Scrambled Ed/Script

''[Edd looks over a toothpaste model of a bridge. He rubs his eyes, and places a toothpick with a triangular banner on it on top of one of the bridges posts.]'' Edd: [tired] "Complete." [he stops a timer] "And only 14 hours and 7 minutes." [Edd looks straight ahead, dazed.] Edd: "Sleepy, sleepy sleepy." ''[Edd puts his head on his desk and goes to sleep. Suddenly, a loud crash comes, and we see that somebody has put a foot through Edd's door. Despite this, Edd is so tired he doesn't awaken.]'' Eddy: "There's a knob, Ed." [Eddy opens the door.] "Double D! Are you sitting for this one?" [Edd is sitting, but he is so exhausted that he takes no notice and simply continues to snore.] Eddy: "Good! The biggest cash cow ever to be milked is on our doorstep!" [plopping down on the bed] "Not one to gloat, but, man, am I good." [Ed goes over to the sleeping Edd and looks at him.] Eddy: "I see a big sign over an ocean world: "Ed's Sea Ranch!" [Edd continues sleeping, blissfully unaware of Eddy's plans.] Eddy: "Is he sleeping?" [annoyed] "The least you could do is humor me, Double D!" Ed: [worried] "Oh, this may not be Double D at all, Eddy, but a clone, put on this planet to–" [Eddy flicks Ed away. He then pushes Edd's nose to the table until Edd awakens.] Edd: "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [He collapses into the gentle arms of sleep again.] Eddy: "C'mon, Sockhead, I need you pal! Ed's Sea World, I tell ya!" [Edd doesn't awaken.] "What a lump." Ed: "Why thank you Eddy." [Eddy puls out Edd's labeler and uses it to tape Edd's eyes open.] Ed: "Hello Double D." Eddy: "Now that I got your attention, I need you to figure out the plans for" Ed and Eddy: "Ed's Sea Ranch!" [The strain on Edd's eyelids becomes too great for the tape, and the tape breaks.] Edd: [shutting his eyes and yawning] "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [A confluence of yawns makes its rounds among the three friends.] Eddy: [to Ed] "Hey, grab Double D. We got work to do." Ed: "Right behind you, Eddy."

''[Eddy motors into the woods and stops. He jumps on Edd's back, and Ed continues to drag Edd forward through the woods, Eddy riding on Edd.]'' Eddy: "No kid can resist otters, and dolphins, and maybe a giant shark exhibit? We like the shark exhibit!" [Ed runs into the creek.] "What the?" Ed: "Location, location, location." [dragging a drenched Edd out] "Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead." Eddy: "Okay. We got a spot. What's next, Double D?" Edd: [barely awake] "Build a pen to house the aquatic creatures." Ed: "Ooh! I got one!" [He pulls open his jacket to reveal a fridge, and takes out a bottle of mustard.] "Alley-oop!" [Ed squeezes the mustard, and a pencil eeks out.] "Here's your mustard, Double D." [Edd mutters unintelligibly and takes the mustard.] Eddy: [annoyed] "He asked for a pen!" Ed: "He asked for mustard, Eddy. Do you have corn in your ears, mister?" Eddy: "What's that supposed to mean?" Ed: "Oh, look! Double D is planning!" Edd: [drawing in his sleep] "Land water pounds per square inch containment." Eddy: "We're gonna be rich! You could buy a chin, Ed! Think of it!" Edd: [finishing the plans and waking up a little] "Elementary." Eddy: "Woohoo!" [He stares at the plans.] Edd: [handing him a list] "Supplies and materials." Eddy: "What would we do without you, Double D?" Ed: "Live the life of Riley?" Eddy: "Shut up Ed." [He drags Ed off to fetch the supplies.]

