Momma's Little Ed/Script

''[Eddy is shooting pool using eggs. The one he's aiming for is a striped ball painted orange.]'' Eddy: "Keep your eye on the egg, Ed. Five ball in the corner pocket." ''[Eddy shoots it off a chair into a tree, which plops it into Ed's mouth. Ed spits the egg against the wall.]'' Edd: "What's going on in here?" Eddy: "Nothing. What?" [Ed stands up, eggs replacing his eyes.] Ed: "Bingo!" Eddy: "Bingo. Good one." Edd: "Can you two try to behave? I'm almost done." Eddy: "That's what he said two hours ago. There are people waiting for us to take their money and we're stuck." ''[A noise comes from the kitchen. Eddy and Ed enter to see Edd working a sewing machine.]'' Edd: [seeing Eddy next to him] "GAAAH! Please don't do that." Eddy: "Gee whiz, Double D. I never realized you were into such girl stuff." Edd: "Household tasks are not just for girls, Eddy. And if you must know, I was asked to mend the curtains by mother. Every child should start their day by completing the tasks set upon them by their parents." Ed: [wrapped in the curtains] "I will eat your brain!" [Eddy steps on the pedal and Ed is sewn up like a pair of pants.] Ed: "I am all dressed up and ready to go, guys!" Eddy: "Fashion victim. Let's go, Double D." Edd: "In a minute. Just a quick check to see if I missed any sticky notes!" Eddy: [after watching Edd check for several seconds] "Are you bored? 'Cause I'm ready to bust a–" [He sees a note on the phone.] "Oh great. What's this one say? Dear Eddward, stop breathing because the sink is clogged?" [An idea suddenly hits him, and he sees Edd as the perfect sucker for one of his pranks.] Eddy: "If it's chores Double D wants, it's chores Double D gets. Nothing like a little forgery to spark up the day." [He holds up two notes.] "See? This is Mommy's note, and my exact copy." [It is easy to see the difference.] "Pretty good huh? He'll never tell the difference!" Ed: "That is so lame, Eddy." [He writes his own note.] Eddy: "And you're like a human photocopier, right, Mr. Perfecto?" Ed: "Dare to compare." [Eddy compares the original with Ed's forgery.] Eddy: "Will you ever cease to amaze me, Ed?" Ed: "Yes I will."

[Edd is checking a list of sticky notes.] Edd: "And last but not least, towels triangulated. Inspected and complete." [Edd enters the kitchen, where his friends are waiting nonchalantly.] Edd: "Ready when you are." Eddy: "Hey Double D, you're slipping, 'cause you missed one." [He points to a note by a broom.] Edd: "Hmm. Dear Eddward, insert broom lint into your belly button. Love, Mom?" [Behind him, Eddy giggles.] Edd: "Oh my. I hope it's clean." [He picks the broom up.] "Well um, mother knows best. Yes indeedy." [Edd queasily plucks a piece of the lint from the broom and inserts it into his belly button.] Eddy: [to Ed] "Are you seeing what I'm seeing? He did it!" Ed: "What a tree bark." Eddy: "Sap, Ed. Sap." [They laugh.] Edd: [linted] "Now that the lint is safely tucked away, shall we go chums?" Ed: "But Double D, a note I see there." [A note is stuck to a suit.] Edd: "Father's suit! How could I have missed this one?" Eddy: "Yeah, what's with you? Trying to chintz out on your chores?" Edd: "Dear Eddward..." [He trails off.] "Oh my."

