Is There an Ed in the House?/Script

Edd: "Let's pick a theme, shall we? Would you like to pose with a beach ball or this sumptuous lollipop?" Rolf: "No sump, as Rolf prefers his churn that softs breads." Eddy: "Hurry up and pick! Now get out of the way, so I can take the picture." Rolf: "May Rolf order one eight by ten glossy with many wallet size photos for his villages?" [his hair sticks up again] Eddy: "Whatever you want, Rolfie boy. I'll just up it on the bill." Edd: "OK Rolf, look at me. Smile for the tawdry sock puppet. That's it, you can do it! Yes, you can! That a boy!" [Rolf's hair sticks up when Eddy takes the picture] Eddy: "Hahaha!" [goes to Ed in the 'processing unit'] "Is it finished yet?" [Rolf and Edd are both waiting, when the bell rings] Edd: "Well, I'll just check on those prints, shall I?" Ed: "I am done, guys!" Edd: "Um, Ed. What is that behind Rolf?" Ed: [shows Edd and Eddy his 'photo'] "Rolf's head is about to be crunched by a four-legged mutant bus driver." Eddy: "You're supposed to draw a picture of Rolf. No monsters, just Rolf, stupid." Ed: "Oh yeah. Rub it out, rub it out, rub it out-" [Jimmy pushes Ed's drawing pad out of the way] Jimmy: "Where do you keep your hot water bottle?" Eddy: "Hey Jimmy, take a hike!" [throws Jimmy out of the way] "Ed's busy." Ed: "Under the sink, Jimmy!" Rolf: [still sat down] "Hello? How long must Rolf wait for this portrait of self love?" Edd: "Any time now." [to Eddy] "Rolf's becoming impatient, Eddy." Jimmy [returns to Ed]: "How about the vaporizer, stretch?" Ed: "Top shelf, shorty." Eddy: "Hey! Go bug Sarah, you little pest!" Jimmy: "For your information, crabby pants, Sarah is sick and I must take care of her." Eddy: "We should all be so lucky." Ed: "Sarah's sick? Wait!" [runs into the cardboard wall then on to his house] "Big brother's coming, baby sister!" Eddy: "Ed, get back here!" Edd: "Oh dear, I hope it's nothing serious. I best get my medical bag; one can never be too sure." [Rolf is becoming really impatient when Eddy looks at his 'photo'] Eddy: "Uhhh... gee, Rolf, you got a face only a mother could love." [runs off] Rolf: "ED BOYS!"
 * [Rolf is about to have his picture 'taken' by the Eds in their photography scam, but his hair keeps sticking up]

Jimmy: "There there, little frail one; Jimmy will take care of you." Ed: "Ed is here to make you all better, Sarah." Sarah: [sniff] "I feel hot." Jimmy: "Ah, let me sooth you." Sarah: "Thank you, Jimmy." Ed: [blows through his mouth onto Sarah] "Big brothers take care of baby sisters." [carries on blowing onto her] Sarah: "My pillow needs fluffing." Jimmy: "There you go, Sarah." Ed: "No let, me, sickly sister!" Sarah [relaxed]: "Ahhhh..." Jimmy: "Am I a good fluffer, Sarah?" Sarah: "Yes you are, Jimmy." [Jimmy sticks his tongue out at Ed] Eddy [stood in the doorway of Sarah's room]: "What a load of..." Edd: [pushes past Eddy] "Pardon me, Eddy. Please step aside, everyone." [checks Sarah's pulse] "Well, your pulse is normal." Eddy: "I bet it is." Jimmy: "Sarah's got a fever, Mr. Smarty Pants." Ed: "Yeah, I wish I was as Smart Pants." Edd: [touches Sarah's forehead] "Your temperature seems normal as well." Sarah: "Oh, what do you know?" Edd: "A minor cold at best, I say." Eddy: "Ha!" Edd: "Gentlemen, I suggest we leave, as a cold at any rate can be quite contagious." Sarah [shouting]: "Yeah! Get lost!" Ed: [picks up Edd and Eddy] "I will show them the door, dear debilitated one." Eddy: "Come on, Ed! What are you going to do? Wipe her nose all day?" Sarah [off-screen]: "I need a tissue, Jimmy." Ed: [drops Edd and Eddy] "Oh, I'll fix it for you, Sarah." Jimmy: "Nice and soft for that cute little nose." [Ed uses a vacuum cleaner to clean Sarah's nose] Eddy: "What a sap! We're wasting the whole day!" Edd: "Ed's just fulfilling his duty as a caring brother, Eddy." Eddy: "You're so understanding." Edd: "Perhaps we could set up a paging system, that way Ed could be free to do your bidding and still be in contact with Sarah." [Ed continues to use the vacuum cleaner] Eddy: "I like that!"
 * [Jimmy and Ed are in Sarah's bedroom trying to help her feel better]