Edd: "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [He wakens long enough to shift his position on the rock he is on.] Ed: "Supplies!" [He dumps the supplies on top of Edd.] Eddy: "We got everything on the list, Double D, now what?" [not spotting Edd anywhere] "Where's Double D?" [realizing] "Lemme guess. He's under the supplies, right Ed?" Ed: "Yep!" [Eddy hits him with the rolled-up list.] "Did you get it, Eddy?" Eddy: "We need Double D, Ed." [he kicks Ed into the pile] "To realize my dream of Ed's Sea Ran–" Ed: [plopping Edd's rock on Eddy] "Found him." Eddy: [dazed] "Okay. 'Cause I'm gonna be rich." [pulling a supply out and staring at the plan] "Now where does this doohickey go?" Ed: "I'll go get the other stuff." Eddy: [hauling Edd upright] "I can't read your plans. Where's this other thing go?" Edd: [talking nonsense] "Attach it specifically to the barsh-niggum abitalluby tim." [He falls asleep, and Eddy hits him with the piece.] "Parallel to the car seat!" [He goes to sleep again, this time with an aching head.] Eddy: "Thank you." [Eddy climbs up a tower of stuff to place it in the indicated position.] Eddy: "Woohoo! Thar she blows! All we need now are some exhibits." [The building in question is a large arc. Both sides are made up of various household implements, and in the center hangs a sign reading "Ed's Sea Ranch."] Eddy: [sweetly] "Oh Double D? Where do I find some sea creatures?" [angry, shaking the tired boy] "Stinky sea fish, Double D!" Edd: "Tired. Bed. Spongy. Sea." [He droops and nods off.] Eddy: "Of course! The greatest of all creatures! Sea-bed sponges!" [noticing a problem] "Where do you get sponges?" Ed: "Oh oh oh me me me!" Eddy: "Ed." Ed: "At my house!" Eddy: "No way!" Ed: "No lie." [He pulls Eddy with him.] Eddy: "Sweet." Edd: [alone] "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [He begins to snore again.] ''[With nobody watching, the arc collapses. The stream is dammed and runs dry. Fish are seen dying, and it seems as though Ed's Sea World is an impossible, nonexistant dream.]''

[Ed hauls Eddy into his bedroom and throws him on a chair.] Eddy: [babbling] "Photos with a sea sponge, 25¢, Double D! You got a camera, go get–" [notices that Edd's not with them] "Where's Double D?" Ed: "Do not adjust your sets." Eddy: [chasing him] "Hurry, Ed, we need Double–" Ed: [coming back with Edd] "Ssh! He is sawing logs, the little dickens." Eddy: "What took ya?" Ed: "I read books, Eddy." Eddy: "Back to business, Ed! Where's those sponges?" Ed: [clamping his hands over Eddy's mouth] "SSSHH!" [whispering] "The walls have ears, Eddy. Follow me." [He drags Eddy into the bathroom.] Edd: [climbing out from under the chair] "Oh, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy." [sighting Ed's bed] "Bed." ''[Edd heads over to the bed. Pulling away the covers, he sees the horror that lies beneath.]'' Edd: "Not if it was the last bed on earth."

[Ed tears the wallpaper away from one of his bathroom's walls, revealing a stash of sponges.] Eddy: "It's the mother lode!" Ed: "I collect sponges, Eddy." Eddy: [ecstatic] "Double D! Check this out!" [He pulls a sponge from the pile, and the pile collapses onto him.]

Jimmy: [in a nurse's uniform] "After you, doctor." Sarah: [as a doctor, entering her room] "Thank you, nurse." Jimmy: "AAAAHHH!" [Jimmy and Sarah catch sight of Edd, collapsed in Sarah's bed.] Sarah: [on the verge of throttling Edd] "DOUBLE D, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Edd: [exhausted] "I'm azleepy sleepy sleepy..." [He trails off and goes back to sleep.] Jimmy: "Hmm. A severe case of exhaustion, don't you think?" Sarah: "I'm the doctor, and I say he's dead!" [Sarah shakes Edd, and the boy shifts in her bed.] Sarah: "He's worser than I thought! Let's operate!" ''[Jimmy drags him out of the house in a wagon which serves as an ambulance. As they go past, Eddy heaves the garage door open.]'' Eddy: "Double D?" Ed: "Double D?"

Sarah: "Double D?" ''[Edd is stretched out on a table. Sarah uses her hands to pry open his mouth.]'' Jimmy: "Egads! Shouldn't you be wearing gloves?" Sarah: "No time. His brain's broken!" Jimmy: "Holy smoke! Brain surgery!" Sarah: "Come on, c'mon, move it!" [Jimmy hauls a purse onto the table.] "Glue." [Jimmy hands the glue over.] "Mallet." [Jimmy gives the mallet.] "Faster!" Jimmy: [with a saw] "Now let's fix that brain!" [Edd is suddenly dragged off the table.] Sarah: "Huh? WE FOUND HIM FIRST!" Eddy: [Ed holding Edd by the legs] "Take a hike! His brain belongs to us." ''[Ed nods assent. While he's nodding, Kevin steals the brainy Ed-boy.]''

Kevin: [dragging Edd behind him] "I'll knock two points off your dork rating if you figure out what's up with my bike chain." [The chain has clearly fallen off the gears.] Edd: [reciting dentistry] "Liberally apply toothpaste for cleaner, brighter teeth." Kevin: "Toothpaste? Radical." [He drops Edd, and Rolf grabs the exhausted boy.]