[Rolf is sharpening Victor's horns.] Rolf: "There you go, Victor. Rolf's eyes sting with your beauty. Ah, Rolf is good." [He hears a pig squealing.] "Wilfred? Have you eaten Rolf's hose yet again?" [Edd has dressed Wilfred in the suit.] Edd: "Well, Wilfred, as strange as this may seem, you do look marvelous." [Wilfred licks him.] "Guah." Ed: [picking up the pig] "Spiffy!" Eddy: "This is too rich!" Edd: "Rich? What's rich?" Eddy: "Wilfred's rich. Um, yeah! He looks like a million bucks!" Rolf: "Hello, Ed-boys." [Ed lowers the pig to reveal an unsmiling Rolf.] "Why must you spoil Wilfred with this lavish monkey suit? This will only lead him to search for a life as an airline steward." Ed: "Monkey suit?" Rolf: "Speak to Rolf." Eddy: "Yeah, Double D. Speak to Rolf." [He shoves Edd into Rolf.] Edd: "Oh, there you are! Call it crazy, but it was a chore, if you will. A handwritten request by Father. We communicate through sticky notes." Rolf: "Rolf respects your vow to uphold the Sticky Note of Elders, yet–" [He puts on a giant hammer hat.] "You must be punished." Edd: [cowed] "What is that?" Rolf: "The hat of discipline. Do you live in a cave?" [He brings it down on Edd.] "You are forgiven." Edd: "Thank you, Rolf." Eddy: "Oh, look! We found another note!" [He holds a measuring cup out to Edd.]

Edd: "This is absurd, Eddy! What's come over Mother and Father?" [Eddy is pushing Edd forward.] Eddy: "You read the note, Double D, don't be a chicken." Ed: "I'm a monkey!" [He's wearing the suit.] Eddy: "You have to do what the note says, Double D."

[The Kankers are skipping rope with a broken chain.] Lee: "Jump higher, May!" Marie: "She's too fat." May: "How about a fat lip?" Edd: "Hello?" [The Kankers stop playing.] "I-I was going to–" Marie: "Ask me for a date?" May: "Sweep me off my feet?" Lee: "Stand in line, girls!" Edd: "Oh yes." [He giggles nervously.] "C-could I trouble you for a cup of sugar?" [Another nervous giggle.] Marie: "He wants to share condiments." May: "We're so alike!" Marie: "Back off, bowser!" Lee: "Marie! Grab him before he runs away!" Eddy: [watching from behind a junked car] "This is better than cable." Edd: "Ladies, please!" May: "We're ladies!" Lee: "He said please." Marie: "Let's kiss him!" Edd: "Kiss? No not that!" Eddy: "And I thought today was gonna be a write-off. Get it? Write off?" [The cup flies overhead.] "I can't stand it!" [He collapses with the hilarity.] Ed: [seeing Edd crawling] "Oh no! They tore off Double D's head!" Eddy: "Hurry up, Ed. Write another note." Lee: [appearing] "Well, if it ain't Tweedledee and Tweedledum." Marie: "You take the short, yappy one, Lee." May: "Beat it, Marie! You had your turn!" [She throws Marie against a trailer.] "I'll take the big goofy one, Lee." Eddy: "Run, Ed!" [Ed holds out the measuring cup.] Ed: "Don't let me have to use this!" Lee: "What are you gonna do, bake us a cake?" [Ed shoves the cup over the Kankers heads.] Ed: "Wait for me, Eddy!"

