The Good Ol' Ed/Script

''[Eddy is at his mirror, trying to shave. Ed bursts through his door. Eddy turns around, his face cut up.]'' Eddy: "Ed! Can't you see I'm practicing for manurity?" Ed: "So then–" [he grabs Eddy's razor and places it on a pile of odd items] "You won't want to forget to remember this! Oh–" [reaching under Eddy's bed] "–look, it's Eddo!" [He pulls out the dummy.] "Oh, and you'll need to think back this!" [a turntable on the pile] "And this–" [disco ball] "–also like this! And this! Oh, and who would want to forget this?" Eddy: "ED!" [He grabs on to the things Ed is towing away.] "What the heck are you doing? Gimme back my stuff!" [Ed stops in a backyard, next to a suitcase and a hole.] "Place memories here?" Edd: [carrying a box] "Well, hello, Eddy! Fashionably late as usual!" Eddy: "Late for what?" Edd: [putting things in the suitcase] "Our time capsule, remember? We were to gather a few of our poignant items and bury them in a go no further location! Then re-excavate our said capsule as grown-ups and reminisce on our yesterdays with a smile. Do you recognize this, Eddy?" [He holds up a Canadian squirt gun.] "The turkey baster! Or should I say, our Canadian squirt gun!" [He laughs.] Eddy: [grabbing it] "Oh yeah! I remember this thing!" Ed: "Funny it was! As though it were only second season." [Eddy squirts Ed.] Edd: [shocked] "There was water left in that?" [Eddy squirts Edd, and Ed and Eddy laugh.] Edd: "Ha ha ha, very funny. How about this tablet of memories?" [He holds up the Hypnotizing Wheel.] Ed and Eddy: "The Hypnotizing Wheel!" [Eddy kicks it out of Edd's hand.] Edd: [rubbing his fingers] "Can't you just ask for something like a normal human being?" Eddy: "Remember when we hypnotized Kevin into thinking he was a chimp?" Ed: "He made us laugh! And he thought my butt was a peanut." [Eddy, in imitation, clamps his teeth on Ed's rump.] Ed: "YOW!" Edd: "Eddy, look at my antics. I am Kevin the primate. Ook ook ook, ook ook ook." [He scratches his armpit.] Nazz: "Hey guys, um–" [Nazz takes note of the awkward scene: Edd is scratching his armpit, and Eddy is biting Ed's butt.] Nazz: "–what's up?" [She decides not to pursue it.] "Um, nevermind." [She walks away.] Edd: "I wonder what Nazz will remember of us when she's older." Eddy: "That you looked like an idiot and how could she have let a hunk like me get away." [There is a pause, then Edd laughs and walks back to the suitcase.] Edd: "See? Revisiting bygone days can be fun, Eddy!" Eddy: "What else you got in there?" [He tosses the Hypnotizing Wheel back in.] Ed: "Remember me?" [He bounces up, dressed in the suit from the fad episode.] Edd and Eddy: "Fad Freaky!" Eddy: "Good times, huh Sockhead?" [He elbows Edd.] ''[Edd falls into the suitcase. When he gets up, he has a remote stuck in his eye socket. He pulls it out.]'' Eddy: "Hey! I remember that! That's when Ed hit you with that sack of potatoes!" Edd: "Your recollection's a bit faulty, Eddy. This remote control was from our faux time machine." Ed: "Foe?" Eddy: "Time machine?" Edd: "Surely you recall the time machine." Ed: "Foe?" Eddy: "It's probably from that dumb rocket car you built." Edd: [getting exasperated] "Time machine. Not the rocket car, time machine. Remember? Jimmy and Jonny were at rapt attention, while I explained..." ''[Edd remembers the time machine. In the memory, Jimmy and Jonny are cowering in a time machine while Edd explains something on a blackboard.]'' Jimmy: "Are you sure, Double D?" Edd: "Most assuredly, Jimmy. Neither I nor science have found any correlation between time travel and frizzy, flyaway hair." Eddy: "Are you done yammering?" Edd: [closing the hatch and turning a dial] "Prepare to transverse to the Triassic period of yesteryear!" Jonny: "This is