Knock Knock Who's Ed?/Script

[Ed is bouncing high in the air, laughing with each jump.] Eddy: "This idea's too good, even for me." Edd: [struggling under a bag of gelatin] "A triumph, Eddy." Ed: [bouncing on a diving board] "Belly flop!" Eddy: "Slow down, Tarzan. We're not ready yet." Edd: "This lime-flavored gelatin should replicate the look and feel of a real ocean." [He pours it into the water.] Eddy: "I can't see, is it done yet?" Ed: [in his underclothes] "Done what?" Edd: "The directions state it takes fifteen minutes for the–" Eddy: "Fifteen minutes? It's supposed to be instant gelatin. What a rip!" ''[Eddy pushes Edd into the pool wall. The walls around the water shake and collapse, revealing a giant, square gelatin pool.]'' Eddy: "RUN!" Ed: "Jiggly." Eddy: [returning] "I smell cash, boys. Every kid on the block will want to cool off in this stuff! Am I drooling?" Ed: "Up periscope!" ''[He dives in and sinks close to the bottom. There he stays, held in place by the gelatin.]'' Edd: "I must have overestimated the viscosity of the gelatin." Eddy: "The greatest scam in the world! Gone." Edd: "Eddy. Look." ''[Ed sucks in all the gelatin. He then grins and lets the green goop stream out from the gaps between his teeth.]'' Edd: "Well I think I'll skip lunch today." Eddy: "Let's take him home and hide him."

[Ed's room is decorated with banners and posters announcing a monster movie marathon.] Eddy: [reading] "Marathon? Don't miss? All day movie? Ed, what's up with all these signs?" Ed: "To remind me not to forget." Eddy: "How to blink and talk at the same time?" Ed: [shoving a TV guide at his friends] "No, the monster movie marathon." Edd and Eddy: "Movie marathon?" Ed: "Eight hours of horror cyclops movies!" Edd and Eddy: "Cool!" Eddy: "Count me in!" [He jumps into a chair Ed has just pushed forward.] Ed: [leaping onto Eddy's lap] "Tell me a story, Eddy." Eddy: "Get off me!" Edd: "Room for one more?" Eddy: "What are ya?" Edd: [squeezing in] "Comfy?" Eddy: "Okay, Ed. Snack me." Ed: "Snack?" Edd: "Certainly, Ed. After all, we are your guests. Which makes you, the host." Eddy: "Yeah. C'mon, Snack Boy, fork 'em over." Ed: "I am a host." [He rolls up his pant leg to reveal several small packages stuck to his leg.] "Snack for Double D?" [He plucks a hair-covered package off and offers it.] Edd: "Stop wait I couldn't. Not before Eddy." Ed: [moving the snack to Eddy] "Snack for my guest." Eddy: "It's hairy, Ed." Ed: "Oh, let me get you another one, Mr. Eddy." Eddy: [backing away] "Oh, um, let me just check the kitchen." Edd: [following] "Don't you leave me here." Ed: "I got this one for Christmas."

[A bunch of crayon drawings lie on a table in a kitchen.] Jimmy: [holding one up] "Look, Sarah! French Post-Modern Impressionistic!" Sarah: "Looks like a gerbil, Jimmy!" [In the background, the Eds head for the fridge.] Eddy: "Monster movies need a monster snack. Where's the mayo, Ed? Look out, Mr. Gumpy." [Ed plunges his eyes into a donut to make himself look like a cyclops.] Ed: "Monster sandwich!" Eddy: "Now if we only had–" Edd: "Ooh, garbanzo paste!" Eddy: "Uh, you're kidding, right?" Sarah: "Ed! Get out of my kitchen!" Eddy: "Ooh. Artists." Sarah: "I have a guest!" [She kicks a chair at the fridge door, knocking it closed and trapping Edd and Eddy inside the fridge.] "So get lost!" Ed: "But Sarah, I am a host!" Eddy: [opening the door] "We're not going anywh–" [Edd falls on top of him.] Sarah: "You're leaving right now!" Ed: "Please, Eddy, before she–" Eddy: "Before she what? Did you forget about the movie? What's Toulouse gonna do, anyway? Fingerpaint me to death?" [He laughs.] Edd: "Eddy, need I remind you of Sarah's instability and lack of rational thought!" [Sarah, face red, leaps at them with a growl.] Sarah: "RRRAH!"

