Cool Hand Ed/Script

''[Jonny hustles into school. It seems he is late. He enters the classroom and takes his seat. At the front of the class sits Edd, who is meticulously arranging his pencils and books and ignoring the items flying past him. The teacher enters, and Edd readies himself to take notes. An apple lands on his hat, and he turns around.]'' Edd: [whispering] "Ed! Behave!" ''[Ed nods and draws on his tongue. He then drops a bowling ball on his tongue and watches it roll off. Ed looks behind him to Eddy, who is hidden behind a stack of books. Ed pulls one of the books out, and the whole tower collapses. One of the books falls on Eddy, and he sits up.]'' Edd: "Ssh!" ''[Eddy sits up and pretends to be an attentive student for a few seconds. He soon gives up the act, however, and goes back to being the bored student in the back of the class. He slumps on his desk, watching the clock tick away seconds of his life that he knows he'll never get back. The bell rings, and the kids head to another class; specifically, gym class. Eddy and Edd make their way to the chin-up bar.]'' Eddy: [whispering] "Listen up." [Edd is struggling to do even one while Eddy is in a rhythm.] "Here's the plan. We're busting out of this joint." Edd: "Busting out?" [Amazed, he lets go of the bar.] Eddy: "Yeah, busting out." [Ed is doing all the work, lifting Eddy on his back.] "I've had it with all this school stuff. Grammar whosits, math whatzits, science social studies geography–WHO CARES!" [Eddy realizes he's spoken too loudly, and clamps his hands over his mouth.] Ed: "Look sharp. Teacher, guys." ''[He does chin-ups with his friends, slamming their heads into the bar. Ed then moves on to the sit-up station, and Edd follows. Eddy holds for them.]'' Eddy: [whispering] "Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. When the teacher turns around–" [he looks from side to side] "–we make a run for it!" Edd: [normally] "You can't be serious!" [Eddy crams his hands over Edd's mouth.] Eddy: "Ssh!" Edd: [whispering] "There are severe consequences to–" [quieter] "–skipping school." Ed: "Yeah, Eddy." [getting louder] "The school will tell Sarah, and Sarah will tell Mom, and Mom will tell Dad, and DAD WILL JUST SIT THERE AND WATCH TV!" [Eddy clamps Ed's mouth shut.] Eddy: "But just think of it, Lumpy." [into Ed's ear] "All day. Monster movies, comics, and all the gravy you can stomach." [Eddy's words sink in.] Ed: [shaking Edd] "IT'S TOTALLY WORTH IT, DOUBLE D!" [A whistle blows, and Ed and Eddy head for the next station.] Edd: [pained] "Oh for goodness sake." ''[The next station is jump ropes. Eddy flops it back and forth, Ed flosses, and Edd tries to do it correctly.]'' Edd: "You can't just run for it, Eddy. A successful escape during school hours would take careful planning, with flawless execution. Planning I want no part of, thank you." Eddy: "Oh yes you do, or Ed here's gonna write your locker combination on the girls' bathroom wall." Edd: [shivering] "You wouldn't dare." ''[Ed puts a pencil in his mouth and sharpens it. Eddy then sniffs the air. He pulls Edd to the side, revealing Jonny and Plank. Jonny grins nervously.]'' Eddy: [paranoid] "Who sent ya? What'd ya hear?" Jonny: "It wasn't me, honest, it's Plank! He wants to escape too!" [Eddy looks around, making sure nobody heard Jonny's declaration, then throws the two down.] Eddy: "No way, Jose." Jonny: "Plank says he'll squeal, Eddy!" Eddy: "Why that dirty rotten–" [Ed holds him back.] "Lemme at him! I'll–I'll–" [Eddy calms down] "Okay, fine. But if I hear one peep out of either of ya, you're gonzo!" Jonny: [frightened] "I think I tinkled, Plank!" [A whistle blows, and the group of four (Edd not included in the group head to the weights. Edd struggles.] Edd: [giving up] "Count me in. Curse physical education. We'll rendezvous at lunch hour. It's the only time we can move freely about the school. Synchronize your watches, gentlemen." [Jonny, Ed, and Eddy check their wrists.] Eddy: "What watches?" Edd: "An omen, I'm sure." [A bell rings, and they head their separate ways.]

''[In the gym, Jonny and Plank watch Kevin practice basketball. Kevin finishes up, and Plank stares through a magazine as he goes past. Jonny watches through a piece of cheese. He then throws the cheese at Eddy, who is sweeping the floor. Eddy looks up angrily, but then notices Kevin coming towards him. Eddy taps his broom against the locker room door. Kevin enters the room and begins to shower. Ed, disguised as part of the wall, comes out, and looks towards Kevin's clothes.]''

