My Fair Ed

"My Fair Ed" is the 16th episode of Season 3 and the 68th episode of Ed, Edd n Eddy. In this episode, Edd attempts to remodel his friends into proper gentlemen after they create major problems for the other kids. It works initially at first, but soon Ed and Eddy begin ruining everything in attempts to "help."

Plot
Ed and Eddy are in Edd's kitchen, helping Edd carry in his family's groceries. Well, maybe "helping" is the wrong word, as what they are actually doing is playing with the food and generally wrecking everything. Edd complains and tries to get their attention so that they'll quit messing up his family's stuff, but this is to no avail, especially when Eddy grabs some broccoli and threatens Ed with it. Naturally, Ed can't stand the taste of broccoli, and he tears out of Edd's house by way of the screen door with Eddy in hot pursuit.

The chase runs through the cul-de-sac, causing much chaos for everyone. This includes Ed accidentally smushing Sarah and Jimmy with a painting Jimmy made of a unicorn on a fence, Ed and Eddy destroying Rolf's eggplant garden, the duo wrecking Kevin's bike, and Ed accidentally stealing Plank. Eventually, though, Eddy catches Ed and threatens him, causing Ed to smack Eddy's hand with Plank. This sends the broccoli flying backwards, and when Eddy admits that the hit was painful, Ed apologizes and tosses Plank away–only for the broccoli to land in his hand. Ed now has the upper hand, and it is filled with broccoli that he plans to make Eddy eat.

Edd, meanwhile, has been chasing his friends, and has tailed them to that exact street corner. As they rush away from him, Double D tries to harangue them, but he doesn't get very far before Plank lands in his hands. Naturally, Jonny demands his pal back, and when Edd hands the board over, Jonny mentions that if he weren't so peace-loving, he'd commit some act of violence. Double D has no time to get used to this before he is accosted by Rolf, who blames him for the destruction of his eggplants. Before Edd can apologize, an angry Sarah shows up, also blaming him for the actions of his friends. Kevin then walks up to him and delivers an ultimatum: get his friends to quit destroying everything, or they'll destroy him.

When Double D finds his friends, he sees Ed running around a tree, having been tricked into it by Eddy. Edd has his hat twisted into a knot, and he tells Eddy that Kevin threatened to tie his legs into the same shape if his friends don't stop their destructive actions. Eddy doesn't take Edd's complaints seriously, so Double D pretends to have accepted this, and warns Eddy that when he next sees his friend, Edd will be in the freak show as the boy with the pretzel legs, no salt. Hearing this, Eddy feels guilty, and he gives in to Edd, inadvertently playing right into Double D's hands.

As the first part of their training, Edd is feeding his friends soup. At first, it doesn't seem as if this will have any effect, but soon he reveals a method to his madness: he has taped bandages to the back of his friends' heads, and every time they misbehave, he'll rip one off. Soon, Ed has lost five bandages, and Eddy three due to various misbehaviors, but by now the training is starting to sink in, and the duo act polite, with Eddy offering to wash the dishes and Ed wanting to help. With his friends totally reformed, Edd decides to show them off to the rest of the cul-de-sac, and he takes them out on the town. The first one they pass is Jonny, who has gotten a kite stuck in a tree, and it's here that the first signs of trouble manifest themselves. While Edd and Eddy pass him jovially and greet him politely, Ed stays to chat, and when he hears about the predicament, he is of course willing to help. Unfortunately, Ed's way of helping ends with him biting off part of the kite, rendering it useless and Jonny highly displeased.

Edd doesn't notice this, however, as he'd rather show Eddy off to Rolf. When they find him, Rolf is washing clothes, and Eddy starts helping out. At first, Rolf suspects a scam, but when Edd reveals that it's not an act at all, Rolf is pleased. Soon, though, he becomes quite uncomfortable, as Eddy has taken him and started to wash him as well. Eddy excuse is that you could smell Rolf a mile away, and Edd swallows this, believing his training has gone too far. Fearful, he rips a bandage off of Eddy's head, but the message Eddy gets from this is that he missed a spot, and he starts to wash Rolf harder.

Before Edd can expend much more attention on Eddy, he is distracted by Ed, who has taken Kevin and begun brushing his teeth. Double D runs over to stop his wayward friend, but before he can have any effect, he hears cries from Jimmy, who has had his shoes tied by Eddy with his retainer and hair. Edd rushes over to help Jimmy, but before he can get Jimmy untied, Rolf angrily taps him on the back. Soon, the other angry kids (including Nazz) surround Edd, demanding justice. Thinking quickly, Edd escapes and hides, but he won't be alive for long, as there's an angry mob after him.

Edd's only hope is to stop the rampage of destruction his friends are committing. When he finds Eddy, he tries to get Eddy to realize the error of his ways, and Double D even admits that he was wrong in trying to change his friends. Eddy doesn't get it, however, and he simply keeps ripping up a flower garden (in order to get rid of what he deems "pesky weeds") and then perches Edd on a stick before leaving to do more good deeds.

By mid-afternoon, Edd has given up and is just sitting morosely on his porch steps. His friends come by and ask if they can help, but Edd just tells them to go away. Soon, though, they begin cracking jokes about helping, and eventually reveal that it was all an act. Angry, Edd goes inside, and when he comes out he has a piece of broccoli in his hand. Scared, Ed and Eddy run for it, along the way wrecking Kevin's bike. Of course, Kevin won't stand for this, and it seems that he has something to give Edd, and that something...is a beating.