Sarah [shouting]: "Double D!" [grabs Edd round the waist and picks him up] "What the heck are you doing?" Edd: "Ahh, trying to help you." Sarah: "Oh, OK Double D." [giggles] Edd: "Being confined to one room can be quite frustrating, so I found a way to ease Ed's, I mean your burden. Uh... just pull this handle and someone will assist you." Sarah: "It's too high." [adjusts string on pager] "No it's too low. Too high! Little low." [Ed and Jimmy are watching but Jimmy keeps going in front of Ed, so Ed copies him] "Too high! Way too low. High! Low. High. High." Edd: "Enough already! You may not be feeling well; I can sympathize with that, but I'm trying to-" Sarah: [Sarah gives a raspberry at Edd] "Serves you right." Edd [angry]: "Why, you-!" Ed [grabbing Edd]: "No, Double D!" Edd: [Ed picks him up and lifts him out of Sarah's room] "If I catch a cold...! I'll...I'll... Just give me five minutes with that germ spreading brat!" [Sarah rings her bell] Ed: [drops Edd] "Coming, Sarah dear." Jimmy: "Can I get you anything, Sarah?" Ed: "Yeah, can I get you anything, Sarah?" Sarah: "Would you guys be so kind and LET ME FINISH SLEEPING?!!" [Ed pushes Edd and Eddy out of his house, and carries Jimmy out, into the Cul-de-Sac] Ed: "Sarah needs to rest because she is sick." Eddy: "Ed, how can you be so stupid?" Ed: [stops pushing them] "I watch cartoons, Eddy." Eddy: "Yeah, well grow up; forget stupid Sarah. Follow me to your future, lumpy!" [the Eds and Jimmy go to Eddy's garage where he's about to unveil his next scam] "We blew up on the photo scam, so on to plan B: 'The Triple E Free Driving School'! Only it's not free, and we'll charge them. Double D, you're the instructor." Edd: "Me? but I..." Eddy: "Ed, you're the motor." Ed: "I have achieved greatness!" [Sarah's bell rings] Jimmy: "It's Sarah!" Ed: "I'll be back guys!" Edd: "My paging system seems effective, don't you think Eddy?" Eddy: [passes Edd a pile of traffic cones, then starts to mock him] "'My paging system seems effective, don't you think Eddy?' How are we suppose to get any work done with Ed answering your stupid paging system?" Ed: [returns with Jimmy] "Okey dokey! I'm ready, Eddy." Eddy: "What took ya? I got students waiting!" [shows Nazz and Jonny waiting for their driving lessons] Jonny: "Where's the obstacle course, Eddy? Plank's itching to tear up some pavement!" Eddy: "Comin' right up, Jonny boy. Here we go!" [Eddy grabs Jimmy and ties him up] Jimmy: "Ahh! No, stop, that tickles, stop!" Eddy: "We aim to please. Let Plank wrap his bumper around this obstacle." Edd: [to himself] "Let's try to sound convincing now, shall we Double D? Let's see now." [turns round and sees Nazz is next to him] "Good day, pupil. Welcome to the Triple E Driving Course. My name is Eddward, and I'll be your instructor for the day." Nazz: "Hi, Eddward. Ready when you are." Edd [nervous]: "Well well, um...Shall we begin with...um...Well, first we must, uh, buckle our safety belts, uh... shall we?" Nazz: "Not cool; they're, stuck Eddward. Can you give me a hand?" [turns to Edd] Edd: Ohh, I suppose so." [attempts to fasten the seatbelt, basically two ends of a power cable, when Nazz manages to do it] Nazz: "Like that?" Edd: "Very good! Umm... once safe to do so, please proceed on to the course." Nazz: "Awesome!" Ed: [begins to push the car and makes car noises] "Vroom! Vroom!" Edd: "Not too fast, now. Easy on the corners. That's it! Nicely done." [Sarah's bell rings again and Jimmy manages to get untangled] Jimmy: "I'm comin', girlfriend!" Ed: [looks at where Jimmy was] "What a weasel! She's my sick sister!" Edd: "Ed?" Eddy [shouting]: "Hey! You're the motor, get back here!" [Edd and Nazz continue traveling] Edd [confused]: "Why aren't we stopping?" Nazz: "Oops." [the car starts spinning round] Edd: "Go left! Go left! Brake! Brake!" Nazz: "What brake?" Edd: [to Eddy] "You forgot to put in a brake?!" [the car continues to roll off-screen]
 * [Edd is setting up a paging system above Sarah's bed whilst she's asleep, but the bell accidentally rings, waking her up]

