An Ed is Born/Script

Jonny: "Hiya Rolf. What'cha doing there, guy?" Rolf: "Silence! Rolf must brood." [Rolf then enters Ed's house, still crawling, then falls down the stairs to the basement and looks through the keyhole] Edd: [worried] "Ed, this is so wrong! Rolf's sure to discover his chickens are missing!" [Rolf enters] Ed: "Here we go! Jump! You there, upsy-daisy!" [Rolf sees Ed with his chickens and gets mad] Ed: "Uhh… I think you have to go home, chickens." Edd: "Please excuse Ed, he meant-" Rolf: [motions for Edd to stop] "Let Rolf understand this. I suppose disgracing Rolf is okay to you, Ed boy. Walking off with Rolf's chickens like a fine howdy-do?" Ed: "It was their idea, Rolf. As they wanted to be the best chickens they could be! Bless their little giblets." Rolf: "Is that so, Ed boy? YOU HAVE SQUEEZED AN ORANGE RIND IN THE EYE OF ROLF! RETURN THE CHICKENS, OR ROLF WILL-" ''[Rolf gets hit by a crate that Eddy throws down the stairs. The impact sends Rolf flying out the basement window]'' Ed: "That concludes our lessons for today, ladies! Ta Ta! Same time tomorrow!" Eddy: "Hey guys, look at what my brother sent me! That big lug." Edd: "Your brother sent you this?" Ed: "I think his brother sent it to him, Double D." Eddy: "Check it out! I bet it's a car or something." Edd: "Why, this seems to be addressed to a- 'pipsqueak', Eddy. A pet name for his baby brother, I assume?" [Ed and Edd giggle] Eddy: "Yeah, so that means head honcho in our house. Why else would he send me the key to a new truck?" [holds up a pacifier, Ed and Edd laugh] Eddy: "This is baby stuff! What's he think I am, a two year old?!" [holds up a rattle and shakes it] Ed: "Cool." Eddy: [turns to the chuckling Edd] "What are you lookin' at?" Edd: "I'm sorry, Eddy, but don't you think it's rather amusing that your brother still thinks of you as his baby brother?" Eddy: "No! I HATE being a baby brother!" Edd: "OK, then." Ed: "Listen." [shakes baby rattle] Eddy: "Hold your horses! I'll just show him how big I've gotten. Ed, take me to the mail box, pronto!" Ed: "Gotcha, Eddy! Whoa, right over my head." Edd: "Wouldn't it be easier just to mail a letter describing yourself, Eddy? Why, if I were you, I'd write a book, a biography of sorts." Eddy: "You don't get out much, do ya?" Ed: "If I were me, I would make a home movie." Eddy: "Ed, that's it! We'll make a home movie! Double D, you're the cameraman." Edd: "But Eddy, we don't have a-" Eddy: "I'll be the exec. producer, exec. director, exec. writer and of course the star." Edd: "We can't shoot a movie without-" Eddy: "Ed can be… Ed. We'll show my brother that Eddy's all grown up." Edd: "You're forgetting something, Eddy! We need a-" Ed: [gets a video camera from out of his dryer] "Camera, static free." Edd: "Why do you keep a camera in your dryer, Ed?" Ed: "What?" Eddy: "There you have it." Edd: "Well, we do have a camera." Eddy: "Let's make a movie!" Ed: "Can I lick the bowl?" Edd: "Ed, do you have a manual for this?" Ed: "Somewhere."
 * [Rolf is crawling along the sidewalk, attempting to find his chickens]

Eddy: [flying in out of nowhere onto a chair] "Hiya, bro! What's up? It's me, Eddy, all grown up and livin' the life. Who'd have thought, huh? Check out my mustache." Edd: "OK, cut. Uhh, we'll need to get a close up, Eddy." Ed: "Uh, how was that?"
 * [From this point the camera has started recording]

Edd: "Action!" Eddy: "Looks like I inherited your genes for the face fur, huh bro? And you know what?"
 * Eddy: "This thing's giving me a rash."

