Home Cooked Eds/Script

''[Rolf is driving a very dirty tractor. He pulls into a driveway. The garage at the end reads "Ed's Service Station".]'' Eddy: [hauling the door open] "Customer!" [His friends come running out to service the tractor.] Rolf: [distressed] "Hello Ed-boys. I must use your restroom!" Eddy: "The restroom's for paying customers only, Rolfy. Your tractor could use some help." Rolf: "Fine! Yes! Go!" [He hands over a quarter.] Eddy: "Key's in the garage." Edd: [as Rolf runs] "Is that coagulation of dirt and clay Rolf? Did you give him permission to go into my house? He'll track mud!" Eddy: "Relax. He'll never make it inside." Rolf: [the key is attached to a radiator] "May the fleas from your cow inflame your rhubarb!" Eddy: [starting the engine] "Let's bring her inside, boys!" [He shifts into gear, and the tractor reverses out.] "Not cool!" Edd: "That's really something I'd expect from you, Ed." Ed: "It's really something I wanted to do, Double D." ''[The tractor crashes. We look at the scene of the crash. The tractor has smashed into a house, crumpling part of both house and tractor, a tree is broken in half, and part of the fence has been destroyed.]'' Eddy: [thrown clear and uninjured] "Woohoo! Demolition derby, boys! Cool crash, huh Ed?" Ed: "I've seen better, Eddy." Eddy: [befuddled] "What?" Ed: "Look. The tractor is still intact, you could have done a lot more with the tree, and you hardly wrecked Kevin's fence. And the steering wheel should be rammed over your head like so." [He demonstrates.] Eddy: "Oh, excuse me! I'm such a hack. I'll be in my trailer." [He turns and walks into the side of a trailer.] Ed: "Eddy got a trailer!" Eddy: "What's this thing doing on my lawn?" Edd: "Seems some misinformed out-of-towners lost their way." Eddy: "Yeah? Well I'm sending it back!" [he tries to push it off his lawn] "Ed, gimme a hand!" Ed: [holding up Edd's hand] "Found one!" [He snorts.] Edd: "This joke is older than my Mesozoic fossil collection, Ed." Ed: "Whoops, there it goes...yep. My brain stopped." [A female giggling comes from somewhere.] Eddy: "Did you hear that?" [The giggles come again.] "Kankers!" Edd: "And we're in the open!" Ed: [pushing his friends into the trailer] "Hide in here!"

[The Kankers toss the trailer door open like they own the place.] Marie: [with a camcorder] "Wait'll the folks at home see this!" May: [with shopping bags] "I'm a movie star!" Lee: [shoving her sibling aside] "Move it May, I'm beat! Marie, get that camera out of my face–!!!" [Lee places her hand over the camera's eye and looks around the room.] Lee: "Hey, I thought this place should've been cleaned up by the time we got back. I'm calling the manager!" May: "My feet are killing me!" [She pries her shoes off.] "Aah...Vacations sure are tiring. What's on TV?" Marie: [grabbing the remote] "You always pick something stupid." Lee: "We're watching informercials." [She turns the television on, and it is revealed that the Eds are hiding inside the set.] Eddy: "Uh...we use new Stency-Away deodorant. Keeps me dry and fresh." Lee: "That junk wrecked my clothes." Marie: "Gimme that thing!" Lee: "Alright, alright." [Marie changes channels, and Edd imitates a siren.] Eddy: "Requesting backup! We're in hot pursuit." Ed: "It's my turn to drive! Beep! Transfer please." [Ed leans forward, and the trio in the TV collapse.] The Kankers: [looking at the exposed Eds] "It's our boyfriends!" Lee: "We been looking for you." May: "Yeah, we need tour guides." Eddy: "Forget tour guides, just get your stinking trailer off my lawn!" The Kankers: "But we're on holidays!" Eddy: "Uh-oh. Tourists." Lee: "Sun." May: "Sweat." Marie: "And souvenirs!" ''[She empties stuff out of a paper bag. It looks like some of the things in Edd's room.]'' Edd: "Why, these souvenirs look suspiciously familiar." [freaking out] "GAH! GIRLS WERE IN MY ROOM, EDDY!" May: [scratching her back with Plank] "These locals sure know how to make backscratchers!" [May happily scratches her back with Plank while Jonny looks in a window angrily.] Eddy: "Why don't you Kankers get lost!" Ed: "And forget about any lovey-dovey stuff! The Kankers: "Lovey-dovey!" Eddy: "Ed, you dolt!" [The Eds bolt from the trailer.] Eddy: "Run away!" Ed: [looking at May's kissy-face] "Flounder!" [He slams the door and follows his friends.]