Memorable Quotes

 * Ed: "If only we had a sack of potatoes."

Eddy: [annoyed] "Yeah? Well I say you're an idiot!" Edd: "Gentlemen, please! Have you two lost your senses? You could have bruised my bananas!"
 * Ed: "I say tomato."

Ed: "For free lunch from Double D, Eddy McGee!" [Both laugh hysterically.] Eddy: "Again, Ed. Why?" Ed: "Because Double D said so, Eddy the… uh, I don't know!" [Both laugh more.] Eddy: "You're a riot, Ed!" Ed: [seeing Edd coming with two bowls] "FOOD!"
 * Eddy: "Tell me again, Ed! Why are we wearing these bandages on our heads?"


 * Ed: [running away from Eddy's broccoli] "Stay away, fluffy green stalky thing!"


 * Rolf: [showing Edd an eggplant in a coffin] "Double D Ed-boy, look! Shed a tear for the once proud eggplant, its round and supple life trampled by your noodle-headed playfellows!"


 * Edd: "Very well then, but promise me you'll visit me at the sideshow. I'll be the boy with the pretzel legs–no salt."


 * Edd: "Ed, let this be a lesson to you. Never ingest the tableware."


 * Rolf: [scrubbing his Nano's clothing in a bucket] "'Rolf wash this, Rolf wash that.' Why must Rolf remove the foul from Nano's finery?"


 * Jimmy: [after Eddy tied his hair and retainer to his shoes as shoelaces] "I'm getting stretch marks!"


 * Rolf: [annoyed over his unwanted bath] "Rolf was the son of a shepherd, now Rolf is the posterior of a duck!"

Edd: "My mother made that soup!" [He yanks a band-aid from the back of Eddy's head.] Eddy: "YOWCH!"
 * Eddy: "What a load of…what is this slop, anyways? I thought we were gonna eat something, not bury it."

Trivia

 * Goofs:
 * Although Sarah and Jimmy were both smashed into the fence by Ed, Jimmy is the only one shown injured when both should have been injured, not just Jimmy.
 * ​In certain parts of the episode, after Edd gives Ed and Eddy the soup, the bandage marks disappear.
 * At the end of the episode, after Ed crashed into Kevin and his bike, Kevin was completely fine with no scratches or injuries at all. However, when he is shown in a close up after his bike's destruction, he has injuries on him.
 * The episode's title is a reference to the famous musical My Fair Lady, in which a distinguished professor tries to pass off a Cockney flower girl as a princess. The plot of the episode is also similar to the musical, as Edd tries to reform Ed and Eddy into respectable members of society.
 * There were no scams in this episode.
 * We learn that Ed and Eddy hate broccoli to the point of running in fear from it.
 * Edd crying "Not the screen door again Ed!" references back to when Ed destroyed Edd's screen door in "Button Yer Ed." This also showed and proved that at some point between the end of the latter episode and the beginning of this episode Edd's family got the screen door repaired.
 * The word "food" is said at least 24 times in the episode.
 * This is one of the few episodes where Rolf is unhappy about doing his chores. Usually, Rolf is proud of performing laborious tasks. Another episode where Rolf is not fond of doing his chores is "Stop, Look and Ed" where he had to perform chores to avoid being banished to the cupboard.
 * When Rolf is surprised by the behavior of Eddy, Edd explains "a little pavlovian training has turned Ed and Eddy into upright fellows!" This is a reference to the work of a Russian physiologist named Ivan Pavlov, who used dogs as test subjects in his rather grim experiments when studying the nervous system's responses to overwhelming stress and pain (although his most famous experiment involved the reactions of dogs to an expected reward). This work is commonly referred to as "Pavlov's Dogs".
 * Running Gags:
 * Ed and Eddy getting scared of broccoli when they see it.
 * Edd trying to give Eddy and Ed better manners by pulling bandages off the back of their head when they misbehave.
 * Ed and Eddy doing something that angers or annoys the other kids.
 * While there is no evidence that supports it, being a random Ed moment, it is still hinted by Ed that Eddy's last name could possibly be "McGee". While this is unconfirmed, there is no evidence denying it. Ed also calls Eddy "Eddy McGee" again in "Mission Ed-Possible."
 * After Ed and Eddy ruin Rolf's eggplants, he says "My eggplants!" That makes this one of the few episodes where Rolf refers to himself in first person. Most of the time he refers to himself in the third person.
 * The Reconstituted Fava Bean Paste jar has the same color as the Garbanzo Paste jar seen in "Knock Knock Who's Ed?"
 * Ed quotes two lines from previous episodes, one being "If only we had a sack of potatoes" from "Ready, Set... Ed!", and "Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs!" from "Who, What, Where, Ed", "Rambling Ed", "Will Work for Ed", and "Ed or Tails".
 * 50th time the Kankers don't appear.
 * Apparently breakage of his screen door is very stressful for Edd's father.
 * This is the first time Edd ends up about to get pounded by Kevin for destroying his bike. The second time this happens is at the end of "Mission Ed-Possible."