[We are in Rolf's garden, which has become infested with lobsters.] Rolf: "Look Ed-boy! Lobsters! Look! Am I crazy? Rolf's garden has been cursed!" [he plucks a carrot, and water spurts up] "Do you see? A fountain! Look! A cure, Ed-boy?" Edd: "Hot wax for more manageable follicles." Rolf: "Ah, yes, the wax. Thank you!" [realizing he has lobsters clamped to him] "Scourge of the seas! Release Rolf! Nana, find the pliers!" [Rolf runs away, and Edd curls up against a tree.] Edd: "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [Jonny peeks out from behind the tree.] Jonny: "Be brave, Plank. Double D will help." [to Edd] "Double D? Can you help us?" [Edd lifts his bleary eyes.] Jonny: "It's a little embarrassing." [whispering] "Um, Plank's got this growth." [Plank is indeed growing a twig.] "Is it serious?" [Edd laughs hysterically, and then climbs on top of Jonny's head, where he settles down to sleep.] Jonny: "Double D was laughing with you, not at you, Plank! You're silly." [As he walks away, Ed grabs Edd and yanks him away.]

Ed: [in the lane, handing Edd to Eddy] "One Double D, hold the onions!" Eddy: [trying to drag Edd away] "Gimme him! We gotta finish our Sea Ran–" [a force pulls in the opposite direction] "Whoa!" Kevin: [yanking on Edd's arm] "This dork owes me a bike chain!" Eddy: [latched on to Edd's legs alongside Ed] "He's my dork, leggo!" Sarah: [making the scene] "Look, Jimmy, our patient!" Jimmy: "I wanna take his temperature!" [Sarah and Jimmy join the tug-of-war, using Edd's free arm as their pressure point.] Eddy: "Leave Double D alone! He's ours!" Sarah: "He's sick! Gimme 'im!" ''[Rolf comes upon the scene, lobsters attached to his body. The tug-of-war stops as the parties look at him.]'' Rolf: "Ed-boy! A moment of your time? Never use hot wax to soothe enraged lobsters." [Rolf runs away.] Rolf: "NANA! HAS THE WATER COME TO A BOIL YET?" Jonny: [about to use hedge clippers on Plank] "Rolf's weird, huh Plank?" Plank: [Water suddenly gurgles out of a knothole in the fence.] Jonny: "Uh-oh, trouble!" Plank: Jonny: "Something's dammed the creek causing it to flood the cul-de-sac?" Plank: Jonny: "You think so?" [He puts Plank's growth in the knothole, stopping the flow.] "A little wet, but I'm okay!" [He pats his friend.] "Thanks to you!" [More holes open, water spurting through.] "Holy cow! AAH! AAH! AAH!" [The levee breaks, flooding the cul-de-sac.] Ed: "Sea Ranch! I am Neptune, King of the–" [The wave hits them, stopping Ed from speaking further.]

''[Nazz looks out her window and yawns. She stares despondently at the waterlogged cul-de-sac. The Ed's Sea Ranch sign floats by overhead. On top of the sign sit Jonny, Rolf, and many barnyard animals, including Rolf's goat, a pig, a cow, and five chickens. The sun beats down heavily on the makeshift raft.]'' Rolf: "How long have we been adrift, Jonny?" Jonny: "Plank says, beats me!" Rolf: [scratching his chin] "Rolf's premature facial hair burdens him." [Jimmy and Sarah float past on another piece of wood.] Jimmy: "My stomach's cramping! I'm so hungry, I'd even eat processed cheese!" Rolf: "Rolf's belly would like food too." ''[He looks around the raft at his various animals. His gaze then alights upon Jonny. Before Rolf's very eyes, Jonny's head is transformed into a magnificent roast turkey.]'' Jonny: "How ya holding up, Rolf?" Rolf: "If we do not find dry land soon, I will have to feast upon your succulent noggin." Jonny: [confused and a little creeped out] "Okay. Let's go check the fishing net, Plank." ''[Jonny grabs a giant fishing net and heaves it aboard. In the net are Edd, Eddy, and some lobsters.]'' Rolf: "Quick Jonny, get the stick!" Ed: "Ahoy!" [He leaps from the water.] "It is I, Neptune!" [He reenters the water.] Eddy: "He's a natural. Ed could be the star attraction for Ed's Sea Ranch!" Edd: [still tired, but less exhausted] "Persistent, aren't we?" Ed: [breaching again] "King of the sea!" Rolf: "Did you find the stick, Jonny?" [The sound of something being hit is heard.]