Ed: "Uh oh!" [runs back downstairs] Jimmy: [opens door and laughs then closes it and walks over to Sarah] "A three cheese grilled sandwich and, see, no crust!" Ed: [knocks down door and comes in with a large fridge] "Take your pick, unwell baby sister of mine." [drops fridge on the floor, breaking the floor] Jimmy: [stuffs a cheese sandwich into Sarah's mouth] "Don't listen to him, Sarah. Cheese is good for a cold; you know it's your favorite." Ed: "She's my sister, and my sister likes fruit and vegetables! Isn't that right, baby sister?!?!" [Ed and Jimmy help Sarah chew by moving her cheeks] Jimmy: "Here, Sarah, let me help you chew." Ed: "I will help her chew." [Sarah mumbles with he mouth full of food] Jimmy: "What's that? A book you say? I'll get you one." Ed: "In the void of space, Zorba the two-headed mutant-" Jimmy: "Silly little Jilly frolicked in the daisies." Ed: "Spewing slime from its tentacles!" Jimmy: "'I'm so silly', said Jilly." Ed: "As Zorba sucked its brain!" Jimmy: "I wish I were a potato so the prince would like me." Ed: "He gagged on his bones!" [Sarah rings her bell and Ed and Jimmy stop reading] Sarah: "See the ball?" Jimmy: "Yes, I do, Sarah." Ed: "Yep, it's a ball." Sarah: "Go get it!" Jimmy: [jumps out the window] "Certainly, Sarah." Ed: [also jumps out the window] "I'll get it, Sarah."
 * [Meanwhile back at Ed's house, Jimmy runs through the door of Sarah's room with a plate of sandwiches. Ed also runs towards the door with a bowl but Jimmy shuts the door on him. The bowl smashes against the wall]

Eddy: "Of all the- that's two scams down the tube." Edd: "You know what they say Eddy, three's the charm." [Sarah's ball bounces in front of them] Jimmy [running after the ball]: "Mine, mine, mine!" [Ed jumps into the broken car and runs off] Eddy: "That's it!" [runs towards Ed and gets him on the floor] "Ed, what's with ya?" Ed: [tries pushing himself away with Eddy sat on top of him] "Sarah's sick, get ball, then Jimmy, I gotta-" Eddy: "You gotta nothing!" Ed: "I gotta nothing?" Eddy: [pokes Ed] "You're the big brother, that means you're the boss. Get over there and show her what you're made of! Get mean!" Ed: [stands up] "You're right, Eddy. I am the big brother, Sarah!" [stops] "Oh, I know!" [Ed lifts up his pants] Eddy: "Whoa, you're a tough guy, Ed." Edd: "You've sent him into the lion's den; you know that, don't you?" Ed: "Yep."
 * [In the Cul-de-Sac, Edd and Eddy are pulling the car from the driving school out of some bushes which Edd ended up in]

Sarah: [plays with the ball with Jimmy when Ed enters with his pants pulled up high] "Too late! Jimmy already got my ball." [Ed throws the ball outside the window] [outside] Eddy: "You work hard all your life, and what's it get cha?" [the ball hits Edd] [inside] Sarah [shouting]: "Ed! Go get my ball!" Ed: "No ball getting back! Rest now!" Sarah: [nervously] "Please get my ball." Jimmy: "Don't you fret, Sarah; I'll get it." Ed: "Here, let me help you." [Ed throws Jimmy out the window] [outside] Eddy: "Will you pass the tape please, Double D?" [Jimmy lands on Edd] Jimmy: "Ahhh! My head!" [back inside] Sarah: [in tears] "You threw my friend out, Ed! How could you do that! He was just trying to help!" [cries] Ed: "Aww... I am sorry, baby sister. A big hug will make you feel all better." [Sarah smiles devilishly] ''[Sarah beats up Ed. It's not shown but you can tell from the outside of the house which is jumping up and down]'' Ed: "Get it off! Get it off!" Edd: "It seems Sarah's made the road to recovery." [Edd sneezes on Eddy] Eddy: "Say it, don't spray it." [Edd sneezes again] Eddy: "What's with you?" Edd: "Ooh, I knew it. Curse you, common cold microorganisms! It's all part of the big plan, don't you see? They wait and strike when you're the most vulnerable." [sneezes again] Jimmy: "Jeepers! You sound sick, Double D. You shouldn't be outside. You need some TLC." Edd: "Don't just stand there, do something! Eddy!" [looks at the damaged car and Ed's house] Ed: "Pain! It hurts!" Eddy: "I wonder what's on TV?" Ed: "Have mercy depraved sibling!"
 * [At Ed's house, Jimmy has returned with the ball]