Eds run away to try and escape the incoming beating.

The chase goes to the junkyard, where the Eds hide. Once Kevin and Rolf give up on the dorks, Edd and Eddy climb out of their hiding place only to see Ed pretending to be a showman. Eddy directs him for entertainment, and when both he and Edd laugh, he notes that it's all about the directing. Ed comments that Eddy is Mr. Showbiz, and this strikes Eddy with the idea to go into show business; after all, there's no business like it.

This in mind, the Eds decide to make their debut in the flashiest way possible, and to this extent roll out a red carpet into the lane when the kids are all playing and stage a fake TV interview. The purpose of this interview is to let the kids know that "Renaissance Man Mr. Eddy" is auditioning local talent for his show, which will have glitz, tinsel, and TV cameras. All of the kids are excited by this and run off to audition, except for Kevin, who auditions by blowing them a raspberry and walking away. Eddy is annoyed by this, but is willing to put up with the idea of a prima donna so long as the show gets rolling–a statement which Ed takes as his cue to roll up the red carpet and get them out of there.

The next step in preparation for the show is to audition local talent. The auditions are held in a garage, where everyone will have a chance to showcase their talent. First up are Jonny 2x4 and Plank, the latter of which tells jokes. Unfortunately, only Jonny and Ed can hear the board's statements, which naturally means that Plank isn't going to appear on the bill. Next up is Nazz, who apparently plays the tuba. Her audition is horrible, with one loud, long, horrible note that destroys everyone's eardrums. Luckily for her, she's the neighborhood heartthrob, so there's no way that Eddy's going to miss out on casting her. The act after her is Rolf, who wants to do his native land's "Dance of the Hairless Otter", but isn't even allowed to audition because, according to Eddy, there's no budget for subtitles. Sarah and Jimmy then do their audition. Sarah dances and plays the banjo while Jimmy provides a background by twanging his retainer. Eddy yells at them to stop, and tells Jimmy that if he gets rid of Sarah, he's in the show. Jimmy is quick to sell off his friend, and auditions are then closed.

When it's finally showtime, everything looks to be set up. Eddy then announces that they're doing a telethon for a charitable cause: Ed's eyebrow operation. It seems that Ed's eyebrow is starting to grow all over his body (as evidenced by the fake hair on Ed's belly). Eddy starts the show, and right from the start, it doesn't go well, as Nazz is the first up. Her tuba actually manages to swallow Eddy accidentally, and she blows him out of the end, with Eddy only serving to make her tone even more sour. This dazes Eddy, and his normal inability to speak to her is increased after her act. Fortunately for him, nobody really likes him, so this act is greeted with cheers. Eddy then calls for them to go to the phones. Edd waits for a call, but has to cue Ed to go offstage. No ringing forthcoming, Eddy signals that Edd should call up the next act, and Edd ducks backstage to call up Jimmy, only to find that Jimmy is undergoing a wardrobe malfunction. Eddy, fed up, sends Edd out to stall, which only ends with Edd fainting from stage fright. Finally, though, the phones ring, but on the other end is Ed, wanting to know if you keep donations in the fridge. Eddy angrily hangs up, but fortunately, Jimmy is finally ready to perform. His tricks don't go as planned, however, failing in the most spectacular ways, and the kids all laugh at him. Jimmy, unable to take his magic act becoming a comedy of errors, runs offstage in tears and ends up getting in an accident. Kevin loudly calls for more entertainment with the express purpose of heckling it when another call comes in. Eddy takes the call and finds out that Ed wants to know if pledges are bigger than a breadbox. Eddy slams it down, and hears Kevin heckling him again, replete with an announcement that the kids should just go do their own show. Rolf agrees with this assessment, and the audience leaves, much to the Eds annoyance and despair.

The kids' show is Rolf's planned "Dance of the Hairless Otter". Unlike Eddy's entertainment, the kids are actually pleased by this, and are willing to throw change at the performers, Rolf and Kevin. The Eds aren't out of it yet, and they return with their magnet from earlier, which they aim at the performers in an attempt to pluck up the change. Unfortunately, Edd seems to have put the batteries in backwards, and the magnet turns back on them and slams them into a dumpster lid that subsequently shuts, leaving them "kinda funky".

Memorable Quotes
Eddy: "Like the knot in your head, Ed?"
 * Ed: "Ha ha ha. I can tie my shoes, Eddy."