Edd: "Action." Eddy: "And you know what? I'm loaded." [Edd turns to Ed who is sticking money tags on trash bags] "Been investing for years; real estates, stocks, bonds. I've even buy me a couple of more planets! Yep, already own Saturn and Pluto." Edd: "Oh, come now, Eddy." Ed: "Boy, being rich really stinks." [throws one of the bags off the camera] Eddy: [turning camera away from Ed] "What the heck are you doing?! Don't film that!" Edd: [Eddy's mustache falls off] "Sorry, Eddy; the planet bearing story threw me off." Eddy: "Cut, cut! How's my brother supposed to think I'm cool when you guys keep..." [Ed shakes his head and his head is making a baby rattle sound]
 * Eddy: "Now?"

Edd: "Action." Eddy: "Unlike myself, the old neighborhood's still the same as you left it, bro. Hey, did I tell ya? I'm mayor now! Right, Ed?" Ed: [Kevin rides past] "Hi, Kevin!" Eddy: [stops at a hydrant, not noticing Kevin is approaching him] "See that loser? That's Kevin. He's the neighborhood dork. I have to slap him around every now and then, just to remind him who's boss." Edd: "Eddy…" Kevin: "Neighborhood dork, huh?" [puts Eddy's underwear on his bike] "Hey, Double-Dweeb! You getting this?" Eddy: "He collects underwear and gives it to the poor. Pretty stupid, huh bro? Help!"
 * [The Eds are walking along the sidewalk]

Ed: "Look at him bounce, Eddy's brother!" Edd: "Eddy, are you alright?!"
 * Eddy: "SLOW DOWN, KEVIN! I WAS JUST KIDDING! STOP! PLEASE!"
 * [Eddy's underwear snaps and he bounces on the road before falling]

Edd: "I must say; if I were your brother, I'd be very impressed."
 * Ed: "Boy, Eddy! You deserve a shake for that."
 * [Eddy grabs rattle from Ed, then throws the rattle on the ground, slipping on it and falling over]

Eddy: "Over here, Spielberg." Edd: "There you are." Jimmy: "Race you to the swings, Sarah!" Eddy: "Hey, bro! Remember how you used to own the playground? Well, it's mine now. Check this out." Sarah: "Outta the way, horse head! We wanna play on the swings!" Eddy: "You know the drill: Cough up some dough, then swing." Sarah: "What'chu say?!" Edd: "Ok, cut! Hold your positions please."
 * Edd: "Eddy, where are you?"

[Sarah punches the camera and knocks it out of Edd's hands] Edd: "Oh, dear." Sarah: "Ed! Get your stupid friends out of the way!" Eddy: "No use pleading for mercy, Sarah. Ed obeys only his supreme leader. That's me, bro." Ed: "OK, Sarah!" [Ed grabs Eddy] Eddy: "Umm... Ed here is showing Sarah what I'll do to her if she doesn't take a HI-ke!" [Ed throws Eddy onto the swing-set pole] Ed: "There you go, baby sister! Swing to your heart's content." Edd: "Okay, people! A big smile for Eddy's brother!"
 * Edd: "Ready, now. Oh, Jimmy, a little closer if you will. Fine. And cue set-"

Eddy: "Running out of ideas, Double-D. Think of something that'll make me look good." Edd: "Ed, you be careful with that! Oh, what do I care? It's his camera." Ed: "Man the helms! Dive! Dive!" [Ed swallows the camera] Edd: "Ed, what have you done? Open it! Open it!" [Ed opens his mouth] "You should know better than to eat the camera. Just think what it will do to your digestive tract!" [Edd takes it out] Ed: "Boy, I can't wait to see that part, Double-D." Edd: "Yes, well, let's nod and say we did, Ed." Eddy: "Come on, come on! I've got an impression to make here, remember?" [they hear Nazz humming] Edd: "Oh, my." Eddy: "Hey look, it's my girlfriend painting her nails for me. I think I'll go give her the pleasure of my company." [Eddy tries to put his arm around Nazz, but she kicks him into a fire hydrant] Nazz: "Umm... Double-D, are you guys, like, making a movie or something?" Edd: "Nazz...umm." Ed: "Not to worry, Eddy's brother. I'll just dry him off!" Jonny: [Jonny snatches the camera] "Hey, buddy, what'cha got there? Is that a video camera?" Edd: "Jonny, please! We're trying to make a movie." Jonny: "Back off! Hahahahahaha!" Edd: "Jonny, please!" Eddy: [diving at Jonny] "Why, you little-!"
 * Ed: [licks the camera lens] "Hello, my name is Ed."
 * Jonny: Hahahaha-!

