For the Ed, by the Ed/Script

''[Plank is flying around, a cape tied to his back. He is pretending to be a superhero. A sudden cry for help catches his and Jonny's attention.]'' Jimmy: "Leave me alone! You bullies! You're stretching my top!" [Jimmy is in the middle of the lane, being bullied by the Kanker sisters.] Marie: "Hey May! Got that bug?" May: "You got it!" [holding up a caterpillar] "Let's make him eat it!" The Kankers: "Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!" ''[Jimmy clamps his hands firmly over his mouth. Marie reaches around and moves the retainer so that it holds Jimmy's mouth open.]'' The Kankers: "Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!" Jonny: "Here I come!" [Plank sails over the fence.] May: "What the heck is that?" [Plank hits her in the face and somersaults up and into Lee's hair.] Lee: "UUUH! Get it out, Marie, get it out!" Marie: "All right, hold still. Let me see." [Jimmy tries to creep away but is confronted by the villainous caterpillar.] Lee: "Hurry it up!" Marie: "Quit being such a crybaby. May, get over here!" ''[May gets up and runs towards her sisters. Before she reaches them, Plank comes out of Lee's hair.]'' Lee: "Is it out?" ''[Plank lands in May's path. May steps on the board and slips, tumbling into her sisters.]'' Jimmy: [as the bug continues towards her] "Aw, no! Somebody do something! It's gonna touch me!" [Plank lands in the caterpillar's path, averting disaster.] Jonny: "Woo hoo! Super Plank saves the day!" Super Plank: Jimmy: [holding up Plank] "My hero!" Jonny: "He pulverized them! What are we waiting for? Let's go tell everybody!" [They run by the dazed Kankers, who are lying in a pile.]

[The Eds are drinking sodas in a backyard.] Eddy: "So all we gotta do is empty all these bottles and cash 'em in for a refund. Check Ed out. He knows the drill." ''[Ed is guzzling two bottles. He finishes them and belches.]'' Eddy: "Good one, Ed!" [They belch, then look at Edd expectantly.] Edd: "You've got to be kidding." Ed: [after an expectant pause] "Aw, come on, Double D!" Eddy: "He can't. He's too chicken!" Ed: "Blow a big one! C'mon! You can do it!" Eddy: [at the same time] "Chicken! Bu-bu-buckaw!" Edd: "Small things amuse small minds, I suppose." ''[He attempts it, but only gets off a quacking noise. The same thing happens on subsequent tries. Eddy collapses to the ground with laughter.]'' Ed: [patting a blushing Edd on the head] "There there, little man. There's plenty to be ashamed of." Jimmy and Jonny: "Plank is our hero!" [They run by, holding Plank aloft.] Jimmy: "Plank is the king of the cul-de-sac." Jonny: "You got that right!" Jimmy and Jonny: "Plank's our hero, Plank's the king!" Edd: "Fare thee well, King Plank!" Eddy: [disgruntled] "King? Plank? If anyone's the king around here, it's me!" Ed: "Plank makes for a good ruler!" [He runs after Plank.] Eddy: "Get back here! I'm the king around here, and you know it! I DEMAND A VOTE! Kings have to be elected, you know." Edd: [after digesting this latest evidence of Eddy's stupidity] "I'm sorry, Eddy, but that's incorrect. Kings are born into nobility through an eclectic lineage spanning generations." Eddy: [assertively] "I want an election." Edd: "You do?" [happily] "Why, just the thought of implementing a democratic system within the confines of suburban living is BLAAAH!" [He burps.] Ed: "An angel just got its wings, Double D."