[Eddy is in his room laughing.] Eddy: "Double D, you shoulda seen the look on your face!" [He falls to the ground in a fit of laughs.] "It was so ripe!" Edd: [cleaning his face] "This is so out of control, Eddy! Mother and Father's requests have become unsound! It's as though they were written by someone other than my parents!" Eddy: "Nope. Couldn't be. It was them, alright. And who knows what the next sticky note'll say." Edd: [gasping] "Oh my you're right, Eddy. Ssh! Do you hear it? Distress is knocking on my door! Listen. Could it be? IT'S THE STICKY NOTES OF THE APOCALYPSE!!! I can't go home, Eddy. There's only one solution. I'll just move in with one of you." Ed: "Move in with me! Move in with me!" Eddy: "Yeah, Lumpy could use some company." Ed: "We can be like brothers and share the same bathroom." [Edd looks disgusted.] Edd: "Thank you Ed, that's um...nice. But I'll stay with Eddy. His room has the same proportions as mine, and with a little renovating–" Ed: "Ooh ooh I know!" ''[He runs off to get something." Eddy: "Hey wait a minute! Don't I have a say in this?" Edd: "Please submit any suggestions anonymously and I'll see if they fit in the plans. You'll just love it!" Ed: "Boink, boink." [He has smashed a piece of furniture.] "Here is a bookshelf, and a new ant farm." [He slams a hammer down on Eddy's phonograph.] Eddy: "My turntable!!!" Edd: "I'm sure my ants will be very happy there, Ed." [to Eddy] "Bless his soul." [normally] "Let me help, Ed!" Eddy: "Double D, wait! It was all a big joke! Me and Ed–well, mostly Ed, I just watched–wrote those silly sticky notes! Funny, huh?" Edd: "Reality check. I think I can recognize my own parents' handwriting, Eddy. Puh-leeze!" [Ed is sawing through nothing.] Ed: "Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. I cut the air in two! This side's yours, Double D." [Edd gets all of Eddy's possesions except the bed.] Edd: [starting a vacuum cleaner] "We can share the air, Ed." Eddy: "It's my air! I ain't sharing! Ed, stop sawing the air!" [A rug is sucked into the vacuum.] "My rug!" Edd: "Shag rugs are a magnet for discarded nail trimmings!" [Edd points the vacuum cleaner at the bed, and several magazines fly out from under it, sucked away.] Eddy: "My magazines!" Edd: "I have plenty of educational reading material we can share! Not to worry!" Eddy: [erupting] "THAT'S IT! Put back my magazines, my shag rug, and my air!" [Eddy's disco ball clatters to the ground and rolls over to him, broken in many places.] Eddy: "MY MIRROR BALL!" Ed: [hanging from where the disco ball was] "Oops. It wasn't me. Sorry." Eddy: [through clenched teeth, to Edd] "Get out of my room. You're a pest!" Edd: "Fine. No need to repeat yourself. No sir, I'm a good listener. I'll just sleep under a bench somewhere, seeing as I can't return to my home or rely on my friends." [He leaves Eddy's room sorrowfully.] Eddy: "Out with ya! Gonna take me forever to fix all this air." [Ed starts sniveling.] "What's with you?" [Ed seems ready to burst into tears.] Eddy: "What?" [Ed's eyes fill with tears.] "Stop looking at me like that." [Eddy's eyes begin to water.] "Don't–don't make me have to kick you out." [He begins to cry.] "Now look what you did. Double D!" [He tearfully chases after the lost, lonely Ed-boy.]

[Edd hasn't left Eddy's yard, instead searching for a place to rest his head among the wonders of nature.] Edd: "A rock provides shelter to many arthropods." Eddy: "Double D!" [He rushes out of his house.] "Don't touch that rock!" Edd: "It is yours, I suppose. I'll go elsewhere." Eddy: "No, wait!" [Eddy grabs his friend.] "You got it all wrong, pal, it was all Ed's fault, and Kevin, as usual." Edd: "Kevin?" Eddy: "Yeah, that square-headed jerk." Edd: "But Kevin wasn't in this show, Eddy." Eddy: "There you go! So my room's your room." [Edd grins.] Edd: [hugging Eddy] "Thank you, Eddy! Thank you! You won't even know I was there!" Eddy: [uncomfortable] "Uh, our faces are touching, Double D."

''[Edd is in Eddy's bed. Eddy comes in in his nightclothes, carrying a book and a steaming glass of milk. Eddy sits down on a stool by his bed.]'' Eddy: "Nice and comfy there, Double D?" Edd: "Tuck me, Eddy?" [Eddy tucks Edd in.] "Thank you, Eddy." ''[Eddy dips a spoon into the glass of warm milk. He blows the steam from it and feeds it to Edd.]'' Eddy: "Here's your warm milk." [Edd finishes his milk, and Eddy picks up the book.] Edd: "Biology for the astute? Good choice, Eddy." Eddy: [reading] "And so from a still pond a young mosquito, also known as a lar..." ''[He stops, not knowing how to pronounce the word. He shows Edd the book.]'' "What's this word?" Edd: "Larvae, Eddy." Eddy: "Oh yeah. Where was I?" Edd: "You know, Eddy, before bed Mother and Father would usually massage my feet." [He sticks out his leg and holds some skin cream out to Eddy.] "It relaxes me so." Eddy: [grossed out] "ED!!!"