[Ed is dressed up in one of Rolf's shirts over his normal clothes and he shakes the rattle] Eddy: "Hey, Rolf! Let my brother how important I am." [Eddy throws the rattle] Ed: "I forget." Rolf: "ED BOY!"
 * Eddy: "He scares the birds away; what can I tell ya? Shall we continue with my charmed life? Wow, what do you know? It's our international jet setter, Rolf."
 * [the rattle hits Rolf on the head]

The Eds: "RUN AWAY!"
 * Rolf: "Come back, chicken thief!"

Eddy: "Shut up and roll. Remember this place, bro? The junkyard, your old hang out. All the kids are chicken to come here." [Ed is shown scared of the rattle] Eddy: "See? What'd I tell ya? But not me." Ed: "Show yourself, mutant scamp laborer!" Eddy: "Yeah, uhh... Ed's just fixing my old car. It's not quite ready yet. Movin' right along. You'll never guess what I'm building. It's an ultimate hard boiled egg boiler. I've got big bucks invested in this gold mine." ''[Edd cuts the camera. Second later]'' Eddy: "What?" Edd: "Go on." Eddy: "By simply tossing your-" ''[Edd cuts the camera again. Second later]'' Eddy: "The combustion soon-" Edd: "Look natural; stay with me." Eddy: "Uhh, thus rendering the egg-" [Edd cuts the camera again] Eddy: "For all to enjoy." Edd: "I'm creating dynamics, Eddy." Eddy: "Don't get arty on me, Double-D." [Eddy opens the door to his boiler but doesn't see that the Kankers are inside] Eddy: "What are you doing?" Edd: "Ka-Ka-Ka-Ka-KAAAANKEEEEEERSSS!" The Kankers: "Hiya, Eddy!" [The Kankers pull Eddy into the boiler and Ed and Edd try pulling him out]
 * Edd: "No backs to the camera please; it's rude, you know."

Edd: "Pull, Ed!" [Eddy hits the camera as he is pulled out] The Eds: "RUN AWAY!" [the camera turns around and looks at the Kankers who are waving at them] Lee: "We know where you live!" Eddy: "HELP ME! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"
 * Ed: "I gotcha, Eddy!"
 * Edd: "Get me out!"
 * [the camera focuses on the Eds' feet]

[shows cardboard cutouts of Rolf, Jimmy and Kevin walking around] Eddy: "Look, it's Kevin. The usually spot there, dork?" [signs his name; imitating Kevin] "Sweet, Eddy! You're cool, man." Edd: "Oh, please." Eddy: "And there's Jonny. Sign your shirt there, curly?" Ed: They're hungry again Ed-dy! [Eddy grabs Ed by the neck] Eddy: [gritting teeth] So feed them over there! [Rolf is shown coming into the house in the background sniffing the floor] Eddy: "So, bro; as you can see, I'm a big shot now. No more beatin' up little Eddy, hey, big brother?" [Rolf enters] Edd: "Eddy! Rolf!" Eddy: "Rolf? Did I forget to sign Rolf? There ya go, stretch." [signs Rolf's face] Rolf: "YOU HAVE VANDALIZED ROLF'S FACE, AND YOU HAVE-" [Rolf lifts up the cardboard cut-out Rolf and sees one of his chickens holding it up] Rolf: "And you have stolen Rolf's chickens yet again?!" Rolf: [to Edd] "Are you are stealing Rolf's soul with your film box?!" Edd: "Why, of course not, Rolf! What gave you that impression?" Rolf: "Rolf will release his rage now!" Eddy: "Wait, we can work this out!" [Punching sounds are heard and Eddy is thrown into a wall, destroying the other cardboard kids in the process] Rolf: "Return Rolf's chickens!" Ed: [running off] "WAAAAAAHHHH!" Rolf: "RETURN THEM!" Edd: "Shoo! Go away! Don't touch me!" [Edd gets knocked over, and so does the camera] Eddy: "Mommy!" Edd: "I think your brother's got the picture, Eddy." Eddy: "AAAAAAHHHHH!" [the camera's batteries die and shut off]
 * Eddy: "Hiya, bro! So anyways, here I am, all nice and safe in my cozy bachelor pad where all the kids show up to get my autograph. Yep, I'm that big, bro."
 * [Rolf storms toward Ed and Eddy. Meanwhile, the chickens go beserk and one of them flies towards Edd]