Eddy: [barricading a door] "C'mon, Ed, hurry up!" Ed: "Stool for blocking." [He hands it over.] Eddy: "C'mon, c'mon!" Ed: "Couch for blocking." [He takes a couch the Kankers are sitting on.] May: "What's this supposed to be?" Lee: "I'll check the tour guide." [reading] "Some kinda dance, I think." Edd: [seeing the girls] "Ed-d-dee-dee-dee?" [He points.] Eddy: "This ain't the time for birdcalls, Double D." [Edd continues to point.] Ed: "A cup for blocking." Eddy: "Double D thinks he's a bird. I hate birds!" Ed: [seeing them as well] "K-k-" Lee: [putting down the guide] "And that's the call of the yellow-bellied boyfriend." Eddy: "How'd they get in my house?" Marie: "Time for a close-up, holiday boyfriend!" [She plunges a hat over him so it looks like he's wearing a skirt.] "So cute." [She begins filming.] "How about a little hula-hula?" Edd: [in agony] "This isn't happening!" [He fights to get the hat off.] "AAAH!" Lee: "Hey Marie, get me with Eddy!" [Lee pulls Eddy to her.] "Hello? Marie, film me!" Marie: "Film what, you just standing there?" Lee: "I was gonna hang Eddy from our rearview mirror like a troll!" Marie: "Big whoop." May: "Lee! Marie! Quit your fighting, we're supposed to be having fun! Holidays, remember?" Marie: "Yeah, you're right May." [Marie bounds up to hug May.] Lee: "Yeah, we're family. Group photo!" Marie: "Here, Double D, take it!" [shoving the still rolling camera at him] "And make it good." May: "Over by the pool, girls!" [The Kankers get into Eddy's aquarium.] Lee: "Hi Mom!" Eddy: "Get away from my fish tank!" Edd: "Um Eddy, please, I'm trying to get a good shot." [He beckons for Eddy to move away.] Eddy: "A good shot? Double D, that's something I'd expect from Ed!" Ed: "That again is something I really wanted to do." Eddy: "Do this! Get rid of–my fish?" [The sisters have vacated the tank.] Ed: "Should I put them in a plastic bag?" Eddy: "Did you see where they went?" Edd: "I was enraptured with Ed's whining." Ed: "Is it so wrong to be liked?" [Eddy tears down the hall to the doorway of his room, where he comes upon the horrific sight of the Kankers ransacking the place and destroying his personal belongings.] Eddy: "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Lee: "Who's gonna make us?" Marie: "Hey, are these real leopard-skin undies?" Edd: "That's quite a statement, Eddy." Eddy: [tugging at his collar] "They're my brothers. What?" Marie: "Says Eddy on the tag." Eddy: "That's it, get out of my room!" [He leaps at Marie.] Edd: "I feel as though we should help Eddy, Ed." Ed: "Yes, we should." [The sound of Eddy being pummeled is heard offscreen.] Lee: "Get him to put 'em on, Marie." Marie: "I can't, he won't let go!" Eddy: [dazed but holding on] "Give 'em up Marie, you don't have a chance." [Marie wraps him up in the undies.] 'Marie: "How's this?" Lee: "Hubba hubba!" ''[Marie lets go of the briefs. The resulting release of energy leads to Eddy spinning around terribly fast.]'' May: "Hi Eddy!" [Marie yanks him off] "Bye Eddy!" Edd: [clutching at Eddy] "Eddy, I fear they're becoming amorous!" Eddy: "What's that mean?" [Edd whispers something into Eddy's ear, and shortly thereafter the Eds vacate the house screaming.] Eddy: [scared] "Last one out's a rotten egg!" Lee: "Bye boys! You'll have to come home sometime!"

''[The sounds of construction come from Eddy's house. Suddenly, a wave of water knocks down Eddy's front door.]'' Lee: "Ya-hoo-ooo-ooo!" Marie: "This waterpark idea stinks!" May: "It's not my fault the water pressure's low." Lee: "Everything's your fault, May." Eddy: [watching from a fence with the other two] "They're wrecking my house!" Ed: "Amateurs, Eddy, don't make me laugh." Kevin: "Why are you dorks on my lawn?" Eddy: "We heard your grass was greener, so–" Lee: "Hey Ed! Here's our unmentionables." [dropping a bag to them] "Press 'em, dry 'em, and don't skimp on the starch!" Rolf: "Hallo." Kevin: "Having some girl problems, are we?" [He and Rolf collapse into laughter.] Eddy: "What? So? They're on holiday! What?" Kevin: "A romantic getaway, huh?" Rolf: "A coochie-coochie cruise?" Kevin: "I guess these dweebs'll be holding hands all summer." Rolf: [to a sour-faced Jonny] "Prune-face Jonny, do you hear this?" Jonny: [angry] "Don't touch me." ''[He stomps away. Rolf and Kevin then resume laughing.]'' Kevin: "C'mon Rolf. I'm getting a stitch." Rolf: "Bye-bye." [They exit.] Edd: "He's right, Eddy. This weather ensures them a lonnng vacation." Eddy: [with a plan] "Weather, huh? Summer's about to call it a day, boys."