[Rolf is holding his breath while Kevin times him with a stopwatch.] Jonny: [holding Plank up] "Check Plank out!" Plank: Jonny: "He's the king of the cul-de-sac!" Jimmy: [to Sarah and Nazz] "Oh Sarah, it was so divine! In just one day, Plank saved me from three evil witches and a creepy-crawly!" Plank: Nazz: "That's awesome, Jimmy." Sarah: "Hooray for the King!" Rolf: [frightened] "A wooden board saved you from three evil witches and a creepy-crawly?" [running away] "MAMA! THE FAIRY TALES THAT HAUNT ROLF HAVE COME TRUE!" Edd: [through a megaphone] "Hear ye, hear ye! Your attention, please! An election has been declared! A great opportunity is at hand, people! A candidate has come forth to seek the office of King of the cul-de-sac. I introduce to you, for your consideration, Candidate Eddy!" ''[Eddy comes in on a wagon towed by Ed. He is wearing a giant top hat. If we didn't know better, we'd say that the Flying Eduardo Brothers were back.]'' Eddy: "Keep it down, folks. There's plenty of me to go around." Kevin: [unimpressed] "Pa-thetic." Edd: [clapping] "Yes indeedy." Ed: "Free buttons!" [He throws the hard plastic buttons at the electorate, showering them.] "Vote for Eddy! Wear 'em while they're hot!" Sarah: [fed up] "QUIT IT, YOU IDIOT!" Edd: [plucking a button from her hair] "Let me help you with that. I'd be very grateful if you showed your support." Eddy: [to Jonny] "Vote for me, you big bald-headed badger!" [He gives Jonny a noogie.] Edd: "Candidate Eddy! Voters need to see compassion, leadership, and sincerity." Nazz: [probably the only informed voter] "Dude, do you have a platform or what?" Eddy: [confused] "Uh..." [asking Edd, under his breath] "Platform? What's with that?" Edd: [holding up notecards] "I took the liberty of writing you a speech, sir!" Eddy: "Aide." Ed: [placing Eddy on his shoulders] "Upsa-daisy your sinus." Eddy: [giving his speech] "If elected as King of the cul-de-sac, infraction will be a thing of the gas!" Edd: [hissing] "Inflation will be a thing of the past, Eddy!" Eddy: "Huh?" Edd: "Inflation, Eddy!" [Eddy flips through the speech.] Kevin: "Snoresville! This is so lame." Eddy: [tossing the speech away] "You're right. Let's cut to the chase. You vote for me instead of that stick, you get jawbreakers for free. For life! Eh?" Nazz: [departing] "Well, that was a hoot." Sarah: [leaving] "Fathead!" Kevin: [leaving with everyone else] "Man, he's so desperate, I swear!" Eddy: "I'm the king! You'll see." ''[He climbs off Ed's shoulders. After a brief pause, he releases his fury by tossing his hat to the ground and stomping on it. He then hands the crushed hat to Edd.]'' "There's gotta be a way to take that plank out." [Edd pulls on the "King" button, and the hat reverts to normal.] "Let's dig up some dirt on that clapboard!" Edd: [suspicious] "A political scandal?" [outraged] "Your rash attempt at disgracing the moral sensibilites of an innocent, good-natured cut of timber have fallen on deaf ears, mister! Count me out." Eddy: "What, I was just kidding. That would be so...wrong." [He pulls Ed away.]

''[Eddy is pacing in the lane. He has been there so long, he has worn a groove where he walks. A door suddenly is put on the lane side of a fence.]'' Ed: "Who's there?" [He opens the door, a bag in his hands.] Eddy: [as Ed opens the bag] "C'mon, let's see, what'd you get on that cat?" Ed: "Boy, did I get some dirt on him, Eddy!" ''[Eddy grabs the bag and empties it out. What he finds are a shattered flowerpot, a wrecked plant, and a WHOLE bunch of dirt.]'' Eddy: "This IS dirt!" [holding up the plant] "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS? IT'S DIRT!" [The dirt at the base of the plant crumbles, revealing a photo.] "What's this?" Ed: "Can I see, Eddy?" Eddy: "Photographic proof! Plank's a goner." Ed: [staring at the picture] "I would hide this too if I had done that!" [Eddy laughs evilly.]