Kevin: "Dorks." Rolf: "Yes, that is what I said." Kevin: "No. You said–" Rolf: [interrupting] "Ducks. See? Ducks." Eddy: [nervous] "Rolf. Kevin. Hate to interrupt, so…" [The Eds run off.] Kevin: "Get back here!" [Kevin and Rolf go after the Eds.] Eddy: [in the junkyard] "Quick, scatter!"
 * Rolf: [after the Eds fall out of the tree] "Rolf is not amused you - how do you say… ducks?"

Kevin: [face also off-screen] "Dorks, Rolf, dorks." Rolf: [still off-screen] "Dorks do not quack, Kevin." Kevin: "Whatever."
 * Rolf: [his face off-screen] "I think I saw the ducks run here, Kevin."

Sarah: "Look out!" [The carpet opens up with Ed as cameraman, Edd as a reporter, and Eddy as the star.] Edd: [as reporter] "Here we are on location with renaissance man, Mr. Eddy. Mr. Eddy, how about a scoop?"
 * Jimmy: "Runaway rug!"

Edd: [recoiling from Nazz's tuba blast] "Sign her up? Nazz single-handedly annihilated all that is music!" Eddy: [daydreaming] "Yeah..."
 * Eddy: "Sign her up, Double D!"

Eddy: "NEXT!" [whispers to Edd] "There's no budget for subtitles."
 * Rolf: [auditioning] "I will be performing my country's traditional dance of the hairless otter."


 * Ed: "I got corn stuck in my teeth!"

Kevin: "Like my lunch!"
 * Edd: [nervously] "A phone call should come up any time."

Ed: [looking around in the fridge] "Eddy, do you keep donations in the fridge?" [Eddy furiously hangs up.]
 * Eddy: [hears phone ringing] "A pledge!" [answers] "Ed Telethon!"

Ed: [digging under the house] "Are donations bigger than a breadbox?" [Eddy furiously hangs up.] Kevin: "This telethon stinks!" Rolf: "Yeah! I smell it!" Eddy: [angrily] "Yeah? Well, you're a-" Kevin: [interrupting and mocking Eddy] "Oooh, welcome to the dork telethon. I'm your twerp host Eddy. Won't you please help my poor, hairy friend?" Rolf: [mocking Ed] "Ya, please help me for my eyebrow is growing like a garden weed."
 * Eddy: [hears phone ring and answers] "Ed Telethon!"

Edd: "The bigger you are, the harder you fall." Ed [with a strainer on his head and over his eyes] "Is this a donation?" Eddy: "Ed's big." [He tackles Ed.]
 * Eddy: [after the telethon flopped] "They stole our audience, Double D!"

Trivia

 * Goof: The red carpet on which Edd interviews Eddy disappears between shots.
 * Here are the talents that the kids auditioned for:
 * Plank: Telling jokes
 * Nazz: Playing the tuba (badly)
 * Rolf: The reenactment of the dance of the hairless otter
 * Sarah and Jimmy: Dancing and banjo playing
 * When Rolf says that his audition is a "The traditional dance of the hairless otter", Eddy tells him "NEXT! There's no budget for subtitles." This is a gag (and a fourth wall break) referring to the fact no one knows what Rolf says in his native language, although his dance might not require any verbal activity.
 * The episode is a parody of (and was named after) Hands Across America.
 * The magic words Jimmy says during his magic act (Bubbly bubbly boo) are a parody of the fairy godmother's magic words (Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo) in Walt Disney's adaptation of Cinderella.
 * When Jimmy plays the tune on his retainer, the sound heard is that of a Jew's harp, which is traditionally played by putting one end in your mouth and plucking the other end. This is how Jimmy's retainer works as an instrument.
 * When the magnet got attracted to the dumpster instead of attracting the money that was thrown to Kevin and Rolf, Edd assumes the batteries must have been put in backwards, but if the batteries were in backwards, then the magnet should not work at all, not work in reverse.
 * Kevin - "Ha ha, losers!" This is what Kevin says in Ed, Edd n Eddy - The Mis-Edventures (except the GBA version) when the player loses all their energy.
 * The bowling ball microphone used in this episode reappears in "Boys Will Be Eds."
 * When Edd says "There's no business like it!", he is referencing the song "There's No Business Like Show Business" from the musical Annie Get Your Gun.