gonna rock!" [Ed picks up the machine and shakes it.] Edd: "Tallyho, back in time we go!" ''[Ed, still shaking the box, carries it off somewhere. Inside, Jonny and Jimmy bounce like pinballs. Suddenly, the machine stops moving, and Jonny and Jimmy settle.]'' Jonny: "I think we're here, Plank." ''[Jonny pushes the door open and wanders into the Triassic. A pterodactyl, suspended by ropes, flies past.]'' Jimmy: "PTERODACTYL!" [He ducks into the machine.] Jonny: [dragging Jimmy out] "C'mon, Jimmy! We can't get hurt, 'cause we weren't even born yet! Wowzers! Look, Plank!" [A triceratops lands on the machine, crushing it flat.] Jimmy: "Triceratops!" ''[He and Jonny run away. The dinosaur gives chase.]'' Jonny: "Right on, eh buddy?" Jimmy: "Make it stop! Make it–" ''[The triceratops lands on them. Jimmy crawls away, but is jumped on. Jonny is riding it now, however.]'' Jonny: "Whoopee! Twenty-two skidoo!" ''[Jimmy, dazed, looks up. A T. Rex roars. Jimmy screams, and the triceratops jumps on a allosaurus' head. The body goes flying and smashes into the T. Rex's mouth.]'' Eddy: [on the ground] "What the?" Jonny: "Neato! We've been swallowed alive, buddy! Huh?" [He looks forward and sees Edd, operating a remote control.] Edd: [nervous] "Well, hello, Jonny." [A banging is heard.] Eddy: [banging on the dino] "Hey! What's going on up there?" ''[The monsters giant metal eye comes loose and falls, landing on Eddy. The whole body then falls on Eddy. Edd laughs, bringing us back to the present.]'' Edd: "Oh and the funny part of it was the tyrannosaurus actually lived in the Cretaceous period. Not the Triassic period!" [He laughs.] "Oh, oh good times, huh fellows?" Eddy: "What are you talking about?" Ed: "Yeah, Double D, an elephant never forgets, but I forget what the elephant remembered." Edd: "Yes, well, you probably just weren't paying attention at the time, Ed. But I'm sure Eddy remembers!" Eddy: [carrying a jug] "In another life, windbag. But I remember this!" Ed: "My dear friend the jug." Edd: "That's a picture, Ed. And it's quite familiar to many of our Ed-ventures!" Eddy: "It's from when you had the hiccups, Double D! Remember?" ''[Eddy flashes back. The Eds are watching Rolf garden from a fence.]'' Eddy: "Course says Victor kicks Rolf in the head again." Ed: "My turn!" [Edd hiccups.] Edd: "Seems an air bubble has lodged itself within my–" [hiccup] ''[Edd clamps his hands over his mouth, but another hiccup comes. Eddy laughs. Edd runs home.]'' Eddy: "C'mere, I'll get rid of em." ''[Eddy follows Edd to his kitchen. Edd blows into a paper bag.]'' Edd: [hiccup] "Oh dear." ''[He blows in again. Eddy sharpens one of his hairs. Edd hiccups again.]'' "Oh my." ''[Blows in again. Eddy pops the bag with his hair. Edd goes flying under a cabinet.]'' Eddy: "There, they're gone!" Ed: "Hiccups have left the building, Eddy!" [Edd hiccups, and an electrical outlet pops out of the wall.] Ed: [carrying Edd over] "Quick, Eddy, do something, Double D is gonna–" [hiccup] "–explode!" [Ed throws Eddy on top of Edd and sits on both of them, fingers in his ears.] Eddy: "Ed, you idiot, this ain't gonna get rid of the hiccups!" [A hiccup throws them both off.] Edd: "Water! I need water!" ''[He runs to the sink and pours a glass. Before he can drink, he hiccups, soaking himself. Edd gets another glass, hiccups again, spills again.]'' Eddy: "You're doing it all wrong, you're supposed to drink it upside down." ''[Eddy turns Edd upside down and pours a jugful of water into him. Edd hiccups and swallows the jug.]'' Ed: "Let's scare him, Eddy." [He peels Edd's jaw open and shouts inside it.] "I am a zombie and I will malice you with a shoehorn!" [Hiccup.] Edd: [stupified] "Malice me with a shoehorn?" ''[Hiccup. Hiccup.]'' [Eddy laughs, bringing