''[A voting station is set up outside someone's house. Edd comes out of the house and shovels some warm cookies onto a plate. The kids come running up.]'' Edd: "In celebration of Election Day, I've baked homemade cookies. For those of you about to vote." Rolf: [pinching his nose shut] "Why does Rolf smell the odor of Nana's decaying toenails?" Eddy: "STOP THE PRESSES! Looks like your king's got something to hide from you guys. Check out this photo!" [Eddy shows the picture to the kids.] Kevin: [entertained] "Choice!" Jimmy: [scared] "I'll never look at that hunk of wood the same way! My hero's a flake!" [He begins to cry.] Kevin: "Your hero's a zero!" Rolf: [confused] "Is it not just a piece of wood?" Jonny: [trying to protect Plank] "HOW THE HECK DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE?!?" Eddy: [keeping the photo away from Jonny] "I'll never tell. Aide?" [He gives the picture to Ed, who holds it hostage.] Jonny: "Give it back, that's Plank's property! Please, Ed!" Ed: "Okey-dokey!" [He hands the picture to Jonny.] Jonny: [begging for mercy] "So Plank made a mistake! We all got skeletons in our closets. What's he got to do to prove he's a good Joe?" Eddy: "Ask not what he can do for the cul-de-sac, baldy, ask what I'm gonna do to him once I win this election!" Edd: "Candidate Eddy!" [He seethes.] Eddy: "The public has a right to know the truth, Double D. 'Cause the truth makes them vote for the right guy." Kevin: "Got that right, Abe. Where do I vote?" [The ground shifts under him.] "What the–?" Ed: [holding a shovel, on which Kevin is standing] "Right this way, mister!" [He shovels Kevin into the polling booth.] Edd: [hustling over with the plate] "Don't forget your cookie!" [Kevin takes one.] "You'll find a napkin behind the ballot counter." Ed: [with a shovel full of kids] "Got another one, Double D." Edd: "Ed, please! The voting booth is a private refuge where choice can be made free from persuasion! One voter per–ahem–shovelful, thank you." Nazz: "I guess I'm next." [She walks in.] Eddy: "And don't forget, vote for King Eddy!" Edd: "Eddy, you're pressuring the voters!" Eddy: "Don't you have a pal to vote for?" [He pushes Edd towards the ballot booth.] Ed: [grabbing the plate of cookies] "My turn!" [He puts the shovel under his butt and walks in.] Edd: "Ed! You be careful in there." Eddy: "Don't forget to vote for your pal there, Lumpy. 'Cause he's the man. Right there, Jonny boy?" [Jonny walks by wordlessly.] ''[Edd enters the ballot box, which now has many flies congregating around it. Ed has apparently voted.]'' Edd: [as the kids discuss the election] "Has everyone voted?"

''[Eddy is in the ballot box, cackling evilly. He begins pulling ballots from his sash and stuffing the box with them. Edd peeks in at him.]'' Edd: [holding another ballot box] "Luckily I anticipated your actions, and switched the official ballot box for a mock-up." [grabbing a vote] "Only one vote per person, thank you."

Edd: [behind a desk] "People of the cul-de-sac." [He bangs a gavel.] "I call this election to a close, and will tally your votes as for who you have really chosen as king of the cul-de-sac. Our first vote goes to...Eddy." Eddy: "Bingo!" Edd: "Next, we have one for Plank!" Plank: Jonny: "Right on!" Edd: "Ooh, and another for Plank! And one for...Rolf." Rolf: "Thank you." Edd: "Yes, well...and here's another one for Plank!" Plank: Edd: "And another for Plank! Yes, and one more for Plank! And last but not least..." [He holds up a cookie.] "Um, we seem to have a spoiled ballot. Cookies don't count, I'm afraid." [back to the election] "It's unanimous! Majority rules! I hereby name Plank King of the cul-de-sac!" [The kids cheer.] Ed: "Yeah! Way to lose, Eddy!" The Kids: [carrying Plank on their shoulders] "Yay, way to go! Plank's the king of the cul-de-sac!" Eddy: [to Edd] "I WANT A RECOUNT!" Edd: "But Eddy, you only got one vote." Eddy: "Ed! Who'd ya vote for?" Ed: "The cookie, Eddy!" Eddy: "One, huh?" [He does some calculations as Edd tries to creep away.] "Hey, wait a minute!" Edd: [in the ballot box] "Friends as we are, I had to vote for Plank, Eddy! Nothing personal. You understand, don't you?" Eddy: [leaping into the box] "Double crosser!" Edd: [while being beaten up] "Please, Eddy! It's part of the democratic process!" Ed: "Dogpile!" ''[He leaps into the booth. Eddy and Edd are quickly thrown out, and Ed fights with himself.]'' Edd: "Well, Ed seems to be celebrating his independence." Eddy: "I hope he gets a concussion."