''[The sun is beating down on the Kankers. The girls have taken various pieces of furniture from Eddy's house and put in on the lawn. They are lounging there in swimsuits now, under a flag of Eddy's underwear.]'' May: "Hey Marie, can you flip me over, I'm getting crispy." [no reply] "Marie, flip me over!" [no response] MARIE!" Lee: "Shut up, May." [She flips May's table over and jumps on Marie.] "Don't you hear your sister talkin to ya?" Marie: "Nope! Must be this vacation air, I guess." [She plucks a hair from Lee's armpit.] Lee: "Ow!" Marie: [laughing] "Sucker!" [Lee begins to chase her.] Lee: "Get back here!" [Lee and Marie run straight into a surprise rainstorm.] Marie: "Uh oh." Lee and Marie: "It's raining!" [They run back to the trailer.] May: "Rain?" [Lee and Marie grab May and use her hair like an umbrella.] Lee: "Does my hair look okay?" Edd: [creating the rain with a hose and colander] "Summer rains, you can never predict them. Commence thunder, Eddy!" [Eddy complies, and the sounds of a kitchen pan hitting a garbage can are heard.] May: [clutching her sisters close] "It's a typhoon!" Lee: "So what? We're not gonna let a little typhoon ruin our vacation, are we?" [Winds suddenly blast the sisters. Marie is blown into the trailer door, and May has to hang on to Lee.] Lee: "Hang on, May!" [She loses her grip, and May hits the door and Marie.] [We then get to see what's causing the winds: it is an giant fan.] Ed: [picking up a bush] "I got the debris, Eddy! I wanted to do this." [tossing it in front of the fan] "Alley-oop!" Lee: "I can't see!" [The bush hits her, sending her into her sisters. The combined weight of the Kankers and the bush pushes their trailer door open, sending them inside. A tree then pushes its way into the trailer.] Jimmy: [in the typhoon] "My eyes! They're burning!" Eddy: "Woohoo! Nice atlive, Ed! Now get 'em off my lawn!" Ed: "Okey-dokey, Smokey!" [he switches the fan off] "That rhymed." Edd: "I must say that worked out quite well." Ed: [picking up the trailer] "Cheerio, Kanker Sisterio!" Lee: "Now what?" [Ed flings the trailer away.] Ed: "Don't even think about it, think about it!" Edd: "Please, Ed, no more rhymes."

''[The trailer goes away from the Eds at a high speed. It travels down a hill, along the way taking out some fences and a tree. At the end of the trip it runs into an elastic band stretched between two poles and stops.]'' Marie: [looking out the window] "Look, it's that weird kid." May: "Yeah, that, that–I forget his name." Lee: [Plank stuck in her hair] "What's he up to?" [Jonny pulls the band back and puts it on a mailbox's flag.] "What the heck's he doing?" May: "Who cares? He's a–" [a banging comes from the roof of the trailer] "Huh?" [Jonny rips a panel off the roof and dives into the trailer.] Jonny: "I'm coming, Plank!" ''[A fray is heard in the trailer. At the end of it, Jonny leaps out of the aforementioned hole, Plank in hand.]'' Jonny: [above a sea of groping Kanker hands] "Run, Plank!" May: "Gimme back my backscratcher!" Jonny: "Scratch this." ''[Jonny kicks the flag over. This releases the elastic band, which sends the sisters' trailer skyrocketing through the air and back up the hill.]''

Eddy: [spraying germ-away on a chair] "Filthy filthy filthy." Ed: "That's something I'd expect from Double D, Eddy." Eddy: "Don't remind me." [He slumps in the clean chair, relaxed.] "Aah." Edd: [hearing the faint sounds of the approaching trailer] "Do you hear something?" Eddy: "Oh, man..." [The trailer lands on the Eds and bounces onto the fence that separates Kevin and Eddy's yards.] Kevin: "What's a trailer doing on my–trailer?!?" [He runs over and tries to push it onto Eddy's lawn.] "Stay off my lawn!" [Ed bursts through the fence, revealing that Edd and Eddy are trying to push the trailer onto Kevin's side.] Ed: "Kevin! There's a trailer on you–oh. I guess you already know." Marie: [sliding to one side of the trailer] "Now this is what I call a vacation." Lee: [as the trailer shifts to the other side] "Just like the cruise Mom took." May: "I don't feel so good." Eddy: "They're yours!" Kevin: "No way, yours!" Eddy: "Ed, help!" Ed: "One plus one equals one on a bun."