''[Eddy creeps by a door. Inside is woodshop. Sarah and Jimmy are working in there. Eddy enters the room, hidden in a book cart.]''

''[The Kankers are eating lunch in the cafeteria. They steal lunch from one another. A little bit farther down the table, Jonny and Plank are having soup. Jonny tucks some silverware into his shirt. He tosses some to Plank, but Plank does not hide it; he has no clothes.]''

''[The kids walk around the halls, having no idea of the mysterious goings-on. Eddy peeks out from behind a poster and chuckles.]''

[Various items are being tossed onto the roof, and Edd is using them for some purpose; what it is is unknown.]

''[It is a while later, and the stack of items has gone down to very few. Edd is finishing his work. Eddy rises out of the hatch and looks around. He then beckons to Ed and Jonny.]'' Eddy: "Move it move it!" ''[Ed and Jonny exit the hatch. Eddy moves over to Edd.]'' Eddy: "So, how we busting out of this booby hatch, professor?" Jonny: [far too loud] "Plank says it's a dragon! Right?" Ed: "A hamburger by any other name would be as cheesy!" Eddy: [tying their heads together] "Keep it down, numbskulls! We're trying to be sneaky here!" Ed: [strained] "Is it a hamburger, Eddy?" Edd: "Hardly, Ed." [Ed has built a plane.] "I've constructed your winged wish. Your soaring skedaddle. Your flying flee to freedom, gentlemen." [He leads them to the edge of the roof.] Jonny: "Wow." [Spread out before them is the skyline of Peach Creek, theirs for the taking.] Ed: "What are we looking at, guys?" Eddy: "Okay, break it up! Move it 'fore the screws find out we're missing!" [He shoves them at the plane, then turns back to the skyline.] "Oh boy, oh boy!"

''[Nazz enters the library with a clipboard. She spots a statue Edd, studying at a table, and goes over.]'' Nazz: "Um, Double D, I was wondering if you would sign my petition?" [She holds out the clipboard.] "It's for, like, cuter guys for school janitors. Wouldn't that be cool?" [The statue doesn't respond.] Nazz: "Double D." ''[Nazz taps his shoulder, and the head falls off. Nazz picks it up and talks to it.]'' Nazz: "Are you okay, dude?"

''[An air-raid siren goes off. The arrangement on the roof breaks into double-speed.]'' Eddy: "We've been made! It's now or never, boys!" ''[Jonny removes the wheel blocks. Edd, who is tightening the propeller, is pushed away by Eddy.]'' Edd: "Wait! I'm not finished!" ''[Eddy gets in the cockpit and starts the plane. Ed and Jonny board. Edd runs behind it.]'' Edd: "Abort the mission, Eddy! This craft is not yet airworthy!" ''[Ed waves as the plane begins to pull away. Edd grabs onto the rear flag.]'' "ABORT!" [The plane goes into a steep dive but manages to pull out of it, into the air.] Eddy: "WE'RE FREE! TO THE CUL-DE-SAC!" Jonny: [joyfully] "Pinch me, Plank! We're fugitives!" [Suddenly, the engine sputters, and the plane begins to lose altitude.] Eddy: "Double D! What's happening?!?" Edd: "Oh dear! We're losing altitude, Eddy! We're carrying too much weight!" [Ed and Eddy look at Jonny.] Jonny: "What?" Eddy: "Sorry, Jonny! No oversize baggage! Airline policy!" [He ejects Jonny.] Jonny: "Hey, you!" ''[The wheels touch down once, then twice, but the plane then regains altitude. It lifts into the air again.]'' Eddy: "It's working, Double D!" [He laughs.] [Just outside the fence, Edd's shirt catches on a tree limb.] Ed: "MY NAME IS ED! FLY ME!" ''[The elastic on Edd's shirt bounces back, sending the plane backwards into the school doors. A bell rings, and the plane is roughly pushed aside as the doors open and the kids storm out.]'' Kevin: "Let's go to my place for an after-school snack." Nazz: "Sounds cool, Kevin." Rolf: "Rolf will join you." Kevin: "Three's a crowd, dude." Rolf: [knowingly] "Hell-lo." Ed: [dazed] "Are we free yet?" Eddy: "This is all your fault, Sockhead." Edd: [sarcastically] "What was I thinking, Eddy."