''[Ed is pushed out the door. Edd and Eddy are stuffed in his mouth, and he is sitting on a skateboard. The board hits a rock, and Ed falls over.]'' Eddy: [climbing out] "Wait'll I get my hands on that shrimp!" [Sarah slams the door shut and locks it.] Eddy: "Unlock this door, Sarah!" ''[Sarah knocks on the window to attract his attention and then makes faces at him. She then draws the curtains.]'' Eddy: "Why that little–Ed, your sister locked us out." Ed: "I must see movie movie good for Ed!" ''[Ed zooms off. Before he can reach his window, Jimmy locks it, effectively keeping them from getting in.]'' Ed: "I have to see movie, Eddy!" [Sarah and Jimmy are in his chair.] Eddy: "I've had it! Those twerps will regret the day they messed with this brainpower." [He taps his forehead.] Edd: "I believe we'll all be sorry for that, Eddy."

''[Sarah is using a glass to listen through the door. Outside, a wagon is being wheeled to the house. We then see that the Ed's are in an enclosed space, presumably on the wagon.]'' Ed: "Eddy, I think my leg's asleep." Eddy: "Ed, your head's asleep." ''[Atop the wagon is a giant doll made of cardboard. Inside, Sarah is balancing Jimmy on her shoulders so that Jimmy can look out a window in the door.]'' Sarah: "Can you see those idiots, Jimmy?" Jimmy: [looking at the doll] "Sarah! Santa's come early!" [The door is unlocked.] Jimmy: "It's so alive!" [He spots a string.] "A talking dolly!" [He pulls the string.] Eddy: [whispering] "Say something, stupid!" Ed: "My head is snoring, make it stop." Jimmy: "AAAH! Sarah! Boogeyman!" [He clutches Sarah.] Sarah: "Now now, Jimmy. We'll have lots of fun with our new dolly." [She starts to wheel it away.] Eddy: "What saps! What suckers!" Edd: "Please move your foot, Ed." ''[The doll moves in the front door, through the house, and out the back door. Sarah then pushes it somewhere and leaves it.]'' Eddy: "We're in! Movie, Ed." Ed: [kicking the head off] "TV for me!" Eddy: "What's up, kiwihead?" [The wagon is balanced on top of a lamppost.] Ed: "My parents moved the house, Eddy." Eddy: "What the–" ''[The wagon tilts and falls off. The Eds lie among the wreckage.]'' Edd: "We could just go to my house, Eddy." Eddy: "What, and ruin the plot?" Ed: "I want movie now."

''[A banging is heard on a door. Kevin answers.]'' Kevin: "Got a doorbell, you know." Eddy: [frantic] "Kev, am I glad you're home! Um, you passed First Aid, right? Good! It's bad, Kev. There's not much time." Kevin: "What's bad, Dorkenstein?" [He looks up.] "My yard!" ''[Kevin's yard has indeed been destroyed. There is a huge ditch running through the middle strewn with a broken tree and numerous household implements. At the end of the ditch is a makeshift plane.]'' Kevin: "What'd you twerps do to my yard?" Edd: [doing a poor job of acting] "Oh, the tragedy! Ed, my friend, speak to me!" Eddy: "Ed was flying! Skywriting! When he ran out! Of. Syllables!" Ed: [being dragged from the wreckage by Edd] "Ow! My liver. Ow! My lasagna." Edd: "Ed, lasagna isn't a major organ." Ed: [confused] "It isn't?" Eddy: "He flew in reverse! To erase a spelling mistake. And crash! In your yard. It was hideous. If only he had landed on his head." Ed: [being dragged by Edd] "Ow! My fingernails. Ow! My skin. Ow! Hi Kevin." Eddy: "Look at his legs!" Ed: "Ow! Pain and hurt." Eddy: "They're boneless! We better take him to your TV room. To heal." Kevin: [not buying it] "Get off my lawn." Ed: "Ouch! Scratch pain." Eddy: "Nice job, Brando." Ed: "Monster movie, Eddy!"