them back to the present.] Edd: "Hiccups? Me?" Eddy: "It lasted for two days!" Edd: "I'm sure I would have remembered involuntary spasms of my own diaphragm, Eddy." Ed: "I just remembered something I forgot!" [holding up a spatula] "See? A flipper." Edd: "That's a spatula, Ed." Eddy: "Cool! From when we spray painted that gold jewelry!" Ed: "Incorrection!" Edd: "Ed's right, Eddy. This is clearly from when we bartered eggs from Rolf." Ed: "Wrong!" [He grabs the spatula from Edd.] "Oh look, a flipper!" Eddy: "It's a spatula, stupid." Ed: "It reminds me of when we made that giant pancake! Drool I must. Yum." ''[Ed remembers the pancake incident. Eddy is mixing a giant bowl of batter above the cul-de-sac. The cul-de-sac is covered in grease, and it is going to be a frying pan.]'' Eddy: "Mixing this batter is killing my arms. Ed! Get over here!" ''[Ed jumps on Edd, squashing him into the grease. Ed slides over to Eddy.]'' Eddy: "Griddle greased up, Double D?" [Edd rises, covered in oil.] Edd: [disgusted] "Cooking oil in place, Eddy." Eddy: "Sweet! Get an agent, boys, 'cause we're gonna make the world's biggest pancake!" Ed: "I love pancakes, Eddy!" Eddy: "Shut up and pour, Lumpy." ''[Ed and Eddy start to tip the giant bowl of mixed batter. Edd, wringing himself out, hears the joy of kids playing.]'' Edd: "Excuse me, Eddy. Everyone seems to have mistaken our griddle for a skating rink." ''[The kids are skating on the oil. Ed continues to tip the batter.]'' Eddy: "Hey, you kids! Get outta my frying pan!" [The batter reaches the tipping point.] Edd: "Ed, wait!" [The batter begins to slosh out.] Jimmy: "Holy mackerel! Avalanche!" ''[The batter lands and covers the oil. The kids are crushed beneath it. The Eds watch in awe.]'' Edd: "Ed, what in heaven's name have you done!" Ed: [oblivious] "It's a boy!" Edd: [raising the spatula] "Fear not, people, as I have a spatula!" Eddy: "Oh no you don't!" [He drags Edd back.] "I'm the cook around here, so I get the spatula." ''[The pancake finishes cooking. Ed drools.]'' Ed: "Yum." ''[Ed tears off a bite of the pancake and eats it. He finishes the food and pulls a pair of black shorts out of his mouth.]'' Ed: "I got a prize, Eddy!" Eddy: "Hey! Keep your mitts off my pancake!" ''[Eddy lifts one end of the breakfast with his spatula. The kids reach out from underneath and grab him. A brawl breaks out underneath the pancake, and we come back to the present.]'' Ed: "Ah, the good ol' days." Eddy: "We never made no giant pancake!" Ed: "Did too! Proof: a flipper." [Eddy, angry, attacks Ed.] Edd: [as the duo fight] "Gentlemen, please. This project was meant as a commemoration of friendship, honoring a retrospective of days gone by." Eddy: [grabbing Ed] "Admit it, you made that up." Ed: [happy] "WAIT!" [He looks at the spatula.] "Now I remember as though it were today." ''[In the flashback, Eddy is in a backyard, staring at a suitcase. Edd enters from the right with a box.]'' Edd: "Well, hello, Eddy! Fashionably late as usual!" Eddy: "Late? Late for what?" Edd: [placing items in the suitcase] "Our time capsule, Eddy. Remember? We were to gather a few of our pogniant possesions–" ''[Stars burst across the screen. Eddy has just hit Ed with a fish.]'' Eddy: "I HATE CLIP SHOWS!!!" Edd: "Eddy! You stop right there, mister!" [He puts an ice pack on Ed's head.] "Remember when you used that fish to duel with Rolf?" Eddy: "No more remembering!" [He chases Edd around the yard.] Ed: [getting up] "Wow, lookee here. Isn't this ice pack from when we destroyed Jonny's house?" Eddy: "Stop raking up the past!" [He begins chasing Ed.] Edd: "Funny, 'cause this reminds me of a number of occasions where you chased–" Eddy: "Shut up!" [He goes after Edd.] Edd: "Ed, do something!" Ed: "Good times, huh Double D?"