''[A doorbell rings at another house. Rolf comes to answer it.]'' Rolf: "Hello?" Eddy: "Hi Rolf. Come in? Watch TV? Sure, but we can't stay long. Now where's that T–" Rolf: [grabbing Eddy's earlobe] "You have no permission to enter Rolf's house!" Edd: "My, what interesting antiquities, Rolf." [He scans the furniture, which is all wrapped in plastic.] "Old World Colonial? That's an interesting piece." [He is pointing to a sculpture of a sheep inside a jar.] Rolf: "Come, sit. Let Rolf tell you of the Great Nano urn. A great and brave shepherd he was. My Great Nano's ashes still protect the land!" [He shakes the urn, and ashes fall, as though the urn is a snow globe.] Eddy: [sitting down] "Why's there plastic on this chair, Rolf? To keep it fresh or something?" [Eddy slides off the chair.] Rolf: [angered] "Sit down, Ed-boy!" Edd: [on a stool] "Your great-grandfather sounds like a great man, Rolf." Rolf: "As I was the first-born male of the family, it was placed upon me to carry the Great Nano cross the sea to this new land. It was a difficult journey for Rolf." [seeing Ed not sitting down] "Birdbrain Ed-boy, sit down! My patience is thin, and your head is fat!" [Ed spots a television cabinet across the room.] Ed: "TV, Eddy!" Eddy: "Bingo." Rolf: [acting out his story] "Under the cover of darkness, we traveled across the sea in canoes made from our leather shoes, yes?" Eddy: "Monster movie, Ed?" [He and Ed bounce their chairs towards the television.] Rolf: [still telling his tale] "A giant sea cucumber arose from the depths with one eye blinking and blinking, looking at Rolf like a sandwich!" [He notices Ed and Eddy.] "Am I boring you?" Eddy: "Nah, we gotta go to the bathroom." Edd: "We? Together at once?"

[Rolf holds the door open for the Eds.] Rolf: "The sea cucumber gurgled loudly like my father after eating cabbage!" Edd: "Yes, yes, one moment!" ''[He shuts the door. To his friends]'' "There's no telling what I'll do if I hear any more of that story!" Eddy: "There's gotta be another way to that TV. There! Look." [He points straight up at an open vent.] Edd: "Bathroom vents? Do you know what bacteria adhere to–" [Ed picks him up.] "Wait!" Ed: "TV, Double D." [He stuffs Edd into the vent.] Eddy: [crawling through the vents] "This way, hurry!" Rolf: [talking to the bathroom door] "We had to devour the cucumber!" Edd: "Eddy, I'm stuck!" Eddy: "Me too! Ed, gimme a push." [Ed pushes his friends out a vent that lies right in front of the TV.] Ed: "TV! Movie! Is it on?" Eddy: "Outta my way!" [He hauls the cabinet doors open.] Ed and Edd: "Cyclops!" ''[Eddy opens the doors to reveal a TV with an incredibly small screen, maybe an inch diagonally. The rest of the machine is ancient, including a four-way channel selector and a gigantic power switch.]'' Eddy: [squinting] "I can't see it. Is that a TV?" Ed: "Who's there?" Edd: "Rolf's television seems dated. I'm sure this activates it." [He pulls the switch.] Ed: [holding up a jellybean] "Snack, Eddy?" ''[Suddenly, the floor begins to shake. The cabinet moves away from the wall. Suddenly, the tiny screen lights up with static.]'' Ed: "Where's the movie?" Eddy: "Relax, will ya? It's just the wrong channel." [He fiddles with the tuner.] Ed: "That! That's it." Eddy: "This? This is the–" Ed: [pushing Eddy out of the way] "This is where the cyclops blinks his victims to death." Eddy: "It's not even in color! I still ache from digging up Kevin's yard." Edd: "Even from this distance, the production values look remarkably cheap." Eddy: [leaving] "C'mon, let's get more gelatin." Edd: "Coming, Ed?" [Ed shushes him.] Eddy: "C'mon, this movie stinks." Ed: "Movie good for Ed!" Eddy: "Lighten up, Lumpy, I just–" Ed: "Shut up! Sit down!" ''[Edd and Eddy take seats on stools. Ed turns back to his movie happily. Rolf appears.]'' Rolf: "Ho ho! There you are, snake-in-the-grass Ed-boys." Ed: "Ssh!" Rolf: [joining Ed at the TV] "That creature reminds me of my one-eyed Great Nana. She was such a sweet woman. Always bumping into things!" [Ed sets Rolf on a stool.] Ed: "No more talking." Rolf: [to Edd] "How long must we sit?" Edd: [looking a little sick] "It's an eight-hour marathon." Eddy: "Good thing we already went to the bathroom." Ed: "I SAID QUIET!" [He returns to the movie.] "SNACKS!"